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Hope you're doing ok after all that. Is it even legal to leave an 11 yr old home alone? I'd report that to childrens' services. It will bolster your custody case if it comes down to it.
Now about your new car. I assume she left in it last night but I'm more inclined to think she saw that her jig was up and begged you to let her stay.
If she left in it, track where it is, take the older car
and exchange the two. I would leave half a pound of pungent cheese under the seat, but that's just me.
I once read where a man found his wife's car at a motel, and took her car, leaving his truck as a way to let her know she couldn't lie about her whereabouts.
Hng in there!
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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Bluenote,
I know you are in a tough spot and need support.
Am I being too harsh? I'm not trying to be, it's just that your situation frustrates me, so I can imagine how much it frustrates you. I know I rubbed my A in my H's face and he never said or did anything. I still cannot believe I was so cruel and put that poor man through what I did.
I know you have a lot on your plate and I will back off now.
LC
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LC, You are not being too harsh! I know its in love <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />!!! I called the police dept (PD) last night to discuss leaving DS11 at home alone (general neglect in my eyes). The PD said it was not a crime or reportable offense to leave DS11 home alone in Cali. I am trying to build a case for custody of my kids! Also WW did not even come home last night! The car is still parked at the mall and WW is still unaccounted for 13 hrs later! This has been the worst case of hanging out with OM I have experienced. I am now wondering if something bad happened to them (I know I had been praying last night for God to judge them but...). I just woke up and heard a sermon on TV on sexual sin!!! Exactly what my WW and OM will experience in terms of consequences. When WW comes home (IF she comes), I will tell her to go stay at a shelter or with a 'real' friend. Its sad because my WW has isolated all of her friends by her deception. ----------- BS (Me) 45 WW - 42 Married 13 yrs 4 kids - SS-22, DS-11, DD-10, DD-5 D-Day - May 07 (PA) A still ongoing Plan D on horizon
BS(Me) - 47
Ex-W - 44
D final - Dec 08
Kids - 14s,13d,8d
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Why not pack her bags for her and have them ready when she arrives? Can you get the 2007 car and give her the older one since you are probably still making payments on the 2007?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Since this is a variance from her behavior, maybe you should call the police to ask about accidents. Then report her missing, since she hasn't done this before.
Maybe they will show up at OM's house to investigate.
You may want to consider packing her clothes up in the older car and trading cars with her at the mall.
When she returns, that'll get her attention.
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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Since this is a variance from her behavior, maybe you should call the police to ask about accidents. Then report her missing, since she hasn't done this before.
Maybe they will show up at OM's house to investigate I agree. LC
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Update: I filed police report and police subsequently called my WW on cell phone shortly after leaving my home and was able to contact her. She returned home about 30 min after police left. PD also told me that I could not make WW leave home. As WW and I intensely discussed last night, I discovered that OMW did get my 2nd ltr sent to the house. OM told my WW he was getting an earful from OMW. He said whatever I sent must have been good -- OMW did not show him. OMW also was 'playing on OMs mind by telling him that we were planning to meet. OM passed this info to my WW yesterday afternoon and this is why my WW supposedly 'disappeared' with OM last night. Yeah, they disappeared to a movie and Motel 6 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />! So, while I was at Chuck E Cheese, my WW thought OMW and I were meeting. Today, I asked WW to give me her cell phone to text OM so I can acquire OMW cell phone. WW took the phone and changed the password on her cell phone and turned the phone off. Now I could not access the functions of here cell phone to contact OM. I then secretly acquired the keys to the current vehicle and placed the older car key on her keyring. My WW will be surprised and ticked off about this! Now lets see if OM will get my WW a car rental??? By the way, WW's clothes are still packed by the front door!
BS(Me) - 47
Ex-W - 44
D final - Dec 08
Kids - 14s,13d,8d
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You are getting your information from your wayward spouse...not a good source.
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Bluenote, Either cut the cell service or take the phone away from her, at the very least take the dang battery out so she can't use it. Don't make me fly to Cali!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Good job on taking the keys. Keep removing things from her. LC
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LC,
I will have to opt for taking the battery as WW is paying for her own cell service. I would not want you to fly out her to show me some 'tough, kick in the butt' love!
She also uses it for her mail job for navigating streets/mail routes.
ILF --- I see your point but I am cautiously optimistic that OMW DID get this last one.
To confirm, I will push for a personal meeting with her tomorrow -- I want to see who this 'mystery woman' is that has a OM who seems to run the streets at will!!!
BS(Me) - 47
Ex-W - 44
D final - Dec 08
Kids - 14s,13d,8d
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Bluenote, I will have to opt for taking the battery as WW is paying for her own cell service. I would not want you to fly out her to show me some 'tough, kick in the butt' love! Good thinking because I was going to also bring my DH and he was going to show you how to give an ultimatum that meant business, like he did to me. This is what I told Rocksolid on his thread in "Recovery" I believe it's applicable to your situation, too. Your W may not realize what she is missing until it's gone. Perhaps it's time to show her you aren't willing to enable her to not get the help she clearly needs.
Confession time for me, I know I mentioned my story isn't pretty so here goes. After I confessed and my DH didn't leave I felt a little cocky about it. "Gee, I must be so great that he didn't leave me. I can do just about anything and he will put up with it." (or so I thought) So I pushed and pushed by doing things I knew were wrong, but did anyway. "How dare he tell me I can't talk to FOM, or how dare he tell me I can't email him." So I did both and told my H about it every time I did, downplayed the discussions, but still told him. Part of it was because I was still foggy and in withdrawal and part of it because I was being a brat.
One day he gave me an ultimatum, I basically had to get my head out of my butt and toe the line or he was packing his bags. I knew it wasn't an empty threat, scared the crap out of me that's for sure. It makes me shudder to think about what would have happened if he had really left and where I would be right now.
Rock, draw your line and stick to it, she can choose to toe the line or not. It's her choice. You deserve better than what you are getting. Also this from Larry to Rock. Larry I hope you don't mind I quoted you over here. I thought Bluenote should read it Rock:
In what is likely a final effort by me to help you, let me tell you a short version of my own story.
I allowed my wife to sorta eat cake for a month. I had my reasons at the time and they are not important except to me. Basically I was certifiable at the time.
Anyway, one night I had an epiphany and I called the suicide hotline. I was counseled by a guy who directed me in the way of getting my head on straight. I did and it took about 10 minutes as reality crashed on my like a mountain.
I called my wife on her cell phone - she was out "Shopping." I told her to get home, I had made up my mind what I was going to with the rest of my life. I could hear the note of panic in her voice as she realized that I had recovered my maleness and the thought hit her that I was about to bail on her sorry [censored].
When she came home, I gave it to her straight. It was an ultimatum. She responded by kicking the OM out of our lives. We have been in recovery every since. By me taking over leadership and not putting up with her drama, she was able to make decisions that otherwise illuded her.
I have seen it work many times and fail in a few. It just depends. Risk=reward. How is it working for you the way things are now? There is NO magic bullet. There is NO guarantee for any action you take except the one where you keep on doing what you are doing; and that one looks like failure to me.
Larry
Last edited by lifeschoice; 09/24/07 06:40 AM.
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Wellll, did she get a gut cramp when the Police called her? I believe you have caught them in yet another lie. Didn't OM intercept the first letter you sent to his home? If he did, he certainly knows what you sent her. They played a game on you after the first "alleged" call from the ficticious OM's wife. Come Monday, it's time for earth scorching exposure. The school principal, again, and all the teachers. Marriedforever over on Recovery did the most awesome exposure I've ever seen. She even infiltrated OW's hobby blog. It was awesome. It was effective for her, made OW a leper to most folks who knew her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> The gloves have to come off...you'll do fine.
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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You know, cell phones don't work very well if they get dropped in water if you know what I mean. They also don't work very well if you jump up and down on the SIM card either. Just remember, it is joint property, so if you like playing bobbing for cell phones or moon jump with her cell phone, you are well withing your rights.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Update:
WW says she is tired of this A. She says she feels like she has been in a James Bond movie with all of the spy gadgets and PI work I've been doing.
OM says I should get a job with the 'CIA'. I am ready!
My WW said she told OM Sat AM that 'the A was over' after which OM sent her a txt msg stating she was mean and that he was hurt.
Later that day OM creates crisis, says they must meet and they do! So much for its over!
Her idea of ending the A which she knew in advance I WOULD NOT AGREE with (and that she was not going to initially disclose to me) is as follows:
Tell OM not to have any contact period with her AT ALL until he leaves his marital situation and 'ready to present my WW with a key' to a new one. My WW does not believe OM will leave his W for her. (HELLO EARTH TO WW!!!)
My issue is that this is not a no contact decree -- it is an invitation for OM to get the 'new situation' established and then call my W when all is set!
When I asked my WW what she would do if OM follows through and get the new situation established? She replied she would not leave. I said its not a good idea then to lead this person on like this!
Last night, she heard the same sermon I heard Sun AM about sexual sin, adultery, lust, etc...
After hearing the sermon, she said she realizes her 'plan' was futile.
Today -- I am planning to file for a D (not as a bargaining chip), but to let my WW know I am very serious about moving on and that SHE will have to demonstrate to me what she PLANS to do to help recover our M if this is what she wants.
I told my WW last night, the images of her in a hotel room with OM are very powerful and I do not know if I can overcome them enough to recover. I am sure others have been down this road!
I feel like asking her to take a polygraph simply for my own peace of mind -- has anyone done this?
I want to know what I am dealing with?
It is hard for me to believe that she and OM stayed overnight in a motel (twice) and did not engage in any SF!
(Please!!!)
BS(Me) - 47
Ex-W - 44
D final - Dec 08
Kids - 14s,13d,8d
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Is she trying to convince you there was no s*x?
Me-43
H-44
Married 25 years
1 child- ds9
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Well, she's graduated into the "bargaining" phase with you. Just stand your ground about the No Contact for life.
And, no, he isn't going to leave his wife, he's gone so far to keep the afair from her. He won't blow it now.
Let her know when you file the D, that in your eyes she has abandoned her family, with the way she's sneaked around and leaving the 11 yr old home alone. I'm sure you'll let her know you'll be keeping the kids and will apply for use of the home.
Also, refer her to the gloryb website to read the endings forum. If these men ever leave their wives for the OW, it is short lived, and she doesn't want his BW on her case.
They all did it for nothing...so many of them say.
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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SW -- My WW is saying exactly that!
"OM slept on his side of the bed and [she] on hers!"
I would almost be relieved if she said they DID have SF!
I would be absolutely stunned if things occurred as she says!
STILL -- the disrespect of being in that room with OM instead of being at home with your family really gets to me.
22 Dev -- You are absolutely right! My WW knows I sound like a broken record to her as many time I have stressed 'NC for LIFE'!
My goal is to keep the kids, stay in the house, divide assets and allow my WW to move on if this is her desire.
Again, I WILL NOT allow her to act like she is doing me a favor by 'pretending' to work on the M.
As I had explained to my attorney, I have closed the book on this chapter of my life!
The responsibility will be on my WW to open that same book and write the next chapter of our M or simply move on!
BS(Me) - 47
Ex-W - 44
D final - Dec 08
Kids - 14s,13d,8d
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By the way I changed my name to Going Forward from 22 Devasted after the "FBS" discussion.
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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Bluenote, you need to get a seperation/divorce agreement and get her out of there. You have been in Plan A long enough. She is not done with her affair. And you don't have to have a polygraph to prove what you already know. Of course they had sex.
All the rest of this is just NOISE. Get her out of there and go into Plan B. She is dangerous in her current state and just will continue to abuse you and your kids. Don't reward her for her flagrant abuse.
But you have to ACT. Talk will not solve this. GEt into your lawyer today and do what you have been saying you would do for weeks.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML-
Good to hear from ya'!
I spoke to my attorney this past Sat, paid my $$$, and he will be filing my D first thing today!
I am ready to move forward!!!
I know my WW will be shocked when she gets served!
She no longer 'controls' the situation or 'pulls the strings'!
BS(Me) - 47
Ex-W - 44
D final - Dec 08
Kids - 14s,13d,8d
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