I've noticed the "kicked puppy" expression seems to crop up quite frequently on my WH's face now that I am not as friendly with him any longer.

It's weird, but when I was in my plan A phase, my WH was terribly rude and treated me horribly. But now that I have pulled back from him for my own sanity, he acts like his feelings are hurt.

I don't know if this is a mind game or just the crazy WH mentality. Either way, it just makes me want to get as far away from him as possible. The fact that I can't just makes me more upset and angry at him than before.

I think I'm the worst MB plan implementer in the history of the program. I haven't done anything completely right and don't feel that it's really even possible in my situation.

I guess that I can't mess up God's plan no matter what I do, but I still feel a little frustrated over the lack of control I feel in doing even a small thing like avoiding contact.

I know that plan B is supposed to be for my own sake and healing, but I feel thwarted by the fact that I am prevented from doing it well because of the visitation situation.

I will probably feel better after my DD is born and I recover. Then I can focus on caring for her and my DS until the next hurdle comes along. It just seems like hurt will never end.

I almost wish I hadn't quit my job last April because I would at least feel as though I didn't have to rely so heavily on the very man who has hurt me beyond any other.

Do you work or are you a stay at home mom too?

I'm a stay at home mom, but I've been applying for jobs everywhere. It's getting very frustrating. I'm filing for divorce as soon as I get one. I'm trying to remain open to God's leading, but I'm certain I want a divorce.

I hate the "kicked puppy" expression! I hate it even more that it gets to me. It's easier when he's being a jerk. I have no idea what to make of it either. I try not to read too much into it, but it's really hard not to. Does it mean he feels bad, having doubts? Only he knows and since he's never been honest before, I'm sure he won't start now.

Keep your focus off of him as much as you can. I know how difficult it is, though. I keep telling myself that and then I start thinking about what the OW thinks about him dragging his feet about a divorce, or something like that.

God is the great Healer, and no one needs healing more than a BS. I trust He'll get us there one day.

And get this for weird things waywards say...when we thought I was pregnant he was already in the affair. When it turned out I wasn't, he actually said he was disappointed. Then a couple months later he confesses.

How can he have been disappointed that I wasn't pregnant, and then tell me shortly after that, he's found someone else, doesn't want to work on the M, he's never been happy, you know all the rest.

I'm gonna go eat another spoonful of chocolate frosting now!

I often wonder to myself why this had to happen at this time in my life...when I have no job, am pregnant, and have a 2 year old.

I have always tried to maintain my independence a little because I was afraid to have children or completely rely on anyone to support me (mainly because of the relationship my parents had and the somewhat shakey relationship with my WH when we were first married). I have ALWAYS worked, even though it was mostly part-time. I tried to make sure that I would be able to support myself if I needed to.

But when I became a Christian 6 year ago (and thought my WH was one too), I trusted that with God's help, I could let my guard down and have children. I also felt that I could trust my WH to take care of us and that he would never hurt me. So I quit my job and let myself become dependent on him for my financial security.

My biggest fear is what is happening to me right now. I let myself be vulnerable for the first time in my life and I've been completely burned.

I've now been told by my WH that I am a "freeloader", "desperate", and I "only want him to come home for convenience". My dependence on him has been thrown in my face and used against me.

I don't know how to feel about this. I'm not angry at God over it because I DO know He will take care of us, like you said. But I wonder why the very scariest thing that I tried to avoid all my life has happened. I'm sure God will use the situation for good somehow...I just think that it's ironic that my life long fear over trusting a person completely has shown itself to be a valid one.

I don't know how I'm ever going to let myself be that vulnerable with another man again. I don't think I can.

I'm also upset over the fact that my situation is so much worse than my WH's. Being the one who left, he can always work as much as he wants (he doesn't have to worry about child care or who is taking care of his kids, he has me to do it for him).

If his adulterous love affair doesn't work out..hey there's always another trashy gal around the corner willing to give him a try. He apparently has no moral standards anymore about his women and he doesn't have his kids full time so they won't be frightened away by "committing" to him AND his children.

Me on the other hand, I do have moral standards. I won't remarry anyone but a proven Christian. But I ask you, how many single, 30 something, devout Christian men are there? Especially ones who are willing to raise another man's children? I'm thinking that number is pretty low.

So even if I could move on and forget my WH, I still have to find a guy that would fit the above criteria, plus be at least compatible with me. The odds seem overwhelming.

Anyway..enough about that.

As for your situation, I'm sure that you will get a good job when the time is right. You are in a very vulnerable place right now as well, but God will take care of you too. It could be that you are being made to "wait on the Lord" for some reason that you can't see right now.

I'm glad you at least have some chocolate to get you through this, though..LOL. I've been eating it pretty much everyday now over the last month..I'm surprised I've only gained 6 lbs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your WH's pregnancy comment seems pretty typical. My WH said he was "sorry" I was pregnant right after admitting to the A., but later recanted and said he loves his "kids". Who knows if they mean what they say..they've lied plenty as it is. It would be hard to know what they really feel or even if they know themselves.

Finally, I think the "kicked puppy" expression is meant to draw sympathy, period. It's the "woe is me" syndrome that tends to work in manipulating people. They think if you feel sorry for THEM, they can get you to be nice or at least treat them as they want to be treated.

Funny how it doesn't seem to work on them, though. I couldn't even get a hug from my WH when I was sobbing my eyes out. Instead he just said my name in a whiny voice that conveyed how exasperated he was over my tears.

So that sad face no longer works on me, it just makes me irritated and want to look away. I can't bring myself to feel sorry for him about anything now. I think that the consequences he's experiencing are his just reward. I don't see the point in trying to make anything easy for him anymore.

My WH claimed to be a christian, too. Don't know what Bible he was reading. Apprantly one where God is for adultery and divorce. A real problem was he never read his Bible. I think saying he was a christian was just an image thing w/ him, to make him look like a good guy.

I've been a stay at home mom for 13 years because WH is military and we moved about 14 times in those years. In one year my son would've gone to 3 different schools, so I homeschooled off and on, too. WH was also jealous and didn't like for me to have friends or interests outside of the home. Still doesn't want me to. Of course now, he says he's always had a problem w/ me not working. Never once in 13 years did he tell me that. According to him, I'm lazy, can't hold a job, only care about money, and being able to shop. Now anyone who knows me knows none of that is true, but he's got to tell lies to make him look like the long-suffering, sacrifical husband.


My faith and my family has been my lifeline thru all this,too. I have never experienced God's presence in my life more than at this time.

I've been thinking alot lately about dating and remarriage, too. I'll be looking at the same category you are. They have to be a christian, good w/ kids, etc. Even if I find someone, how do I go about trusting again? Those are probably things I shouldn't even worry about right now. I turn 30 this weekend, and I really don't want to be all alone my whole life.

It is frustrating that it seems so much easier for them to start over. They already have someone else, and careers. I'm starting from scratch, no job, no college, 2 kids to raise, a mortgage and a dog.

But someday I know I'll stand before God and hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." My heart truly breaks for WH when I think that if he doesn't repent, those are not the words he'll be hearing.

I'm not sure if anyone noticed my age and length of marriage, but I got married at 16, and had my son a few months later. I know that was a recipe for disaster. But I truly feel blessed that things happened the way they did. I got saved after giving birth to my son. And my marriage truly looked like it was going to be the exception. And I don't care how young we were, I will not accept that as an excuse for his cheating. No where in the Bible does it say that you can cheat if you get married before a certain age. God gives no excuses and I won't accept any either.

Seriously...I think our WH's are related or something. My WH never read his bible either and I too think he was into Christianity because he wanted to look good.

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness (though we never practiced it fully, just got all the wrong Theology stuck in our heads from believing it).

Anyway, I started listening to Calvary Satellite Network when I tuned into the station by "accident" one day and I learned what true Christianity was. I started reading the bible, researching verses and the life of Jesus. I was blown away and was got saved about 3 months later.

My WH had a background in attending some non-denominational Christian churches occasionally. His dad is VERY messed up. When he was on the wagon, would straighten his life out and take the family to church. He eventually would fall away and cause his family all sorts of grief, so my WH's father's example was one of hypocrisy. Apparently my WH has followed that example.

When I told him what I was learning about Christ, my WH said he believed it too and we both got baptized on 10/10/01. My DD is scheduled to be born that day this year, so for me it's a very special day and a reminder from God about being "born again".

My WH was very active in the church initially, helping with all sorts of things. He would get mad at me if I didn't show more enthusiasm for the more visible ways to help. I simply wanted to clean the church building, but he wanted me to help out with the children's ministry as the Sunday School teacher because it would look better. I did help out, but being a new Christian and having had no children at that time, I was pretty overwhelmed.

He started back sliding about 2 years after that. He stopped attending church, never prayed with me or was interested in what I was learning. Recently, he said that he felt Christianity was "fake" and he "never believed it".

When I tried to get him to discuss his reasons for his lack of faith (as I am very interested in apologetics and have actually debated a lot of people both on line and off), he refused to even discuss it with me because he said he can't "win" the argument.

I wasn't looking for a debate when I asked him, just his reasons. He couldn't answer because he knows enough about the truth to know that his arguments won't hold water. He basically said he doesn't want to think about anything God related.

We were married when we were 19, but have been together since we were 16. I think that sometimes when men marry that young, they have a hard time maturing. They go from being taken care of by their mom, to being cared for by a wife. They don't appreciate their marital relationship because they have only ever known the security of being cared for.

When they experience the loneliness of the single life, then perhaps they can appreciate what they've given up. It may take years, but hopefully they will regret it.

The very fact that they couldn't be alone and had to find someone else before they felt comfortable leaving their wives shows that they are still immature and dependent on a woman to meet their needs.

If they purely sought freedom, they would have taken time away to be alone and "find themselves", not jump into a new immoral relationship.

I agree with you that marrying at a young age is not an excuse for cheating. I think that AMERICAN culture fosters this belief because we are a Peter Pan nation that refuses to grow up.

Our culture is also very hostile to the marriage relationship as well since we have no fault divorce, media and cultural encouragement of casual sex and a wide spread belief that the only thing important in life is being "happy" no matter what the cost or who gets hurt in the process. Our moral decline is evident and nothing seems to stop it from getting progressively worse.

I admire you for homeschooling your children. I was considering do that too, but now, I obviously won't be given the chance. I will pray for you and your situation. If you ever want to e-mail me on a private level, just send me an private message and I will give you my address. It seems strange (and sad) how similar our situations are.

saralynn, here's my email [email]ctlkrl@yahoo.com.[/email]

If I were to write a letter to the OW in my situation it would go something like this.....



Dear OW,


Here are a few things that I want you to consider:

If my WH doesn't love me and that's why he won't live with me....then how can he love you but still not live with you?

If my WH didn't love me for the last year, why did he tell me he did and have SF with me throughout this whole time which ended in a pregnancy? Why did we have SF throughout this pregnancy?

If my WH was only using me for SF and lied to me about loving me, how can you believe him when he tells you he "loves" you?

If we had a loveless marriage, why didn't my WH leave me at any time during these 10 years, before we had children or after we had our DS?

If you felt bad about cheating with my husband, why did you/do you continue to do it?

If you got angry with your XBF for merely kissing a girl while you were together, how do you think it made me feel to know you had SF with my husband?

If you experienced the hurt of being cheated on by your husband and possibly by your long time boyfriend, how can you cause that SAME pain for another woman and contribute to the break up of her family?

If you feel justified in cheating with my husband because it happened to you and you got over it and therefore know that I will too...let me ask you if you think our situations are at all similar:

Were you married for 10 years, together for 14 and in love with your cheating husband when he abandoned you?

Did you have a child with your cheating husband to take care of who asked about his daddy all the time to the point where you felt like crying?

Were you pregnant with your cheating husband's baby when you divorced?

Were you without a job at the time and unable to get one because you were pregnant?

Were you a virgin when you married your husband and was he a virgin too thereby making your relationship pure and very precious in your sight?

If the answer to these questions is "NO", then you don't know what I've experienced and you cannot dare to say that I will be able to get over this as easily as you did.

You took part in ruining the most beautiful part of our relationship and the destruction of my family. You are not a good person, but a vile home wrecker.

But just so you know how "dime a dozen you are" consider the following:

Do you know that my WH regularly talks to his childhood crush on the phone and via e-mail?

Do you know that they have "long" conversations of 20 minutes to almost an hour?

Does that indicate to you that perhaps he is sharing his "feelings" with her and he "listens" to her too so you aren't so special after all?

Do you know she is an attractive model who is not fat and has no stretch marks or children and that she invited my WH to Nevada to "party with her and her friends" a few weeks back?

Do you know that his crush said that at this party she and her friends were going to try to sleep with the host...so even though she has a boyfriend she isn't very committed to him?

Does this make you insecure in light of the fact that my WH said he won't marry you, doesn't want to have children with you and that he doesn't want to be anyone's boyfriend right now?

Do you know that my WH speaks poorly of your daughter? That he implied she was a fat, gross, and unintelligent baby?

Do you know that my WH said he would probably hate you if he had to live with you?

Do you know he made fun of you in front of me when you spoke of wanting to be a used car saleswoman?

Do you know that my WH told me that you let your own daughter go without a diaper and defecate on your living room rug because you were too lazy to change it and that he was completely disgusted over what you did?

Does this shed any light on the man you claim to love?

Do you still think he is wonderful, caring, and loving?

If I were you I would take some time to reconsider your impression of my husband. I know I have.

Dear OM:

You are lucky I have a daughter.

Even so, I have still had to seriously ponder whether a long stay in prison would be worth it.

I have for the time being decided that it isn't. However, I cannot as yet say that that decision is final. If someday you arrive at your door and notice something odd, like perhaps the door is unlocked or appears damaged, I hope for both of our sakes that you run, quickly.

Love,
tyk

It think writing a letter is good. It c/b therapeutic. Sending it to an OW is probably a useless exercise that could have painful consequences. Why? Because the OW will NOT appreciate your words no matter how true they are.

WS' and OWs are not from this world. They can't be taught because their brains don't work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hey Sara! Did you see my post 'letter to the OW?' Someone was nice enough to find me the link to it. It's great. I don't think I'd ever send, but I did print it out.

LOL...yes writing the letter was rather therapeutic, but I don't have any intention of sending it. I understand that nothing I say to the OW will get through and at this point I don't care.

I also wouldn't send it to her, not because I don't want her to understand the truth or what she's done, but because I don't want to help her.

I hope that she spends all her energy trying to make the relationship work, not knowing that it will fail in the end because my WH is a jerk of epic proportions. I guess I'm amazed that I failed to recognize his disgusting character and what he's capable of doing to another human being who has done nothing but love him and seek his best.

If he could treat me, his high school sweetheart, first love, and mother of his children this way, how does she expect to be treated any better when he grows tired of her?

Anyway this letter, like Tyk so eloquently reiterated in his letter to the OM <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />, it's just a way to get out the emotions.

Ok.

Well, my situation WAS going pretty well. I had just entered a pretty dark plan B where I cut off all voice and visual contact with my WH. He was using the on-line calendar to schedule time with our DS and we only exchanged TMs to specify where to pick him up.

It has been 8 days now since I've gone completely dark and had my WH picking up my DS from my parent's house or from our home, but with someone else in my family answering the door while I stayed in a back room.

My WH has been attempting to contact me almost daily via e-mail asking why I have stopped talking to him, even though I explained to him twice that I could not be his friend and there was no reason for us to communicate unless he wanted to work on the marriage. He has also tried to call me occasionally over the last week.

His e-mails have ranged from polite inquiries as to how I've been or if I was "ok", etc. to angry ones where he asks me to do crazy things like sign over the title to my car. I've not responded to any of them.

Well, last night my WH received a pretty nasty e-mail from OW#1's XBF and I received a TM from him to check my e-mail and see the letter that was sent along with my WH's reply. My WH asked me to let him know what I thought about his letter.

Basically, the e-mail was an adolescent "peeing" contest between two angry, vulgar men. It seemed to me to be a complete waste of time. The only interesting remark in the whole thing was where the OW's XBF chastised my WH for "not loving your wife and getting her pregnant". The OW told her XBF that my WH didn't love me anymore (romantically) in a previous conversation that they had.

My WH responded with "I love Sara and I want her to be happy and safe. I love my kids. I don't give a sh*t what you think."

He sent a copy to both me and the OW to ensure that the OW's XBF didn't "twist his words".

Now, I didn't respond to any of this at all because I know that my WH does not mean what he wrote. This is the classic ILYBINILWY scenario. OW knows that my WH feels this way and so there is no way I'm getting my hopes up that his words mean diddly.

The real issue is that after all this drama and anger, my WH picked up our DS and dropped him off at my parent's house. When my WH dropped off our DS, the little guy pretty much had a melt down (he's 2) and started crying "Daddy, Daddy". My dad answered the door and had to take my crying DS off the porch.

I instantly said, though not loud enough for my WH to hear since I was inside the house "I hope that makes you feel good" about hearing his son cry for him after his 1 1/2 hour visit. Little did I know that my mom shouted those very same words at my WH from an upstairs window and he heard her. While she has never once used profanity toward my WH this entire time and this is the FIRST comment she's made to him, my WH has never liked her and this apparently infuriated him on top of everything else that happened yesterday.

This morning I get an e-mail from my WH stating he will no longer pick up our DS from my parents home because of what my mom said and that she is not to be anywhere near him when if he should come to the marital home.

Now, how do I respond to this? He knows that my mom is the only one who will be helping me with the care of my DS while I am recovering from my c-section and that she will be in my home during that time. She is also going to be at the hospital when my DD is born. So there is no way for him to avoid her, he's just throwing his weight around.

I don't really want to respond to this e-mail because I want to keep on with my plan B since it's finally getting to the place it should be, but I'm not sure how to do that.

I think it's pretty lame of my WH to throw a fit over a small comment like that and then refuse to pick our DS up from there. He probably felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable going to my parents house, but had no reason to refuse until now.

I wonder, though, if he would have any legal right refuse to pick up our DS there or not.

Any thoughts or suggestions on how I should address this and what my e-mail should say in response?

Thanks for your replies!!!

Here's my WH's e-mail and my tentative response below:

I will no longer pick DS up from your parents house. Please make arrangements so your mom is not around when I pick him up or drop him off. I don't care if she if she feels the need to make personal comments to me - but please tell her to leave my relationship with DS out of this. I really hope you do not agree with what she said to me tonight in the situation I was in with DS - and please do not use this as an excuse to make it difficult for me to see DS.



How's this for a response:

I'm sorry, but this is not possible. While I understand that you are upset over my mom's comment, this is not a valid reason to refuse to pick DS up or drop him off at her home. I will speak with my mom about not engaging you in any unnecessary verbal discussions in the future and that she limit those discussions to only child related matters.

However, since my mom is the one who will be watching our children most of the time, you cannot avoid seeing her. So your request for me to ensure that she is not present when you pick up or drop DS off is not feasible. I hope that you will be reasonable about this matter and it can be resolved peacefully so we can avoid making visitations any more difficult than they already are.

Hi Saralynn---
I know how you feel, just when you think you won't need to have any contact with WH, something else comes up and you don't know how to react....I've been through that so many times already, it is starting to get a little annoying. I can't give you any advise on what to say in the letter cause I would probably write stuff that I would regret later, as I have done many times. Good luck with the visitation, i know its hard especially when your family gets involved and the WH disrespects them. That happened to me and it shattered my heart to pieces! I'll be praying for you! God won't abandon us

Thanks Cali for your reply.

I did send the e-mail as written above and it seemed to diffuse the situation.

I will give it a few days before I attempt to have my WH pick up our DS from my parents house again, but I don't plan on rearranging my visits with my parents to accommodate his uncomfortable feelings.

I did speak with my mom and asked her not to say anything to my WH, not because I don't think he needs a good talking to, but because I know that the results will always be like the one I got in the e-mail.

Thanks for the encouragement too. If God is for us, then who can be against us right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sara

Ok,

So, I'm not sure about this plan B thing.

If it takes the WS six weeks to a few months get over the OP when no contact is established, wouldn't the WS "get over" the BS in the same amount of time if there is no contact???

I communicated recently with my WH and he said that my not talking to him or seeing him made it easier not to have strong feelings for me. I highly doubt this is "fog talk" since I've read on this site that having no contact with the OP is actually supposed to cause this. So what is the point of doing a plan B if it makes the WS lose feelings for the BS?

Shouldn't the BS maintain at least some contact with the WS to prevent this from occurring?

Just a thought.

I always wonder the same thing. But the MB plans WORK, so best to stick to your Plan B. Don't email your husband, and don't have other contact.

If it wasn't about picking up the kids, it would be some other excuse for him to try to re-establish contact. Stay dark.

Hi Sara,

Been extremely busy so haven't been her in a while...
Just read the new messages in your thread (OK only had time to skim through most).

My advice: Stick to Plan B no-contact with WS. Continue to make arrangements for WS to pick-up son at your parents' home. DO NOT cater to his demands or respond to his complaints - PERIOD! Do not talk to him, in person or on the phone, do not text message or e-mail, do everything through an intermediary.

However he might respond to your boundaries is of no concern to you. This has to stop being about attempting to appease him, trying to prevent his anger, his attempt to make all this as comfortable and un-embarrassing as possible for himself.

You did a good Plan A. Now don't undermine all that effort by falling for his lame excuses to get you to have contact with him. Every time you cave to his games, complaints, whims, you assure him that you aren't really serious and that he has plenty of time to keep fooling around before having to really make a choice.

IMHO it was OK to let him buy you a new stove BUT you shouldn't have been there when he delivered it. It would have been interesting to see if he would have still given you the stove if it didn't buy him access to you...

Go night-vision dark.

Hello All,

I had my c-section on 10/10 as planned, everything went perfectly and I am recovering very quickly. I feel almost back to normal at this point and thank God for His care. My daughter is so beautiful and I am happy to finally be able to hold her and kiss her sweet little face.

As for my situation with my WH.....

One week prior to my c-section, I decided to send my WH a PB letter via e-mail just so he knew what I was thinking since he seems to frequently forget my conversations with him. I know that this was out of sequence for a true Plan B, but I really don't feel that I can do or even want to do a black PB because of my daughter. If I am not around, then my WH will not spend as much time with my daughter and I don't want him to have any excuse not to see her. I realize that it's not my responsibility to ensure that he sees his daughter, but I am not doing it for him, but for daughter's sake.

Anyway, after I sent the PB letter, my WH read it and then forwarded it to the OW. I was actually upset at the time, but now see that it's important for her to know that I am still willing to work on my marriage.

The funny thing is that my WH told me that when the OW read my letter, she said "go home to your family"...this is the second time she has said this, but her actions say something different every time. The first time she told my WH to go home, she cried when he said he wanted to do just that...then they had SF shortly there after. Then, after my PB letter, she told him the same thing, but then hacked into her XBF's e-mail account and tried to find some "bad" e-mails that I sent and forwarded the more acidic one's to my WH. She is about as devious and manipulative as they come. My WH is pretty much at her mercy and doesn't even see it.

Anyway, he confronted me (via e-mail) about me saying "bad things about him" and said that it made him question what I said in my letter. I responded that I had not said anything that was untrue and didn't even say anything that was bad. I told him it was unfair that I had to hear about why my marriage was being destroyed through a third party (i.e. my WH tells the OW who tells her XBF who then tells me). I was frustrated over the situation, but I still loved him and wanted our marriage to work. He agreed about not wanting to go through other people to communicate and he came over and we finally got to talk.

He said the usual things about our marriage being stale, us not having fun together, we "always" fought and how he is a bad person and I am a good person, how he would hate me if I did this to him etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

But, of course, his main reason for not coming home was of course the fact that he has such deep feelings for the OW, has fun with her, and enjoys their "SF very much" (though he says they are not intimate often because he feels like sh*t afterward).

Hearing this was like having a sharp knife stuck in my gut...I felt like dying. But I know that their relationship is new and they really don't even have a real one yet since they live apart and only get together for "dates". Still, it's hard to hear that coming from the man you love, have children with, and have shared the last 14 years of your life with.

I know he's telling me this so that I will stop loving him and thus he can be free to be with the OW. My continued declaration of love makes him feel guilty along with him not being around his kids. He tells me that he thinks it would be worse for him to come home for their sakes while feeling "love" for the OW. He said he thought he would "always" like her and wouldn't promise to never see or talk to her.

I told him that would obviously not be acceptable if we were to try to work on our marriage and he agreed. So he is seeing his attorney on Tuesday to make sure that he "doesn't get screwed over" when he does file, but does not know if he's going to submit paperwork at that time. He told me he doesn't want to use attorneys (I guess because they are too expensive?). He would rather we go to mediation and have a friendly divorce. He also said he thought "things" (I guess about our relationship and his relationship with the OW) would make a choice "clearer" by now but that has not happened. He is obviously leaning heavily toward the OW, though.

He was upset that I would not agree to the divorce and felt that it was unfair for him to make this decision on his own.
I told him that I never wanted a broken family and do not want the divorce, so ultimately it would be his decision alone that he would have to bear.

After this conversation, things have gone pretty much back to "normal". He comes over, holds our DD for a few minutes and then high tails it to his condo with our DS.

This has been happening for 4 months almost...nothing seems to separate him and the OW except my WH's occasional guilt. He's hoping that the guilt will go away after our divorce, but I told him that I thought he would just feel worse as time went on, not better. I also told him that he wouldn't like himself after all was said and done if he kept on this path, but he doesn't seem to want to turn around. So much for reasoning with a WH, huh?

So, I am just praying (as usual) that God will convict him and the OW of their sin and bring them to repentance. No Earthly influence so far has been able to get their attention, no consequence has been enough to make them stop. Either they will have to experience the entire relationship, or God will have to do a miracle. Either way, I am still crushed over all this.