Gwyn, sometimes ole' MEDC can come across as a little rough around the edges, but in this case he is right on. You are dealing with a real loser. A man that would walk away from his pregnant wife and soon to be born child is a loser of epic proportions. You are trying to make excuses for this man because if you don't you really have to look at yourself and wonder how in the heck did I get sucked into marrying this loser. Well, he may prove to be a loser in the end or maybe the fog is so thick he is deprived of oxygen. But at this point in time he is who he is and he is someone that while being wrong and committing the worst crime against a BS is still trying to blame, gaslight, and control you and your emotions.

Read MEDC's post and get with it gal!

So if there is no money for gas and groceries this week, where is the money going to come from to pay bills for this month and next month?

Sounds like OW is making sure there is no money for you and your children.

How are you supposed to find a job when you are ready to deliver at any moment?

Oh, is he giving you the standard six weeks of maternity leave before he expects you to go to work?

Seriously,
There must be an agency in your locality that deals with women and special needs that come up--displace homemakers, etc. If you know of none, call the local crisis services agency or local domestic violence shelter and they can point you to the correct agency.

Most of those agencies have attorneys at their disposal or know of attorneys who take pro bono cases related to this area of need. Those attorneys can be very helpful as they are very in tune to the types of problems you are dealing with. I think they are the attorneys who don't mind dishing out some reality checks for a guy like your WH.

Get on the phone and track down an agency that can help you. I worry that this will get to the point where you end up moving in with father-in-law because it is your only option. I also think that it is this kind of gas lighting that exacerbates your so called anger problem: You allow yourself to get pushed and pushed and you eat it until you finally lash out. Please do not let yourself get pushed--find an attorney through one of the domestic shelters, etc.

Document everything.

Bad things come in snowballs. I know this, I understand, and I'm trying to get through this in one piece. WS is trying to make sure I don't. Of course he does it on a Friday where I can't do anything until Monday.

Yesterday and today I've been dealing with my college. I got randomly chosen for I guess a sort of audit for financial aid which means I can't get my grants or loans until they get certain tax paperwork. I can't find one of the W-2s so I call WS. He's like, oops sorry oh well. I go up to the old place of employment to get it and of course they won't give it to me. I call him and let him know and he tells me he'll pick it up after work today. Then this stuff below happens. I'll never see the W-2..

My eldest DD has been saying for the past 3 days that she did not want to stay with WS this weekend. I asked her why and she said that he wasn't her 'daddy' anymore and that she hated OW. I reassured her just as I am supposed to that he'll always be her daddy and that he loves her, etc. She's been bringing it up everyday anyway saying she wanted her Papa (that's WS's father) to watch her. We went to dinner there tonight as of course he's been emotionally supporting us and a little bit financially with the groceries and gas WS didn't leave us enough money for. 'Papa' said he didn't mind watching both the girls tomorrow when I'm at the hospital. I had a bad feeling if I said something it would get turned around all funny.. but I didn't expect the reaction WS had when my DD called him and let him know she wanted to stay with Papa.

I let her talk to him since I did not want to get in the middle of it. I kind of knew he would blame me for everything (as that is his habit as of late). He calls up my father in law yelling at him and telling him of course I'm putting thoughts in DD's head and how dare he take my side. FIL tells him that it is not taking sides; he just doesn't appreciate what WS is doing - basically abandoning a woman about to give birth and her kids for another woman. WS says it was going to happen anyway - a year or five from now. I can't remember everything that was said. It went from him calling his FIL to him calling me telling me that all my luxuries were now going to be cut off (satellite, internet (that's for school..), my cell phone (that'll be fun when I go into labor!), and any other money (which I never spend any and he knows - I pointed out my DD doesn't even have school clothes yet and she starts on the 20th) and that he was taking me off the accounts on Monday and I needed to show up there so he could. Also, that the car is his and he can take it, too. If I want anything, "Go get a job". Now I let him know he legally can't do this to me. I tell him I promised not to discuss anything negative about all of this with my DD, which I have kept my promise, but DD is a smart girl and can make her own decision on things - thus why I made her call him about tomorrow rather than me.

"I worry that this will get to the point where you end up moving in with father-in-law because it is your only option." Lake, you're right, that's exactly where it is going. I mean this is all in the matter of two months. It is going so south so quickly, I am blindsided. Even though I have seen an attorney which I guess I am going to contact them again and I'll have to find a job to pay for it somehow. I can't have this happen to me and the kids. We've done nothing wrong but be a family and disapprove of what he's doing.

My FIL told WS that his choices have caused him to lose his father and to never call, contact, or come by ever again. What would I do without my father in law? Even still, I don't want him to be responsible for me. He shouldn't have to be. He keeps telling me to just worry about school and he'll help me and his grandchildren as much as he can. But I feel so guilty. So, I am going to do my best to take care of my girls and son-to-be. I don't want to have to drop out of school to do so, but I am not sure of my options anymore. I will contact the lawyer again on Monday and go to legal aid in person and see if they can help me even though they told me they can't. And for the bank account.. he can't take me off of it without me there, can he? I need to get there before him and get all the past statements. I know the lawyer said I would need those.

Sorry this is so long.

You can always apply for welfare or state aid. Tell them your husband abandoned the family, you will soon have no place to live and no money for groceries. They will help you and get it back from your husband. But don't wait too long.

Don't give up on school. Collect welfare and finish. You are too close. In the end, I'm sure the court will force your husband to meet his responsibilities.

Your husband and OW would prefer to try to drive you crazy so that THEY end up with your kids, and HE doeesn't have to pay all his check in child support.

Quality spaceship goodness commences.
He's taking me off the checking account on Monday.
He says if I don't show up he'll just have the account frozen.
If I come I can have my W-2. Gee, thanks!

He wants to do this at lunchtime so I figured beforehand I will go get as far back as I can in bank statements and then go to legal aid/welfare and hope and pray something can be done about things before it all gets worse.

He came over today and took the big screen tv, the deep freeze, all his books, and all of my pictures. I am really angry about the pictures. He doesn't need pictures of MY family in her house. It's disgusting.

Then he called me and thanked me for his father yelling at him over the phone. I explained to him (like to a child) that people are individuals and THINK ON THEIR OWN. Seriously. WS's get the idiot virus like a cold, don't they?

Tell him, OK I give up, whatever you want. I'll meet you at the bank at lunchtime but you HAVE GOT to bring me my W-2. I need it desperately.

THEN YOU SHOW UP AT THE BANK WHEN IT OPENS and withdraw as much money as you need. You're on the account, right?

Then you meet him at lunch and LET him take you off the account.

Just don't give it away that you're going to the bank first. Make him think that you're giving in.

Before you walk in the door to the bank with him at lunch time tell him you want the W-2 form first or you're not going in.

Then get yourself to legal aid, that attorney that you spoke to or someone as suggested above that can help you.

He'll be mad as heck but you're in survival mode right now. You do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

Oh and if you find out that he's already withdrawn the money, then YOU freeze the account and open up a separate one with your name only. In fact, do this any way. Open up your own account that he can't touch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And be sure to be documenting this stuff. He will look like a complete heal when you go before a judge -

8/11/07 Husband showed up and took deep freeze, big screen television, and family pictures. Closing bank account Monday 8/13/07.

He is obligated to take care of his family and this will NEVER fly. But you need to get to court.

In some states you can file your own separation papers for around $225. You might want to look into that, depending on the laws in your state.

Gwyn,


What have you done to address threats made by OW towards your career/education.

What have you done to get an attorney and stop the WH for treating you like sh*t?

GET AN ATTORNEY NOW!!!! Get them up to speed and get the legal process in place to protect yourself and your children before this selfish, idiotic lunatic takes you down with him and Skank OW.

Well, I can't go take all the money in the account because I just looked at it and there's only enough in there to cover rent which I already wrote a check for. Rent for where I live, so that would be bad. One of the reasons a lot of us think he left was because of money - as in, we never had extra and guess who does?

He already made sure to make himself his own checking account, which I thought was a good idea at the time since he's awful with money. He was moving a little bit of his paycheck each week to cover gas and lunches at work. I can see that account online, but it's in his name only so I've never been able to access it.

I am going on Monday back to the attorney. I'm going to talk with WS again this morning before I go to the operating room (my observational experience for school). I want him to explain to me the logic of all this. I don't get it. If he says he's going to support me until school is over and he can't even remember to pay the bills, then how is this going to work? Perhaps if I can sit him down and be my 'plan a' logical self, I can at least stall that part.

Oh and I live in Florida, we don't have legal separation here, unfortunately. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Eventually this feeling of impending doom will end, right?

do NOT expect to get logic from your WH.
Have the attorney handle this. Nail your WH to the wall. You will be surprised at how quickly your situation will turn around. Since you have pressing needs...children and a baby ont he way... the attorney will be able to get an emergency petition to get in front of a judge. I see a second and possibly a third job in store for your STBX husband.
You should immediately take the offensive and stop letting this scum bag pos intimidate you.

MEDC

Not all marriages are meant to be saved.

It is human nature to be selfish but your husband’s nature goes far beyond what is normal or healthy. He is living the life of an exclusive “Taker”. It almost seems that he uses the children as an avenue to the other woman as he seems consumed with his own self gratification and will “take” whatever he thinks will stroke his appetite for pleasure. You and the children are pawns to be sacrificed to meet what will make him “feel good”. His child like tendencies prevents him from seeing or caring how his actions hurt and destroy everything around him.

He is a poor role model and the poster child of immaturity. He has cast a sickness over his family and it will surely cause him to lose it. He is far too immature to understand the meaning and consequences of his actions.

Is your love for him beginning to wane? He is trying to hurt you and he doesn’t seem to care anything about you. You are moving into the realm of “abused wife”. I wonder that if you sit down and reflect on what you really need (not what you want, but want you need) in life, if he would be anywhere in the equation.

I am like most everyone here in that you need legal help. It is the most critical and important thing you can do for your children and yourself. Start reflecting on a life without this man; it will undoubtedly be a much improved one. I have yet to read a single redeeming quality in your husband, not even one.

The paragraphs above offer no advice to you other than to ask you to consider some of the observations that I have noted in your posts although I would consul you to insure that you are backed with legal help in your corner.

Not all marriages should be saved.

Mr. G

I posted part of this previously, but it's time for another read, Gwyn.

Gwyn - don't you know gaslighting when you see it?

It's time for you to "woman up" - hormones or no hormones. This is war. It's time for you to see that your husband is gone. dead. no more. There is time to grieve later. But now it's war.

Give your attorney license to be the strongest, meanest pit-bull lawyer out there - the alien inhabiting your husband's corpse will have to pay the tab on the karma bus. But you girl are not going down. You got that?

Your children need you. They need you healthy.

Have you given your attorney the information about the relationship with OW at work? They can see very easily there are some big bucks in this situation between the school and hospital administrator for creating not only a hostile work environment but also a hostile learning environment. Promise them that they and their employee can expect civil suits to be forthcoming.

Your attorney should be putting an injunction on his continued theft of marital property with an emergency court order to restore that which he has stolen immediately; and ordered by the court to produce your W2 - the former employer as well should be ordered by the court to produce it. The state does not look kindly on supporting women in welfare when husbands, grants, student loans, etc should cover it. Hon - if you fail to act, you will become dependent on the state for more than just your tuition. Your attorney should be able to make this case rather strongly.

As for your WS, nail his b*lls to the wall! And OW right beside him.

You are in a far more strong position than you know - and you've been told here, more than once what actions to take to gain the upper hand here. Why the delay? Why the lack of fight?

The feeling of impending doom will pass when you take some action to protect your family. Right now, hubby has all the power and you are justing waiting for the next awful thing he decides to do.

After you get some legal help, he will be paying child support, at least temporary alimony, and taking care of his responsibilities. Now he thinks he doesn't have to, but the court will force him to.

See how much the OW likes him when he is penniless.

See believer's post Gwyn and get you some protection.

He may be totally peeved but he will start to show some respect!

What ever you do Gwyn, you need to do it YESTERDAY. My suggestion about the bank was based just on the urgency of the moment. However, I agree 1000% with the others, you MUST get an attorney, even if it takes you going down the list in the Yellow Pages until you find one. Also another resource is your State Bar Association. They might be able to help you find an attorney given your situation.

As Kayla mentioned, if you tell them the whole story about OW's threats (and realize that those threats put the hospital/school in a BAD position), they may take your case for no upfront fees in exchange for a percentage of the award or by going after your WH to pay your fees.

Are you getting this message from everyone? Do not stop GO until you have found an attorney willing to help you.

Gwyn, how's it going? Were you able to find an attorney to help you today?

I dropped off an application at legal aid.. they'll contact me if I'm accepted for aid. As far as single attorneys go, I did not have time to do that at all.

WS FORGOT to get my W-2, so I had to jump through a trillion loopholes to get it. Then I go take it down to the school and there's a difference of 300 dollars between what the W-2s say and what the 1040 does, so the school won't touch it unless I get it fixed. I call WS letting him know what's going on and he's like, "Well, oops sorry. Guess you'll need to find a loan somewhere else because I sure as ****** don't have it". He said he wouldn't amend the taxes because then he thinks he would owe money. It would be cheaper than paying for school completely out of pocket. Then I started crying and he hung up on me. He's such a winner.

Earlier this morning he let me know I'm going to have to move because the landlord changed his mind again and WILL be selling the house. I had repairs to do, but we do not have a written lease with the guy and he hasn't been helping us repair a thing.. I don't know if I should leave things as is or what. I'm meeting WS at lunchtime tomorrow to look at an apartment I thought would do for now. The rent is basically the same, but it is a lot smaller. He called them and they'll have an apartment ready by the 25th. This means I'll be moving when I'm due basically if I don't give birth before then. I also have to find a home for my dog. Thing is we live in Florida and I have an Alaskan Malamute (WS's mom wanted to breed mals before she died and I have one of the babies) and no one really wants to take on a dog like her. I feel so bad, she's family. WS never understood that pets are family. I basically died inside when I had to take my first dog (this was 2 months ago) to the humane society because I was getting too far along and having trouble handling both of them all by myself.

He did not take me off the checking account. So, I got him to be logical for at least 5 minutes. He said that he was worried I would get scared and take the money out of the account. I told him it's for bills, why would I be dumb and do that? So, that's one less thing I have to deal with for now.

Good for applying for a Legal Aid attorney. Now keep it up and try to call around and see if you can get another attorney and bill it to hubby. Don't wait long.

The apartment sounds better than living with FIL. If it is suitable, I would agree to live there. If it is NOT, I would keep looking.

Do you have some friends or family that can help you move?

Gwyn, you still need to seek out another attorney. Don't wait for them.


Is this a joint return? Why don't you mention to him that since he won't amend it or do anything about having the W-2 corrected that he leaves you no choice but to call the IRS and ask them about it.


Why are you letting him dictate where you live? Are you SURE that's what's the landlord is saying? If it is, the landlord can't just boot you out instantly. He would have to evict you through the courts and then you have so many days to get out. I'm just saying you have a little time.


Is your husband paying for the move? Is he paying the rent? See, this is where you need an attorney to fight for you. Right now he's just leading you around like a little puppy.


Well hallelujah for this. Of course he's scared you'll do this. He KNOWS you have every right to at least 1/2 of the money that's there.

Sweetie I know your PG right now and going through an awful lot. But I also know that you're bright. You'd have to be bright to be in nursing school. Stop thinking with your emotions and take charge of your life. You need to get past this survival mode so you can start working on yourself. An attorney would be on your side championing your rights.

If you can't find an attorney right now then at least don't make husband FORCE you into any situation that makes you uncomfortable.

(((Gwyn)))