Orchid,

Please read the post by not-so-sweet on Recovery forum....

not so sweet, that.

SB

School,

Thanks for the update. I will review her posts when I return later this evening.

If she is as you say, then time will tell. All trolls and current WS' are not a patient group. If she is a FWS, then her ways maybe a bit blunt but c/b helpful.

The bottom line is one can't keep posting with the WS or troll mentality and survive. It's like holding one's breathe. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Sweet, figure out what you are and if your heart is in the right place, you c/b beneficial to those who need help. If you just want to spout off...... it will get old and in time you will leave under a cloud (fog) of disgrace.

I know these are strong words but from what I have of your last post, you can handle straight talk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Well, some more research and the story comes out.

Sweet was posting on the Preganancy Boards. Please go over to Recovery on the "If you ever were unfaithful" thread, and I will expose.....

SB

Well, then. *ponder* Okay. I guess I need to read the other posts eh.

Just for further clarification, she got involved with him before she knew he had a wife, kids, and another on its way. Her choice to continue it is what is making her obviously a pretty evil person. I do not know what game she is playing. I think she is honestly trying to get WS AND the kids. But, perhaps that is just me.

WS came home with the kids this morning and let me know he hated getting up at 5 am on a Sunday morning since he worked all week and it should be his day to sleep in. Thusly, he wants to keep the kids over there, overnight every weekend. How about no? I mean seriously. He's deluded bigtime.
I cried all the way to the hospital. Later on I called him to check on the girls and he told me he was sorry for what he said in the morning and that he was tired. I think if you're too tired to talk, then don't.

At the hospital I talked to OW's 'best friend', my professor. He knows her, he said, but they are not friends. Sometimes they work together and that's it. He told me not to worry about her trying to keep me from my license. Just concentrate on school and keep busy and contact the school to see if there is some other counselor I can see to help me decide what I should do and get the law involved somehow. The keep busy and concentrate on school thing is the same BS my WS gives me.. It is good to know though that perhaps all these friends she is supposed to have do not exist. Thus I will continue on the letter to HR part and not be afraid to tell anyone what's going on when they ask me what's wrong. The funny thing is, nurses have a comraderie. I have some that can back me up now and that cheers me up a little.

WS says that I am just looking for sympathy. No, I'm actually looking for help, so he can bite me.

He did drop the kids off at his dad's house, but of course he was there, too. Supposedly he tried to bring the OW over to his dad's house and his dad let him know he had no desire to have her around there. So, while I'm at the hospital OW takes my daughter shopping, no less at a store I can not afford to shop at myself. Go figure.

I am livid, but I kept my cool while he was there. After he left I calmly got my eldest daughter to divulge the details.
Well, first my daughter told the OW I thought she was a bad woman, which I think is funny. WS doesn't think so and that I should stop - I let him know I will only tell her the truth. Haha. No, really. I guess her mouth is becoming a problem because she is giving everyone attitude because of her stress. I'll have to do my best to help her work on that.

Anyway, not only did she tell me that he kissed OW's cheek in front of her and she proceeded to tell him that was wrong. She also told me that Daddy and the OW LEFT AT NIGHT (9-1am) and had her youngest daughter watch her (She's 16, but that doesn't help his case at all imo). !#%!@#% no.
It seems I'm going to have to get a bulldog attorney like MEDC suggested. Now I have to find a way to fund that.

Man, this is SO not what I want to be doing when the baby is about to be born. Everyone thinks he's going to come early because of my stress.. and that scares me immensely.

I would remain calm, and realize that there is a lot that you cannot control. I don't agree with your children being around the OW, but I don't think that is a hill to die on. It would be nice to get an attorney and see if you can get a court order to keep them away from the skank.

You have told your daughter the truth, and that is the best thing you could do for her. The OW may try to win her over by buying her things, but don't count on it to buy her little heart.

I helped my ex raise 6 step-kids, and believe me, it was a full time job, and was extremely difficult. And I knew the kids from the time they were babies, and our relationship did not start as infidelity. Their mother is a drug addict, and it was STILL very, very difficult for me to develop a relationship with them.

Experience shows that the children will do more to bring the affairees apart. I don't know what the two of them are thinking!

And kudos to your FIL for not wanting the adulteress around. That is somewhat unusual.

schoolbus - I know the story of sweet, but in this case, I sort of agree with her advice. What kind of woman wants a relationship with a man who has a wife, a couple of kids, and one on the way? Even if she didn't know he was married when they began, I would think it would be a big wake up call when she found out. And to take the daughter out shopping???? YIKES!!!!! The woman isn't thinking.

Hey guys. Can someone direct me to a post that shows one of these type of letters (HR) in a whole form? (I'll be looking, too). I have never written a business letter in my life (so I don't know the format or anything else) and want to make sure I do not come off like an idiot. Also, the only contact I have for the OW is HR since HR would not divulge who her immediate supervisor was or any other information that would help me track them down.

Is there some way in the letter or should I even include that I have proof she is calling him on company time? All day long for that matter?

What I'm also worried about is if he'll turn things around on me. Especially if I send his boss a copy of the letter. Thanks in advance.

Oh, and I let him know just how pleased I was about how he left my daughter alone Saturday night without an adult. He tried to tell me it was only for an hour and my DD8 is like, "No Daddy you were gone for a long time". I told him that per our agreement - HE is the only one that is allowed to watch them, so if he wants them there he better darned be there the whole time. So much for him 'oh so needing to spend time with them', right? He also bought my daughter a cell phone after I told him no. The heck does an 8 year old need a phone for?!

Business Letter Form

I would include phone calls, particularly if they are made or accepted while she is at work. Let them see where her mind is and that it is not on her work.

Thanks hopeandpray.

gwyn

You are in my prayers today. I wrote your name in my prayer journal.

Thanks for praying for me. I think I need all the help I can get.. Especially since:

WS: I have some bad news
*more bad news eh*
WS: The landlord is selling the house in 30 days
Me: What?!
WS: Well, you can go live with my Dad until I can afford the down payment for somewhere else.

AaaaH! Why?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like it is your H who needs all the help he can get if he thinks you are going to fall for that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Tell him, no thanks, you aren't interested in moving!

No I don't think he's lying. Our landlord has been planning on either raising the rent or selling the house.. for awhile now. I thought when it happened WS would be there with me and we would be able to find a place.. but now. I don't know. I can call the landlord and confirm it when I get home.

Yes, be sure and confirm it with the landlord yourself. Do you want to move in with your FIL?

It wouldn't be the worst thing, but I would have to get rid of my malamute since he already has two and it would be too many. Plus all my stuff.. plus 4 of us (the kids and me) will be mighty cramped in the house.. Oh well, things have to start looking up eventually..

Gwyn, did you get ahold of an attorney? An attorney could get an order forcing him to support you and the kids in another apartment. I get the sense that he is trying to dump you on his F so he can go off and have some fun. Would that be correct?

No, I'm attorneyless at the moment. Well, he IS paying my bills at the moment and he 'says' he is going to until I'm out of school. Can I trust him? No, of course not.

Get an attorney. You need to be kept in the manner you have become accostomed to, not living with your FIL with 3 kids and 3 dogs, and your FIL. YIKES!!!! It will be very good for hubby to have to come up with a deposit, rent, child support, alimony and school costs for you. Maybe that will slow him down a bit.

Gwyn, he has to pay your bills until a judge says stop. that is not up to him. The reason we want you to get an attorney is so you can protect yourself. It is not uncommon for a WS to stop support to punish the BS.

It seems he wants to push the responsibility for the support of his family onto his father. I don't think you should enable him that regard.

hey this is gwyneffar's sister... my family has always disliked her husband. at the birth of her first child, he pretty much verbally assulted me and my mother in the parking lot and lead mys sister to believe we provoked it which caused a rift between my family and my sister for about 3 years. I was the one to first talk to her and my mother was not allowed to see her or her daughter because of things her husband was saying. he has threathened to kill my father, he has in the past talked bad about my family to were my niece would say she hated my dad and things of that nature. I have never liked the guy and if I were in her situation i would be in jail because I would have done away with him a LONG time ago.