Sandigirrl -

I suggest you follow the advice here, and when your husband doesn't respect your wishes, get some counseling for yourself. You really sound like a wonderful wife that any man would be proud to have. You need to figure out why you are willing to put up with so little from your husband.

Sandi,

Tell him that you want him and her to send any and ALL emails through both you and OWH. Check his response to that.

Then, have him agree that there will be NC that you do not attend personally, including any get-togethers with the band after practices. This means that he cannot go to the bars after band practice unless you attend.

I made this contingency, and HE had to get the babysitter. He began to make arrangements, and this is ultimately what led to me and my now-friend becoming friends. It was difficult for me at first, but it turned out that they were professionally connected due to musical creativity, and nothing more. Now, the three of us still remain connected some 32 years later, and although they don't write music together anymore, we do exchange phone calls and letters. I am still included in all communications.

But stay on him. This needs to be dealt with, because he needs to understand that this boundary is important. Tell him that what makes you uncomfortable needs to be addressed, because it threatens the happiness of the marriage. That there are ways to resolve it, and you have suggestions - and then ask him for his - and tell him that leaving it unresolved is only making it come up over and over and you know he does not want that.

SB

How did it go? Have you talked to him about this?