sorry for the assumption that you live in the States.

that's ok............no problem.....

But I am starting to believe that she is using this as an excuse...........her behaviour is "addictive"...........

bb

So are you saying that she has an addiction that she needs to recover from--an addiction other than the boyfriend?

Either way, if it's a different kind of mental health problem or if it is an addiction where she needs to enter a treatment program, she may be able to get the needed help and not lose her job.

If she is telling you she will lose her job and using that as an excuse, don't enable this kind of talk.

She needs to get help for her issues and whether or not she loses a job is beside the point. I would stick to the mantra 'get the help you need' there should be no excuses. If she has a substantial support network, is that network enabling her addiction? And I am not referring to the addiction of the boyfriend.

BB - I can really empathize with you as I have a similiar situation. My youngest (21 years old) has a 3 year old and now a brand-new baby with her boyfriend. They too live together. He hasn't kept a steady job in the past 3 years while my daughter works very hard.

My DH cared for the 3-year old for the first two years of her life while her mother worked (even if it meant taking her on the job with him) while her daddy sat at home because (1) he didn't feel good, (2) no one wants to hire him, (3) everyone's prejudice against him, and endless other excuses. My daughter defends him.

We have just recently put our foot down and said "no more." We have enabled their situation for far too long by giving her money, babysitting all the time, etc. It kills us that our grandchildren are in this situation (no money, arguments, etc) but we know we have to let our daughter make her own mistakes.

I guess the one good thing in this situation is that he does loves these kids and shows them a lot of love. We just believe that he should be moving heaven and earth to put food on the table or to at least help carry some of the financial burden.

{quote]The worse part of it all is that my daughter got pregnant and now there is also a little child involved.......and I'm going nuts because it's breaking my heart to see that this innoscent child is being brought up in such a terrible invirement.[/quote]

Hi BB,

Sorry, this line I read twice and thought there was another child involved.

Ok, now that it is identified as a mother with 1 child and she has a job, can she call a local women's hotline for advice and direction? I know she is under professional care but you are asking for further help.

Who else does she have in her area?

I know you want her t/b responsible but maybe if she is closer it will help?

L.

princessmeggy

we are trying our best to stay out of this situation.....we give NO $$$$$.

We're also aware that she has to make her own mistakes........but it still kills.

bb

Orchid,

We live in the same village..............only 3 streets away from each other.
So if she needs to talk, we are right there for her.

bb

Good. Does your area have a group where abused mothers can meet for support? Is there any type of local government run agency?

L.

Orchid,

No support group in this village, but I'm sure that if we did have one..........she wouldn't go....or at least they would both have to go there because when our daughter freaks out............he has to RUN and protect himself just as well...........

This situation is so "wacky" for us...........it's so "out of this world"..............when I think about it....NOT even in my husband and my situation did we ever go through this kind of stuff.

My daughters complete situation is disgusting and she knows it. It so far from how she she was brought up.......

We had lots of talks...........about Emotional Needs and relationships with her........even before she met this guy.

She knows that a relationship will not function when it is based on lies. Her BF had a GF before he met our daughter online and he betrayed her with our daughter.........so this means that our daughter was the OW..........or?
But our daughter was left to believe that "the father of her child" had broken up with this other girlfriend.........

But he was really going "back and forth" for a long time..........there are so many lies involved in this relationship, it's unbelievable. So "Trust" is NOT an issue...........that really makes me sick and to know that my daughter is addicted to this and is going to therapie because of this.......really saddens me.

We all know (members of MBers) how painfull relationships are,when betrayal and lies are involved.

It confuses me completely to have the solution in my mind and to have to look at the situation and to be aware that I cannot help them...........

bb

Well.............our last "talking with each other" seems to of had an affect on our daughter............she just phoned and said that she had to work late last night and when she got home.....her BF was threatening her again. He doesn't believe that she was working and wanted to discuss.....he threatened to leave and she told him to do exactly that.............then he wanted to go to bed again and she put her foot down and told him to leave...........

She told me that there was NO freaking out this time and that she stayed absolutely calm...............so her BF spent the night in is car and is now gone this morning.....

Our daughter is at work and has her Therapie appointment this afternoon. Going through with her decision will be the main topic and I'm praying to God that she will NOT break down and let this cycle start all over again..........but I do know that this is going to be Tuff work...........

bb