Well, finding an attorney that will work with me on money (as in very little up front) is not working out well, thus why I went to legal aid. Legal aid isn't even technically for someone in my situation since I am not on welfare, but I figured the worst they could say is no. In any case, I have no job so thus I have no money and to get an attorney to bill my WS would screw me over since he's paying my bills and can barely afford it as it is.

W-2 was filed jointly and I reminded him that he needs to do it since it would be idiotic to be audited for a 300 dollar difference. In my case it stinks either way since because of this, I won't have my grant, loan, or scholarship (I get all three) because the school won't touch the tax paperwork unless it is correct. I had the class lottery tonight and my classes are signed up, but unless I pay by Thursday I'm not going to be going next semester. Now to come up with 700 dollars.

The landlord has been mulling over selling the house for about 6 months now, before all this stuff snowballed into what it is. He made a bad business decision and I think he knows with all the problems the house has he can't really raise the rent, so he figures he needs to just cut his losses and sell it. The apartment we were supposed to look at and haven't I picked out, actually. It is by my support group of the moment - my FIL and my mom and dad (even though they aren't exactly helping me in any huge way. My dad and I do not have the best relationship). He will be paying the rent. Basically he wants me to help with the bills, but is supposedly going to pay them until I'm out of school - which then he will be getting the divorce paperwork. The reason I'm getting an attorney in all of this is that I know I can't really believe a word he says.

The pregnancy thing makes me a tad hormonal, yes, but trust me I'm not really following my emotions anymore. I've been known to be very logical. I talk logic into WS and he doesn't enjoy it, but whatever. I'm worried, don't get me wrong, but I got all the 'oh no he doesn't love me anymore' crying out of me 2 weeks ago. As Mr. Goodstuff mentioned before, it's very true I'm falling out of love with him.

"In any case, I have no job so thus I have no money and to get an attorney to bill my WS would screw me over since he's paying my bills and can barely afford it as it is."

Gyneffar - Maybe hubby will just have to get another job. He seems to have plenty of time on his hands to be carrying on an affair.

I'm sure the Florida court is like ours in California. They will make him be responsible for his 3 children, and also for you finishing your schooling. They are not going to make you quit school and get a minimum wage job, because it wouldn't even cover babysitting.

Sounds to me like your husband KNOWS that he will be hurting big time, and would like you and your 3 kids to start DOING WITHOUT. It's nice for he and OW to have the freezer and big screen television. A court would never have permitted that.

Time will pass and you WILL graduate somehow. Believe that.

But you are going to have to stop trusting your untrustworthy husband to take care of his obligations and have the court force him. Maybe then the OW won't look so attractive.

Sigh.

I really need to get an attorney eh. I'm so overwhelmed. I know this is too much for any person and I'm certainly not extraordinary by any means. I just feel like no one can help me. I have my FIL, but that's it. My WS has already used him and tapped him out financially. Poor FIL is so stressed out and I feel horribly guilty when I ask him for help. I don't know how I would feel if my son was such a dolt. My mother, even though she tries to help, won't help me with what I need help with, so it's becoming fruitless. Everyone is like, "Told you so". Yes, yes they did. I am almost to the point that I would be willing to work during school JUST to pay for an attorney and make this all be over with. Don't know how that would happen, but it's a lovely thought.

As he was being his lovely, pleasant self today (I say that in all sarcasm) I was having visions of magical letters coming from attorneys telling him what he has to do. This fog is very thick and no amount of light I have is going to bring him back. I need to accept that.

Good news is it is very likely I will get a scholarship to pay for the rest of my school. I'm bringing in all the paperwork tomorrow to this gentleman. I'll know in a few days. That will be a great help.

Problem was as I was getting my birth certificate and the girls stuff I realized my 'important documents' folder in the filing cabinet was gone. He didn't want to give it back, but I need it. He shouldn't have taken it. Just like he shouldn't have made it so I can't see the online bank statement. I fixed that, though. Good thing I have a programming background. He wasn't happy when he found out I 'fixed' it.

When I got home tonight and got the girls in the bath he showed up looking for a powercord for the satellite receiver that of course he took when he took the tv. OW was in the car waiting, of course, because she's too insecure to let him go anywhere by himself. When I saw him I missed him greatly, but then I felt an emotion I swear I've never felt in my life before: hate. Hate is a very strong emotion. You don't throw it around just like a regular word, I tell my daughter. I always wish well for everyone even if I don't like them. I wish nothing good for him, nothing good for the OW. He's been nothing but hostile towards me and I don't deserve it. No one does.

So, he comes in and hugs the girls. Then I ask him about helping me find a place for Novie (my dog) and he says he's going to take her. My dog, over there? Take my husband, my kids, and my dog eh.. THEN he says OW will come over tomorrow morning on her way to work to drop off the paperwork. I reminded them I have the rifle in the closet. Also, that shoving her down everyone's throat won't make us like her, because we don't. She's going to put it in the mailbox. Hopefully she's smart enough not to start anything. I was like, "Well uh thanks, I guess" and she comes on the phone in her artificial nice venomy voice saying "You're welcome".

Hopefully tomorrow will go better and I will get some good news.

I'll be praying for your scholarship. That would really help. I DO think all of this will work out, and your husband will be back, but it is all the pain he is causing in the meantime.

And the OW!!!! I can't ever imagine being the OW and going over to the pregnant wife's house. There is something wrong with her. It also sound like she is very insecure - she has to come along to watch your husband. LOL.

I really doubt that anyone who knows the story can stomach her actions.

Gwyn

YOU HAVE to get an attorney some way or how for your protection and children's protection. What about a local church, could you get a loan. Do you own something that you could leverage to get a personal loan. Something has to be done to get you an attorney and get this idiot away from you.

I have nothing that would be leverage to get a loan. Since I let WS handle the finances all these years I own nothing other than my computer and I have no credit. Thus the whole going to legal aid thing. I hope they get back to me soon. I don't go to church regularly, but you know, I think I may start once this semester is over and I have Sundays off for the most part.

The OW is something else, believer. She's about 12 years old in mentality. I still don't see why he would come back and if he did, could I forgive him? I'm sure I have it in me, but at this point I don't want it.

I'm surprised that your husband has been with the OW this long. It is probably because the financial ramifications of his choices haven't hit yet.

She seems very controlling. Did he enjoy controlling women before?

Call the police and let them know your hostile and estranged husband is sending an unhinged woman over with legal papers after she had threatened you via phone - and you'd like a patrol around to protect you from false accusations by her about your actions in response (ounce of prevention - and lays ground work for a potentially necessary restraining order.)

If she rings the door, call the cops, let them know she's there and DO NOT ANSWER. DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD ANSWER. Go to the bathroom and barricade yourself with the phone while you talk to the cops.

Well, I didn't need to call the police as she came before I woke up, but she left the documents and they were all COPIES! I should have known they wouldn't give me the originals. I called him and was like, "You know I need those since I handle the girls' school and stuff and doctor's visits and everything else". He told me then I can go downtown and get my own copies. Something isn't right. He can't just TAKE those can he? I was lucky the gentleman up at the place where I'm applying for my scholarship took the copies and did not demand the originals like the paperwork said he would.

I told him that I would just get my attorney to force him to get the paperwork back. (Keep in mind I still don't have an attorney to call my own but he doesn't need to know that). He was livid and hasn't talked to me the rest of the day. This stinks since I have no clue if we have grocery or gas money again this week. It looks like he bounced the rent check, but at least electricity got paid.

I learned a little bit more about legal aid. As far as their handling of divorce, they handle physical abuse cases which I'm not and do divorce only. As in they'll help get the paperwork out. Is that what I want yet? I don't know. I just don't. What I need is an attorney that will protect us until the papers are done (and he can pay for the damned things) and tell him what he is and is not allowed to do. I called the original attorneys that I consulted with before (the couple) and maybe I'll go sell an organ or something. Just kidding.

I would get legal aid to get the paperwork out. The only way your husband is going to be responsible and take care of his obligations is if the court forces him to do it. For some reason, you keep trusting that he will do the right thing, and he keeps proving that he isn't going to do it.

You are about to deliver, and he is shoving the OW in your face, taking the TV, freezer and anything that isn't tied down away from your family, giving you a hard time about W2's, making you jump through hoops to finish your schooling, giving you COPIES of important documents, allowing you to be forced out of your home, and saying that you abuse your children.

He may be planning on trying to get custody of your kids, because otherwise its going to break him. I hope he isn't, but it has been in the back of my mind. He could say that you don't have a home for them, and he and OW have a nice one with a wide screen TV.

After the papers are filed, there should be a hearing to set temporary custody, spousal and child support. I think that is what you need to get.

You are very young, and I HATE seeing you going through all of this, but I'm afraid your hubby is going to continue to march, since there is nothing to stop him.

Did he have his speakerphone on? She is listening to every interaction you have? Gwyn, don't make any more remarks like the one about the rifle in the closet. Insist that he shut his cellphone off or you will not say a word!

Do whatever you gotta do to get a lawyer. Keep documentation of everything that happens, and keep those with you at all times. Better yet, periodically leave what documentation you have with your mother or somebody you trust, so your WH won't get that.

Well I've been careful not to say anything dumb other than the rifle comment and I was joking. She's already called and threatened me, so she needs to watch herself also, I think.

I know she's not listening ALL the time. We have nextels with the walkie talkie feature. When I talk to him I usually make sure I call him regular so I can keep it private, but you know he tells her everything I say anyway.

Everything is documented. Here, on my journal, and around places he wouldn't even know how to get to.

The process of divorce, which can be halted at any time, will provide you with some level of financial security and discomfort for your husband, which he clearly needs. He is gaslighting you big time and given your near birth situation, is having some success.

Assuming no other choice, take legal aid and get some level of certainty in your life so you can focus on the important issues; having the baby, attempting to pass school, taking care of yourself and your other kids.

Larry

Of course he's mad Gwyn. You aren't on the program where he leaves with another woman, the children, has you send him child support and replaces you as mom with OW. Stop taking off this idiot.

Look, 2x4 coming because I hate to stand by and see you hurt and taken advantage of (sending the OW to your home; if my ex WW would have sent the OM over to my home she would have needed to send the ambulance too!!). You have to get legal help, network, ask someone that knows someone that knows someone who knows an attorney that would be willing to at least help you get a temporary, emergency hearing to lock down child support, finanical obligations of WH, no OW around children, and more...... This is a requirement and is late in happening Gywn.....

You can do this.....Don't be too proud to ask for help at this point, you need it.

Crimony, two weeks ago I was remarking that Gwyn needed to file for divorce in order to assert herself with her husband, protect her rights, blah blah blah, and the idea was shot down by some of the same people who are telling her NOW, she should file.

It's LATE to be doing this, Gwyn. You're told in every post, "See a LAWYER to protect yourself."

Why is that not happening?

(In part because some people told her it was wrong to file for divorce?)


Larry is right. Investigate this!

SB, apparently, you are not reading close enough. As Gwyn has made very clear, she does not have the money that the lawyer's want for a retainer. She is now looking into legal aid or the possibility of filing on her own. The bottom line, though, is that she has very clearly said she does not have the money. Are you going to give it to her?

BB

Updates.

Yes, the only reason I do not have an attorney is that I can not pay for one. I talked to the couple I went to before, but they say unless I want to apply for divorce *right now*, he has equal rights to everything including the paperwork. I can apply for divorce myself, sure, but then you have the children involved and that's another issue. I, at this point, do not want to give him what he wants - 50% child custody.

In a wonderful, perfect world, I would have already sent him the papers and made him go away forever. Especially after tonight where he got mad at his father (His father helped me with gas and groceries again and noticed WS always going to the bar and wondering why can he go there but not have money for us?) for taking my side. My FIL explained to WS that it isn't about me or him or whatever is going on - he helps out because of the children. I have so much gratitude to FIL for that. Anyhow, WS thought it was prudent to call me and tell me how I was making all his friends go away and that he was going to 'cut me off' from everything and take the kids away. I had a good day today until that. How dare he? I just kept repeating to him that I have done nothing wrong but go to school and take care of the girls and that I was pregnant and due any day now and I don't need the stress, goodbye.

So, FIL calmed WS down and explained to WS that even though WS wants him to be his friend, he just can't do it. My gathering from what WS said to me is that all of his friends - supposedly ones that I talk to all the time and fill their heads with all this - are deciding they don't agree with his decision. I try to shrug what he says off. I always get the thought in my head, you know the kids thing - I am rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I need to say it more often! I might even sound more mature than OW and WS with that. Don't threaten to take my kids, is all I say.

Oh, and the place called me Friday afternoon to tell me I got the scholarship. I'll be setting up things either Monday or Tuesday, so this is good. Now, it's just batten down the hatches and pass this class. If I was in a better state of mind I would have aced it. I need to keep reassuring myself of that.

As far as this house goes, I know what happened now. It is going through foreclosure. They brought me the papers last night. Seems that my landlord hasn't paid mortgage since April. Curious.

Depending on your state, you might be able to claim abandonment. This means that you could file and get temporary spousal support, clearly defined child custody rules and child support. If he has money for bars, he has money to take care of his kids. And his friends are bailing for obvious reasons.

Larry

Sweetso,

I don't know who you are talking about in your post above but this is my very first post to Gwy.



What part about her not protecting herself did I miss in my post to her????

Gwyn,

You had better find a way to get an attorney, somehow, someway (and most things like this can be overcome it may take unbelievable creativity, effort.. but can ultimately be done) or you ARE going to lose 50% custody to this idiot. You will lose financially and othewise for as unfair as it is the courts work using lawyers. It should be black and white in so many cases that a nut job could prosecute a case, but it isn't that way. Attorney's are a necessary evil and you need to get one somehow now or I fear that you will end up with an agreement that you will not be pleased with and one that your children will not benefit from.

Your husband is the Third Reich and you are the lone Jew.

It seems that you are hanging on to hope that he will be merciful but the only place he is leading you is to the gas chamber and you are allowing it to happen.

Get an attorney, NOW. There is no other help that you need; no other advice to offer you that will make a difference.

Let me ask you a question. Did the attorney that you counseled with ask you for a retainer? Did he provide you a fee list? Did he present you with an engagement letter? Did you inquire about a payment schedule?

If the answer to my questions are NO, NO, NO and NO, then you have done nothing and you know nothing and thus you have joined the long list of “the foolish”.

Mr. G