Gwyn, you SAID you live in Florida, so here's some information (links in bold blue) on family legal services in your state:

1) [color:"red"] FLORIDA FAMILY LAW BOOKLET [/color](An Introduction including basics of custody, alimony, child support when it comes to divorce)

2) Don't qualify for legal aid?!?! [color:"blue"]FLORIDA BAR LAWYER REFERRAL SERVICE[/color] provides referrals to attorneys who will conduct an initial one-half hour office consultation for $25.

3) [color:"blue"] Florida Pro Bono Services [/color] provides low-fee services (sometimes free) for those who cannot pay

4) [color:"blue"] FloridaLawHelp.org about Family, Divorce, and Juvenile Issues [/color]

5) [color:"blue"] Custody and Divorce Resources in Florida [/color]

Gwyn: In my experience, people who say they can are right about 70% of the time (your mileage may vary) But ... People who say they CAN'T are right ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE TIME.

If you say you can't protect yourself and your kids from your husband, you are committing yourself to failure.

You and your three children deserve your committment to your success (as evidenced by your ability to get that scholarship ... congrats!)

-- Sweet

A little more information for you, Gwyn, because information is freedom:

Dissolution of Marriage in FLA

Child Custody Laws in FLA

Direct Deposit of Child Support and Alimony in FLA

Gwyn:

Your story has touched the hearts of many of the folks here in ways you probably don't know about. I believe that you will find an Attorney = the probono link - who will try to help you. You need help.

Larry

Well, all the links but the pro bono ones I've seen. I'm sorry guys, I had a test last night and I failed again.. long story I'll get to some other time. I have a final on Wednesday and it's imperative that I pass this class. The school is trying to help me pass, but I have to get above a 90 on my final and with all the stress and having to move (and find an apartment since all the places WS went to he didn't like/or couldn't afford) and everything else.. I'm overwhelmed and very tired. My ob said I am due any time now since I'm already dilated, but I'm hoping he'll hold out for a week. My teacher suggested that I go to student disabilities to get my anxiety documented to help with the testing issue in the future.

Oh, and the attorney I wanted to use of course had a retainer. It would have been about 2500 dollars all together for the whole process. But like I said, tomorrow night after all this school stuff is done, I will look at the links and try to figure out what I can do.

Okay, Gwyn, my heart goes out to you, truly. It's clear that you are a woman with too much on her plate! It would have been that way anyway, even WITHOUT your husband's affair, and he sure is doing his part to make things as difficult as possible.

It's absolutely clear to me that you're avoiding filing. Know what, I think that so much has happened in one month, it must be difficult to wrap your mind around that necessity (if it is one). To others, it seems imperative that you protect yourself and your children legally. But I can understand that from your point of view, everything is just overwhelming.

Here are a few of the reasons I really wanted you to protect yourself NOW:

1) H and OW can waltz in after delivery, and LEGALLY whisk baby away because there is no custody arrangement;
2) Whoever shoots first simply has the greatest advantage. If your H files first, and does it after you have begun working, then HE will ask for custody and HE will ask for child support from YOU. Ideally, YOU would file first and seek both custody and support. If this happened while you were recovering from delivery and NOT working, you'd have some economic advantage.
3) The more all of this troubling behavior goes on, the more drawn down and debilitated you become, and the likelier to capitulate to his demands.

All divorce settlements and custody arrangements are subject to reevaluation; and the divorce can be stopped at any time. Most spouses come to their senses once confronted with a costly tab of their behavior. Right now, your husband isn't getting a bill, he's simply whining about expenses that he blames on YOU. It would be better if the courts confronted him with the cost (irrefutable, though it's the job of him and his lawyer to try).

I'm going to post some material from Florida divorce law in a moment, but there is one more thing I wanted to mention. Your husband's behavior strikes me as DANGEROUS. There are men who feel overwhelmed by their circumstances -- financial, social, whatever -- and take desperate action to rid themselves of their obligations. I'm worried for your safety. Please make sure that other people know where you are at all times, and that you are not alone with your husband away from home, until/if/when your relationship is settled.

This is a terrible thing to write, and I can anticipate the flashback from other posters coming, BUT ... there have been cases in OUR state of husbands murdering their pregnant wives, and disposing of their bodies, in order to start new lives with other women. No kidding. I'm just thinking that someone who takes this much pleasure from making his pregnant wife miserable, thereby endangering his unborn baby, and who goes out to bars while his wife and young children have neither food nor gas money, might be in that category.

Godspeed. In the meantime, a bit of Florida Child Custody Law, highlighting by me:

CHILD CUSTODY:

The court shall determine all matters relating to custody of each minor child of the parties in accordance with the best interests of the child and in accordance with the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. After considering all relevant facts, the father of the child shall be given the same consideration as the mother in determining the primary residence of a child irrespective of the age or sex of the child. The court shall order that the parental responsibility for a minor child be shared by both parents unless the court finds that shared parental responsibility would be detrimental to the child.

The court shall order "sole parental responsibility, with or without visitation rights, to the other parent when it is in the best interests of" the minor child. In ordering shared parental responsibility, the court may consider the expressed desires of the parents and may grant to one party the ultimate responsibility over specific aspects of the child's welfare or may divide those responsibilities between the parties based on the best interests of the child. The court may order rotating custody if the court finds that rotating custody will be in the best interest of the child. For purposes of shared parental responsibility and primary residence, the best interests of the child shall include an evaluation of all factors affecting the welfare and interests of the child, including, but not limited to:

* The parent who is more likely to allow the child frequent and continuing contact with the nonresidential parent.
* The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parents and the child.
* The capacity and disposition of the parents to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in lieu of medical care, and other material needs.
* The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
* The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home.
* The moral fitness of the parents.
* The mental and physical health of the parents.
* The home, school, and community record of the child.
* The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.
* The willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent.
* Evidence that any party has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding a domestic violence proceeding pursuant to s. 741.30.
* Evidence of domestic violence or child abuse.
* Any other fact considered by the court to be relevant.

[Based on Florida Statutes 61.121 and 61.113]

Areas highlighted above seem to render custody dramatically in your favor.

Please take care, Gwyn. I'll be thinking of you.

P.S. Though you have posted that you do not get along with your own family, or have had difficulty with that relationship (your sister posted that the family disliked your husband), you might seek help there.

It's been a little while. I passed my class! If that was not a heavenly intervention I don't know what was. The baby is still inside but is more than welcome to join the fold whenever. I still haven't moved and don't know when or where I am. Things were looking up. I started Pediatrics, my favorite kind of nursing and I'm really excited.

From Monday:

On the WS front, he's still being stupid. Incredibly so, from what DD and FIL told me. I talked to him before I went to school since he was supposed to pick up the girls from FIL's. His normal spiel about how horrible his life is ensued and then he threw in the gem about how if I wanted him back so badly, the way I was acting wasn't showing it. I said as plainly as possible: "But I don't want you back. I want the old H I knew back and he's completely gone now". It took him a few minutes to get back to me and when he did he said he didn't want to talk about it. Hah, got him. While I was at school he came to pick the girls up and was blatantly disrespectful to his dad, which if ANYONE knows me, I hate. FIL is going through too much stress. I feel responsible for it. I promised him I'll keep my arguments out of his way.. WS won't do the same, but I will. I was taught to respect my elders, no matter what. I feel sad a little. FIL and WS were so close.. but FIL said once they went to Maine when his father died that OW text messaged WS the whole time he was there and then FIL knew it was all about to be over.

WS didn't call me when he was in Maine. I had to call him.

So, after WS's and FIL's arguement, WS drove DDs over to OW's house and WS was telling OW over the phone how he was going to get 100% custody of the kids. Smooth move. Like that's going to happen. I would be amused if he tried.. But on the same token, I don't want to put the girls through that.

Today I was going to the children's hospital for my orientation. WS was supposed to be watching the girls and was going to come pick them up from the house at 4. 4:30 rolls around, no WS. Nextel beeps, he says bring them out to the beach. I'm like, you were supposed to pick them up, I don't have time to go take them there. Somehow the conversation got turned into me keeping him from the kids and that he was going to go get drunk and 'bite a bullet'. I tell him I'm not sure I want him watching the kids if he is going to be like that. He says, "See I knew you were trying to keep the kids from me!" Aaah. Anyhow, I call up FIL and let him know that WS is acting kooky and I need him to watch the girls for a little. FIL has a 'date' later, (go FIL!), so WS would have to come get them later. I didn't pack them anything for overnight, I was in such a hurry. Not that I wanted them there anyway.

I drop the girls off at FIL's house and rush over to the hospital, 30 miles away. On my way there I beep WS and ask him What's going on? He totally freaks out.. I mean seriously. Who let the demon out? Anyway, let's go over the main points he pointed out:
1) I'm an evil, vindictive ******
2) I'm a gold-digger and I'm going to bankrupt him
3) I still tried to kill my daughter
4) If I don't let him come to DS's delivery he's going to 'cut me off' from everything
5) We're OVER and he doesn't give a damn what happens to me and he hopes I fail nursing school.
6) If DD dislikes what is going on it's because I put ALL the thoughts in her head and thus I'm a ****** and he can never forgive me.

On the way to the hospital I almost get into an accident. My phone flies from the center console to the back seat, which of course I can't get to until I get to the hospital. He keeps beeping me over and over saying lovely things like "Oh I HURT YOUR FEELINGS and you have nothing to say eh?".
I tell him what happened and then he says..
"If you weren't carrying my son and you got into an accident I wouldn't even care if you died"..
It kept going on and on. He wouldn't stop. I let him know at the end that he was an evil son of a ******. Well, he is.
So, I sat in the truck and cried. I was already late, but I didn't care.

I got into orientation, choking back my tears. I paid attention, did well enough on my test I think (us nighters had a test tonight, too). I didn't really talk to anyone.. just sat in the corner trying to hold back from crying. I think people just assumed I was tired and pregnant and not upset and that's fine. I made it out of there and called WS to see where the girls were. He told me to go to the restaurant so I could pick them up.

DD calls me on the way back and checks on me. She asks if I'm okay. I'm like, well no, but I'm really glad you called me. She told me how her Daddy and OW were talking about what a "b" word I am and that she stepped in and told them that wasn't nice. She was hiding in the bathroom calling me. I asked her if she wanted to go home. She said yes.

WS brings them to me and tells me that DD2 didn't have any diapers or anything else. That I didn't pack anything. Which I didn't, but trust me when I ask him he ignores me or is snarky anyway. He asks yet again if I'm going to let him into the delivery. I tell him, "Do you not even REMEMBER what you said to me? Do you really think I'd want you there? I want someone to hold my hand and love me and cheer me on and that isn't going to be you. So why would I want you there?". He told me it was his son and that he was having a bad day and didn't mean to say what he did. I told him there's going to be a day in which I'm not going to care anymore because I'm not going to have a choice. I need to be a good mother and I can't with all this bullcrap emotion. Then he brought up the money thing again - I looked him straight in the eye and said, "You know me, you know I'm not like that. Money is never what I wanted. I want to be a nurse to be able to take care of my children. The old H would know that. The old H wouldn't talk to me the way you do. What do I want? I want the old H back". He begins to get out of the backseat (he was putting the kids in) and says, "Well, refusing to let me see my son being born is not going to help with that".

As he pulls away from his parking slot, I notice OW is in the truck, too. Not that I'm surprised. I'm surprised she didn't say anything to me, though. I guess I'm thankful she didn't.

Congratulations on passing the class! That's a relief.

You are doing a good job of reverse babble. Keep it up.

I don't think I would be talking to hubby on the phone while driving. We HAVE had several BS's get in car accidents here. It may be the stress.

Noodle expressed something on another thread that I think is appropriate here. I hope she finds this thread and so says.

Larry

Gwyn,

Have YOUR child (sperm donors don't count as dads) and then quickly get yourself a lawyer and divorce this idiot. Reading what you wrote makes me want to come through the screen and give your WH a message he wouldn't forget. This guy is out of his mind and a verbal abusing SOS.

ASAP you better find a way to get an attorney, D this creep, protect yourself and your children financially as well as I believe as some point physically (once he gets what is coming to him in court).

Gwyn, how are you doing???

I was thinking the same thing.

Larry

Fairly sure that her baby was due this week. My prayers are with her and her family.

Just bumping this thread. Hopefully everything is OK with the newborn....

bump

Hey guys. So much has gone on.. This is going to be pretty condensed but I'll modify it later.

The baby was born on Saturday at 9:51 am. He's beautiful. He's doing well, actually feeding right now so I have a chance to type.

That morning I went into labor I called a few people, including WS. I figured whoever answered first could come get me. I was in pain so I didn't care. I was told the baby could have came the whole week beforehand and with the way I was feeling, I believed it. The baby was sitting on my sciatic nerve and with all of my running around getting things done, I haven't been up to going on the computer much which is why I haven't responded in awhile.

WS answered first, so off we went. I let him stay during the delivery and he delivered his son. No major problems. Afterwards the nurse asked me about the situation since my doctor must have said something about it (Remember I told my doctor I wasn't sure I wanted him there).

WS stayed basically the entire three days. Problem is, everyone that was supposed to help watch the girls was out of town, so OW watched them. She was being very very very helpful. I was very suspicious. My friend came to see me and told me that she is going to leave her husband. I tried to help her with advice the best I could and suggested she come to marriage builders and read up on things, which I believe she has been doing.

On my anniversary, I cried all day, of course.

So, what have I been told this whole time at the hospital? He loved me and he wanted to come back. He didn't want to come back to the way things were, though, with us always bickering. He told me he was sorry for all he has done. He doesn't want to hurt OW. (same WS babble.) OW makes him feel good, does anything in the world to make him happy. Gives him the sexual stuff that I never would. Loyal and defending of him. However, she's psycho. Those were my words, not his, but he didn't argue. She's extremely insecure and jealous of me and was angry that he came and spent the time at the hospital like that. She spazzed out on him because I was seeming 'ungrateful'. Even still, she was the one who volunteered to watch the girls. I told him the reason she was being nice to me is that she wants me to disappear. Basically there is no competition if the competition is gone, right?

I learned more about OW, too. Her grandfather founded one of the hospitals in town, so not only is she a well paid nurse, gets child support, and now has a ton of trust funds in her name and can get anything she wants. I found out today that she was going to get WS a 300k loan to start his own business. Dangling that carrot just a bit. Now I know there's no way I can compete with that. He came over and took me to see the two places he was thinking of moving me. I found out she paid the deposit on the apartment. The apartment basically sucked. The narrow staircase was what worried me most, though. Not very safe for the kids. The apartment is the same price as what we were paying for the house before foreclosure. Then there is a house that is one street over from his father's. It is very small and about 400 dollars more a month than the apartment, but the location is great. It is at the beach, near his father's like I said, and my daughter can walk to school. I am going to have to get a job though if that's where we go. We don't have much time. The foreclosed house supposedly got sold and our time is running out. So, I'll probably be moving this weekend even though the packing *still* isn't done.

He found me a house because he said when he 'came back' he had no desire to live in an apartment. OW seems to know this intuitively, thinking that him getting a house means he is going to go back to me even though he didn't say that.

I read a lot on this site. I know forgiveness is possible. However, I don't want him rushing back home. I told him if he came back he could never ever talk to her again and I don't see that happening. I told him that he can't tell me like he did in January stuff I needed to fix and then not do anything to fix himself. I told him we need to learn to compromise, especially him. He gets set on an idea and no one can slow him down and it has gotten us in a bit of trouble the past years.

Now as far as school goes I need to get a medical release to go back to clinicals. I changed my DD's school today and took care of insurance things for the newborn. I have been studying for the test I am going to take tomorrow against my better judgment (don't want to get behind, though). I'm exhausted and still kind of emotionally wrecked so I'll write more later, even though I seemed to have wrote a lot, actually.

I'm so happy that you checked in again. I was worried. Congratulations on your son, and so glad that everything turned out well.

The OW watching your kids is not the MB way. Sorry. Also her paying money for your home is not appropriate. Sheesh, she really sounds desperate.

Be sure to give hubby lots of praise for being there for you and baby.

I don't think the affair is going to last.

You are really a superwoman, and I admire you greatly.

How did today go? How is baby and family?

WS should have been watching the girls all along, I thought, but yes, I give him a LOT of credit for staying. I asked him why and he told me that I should know why. We thought my FIL would be watching the girls, but he wasn't able to. I thought that's where they were when he came back from dropping them off, but then he told me it was OW. Of course I was also kind of in labor and in pain so I stopped arguing about it. Of course I don't want the girls near her, but at least nothing traumatic happened to them and they were up at the hospital with me much of the time anyway. She brought the baby presents, too. Hmm..

Yeah, psycho OW is desperate. Basically like I said she freaked out about WS looking for a house rather than an apartment for me. But the kicker of it is what he told me today over the phone! He said that instead of him getting us a house SHE suggested that we all come and live with her in her house! I never laughed so hard in my life. I thought he was kidding at first, but he was dead serious that she said that. My theory is that she can kill me in my sleep while I'm there and the kids will already be there and she will think WS will forgive her.. and poof I'm gone. Crazy woman to even think that's a feasible option.

She bought him a fridge today for his little outside in the garage sports room. I told him, "Sure you're going to come home now!". I can't help but pick on him, I know its mean, but if I didn't make light of it I would just be crying. I also told him if he thinks she spazzes out now, just imagine how its going to be once he leaves. He left little old me who gave him independence (and perhaps too much, eh?) to this woman who has clearly obsessive tendencies.

As far as me and the kids go, we're okay for the most part.I think my DD2 had a nightmare during her exceptionally long nap this afternoon because she woke up crying and it took us a good 2 hours to calm her down - she kept talking about the baby crying and her Daddy. I checked on the baby for her over and over and reassured her he was fine, but I still have no idea what spurred that on. We're quite a bit overwhelmed, but DD8 loves her new school and even though we STILL don't know where we're moving we are getting by. Even though most of the strangers I run into think I'm crazy for running around as I am and I agree, but unfortunately I'm the only one that's going to get things done it is looking like. Mostly these days since FIL gave me the house keys, we go and hang out there during the day while I run errands and make phone calls (and study) and then he helps me out a bit when he gets home from work. I ran and took my test today and it wasn't that hard at all. I got contact with the place that I'm getting my scholarship from (only took 3 weeks) and they are going to forward my paperwork and book voucher over to the campus I am at, so this is good, too.

So, he says he loves me.. but it's the same thing. I don't know if its the WS part of him speaking. Basically like the talk we had back in January I'm the one who obviously needs to make changes before he thinks we won't be the way we were before and can come back. I know it isn't all me. Is it the WS that can't take responsibility for his actions or was it the H all along?

He's getting the apartment set up. He's been doing this all weekend. I guess it puts finality on things to me, that I'll be all alone. But I suppose it's been like that all along. We technically should be moving everything today, but of course as things go there's a flood warning here and it will have to wait until tomorrow. When I went to the house to work on things there last night I was just overwhelmed with stuff. What do I do with all this stuff, I wonder? Going from a 2000 sq ft home to a 2 bedroom apt and I'm supposed to figure out what to bring all by myself. I have no clue.

He asked me if I put my applications in at the hospitals yet. Remember, he still wants me to get a job. The business that he was working at could not get out of the red, so that ended for him on Friday. We have money to get us through the next month, but he's pretty sure he won't be able to get a position that pays the same amount. Anyway, I told him that I haven't had a chance yet since my resume and stuff is on the computer that is packed and I've been at FIL's since Friday and no it hasn't been done yet (Although I did look at postings last night on the website). Then I said, I don't mind getting a job (even though everyone else but WS says with school and a new baby I really shouldn't) but I wish there was a way OW wouldn't have to watch the kids. He then proceeded to tell me how ungrateful and lazy I am. I just 'didn't want to work' and 'have always been that way'. Many of the times I did not work was because we couldn't correlate schedules so that me actually working brought money home and it didn't all go to daycare. But of course he doesn't remember that. I know I should be taking everything in stride, that a WS makes no sense and I shouldn't try to make sense of it. It hurts though. How come a BS can never do enough? Raising three kids (newborn included) and being in nursing school and moving is being lazy? It must be. I'm sure his going to work and partying basically every night with his OW is SO HARD compared to what I do.

I don't know, it must be the hormonal shift from giving birth, but I swear I felt so much stronger before. Maybe I'm just tired, who knows.