I arrived home from work to find the kids (11,10,5) home alone and WW out shopping/post office.

She also changed her password on her email acct as well as has one on her computer during initial logon!

I will be asking WW to temporarily get out given she has brought nothing to the M since her A or after it. She can return home only if she desires to have a better M and want to improve it.

BCs?????? She hasn't lived up to any!!!

We have had 3 false NCs so far and she has been anything but transparent.

I cannot take her deception and empty promises of wanting to work on the M any longer!

I even feel good saying the above! I will no longer finance her actions at all!

We have NO joint accounts period, and I pay EVERY bill in the house. She only works to make spending money (at her request when she stated the allowance money I provided her was not sufficient)!

I have done a good plan A for 2 months and she knows and has acknowledged it!

She just desires to continue her A at this time -- I cannot take any more of this!

Am I being hasty????

Bluenote, put a keylogger on her computer tonight so you can read what she is doing [without her knowledge]. Go to www.spectorsoft.com and download and install it on your computer. Then get on the phone and hire a PI to tail her starting tomorrow.

i would also suggest exposing the affair to her parents and any close siblings. The kids also need to be told of the affair.

But most importantly, the OMW and his employer need to know about the affair. That is a CRITICAL STEP.

And DO NOT, DO NOT bring her here. You will lose this as a resource if you do.

Don't do that YET. You will just be throwing her into the arms of the OM. Wait on asking her to leave, BN.

This is my second thread!

I already know WW has broken NC!

My issue is that she does not live up to any BCs.

D-Day was 5-28-07
Plan A for 2 months
Have had 3 false NCs since

The fact that she has passwords in light of the A indicates she has something to hide.

ML - You say I might be throwing her into OMs arms, but she is certainly not doing anything to make me feel safe or regain any trust at home.

She basically feels she can do whatever she wants without any consequences.

How do I combat this attitude?

I thought this was where plan B comes into play.

Bluenote, I know your situation. I am telling you that throwing her out is the wrong thing to do right now and will cause you great problems.
Plan B has nothing to do with throwing them out when you are angry. We have better solutions if you will just calm down and listen to us.

You have not even picked up and used your most potent weapon, EXPOSURE, yet.

He hasn't exposed? WHY NOT??????

Bluenote- please listen to Mel. Install a keylogger. expose. You know she is breaking NC? Yes. But you will get a lot of valuable information from a keylogger.

You have one of the most experienced posters on MB posting to you and you think you know better. Good luck with that.

Calm down, listen and act. We are not making this stuff up.

Bluenote,
imho, you are not ready yet, for plan b, which is essentially what you are advocating by attempting to boot your WW out.

I had suggested to you, that you hire a PI and get OMW's info and EXPOSE this A. Today was Monday, and all you had to do was open the Yellow Pages and hire a PI. If you don't do this, you are losing the most effective weapon in your arsenal in breaking up this A once and for all.

NC will not occur as long as you insist on doing things your own way. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh as I know how you are hurting, but, you need a clear head and an excellant plan if you hope to succeed.

OMW needs to be told. It's the nuclear option to this A and you seem unwilling to pull the trigger.
Do not procrastinate over this any longer, you M can't afford it!!! Instead of throwing her out, call her out and EXPOSE!!!

Continue to come here and vent. We can help you through this. I'm a pigheaded Irishman, and I know about anger and resentment. But don't give up until you've taken all the right steps.

All Blessings,
Jerry

ML, BK -- I'm cool now.

ML, BK - I value and respect your advice -- I used your advice under a different thread in the past.

I had a keylogger on her previous computer -- it paid dividends. WW has a new computer now and I just need to bypass her logon screen password first which I do not know.

I have exposed to family and friends back in June.

The only person I have had difficult finding is OMW which I plan to try to find this week. I do not know of any family members on OM's side of the family.

Again, OM is quite secretive about his personal info. I used Intellius and other methods to gain info on OM to no avail -- it resulted in old info only.

Use a PI Bluenote.

Bluenote,

You need to sit down with your employer and let him know that you need a couple days off. You need to do whatever is necessary to get a PI and find out about OM, OMW, and his parents. You need to expose to them and your WW's family and friends (again if you already have) ASAP. You need to do this right now. This is the most important thing. If the computer is not property of your WW's employer, lock it up.

Bluenote,


I implore you to stop trying to do this on your own. You already have enough on your plate, and you will flounder for days or even weeks trying to do this by yourself. A PI will have this complete in 1 day.

What is holding you back????

If you can't go this route, I wish you all the best.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Also, EXPOSE TO YOUR CHURCH!

I spoke to a PI this afternoon and he will be available on Thursday at the soonest to assist me.

I have used this PI before to follow WW. I will see what he can do with only a name, cell number , and an employment address.

Well if he's only got that much to go off, I'd be disappointed if he can't come back with his show size and eye colour.

ML/BK,

I heeded your advice.

Spoke to WW last night who will agree to BCs.

I addition, she will transfer work locations (does not work with OM but he knows where she works and has dropped by there in the past).

When getting a new cell phone I provide, she will get a new number only the family will know. I will keep bill in my name only. If OM gets number, I will know where it came from.

She will allow me to see her computer whenever I wish to monitor (this will also allow me to put my keylogger on her new laptop to monitor when away from her).

I basically told her she needs to go NC and 'help me feel safe' (through gaining my trust) if we are going to progress in our M. NO MORE false NCs!!!

We shall see.....

Oh yes -- exposure to OMW is my #1 goal right now!

grew up in foster system - hoo boy, just want to comment here:
All kinds of motivation for affairs, but my insight about foster kids is,

They were always "second best" if the family had kids of their own. He could be acting out by meddling with a married woman; diverting her attention to him. He's still a "foster child" and I bet this is a lifelong pattern with him.

People react in different ways. Some foster kids make it their mission to establish a secure, ideal family. Some seek out a partner who will never make a good spouse or parent; they can't help it. some refuse to ever make a commitment.

I don't mean to make a blanket statement about all "foster kids" - it's just that my insight comes from understanding my own mother, herself a never adopted foster child.

Congrats Bluenote <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Now you have a plan and a good one.
Make the very best of plan a now. It needs to be a very good one.

Hang on and keep the faith, this ride ain't completely over yet.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Congrats Bluenote <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now you have a plan and a good one.
Make the very best of plan a now. It needs to be a very good one.

Hang on and keep the faith, this ride ain't completely over yet.

All Blessings,
Jerry