I had to file a Anti-Harassment Order (Order for Protection) against OW.

In my State (WA) you have to show clear evidence of a pattern of harrassment with intent to harm, which I had.

I had to go to the local Sheriff's office who listened to the answering machine tapes of the OW. Then I had to fill out a bit of paper work and then go to the court house and appear in front of the Judge to explian, with the Sheriff present.

They then put a temp order in place which ordered her to cease contact of me until the AHO hearing. She and I appeared in front of the Judge 2 weeks later and told our stories. If OW wouldn't have shown, she would have by default had the order placed on her.

My therapist KNEW OW would appear so she could tell her sad story. And the Judge, of course, placed a permanent Anti-Harrassment Order on her.

In the State of WA, a Restraining Order and an Anti-Harrassment Order are not the same. If a person voilates an Anti-Harrassment Order they go to jail without question.

Hope this helps.
Jo

He said he wouldn't bring her.. but you know how much I can believe of what he says. I am more than certain he would call her, they are attached at the hip in a most nauseating way. (Plus she's a psycho manic controlling always has to call him type of witch). So, I was just figuring since I have other people willing to take care of the children and take me to the hospital when I go into labor, I'm just going to accidentally forget to call him. Oops.

Perhaps his son (the thing he wanted the most for ages.. then he left.) may bring him back, but I'm not going to get my hopes up anymore. So far that has just hurt me.

I'll look up the anti-harassment order. However, on my end, I don't really have taped messages or anything of the like. Although, my dad did tell me today that perhaps I should start recording my calls. Thank you.

Just get a contigency plan so that you will have choices. So far, things for our MB ladies have worked out fine. But it is important to have options. The oops, forgot, will save a lot of drama, but he may be very angry. Tough. A wayward has no place in the birth of a baby. He can bond later. This is all about YOU bringing your precious son into the world.

I really don't think the affair will last long because OW has let herself get so involved. She would have done much better to stay out of your life. She must have low self esteem and a host of other problems.

Did I write this in invisible font? Gwyn, this OW threatened your career and called you (you can get the cell phone log to prove it). Get your attorney to write a letter to her employer stating that she did this, that it is unacceptable, that it is expected that someone at the hospital will deal with it, that she is having an affair with man whose wife is about to give birth and is emotionally distraught at being contacted by OW and looney WH, and so on. Get this on record and let both of them know that you are not taking this lying down. Maybe they will write her up or fire her who knows? At the very least it will be on record and the hospital has been notified and they can ignore at their own peril.

I agree with the others here that your employer needs to know about this call from the OW.
You also need to stop having any concerns about your STBX WH. He is a child.
There is still the real issue here concerning the kids and your treatment of them. Have you received the focused counseling dealing with your anger management as far as the kids are concerned.
It is my nature to be skeptical...it was part of my job...but I really sense there is more to the story of the bath tub and slap incident that is fueling some of this. I don't think it is all just WS crapp that is going on here. So, I will ask you these questions right upfront....
Is there more to the bathtub story? Did you at any point, other than slapping your child while bathing her, attempt to push her under water? Did she slip under the water as a result of your slap? Does your child feel that you tried to drown her? Did you EVER threaten to harm your child in any way???
I think that the truth is somewhere in between what you have admitted so far and the concerns of your WS. So, let's get to the bottom of this so that we can move forward knowing what help you need, what help your child may need and also being able to know what attacks will be coming from your WS.

MEDC

No, nothing invisible hopeandpray. I left a message with the attorney's secretary and hopefully they will get to me sometime today. My biggest issue with having an attorney is money. As in, I don't have any. I am hoping this is something they will do for me without asking for anything, but I have no idea. The same thing with focused counseling - I don't see anyone specifically for anger management, but for depression, stress, and anxiety. I will not have real insurance until after I get into the nursing field, which as it still stands is in May.

I was actually thinking of writing them another letter of my own, too. I know they received the letter since I sent it certified and checked, but I have no indications so far that they even said a word to her about it.

The conversation about the drowning attempt however it would like to be called was that my daughter was asked if I tried to drown her and she told the OW and WS that I didn't "mean to try to drown" her. But when I ask her myself she says I never tried to drown her at all and that she doesn't understand where her daddy got that idea. So, I'm confused.. but..

No, for the last time, I did not attempt to push her under water. I never threaten to hurt my child other the normal (for the most part) "I'm going to spank your bottom if you do not stop" which usually does not even happen. I am usually the one that has my husband punish her when he gets home from work because I am scared of hurting anyone since my father beat me when I was a child. Or I am the one who does it in a nonviolent way by taking away privileges and the like. I want to be my daughters' safe haven and it is so hard that this totally blown out of proportion happening is going to make them not feel safe with me because they keep getting it drilled into their heads that I am this violent person. I am not at all. This is why I went to my doctor not too long after it happened to get help. This is why I talked to a counselor. My daughter says I yelled at her a lot which isn't loads better, but I do not hit her. I promise I don't. Now if I get upset with her I tell her and then I leave the room. The guilt kills me though. I can not change what already happened, but I can prevent anything like that from ever happening again. I question everything I do and check inside myself to make sure I am being the best mother I can be. No one ever questioned that of me before. I have always been told I was a wonderful mother. Even by WS.

Sorry Gwyn, didn't mean to come off sounding like a smartypants....Good job on contacting your attorney. NO, do not send any more letters to the hospital. They just circle their wagons until they get something more serious and that will be forthcoming from your attorney. Let him send the letter detailing the conversation, threats and so forth so that it is on record. Don't foget to mention the slut is having an affair w/ your WH all the while you are waiting to deliver your child.

okay...time for YOU to remove this little weapon from your husbands aresenal then. Let him know that IF he brings these things up again...or more to the point, if the OW brings them up that you WILL pursue legal action against her. She is commiting slander against you. She would have to be able to prove her allegations and since she cannot...since these events NEVER happened...she would be on the hook financially. Send her a letter or ask your attorney to do so...inform her that any slanderous statements will be met with a swift and severe legal response. If you are NOT a violent person, your children will see that...if you are, all the talk in the world will not change it. Children learn what they see a lot more than by what they hear.

and for the record...when your children can reason...there is never a reason to strike them. I am glad you recognize the problem with violence against children.

I studied a whole bunch - as much as I could with two children with me all the time. I walked into the classroom with my raspberry coffee and a bit of confidence that I knew the material enough to rock it. Then I saw the test. Oh my. All right, so they said the class is hard. I know it's hard. I am making it harder being under stress.

I got a 72.
That's failing. (You have to get an 80 to pass)

So, 70, 72, and a 72. I have to get basically 95's on the last two exams - one unit and one final.

I'm failing nursing school. I have never 'failed' anything in my life. I bet OW would laugh to herself in glee if she knew.

I walked out of class mid lecture and went home. I have no idea if I can pass this class at all. I just feel.. dejected right now.

On a good note, the library just sent me a notice that SAA is on hold for me (I've been waiting for awhile, but the ONLY copy in town had been checked out the last month almost), so I can go get it tomorrow and get some informative reading going on.

The attorney left me a message since I was at school. I don't really think he understood what I was asking for. So, I'll be calling tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm waiting for WS to bring my ladies home from over there. I miss them. I need hugs.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been praying that you will pass. But you are amazing that you are even continuing to study and go to school, plus watching your kids, and being pregnant. I always considered myself a confident and competent woman. But after D-day, I went around like a zombie. I'm surprised I didn't get fired at work, only the fact that I'd worked there so long saved me.

You are doing much better than I did, so I have a lot of hope for your situation.

Thanks believer. I have to go and finish. It's for me, yes, but moreso for my kids. I have to be a good mom and make sure they don't need for anything.

But WS dropped the kids off. Said I had to move. Told him it would be the same price no matter where we went plus a deposit basically. Keep in mind the baby is coming in like 2 weeks. I guess I'll move in with his dad? I don't know.

Then he had the audacity (I'm swearing in my head right now but I'll keep it there) to say his high blood pressure and his stress is because of ME. (He had a 160/110 and went to the doctor about it yesterday). That I'm going to put him 'in the ground'. He's putting me through ****** and I'm the one causing him stress?! I told him ALL of the decisions he made are his own and how dare he blame me for anything. He told me it is because the arguing that is causing him the stress. I haven't been arguing. I stopped doing that a week ago. I put it aside. I have more things to worry about than doing that.

He said if I loved him so much, I wouldn't do this. HE's such an idiot. Right now I'm emotional, so I'll have a more logical, ethical post later. I'm just so angry.

He is just being the typical WS. If his blood pressure is high now, just imagine when he figures out he will have to pay for you to continue nursing school, plus child support.

Please talk to your attorney about making him pay for another place to live. Don't make it easy for your husband to ignore his family by moving in with FIL.

quote]Then he had the audacity (I'm swearing in my head right now but I'll keep it there) to say his high blood pressure and his stress is because of ME.[/quote]

More gaslighting. Don't fall for it even for one second and of course you aren't. You might want to schedule a conference with your faculty advisor and clue him/her in on what is going on in your life. He/she might be able to help you in some way.

It is ok to be angry

Larry

Yeah, I know what he's doing and I want to smack him with a couple 2by4s seriously.

Everyone up at the school, including the nursing director (as far as I know since my instructor did talk to her about it) knows what is going on. However, I have to pass those tests. In the end it is up to me whether I pass or fail. I don't know what else they can do for me.

My daughter told me that WS and his father are going to find us another place to live and WS is going to pay for it. That's what she was told, anyway. You know, if he didn't go out all the time he could afford it.

I can't even imagine trying to move like this. My dog is going to have to go. I already had to rehome my other one. This is just so sad. I know things will get better, but it just really stinks right now.

Yes, it stinks right now. But you are doing very well. You are stronger than you think. I started another thread tonight about what would you do differently, and one of the members wrote about staying in bed and eating crackers and prozac after D-day. I had forgotten how hard it is.

Can you do the class over?

I can do the class over, but it'll be clinicals and all that ALL over again and with him not being helpful I will be hard pressed to find someone to watch the girls and the newborn. Also that means I will not graduate until August of next year, not May and I don't know if I can afford that. Next term, if I make it, it is only one full day of clinicals instead of two per week.

Yes, that will suck. I say talk to someone at school and see if there is anyway they can help.

If not, you will just have to do it over. Be sure to let your attorney know how the A has changed your plans. Also be sure to ask for money for school and babysitting. And find someone to watch the kids now. You need the help, and time for yourself.

He's been avoiding me like the plague. But I finally talked to him about money since it's looking like we don't have much.(As in there's no money for groceries or gas this week) He says he's going to pay my bills for this month and the next and then I'll need to find a job to contribute since I never have, obviously. Then he reminded me that he left because I never did anything. Come on I was going to school full-time and taking care of the kids and making sure the house was in order without his help. Right, nothing.He said I'm lucky he's paying my bills as most guys who leave don't and he could stop that at any time and of course get the kids since I would have no place for them to sleep.

As far as me moving, he told me he rather have eldest DD live with him during the week and go to school out there. I said there's no chance in ******. So, I'm going to have to find somewhere to live that is by a better school. We never liked the one over here.

I told him about eldest DD being upset about the kissing in front of her and he said yet again I'm putting thoughts into her head. I explained to him that she does tell me that, that she doesn't give me a play by play on what kind of kisses they are, and that I tell her just to not let it bother her since there's nothing we can do about it.

He said I was lying about failing my tests since I obviously thrive on sympathy. That he wants me to succeed. Yeah, right. I bet him and OW laugh at me behind my back about how I'm screwing up everything, again.


I don't believe anything he says, but I'm beginning to hate him for hurting me so much without a care. Not very MB, I know, but at this point, what should I do? Plan A doesn't work because he always has me crying. If that's hormones or not, I don't know. He said that things aren't any better than before he left with us - he still has chest pains and we always argue. That yet again I'm going to 'put him in the ground'.

call your lawyer and protect your finances...he has obligations and until you make him aware that he will need to meet those...you are just pounding sand.

Your H is a scum bag child and he should be treated like the kid he is. He is walking out on a wife, children and a newborn???? Sorry... get a bull dog lawyer and nail him to the wall. If you can't afford one... search out what things are available to you through shelters and such.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself as much as possible... I know its tough. Get mad! Act now.