Hmmm. They found a mass on her lung and she's smoking? Uh, something stinks about that story. Girlfriend, you need to lawyer up and protect yourself and put the brakes on this craziness.

You can get a job as a GN at full salary pending you passing the NCLEX within a reasonable time that varies by institution. I dunno what state you are in or location, so I cannot predict starting rates or the type of schedule you would be facing. Likely 12s and best pay is at night, which would be more than a little difficult with your kids; hard enough with 12s that are more like 13s and 14s, hours that is. Go in at 7AM and get off at 8PM. Tough. . .

In my neck of the woods, the pay starts at around $19 an hour and there is a really good day care a few blocks from the hospital that starts at 6AM and goes until midnight to cover the shift workers at three plants and hospital. With a typical sign up bonus of $10K over 2 years, you will have no problem making a living for you and the kids. But that depends on the area. Up in Kentucky along the Ohio River, the rates paid nurses are less than in other areas. Best pay is in Texas compared to cost of living.

I dunno how hard you have tried to get a Lawyer, but you really do need one. Keep banging away until you get some help. There MUST be an Attorney in your area who would be willing to help you. You have a story to tell and it needs telling.

Larry

PM, there was no mass on her lung either and no miscarriage. Well, no one believes it anyway. She wants attention or he does, or both of them do, but whatever, it makes me want to vomit.

I'm in Florida and not until my last term can I go be a GN. Basically all I can be right now is a Patient Care Tech and they pay between 12-14 an hour here. WS is getting on me again about getting a job. He surprised me with electricity not being paid so I had to run down there in a hurry today just to keep it from being shut off. (Thus this is why I was always in charge of paying bills). The only way I can swing working is a 7pm-7am shift, of course, that means if I don't want to sleep. When I'm an RN I'll be doing 7am-7pm. 8 hour days are very uncommon here and even moreso for a brand new nurse. My hope is I can get a PCT job within the hospital I already want to work at and transfer over to an RN job once I get to that point. Nurses start off at about the same per hour, but I'm expecting to start at 23 or so. My clinicals right now are 12 hours so I know how that feels nonetheless.

I did what people in the area told me to do as far as lawyers go. I tried everything that was 'free' to start with, so I haven't even done the pro bono lawyers since they cost money even to talk to, but I'd have the best bet of them helping me. The lawyer I saw talked to me for free, but I can't afford to use him even if he's very, very good, which I heard he was.

I went back in time and read a forum post on passive aggressiveness. Sounds just like him.

I suspect (know) that if you were divorced, all sorts of financial aid could (would) come your way. PCT does the scut work for Med/Surg. Not the best of jobs. On the other hand, if you do it part time as you can, you will have clearly paid your dues cleaning up the fundamentals, so to speak.

There are issues moving from PCT to RN at the same place as you might imagine, both good and not so good. allnurses.com can give you some insight into how it will go. I am a bit surprised that Florida pays as little as $23 an hour to start. That is low for a high dollar to live in area.

Since you will be making double as an RN, it doesn't make sense for you to work as a PCT and abandon the RN. This would be just plain wrong.

All the best.

Larry

I'm with Larry. I wouldn't work, I'd finish school. If hubby doesn't pay bills, go apply for welfare.

I don't know if your state lets you file on your own for divorce or not. Here in California, you can do it for $235. Then you are your own attorney. It is time consuming though, and I know you are busy enough. But Larry is right, you would probably do better WITHOUT hubby.

I'm sure he'll be back though, since OW is such a fruitcake. Maybe we should start a pool to see what is the next drama. Let's see, she's had a miscarriage and a lung cancer scare this week (well, not a big enough scare to stop smoking)..........wonder what's next?

No no, I plan on being a PCT now before school is over so I can make sure my bills are paid since evidently I can't expect WS to do it. I rather do that than go on welfare. Maybe it's a pride issue, I don't know. To be honest I need experience in an ICU setting to get ready for CRNA school anyhow, so it couldn't hurt. Either that or I'm going to be a PCT at the children's hospital since that seems to be my inkling lately. I have no intentions on quitting school. I'm almost already done anyway, what kind of idiotic thing would that be?

The school is already offering me extra monetary support, I just need to find the time to do it. The only reason I'm on the computer now is because I got home from a clinical makeup early and the kids aren't here yet.

And yeah, I'd do better. I called WS to check on the babies and started talking to him like a normal person and he asked me, "Are you bipolar or something?". I told him, no, I just forgot we weren't friends anymore, sorry, I won't do it again.

Haha.

OW is trying to get me a job at the hospital she works at. Cute. Think I should take it if it's offered to me?

Not in this lifetime.

Larry

Well, I do need to get a job after all. *snicker* I appeased WS and put in an application, but I'm hoping somewhere else will hire me first (like another hospital) before I'll even need to deal with this.

Something is just off with all this. The two of them say I play games, but seriously what in the heck are they thinking?

I dropped the kids off at the OW's house so WS could watch them which I NEVER EVER wanted to do, but he's making it so I have to while I'm at school. OW comes out and she asks WS, "Should you tell her, or should I?" He tells her to go ahead and I'm expecting an earth shattering announcement.

She goes, "I don't mind you dropping the kids off here, but I never want you in my house. EVER"

I say, "Well, that's funny, I had no desire to ever go into your house ever and didn't really appreciate you showing up at mine".

Then she glared at me as I left. Silly rabbit..

Continue school and taking care of your kids. The OW is slightly off-balance. I would just smile pleasantly at her and babble back that I never want to be in her house either.

Has your hubby always been so PW'd? The "should you tell her or should I?" made me laugh. I was expecting that she has malaria or something.

Well, WS still hasn't found another job, so that's my concern about the whole job thing myself. I don't *mind* working if it's only going to be a day or 2 a week, like this one they found for me would be. I just don't trust her 'helping' me, that's all.

No, he's never been this PW. I think it is really amusing, myself. When I picked up the kids tonight, which is where I just was, I was practicing Orchid's classic reverse babble, which I got the response of "Don't talk to me like that". I was like, "okay!"

LOL! Go Gwyn!

Well, things get weirder by the day I guess and I'm a bad, bad girl.

The next weekend OW and WS were at my FIL's house again watching the Patriots game, of course. Now I told myself before I got there that I wasn't going to say anything and not cause trouble because I promised FIL that I wouldn't. I did say one thing to WS because he was telling me if we were divorced I could never move out of state (which I have always been planning to do) because he would never let me take the kids with me. I told him, "Hey it's funny you are taking interest in the kids now since you really haven't in 8 years". OW heard me say this to him and well, let's put it this way, not only was she directing snarky comments about my 'mothering' skills my way, but also right at my kids! It just went too far. So, she got in my face and a lovely Jerry Springer catfight begun. We got stopped, of course, and all three of us (OW, WS, and myself) got yelled at by my FIL for a long time. Ugh, I am so embarrassed this happened and I still blame myself for snapping, but it was only a matter of time. I am a nice and I guess too tolerant person, but even I can get disrespected (by both WS for bringing her around like it's okay and OW for being OW) enough to snap.

My battle scars have already healed. I just tossed all my feelings of anger aside at that point. I don't talk to OW, but she doesn't talk to me, so all is well until what happened yesterday did.

I was finishing a lovely day at the Children's hospital ready to get my kids. Lovely being an operative term since the kids and I both got a nasty stomach bug and I threw up while I was working. WS was watching them as he normally does on Saturdays. I call him up to let him know to please bring them to the apartment because I was feeling horrible and he said he would, but my DD2 wasn't with him. I said, "What? Where is she?!". He told me OW took her out of town and he let her! Now he was mad, though, because OW said she'd be home at 3 (It was 5 when this happened) and she hadn't even left town yet. He came and dropped the other two off and let me know that she went too far and they were over and where would he put his stuff because he was moving back in. I told him I wasn't ready for him to come back. So, he leaves to go to his dad's to figure out when she is coming back and I'm freaking out, of course.

2 hours later OW gets to FIL's house with DD2. Supposedly WS yelled at her for a long time, but I guess they kissed and made up because he didn't move here. When I saw him today I asked him, "So now everything is just the same as it was before?". The impression I got is that I think he's about done with her, but doesn't want to come home just because he's arguing with her, which I agree with. Trying to run away from his problems again.

I just don't know what to think of him.

Anyhow, my birthday is tomorrow and so FIL made me a special dinner tonight and I asked WS since it was my birthday not to bring OW and he did so I give up. Seriously. I can tell he is feeling the full brunt of his actions now, but sometimes I feel it is too late for him. My father, the one who I do not have the best relationship with, surprised me last week by telling me that if I wanted a divorce he would pay for it for me. I'm about to take him up on his offer. I feel like I have done as much as I can do on my end.

Also, while I was there a friend of FIL's pulled me aside and let me know while maybe some of them told WS that they were staying neutral on the subject, that they all loved and supported me and felt what WS did was wrong and that if I ever needed someone to talk to, they'd be there. That was nice of them.

Now to go back to studying for my three tests in a row starting tomorrow.

You are doing a good job. I really think you need to stay away from OW though. Also you need to be finding something to admire about your husband.

Keep studying hard and hang in there. You've made it this far, and you just have a little more to go.

I want to stay away from the OW, but WS can't go anywhere without her, including today when he was supposed to be watching the kids while I went to school. She just doesn't go away. She's a parasite. A parasite that takes every opportunity to hold my children and show off that she can and there's nothing I can do about it.

-begin pity party-

What is there to admire? The person I admired is gone for the most part. He's so selfish he can't get his head out of his rear to save his life.

He told me he hasn't gotten the divorce papers because he thinks we can still reconcile. I just laughed to myself and told him basically by the time we get around to that with the way he treats me there won't be any more love for him from me.

I feel dejected and depressed. It's my birthday and I couldn't have just talked to him alone. No, of course not.
On top of that when I said something about my grades he told me I should study harder, but when I ask him to watch the kids a little earlier so I can get some study time on my own he raises a big stink and makes me sound selfish.

FIL thinks WS is just stringing me along and I just need to go get the divorce papers because WS is never going to be responsible for his actions. It hurts. No one asked me if I wanted this to happen and I should be thinking happy birthday thoughts, not how my family gets to be torn apart. It's just not fair.

-end pity party-

Well, Happy Birthday!!!! Yes, this stuff is miserable. But you are young and on the right track. I almost feel sorry for your husband. She sounds so sick. The whole thing is weird.

I agree with your FIL... after what he's put you thru, could you really see reconciling with him? You could never trust him to not get tangled up with her again, like you said, she's a parasite!!!

Take your father up on his offer! Let them go down in flames on their own. They (well, mostly her I think) feed off of the way they treat you. Remove yourself from the triangle and let them feed off of each other.

The thing that sucks is your kids will have to be around her.. I don't know how you can avoid that.

Ugh, I'm confused. Actually, I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm waiting to see if I passed this class so I do not get kicked out of nursing school. I needed a 90 or something on my final, so I could use some prayers.

Not only for school, though. WS is telling me he's been planning on coming back. That is why, he says, he hasn't been asking for help from OW with the bills although we desperately need it since neither of us have been working for almost a month. I asked him, "Why would you come back?". He said he misses his family, that he wants to raise his son yadda, yadda. I told him I just wasn't sure anymore. I can't deal with being disrespected anymore. I don't know what I want. He'll do it again, I think. He told me it's in his nature. At least I guess he's honest about it.

He said that he'll have to change a great deal and I will, too. That he was going to save money once he got caught up on bills to get me out of this apartment.

I am really afraid that since I wasn't allowed a real plan B that it is quite possible I'm too damaged and lacking love to try to do this. I am really depressed lately and just actually feel 'bleh' about the proposition of him coming back. I hate saying that because I am still not all that happy about going to do the divorce papers if I have to and of course I want my marriage to work. I am a typical Libra, myself, and it is very hard for me to make decisions about anything.

My gut feeling is, stop thinking and let his actions do the talking. He doesn't realize what boundaries must be drawn and if he did maybe he wouldn't want to come back, who knows.

Well, it was said by FIL that he was talking to WS and WS said that I would just 'take him back' whenever he was ready.
FIL - "How do you even know? She might not even want you back"
WS - "Oh yes, she'll take me back. I know she will, trust me"
Something like that.

FIL also confirmed that WS really misses his kids. Never said anything about missing me. I'm not just going to 'take him back' and if he really feels that way he's in for a rude awakening. I suppose if this is how things are going to go, I need to read SAA again.

I still don't know what my grade in class is, but a LOT of people failed and they are actually going to bring it up to the Director of Nursing about the testing being unfair. Kind of disheartening not to know if I'm going to class Thursday night.

We went over to FIL's today to watch the Patriots kick butt (they're my team) and while OW was there, I didn't let her have any of my time and was pleasant and cordial with WS. I still feel REALLY uncomfortable with her around, of course.

I sure hope you pass. 90% is pretty high though. What happens if you DON'T pass? Prayers going up for you and your family.