will do good buddiette... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I don't. I think you deserves someone better, someone great.

You sound just like my parents LOL.

I was reading in my journal today and noticed an entry that I made back in 2001. I basically complained at how angry and rude my WH was being toward me...I was praying back then that God would help me be a good wife so I could deal with my WH's moodiness better. Sheesh.

It made me question whether or not I was wise in wishing he would return. It seems he's been this way for our entire marriage and I have been the one who constantly tried to endure his bad moods with a smile (though I wasn't successful very often).

I wonder if BS don't rewrite their marital history sometimes thinking it was all sunshine and roses...I seem to have done it with mine.

But just an aside...I helped my WH in filling out our divorce papers today. I know that this is not the MB way and I don't know if I should have done it, but darn it all...I'm tired of waiting for him to make a move. I thought that maybe if I filled the papers out, it would be a wake up call for him that I was serious about not putting up with this any longer.

He actually just seemed relieved that I helped him out though. I could laugh about all this if it weren't so totally depressing.

So if all goes according to plan, I will be divorced by February since it is uncontested. My WH agreed to every single one of my terms even though he definitely came out on the losing end financially. I guess he really wants out of our marriage and was willing to do anything to be free.

I cried all night last night and all day today about this whole thing. This really is beginning of the end.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I missed your picture on the photo page. I'll find it. Hang in there. You are still very new at this. Hopefully your husband will wake up. The big thing is to protect your love for him. If you don't, one day you will wake up and it will be completely GONE.

I do still love him, but I don't think I could take him back unless he got saved. He's not the man I thought he was (a Christian with good morals who honored his commitments).

So I don't know what else to do now. Waiting for him to come to God may take years...decades even. I can't wait for him that long. I don't think I will ever hate him, but I just want to be as far away from him as possible at this point.

I guess plan B is in order, but I wonder what the point is since I can't hardly stand the person he's become (or always was). I really do mourn for my marriage, but it seems irreparable because of what he's done.

I don't know what to tell you. If he got baptised, he is saved, at least according to my church.

By ex WAS a godly man. I still haven't figured out what happened. We were very active in our church for many years. We led a married group, and he led a men's group. When the OW entered the picture, all that went out the door.

I know I looked back on my marriage with rose colored glasses. We raised 8 kids together, and it was a struggle. Those were some of the happiest days of my life, but to be truthful, I was much more invested in the marriage and family than he was.

Really I didn't realize it until I went into a dark Plan B. Then I started noticing that life was better and happier without him. Very sad.

SL:

Just wanted to let you know, it isn't only men that act crazy, women can do it to. I am completely invested in my family, and my WS, sigh, minimally.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

Good luck with your PB. I think that Believer is right about waking up one day and...

Thanks Scott, my new daughter is a blessing for sure as is my son.

It's good to know that there are some good guys out there who love their wives and children.

I hope that our WS will wake up someday and see how completely horrible they have been.

I just get worried that too much time will pass before mine WHs "ah ha" moment occurs and I will no longer care whether he is sorry or not.

Hang in there yourself, being a BS is not easy by means.

Sara, did your H just started cheating during the whole past 15 years or has he done it and you just didn't have proof?

Either way, it seems that he now has been to the other side and doesn't seem to want to return.

No...My WH has never cheated physically before. But he has had little "crushes" on girls that he's worked with (3 that I know of aside from this one). However, nothing came of those either because of their lack of seriousness or his initial fear of losing me.

Maybe those other crushes were just trial runs for this fiasco that he's done now, though.

My WH has a very poor relationship with his father and seems to relate better to women (unfortunately). I think this is a major reason why he can't keep guy friends for very long and does not have deep friendships with the ones he has kept. So he tends to form friendships with women and has gotten attached at least a few times. He does not maintain his boundaries very well I guess.

And yes, he certainly seems pretty far gone at this point. It looks as though God would have to do a major work on him before he came to his senses.

Sara,

G-d is doing major work in your WH. You don't know what it is yet and neither does he.

SG

Yes, I'm sure you are right. But whether or not that work will result in him being born again and displaying a changed life is the question.

Many people refuse to respond to God's call and my WH may be one of those people. He's been given so many blessings from God, but he doesn't appreciate any of them.

My WH has even gone so far as to mock God on several occasions. He said that Christianity seemed "fake" and as a joke recently bought a T-shirt that said "Jesus loves me and my tattoos". Ridiculous.

I guess he's lucky that God has a lot of patience with us all.

My greatest hope is that he would get saved and become a new man. I have been praying for that for 4 months now. But I know that God has His own timing and I shouldn't get discouraged because I don't see any changes.

I just gets hard to continue to have hope.

It seems that maybe it's time for you to move on now. He clearly has. And, he did so not minding hurting you and your unborn child in the process. I still can't believe how cruel that was.

Saralynn77-
How are u and your newborn doing? Be strong, be very strong! I know these WH's are not thinking clearly about the things they are doing right now. The million dollar question is "will they think clearly before its too late?" Well at least you don't have your family and friends trying to make decisions for you about your M. My family wants me to forget about him and move on, I feel that is up to me, I know when its time to move on. Sometimes I feel bad because I still have HOPE about saving my marriage, even after all that he has done. Let's just take it a day at a time and see what God has in store for us. THINK POSITIVE!

Thanks Cali for your encouragement!

My baby is doing great (she's turning into quite the little chubby girl now and is as cute as they come!).

I know what you mean about all the advice you get from well meaning family members. It seems that everyone likes to tell you to "move on". Well, that is easier said than done.

People just don't understand what you are feeling until they've been there.

If we didn't love our husbands, we wouldn't have stayed with them or had children with them and we definitely wouldn't have tried to restore our marriages after what they've done.

They have failed us, no question. But that doesn't mean that we should just automatically walk away.

You keep fighting until you feel that you can move on. Don't let anyone make that decision for you.

I will be praying for you Cali.

Thanks so much Saralynn77 for your advise.....At least I know that someone out there has the same thoughts as I do. As if it isn't hard enough to move on? I feel my head spining at 100 miles per hour with all the things going on in my life and to top it off I have my family/friends telling me what to do. (which of course is to leave him). I hope that we look back at this website months from now and things will be much better for all of us. Once again thanks for your kind words, I printed out your comment and posted it on my desk at work to remind myself that things will be okay.

So Sara dear...what are the bebe's going to be for halloween?

Cali,

I am glad to offer you any encouragement I can. This is a very difficult trial to go through and we need to lean on each other to get through.

Any time you need to talk just send me an e-mail <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

SIHW,
I'm not really into Halloween, but I don't mind dressing up the kids for it...this year our Church canceled their event (not that I felt like going anyway) so we all just stayed home. Not too exciting. Thanks for checking in with us though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Saralynn,

I did e-mail you to the address that you have on file, but am not sure if it is your latest one. My e-mail is marperez@univision.net whenever you have time to send an e-mail.

Forgot to tell you how yesterday went.....It wasn't as I had expected it. It was the first time since the three of us had done something together (me, WH and our DS) and we didn't fight, it was cool and calm. However, when we wrapped up the night, I asked if we could talk about us, he straight out said "another time". Why does he want to avoid conversations regarding us? That was a big punch to my face, I thought he was going to want to talk about the situation since I know we won't have another get together the three of us. Don't seem to understand that, however, I made him stay there and listen to what I had to say. I told told him that his words "I love you but am not in love with you" circled my mind day after day. He said it was a stage that he went through, sure, sure! Second punch came when he said "right now is not the time for us to be together". Yes I know, he is in a cake-eating stage now. He is not afraid that I might not be waiting for him when he comes out of the stage? he is too sure that I'm so in love with him and doesn't care right now. He says the pain grows stronger every day, why doesn't he just ask for forgiveness and ask us to return home? I guess it was a wake up call to me---move on!