So she is still living in the house? Is she going to fight for custody of the kids?

I also researched a lot of PDs and found NPD to be creepy. When I first read the list of traits I felt as if I had been punched in the gut because my MIL so strongly fit EVERY SINGLE one.

I wish peace to you and your children.

SW,

I also felt like I was simply 'blind-sided' when I read the traits!

I will know once my WW is presented with my 'arrangements'!

At this point (hearing from her family), she sounds like she just wants her cut of the 'house loot' and get away to set up her own pad so she can do her own thing!

Thanks SW!

My mother had NPD. Let me tell you, it was alot of fun- NOT!

Please seek custody of the kids if you're not already and ask for her to be evaluated by a psych by the court!

Bluenote !!
How are you doing? You have been on my heart. I am just checking on you.

AF

AF,

Thanks for checking up on me! I just happen to be trolling the discussion board for the first time in what seems like weeks!

My D was served to my WW without any response. So, I will be filing a default D.

WW was still in contact with OM up until a week ago (confirmed by OMW to me). I do know that WW and OM are having their own friction at this time.

In fact, I learned from OMW that OM wants to talk to me to "come clean" about everything. I have no desire to speak with OM at all. No need for me to re-live the past!

Talking to OM would make me feel like allowing OM to "pat me on the back" and saying "no hard feelings" (that I help screw up your M by screwing your W).

When my lawyer suggested I ask my WW how she wanted to divide assets (to simply see what she wanted, not guaranteed to get), my WW said she wanted a sep. I truly believe that a sep would not bring us any closer together. It would simply allow her to see if she could make it on her own!

I am convinced my WW does not love me! She is more in love with the "arrangement" to have her financial needs met while acting independently.

We do not have much conversation about our M or anything else at this point while staying under the same roof.

We even had Thanksgiving in two different locations. The kids and I did ours at a close friend's home (like a 2nd mom to me and the kids) while my WW did hers at her GF's house. When the kids and I did do our meal on Fri at home, my WW ate leftovers from GF upstairs in her bedroom.

Anyhow, I am moving forward. If all goes as planned my D will be final in Mar (the california 6 month minimum). My WW seems to be concerned only with what she could get from the house (equity-wise) if she would be given anything.

I am asking for full custody along with the house. We will see where we land in the near future.

I, again, appreciate your checking up on me. I have my days. I may be checking in soon when my D arrives. My goal is to simply focus on the kids and myself at this time.

Take care AF,

BN

I am glad to hear from you. I have been were you are and even with the children around it gets lonely. 9 years ago I sent Thankgiving alone while my now xw had Thanksgiving at MIL with Bf and my children <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. I was at the point I didnt care any more, even though the pain was in my face.

Blue, you are doing everything you can and your children are taking notice. They need their mother and she not there, but you are, they will remember that the rest of there lives. You fought for them.

I was with DS #3 and wife ( remarried 2 years after D )
the day after Thanksgiving And had a great time.

WS dont know how much damage they do to their children. DS #3 turns 18 in June and he can't wait to get out of her house. But he finds peace at my home, and is over as much as possable.

I am praying for you and your children

Blessings

AF

It was good to get an update, I think of you and your "shock & awe" confrontation often. Still no luck getting her out of the house? Bummer. She seems planted and looking out for herself. Kudos to you for keeping those kids in a semblance of normalcy and fighting for them.
Good Job! It speaks volumes about her that she couldn't have a Thanksgiving meal with her kids in their own home.
Take care, GF

I beg your patience as you read this.

Many of you have followed my thread and I have appreciated your support and advice.

Somebody help me make some sense of what I am feeling right now!

I was scanning the site this morning and found a document posted by Mr. Wondering in another thread called 31 Reasons to Stop an Affair. I just read that document for info sake.
I was just blown away in imaging how bad a D is especially on children.

I realize that some of you have suffered far worse than what I have but my 'tolerance bank' is overdrawn.

My WW has been in an affair for 7 months. I did the plan A and eventually after many false NCs, I filed for a D which would become final in Mar 08. My WW did not even respond to the D. She in stead wanted a LS – perhaps to see if she and OM could make it work.

My WW carries on her life today as nothing ever happened. I cannot even stand being around her right now although we live under the same roof.

Anyway, after reading that document, I (BS) was literally reduced to tears in thinking how bad a D is on children, and in particular – will be tough on my 3 kids (DS 11, DD10, DD5). I really felt bad in moving forward with my D only for their sake.

I do not care for my WW now. I feel strongly in saying that INDIFFERENCE has set in for me. I put all of the effort in the last 7 months trying to recover our M. Spent much money with the Harleys as well as snooping. All I have is a WW who continues to live daily as all is well with no remorse or even admitting the truth. My silent treatment toward her is deafening.

Recently, she even put up a screensaver on her computer of us together at a function. I see this as a ruse to play some mind game with me particularly since she has told OM she does not think I will go through with the D.

I must say that if I did not have kids, I would have been gone already.

My kids still do not know that a D is coming yet. I can only imagine the shock that would ring through their innocent bodies when they are told it will happen.

…And I continue to ask myself as my D timeline approaches, can I stay together only for the kids sake?

I would feel so used, empty and still betrayed! At the same time, I feel like I am failing my kids!

I know this is an MB site, but I want a perspective on how someone who executed Plan D adjusted to it.

Tell your kids. Sit them down and tell them where you are. They deserve to know what is going on, and they can put pressure on your WW to end her A and work on the M before the D is final. Let them know that you will stay married if your WW agrees to NC w/ OM and MC.

Bluenote,
I was just checking up on you, Hope you and the kids are doing as will as you can be.

I was thinking about you and praying for you.

AF

AF,

Thanks -- I will lift you and yours up as well.

I am proceeding with the default D.

Last Thursday after midnight, I was up working on my laptop and watching TV when my WW came downstairs with purse in hand. When I asked where she was going, she said she was going to 'go pick up something'. I then told her to tell OM hello for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I had sensed something was up since I knew (via cell caller ID) that OM had called my WW on her cell earlier in the evening.

She then left the house and returned between 1:30-2:00 am. I called OMW and she did confirm that OM was out in the streets.

(I must have stupid stamped on my forehead).

When my WW returned, she tried to justify her actions to me as she said that she was concerned for "her friend".

I told her OM is no friend of mine, hers, or the M.

Next, I told my WW that in no uncertain terms - "WE ARE DONE!!!"

I am ready to move forward.

Thanks again AF for your thoughts and prayers!

"Blue"

I am sorry it has come to this.been there,done that , and t-shirt shrank.
we are okla are in a ice storm .I have no power so I comment on your post we get power back . I am on my Iphone .Be strong for you kids.

blessings

AF

Bluenote,
Just checking on you and your kids.


AF

AF,

Good to check in and see you are still "checking up" on me!

The kids and I are well. We are still in the house with my WW. We are like roommates as we sleep in separate rooms now and her independent behavior continues. My D should go final in Mar if all is well. We will see.

Take care and thanks for looking out for me!

I will post an update as things progress.

Bluenote,
Good to hear from you. Glad to see that you and the Kids are doing good.
Sorry to hear about the room mate, but reality will hit her hard after the D is final.
Are trying for to get the kids?
Just keep the kids safe.

Do they know about the OM and why mom is acting the way she is?

I was talking to DS21 the other day he lives in NJ partly because he need to get away from xww. He is still at times has problems with the D and the choices that she has made. It will 10 years this year. Any one that says Divorce doesnt hurt kids has not been through this.

I still refuse to talk to her. My kids are old enough that i talk to them on their cell phones. I give to them phones so xww cant take it away from them and I do'nt have to go though her to talk to them. She still tries to talk to me but my wife blocks for me. xww does not like my wife. My wife keeps me safe from her.

I have been praying for you and your kids. I have been in your shoes, at times it is not fun but you will get though this. You are a strong man with good kids, and a great dad. You may not hear it now but your kids will some day thank you for being their for them.

Blessings

AF

Hay Bluenote,
what's happening. just checking on you. If you want to email me there is a email address on my profile.

AF

Bluenote,
just checking on you.
I hope you are taking care of you. eating and sleeping. I know it is hard to do but you need to do it for your children.
Praying for you.

AF

AF,

I am progressing forward. My WW still has had some contact not only with OM, but she appears to have another 'male' friend she is spending time with in the middle of our D.

I have appreciated your thoughts and prayers and they are much needed!

I am eating but sleeping, at times, is hard to come by given I have dreams of WW and OM. I am over the hurt. My biggest battle is with anger over the disrespect to me and the kids given her self-centered lifestyle!

My D is moving forward and the touhgest part is that my WW and I are STILL in the same house until the D goes final.

Take care,

BN

I'm catching the tail end of your situation, but wish to offer you my heartfelt condolences on the death of your marriage. It's a tough thing, but you can hold your head up high that you didn't cheat and that you tried and hung in there.

Be there for your kids. You must be strong for them and don't let your WW get away with keeping them from you. She's the one that wants out. Protect your rights as a father.

You're very fresh into things. I too thought I was over the initial stages of my grief recovery when in reality I was just starting.

The anger phaze, when it really hits, is scary. You will be angry that she did this to your family. You'll be angry over a lot of things.

The stages after anger are much better.

I only share this with you because the stages will come and the greatest thing to eventually strive for and get to is "indifference".

When you can see your ex and she doesn't affect you any more than seeing a stranger on the street or an old HS classmate, then you're there.

I'm almost there, but not quite. It's close.

Best of luck.

Pomdbd3,

I do think I am still in that anger stage at times as I work to not to focus on being angry when I see my WW.

I know that is certainly not healthy for me and I need to be 'fresh' as I can be for the kids sake.

In fact, I had a thought recently of even going up to my WW to wish her success in 'whatever' she is seeking and maybe this would allow me to 'heal' as well. I do believe once the D goes final, WW will get her dose of reality -- I will no longer be there to take care of her while she does as she pleases without any consequences.

In fact, once my WW has her own place, then I can 'heal' much faster as I do not have to witness any of her actions!

Thanks for checking in with me, it has been 1 year today on being separated. I appreciate your thoughts!

BN