Thanks, Froz,

Makes me feel good. Did you see my post on your other thread? I'm going to read more of your/Pat's stuff as my H is/was a CA and PA kinda guy, too.

We're doing well, but the habits resurface often.

Check in later....LIMBO....we're here for you.....your time machine is the most recent souped up shiny model with a huge banner on the top.

What do you want the banner to say?

Acey

Hey Limbo,

Were you able to get that emergency appt. with SH? How's Day 2 going?

I'm praying for you.

Acey

Thanks,guys. Froz, thanks for the needed 2 x4.

Haven't heard back fromthe MB office yet.

I did a lot of thinking today, and realized I can't live in our town any more, regardless of what H does. And I told him that tonight. His response? " I told you this morning I would move if that's what it took." Hmmm.

Real life support-- isn't any.

I am doing OK when I don't think about it. HA! Which is like, never.

Hey Limbo,

How's it going? Just curious...if he cheated, (and continues to cheat), why do YOU have to leave your town? If OW is there, moving will do no good unless H is serious about NC. Or are there other reasons?

I'm praying for you.

Ace

I have to get away from the constant suffering. I don't want to live in H'sinfidelity playground. It hurts too much. If he wants to change, if he wants to stya married, he will have to move with me.

Hey Limbo,

I understand your need to get away from all the reminders. But be careful when making such life-changing decisions when you're so emotionally spent.

Still praying for you to have peace.....(and to enjoy making memories for your kids on your vacation.)

Ace

i'm so sorry limbo ... just prayed for you to receive comfort and wisdom ...

Ashes, Thank you.

Acey, I hear you. It doesn't seem right that I should be the one who has to be uprooted. But there is nothing but sorrow for me where I live.

Yesterday we tred to go rafting, but DS13 had a major meltdown (to the point that other people were pointing him out as "the crazy kid" and yes, he heard.) So the day was consumed with trying to get oursepves back to the hotel from the rafting place where we were stranded.

I really had to wonder how OW would function in that little bit of reality. How wonderfully romantic! And I thought so much, all day long, that I just don't want to do things with H that hs is fantasizing about reporting to his OW.

And he says he isn't going to do that any more and mouths the right words. And I cannot feel anything.

Oh, Limbo......
I so wish I had something helpful to say.

You seem to be on the right track with moving. And your H is willing, which seems to say a lot, although it may be different when it actually comes down to it.

Any luck on getting an appointment with SH?

Hang in there, girl. I'm praying for you.

-AmI.

I agree with your moving.
I also think that you need to make it abundantly clear that IF...and it should be a BIF "IF" at this point, you decide to stay married to this 4 time loser...that he either gets dramatic help, signs a post nup and lives up to his words and YOUR boundaries, or you are gone.
Enough is enough already. Don't become one of these people who suffer years of abuse at the hands of a WS. You do not deserve it. You have been dealing with his affair for over two years now...so, he either meets your requirements or you divorce him.

Just my 2 cents.

Limbo,

I am soooo sorry dear. I can't offer anything that hasn't already been recommended here because in all honesty, I don't know what I would do in this situation.

It does sound like you are handling it about as well as you can. Try to be careful with the LB (this coming from the Queen of Angry Outbursts here).

Moving will be hard, but if your H is willing, it might be just the thing. But do be careful. Make sure he is really committed to recovering lest you be living in unfamiliar territory alone.

FWIW, maybe SH will have a great idea as to what can be done to knock him off the fence. At this point, after two years in l.l. I know you must be at the end of your willingness to continue.

In any case, I'm pulling for you.

Who

Remember the stages of grieving. If at best he is saying and doing the right things, you w/b angry....very hurt at the realization of what he has done to your family. All the more reason that recovery includes him helping you heal. NO more angry outbursts from him.... no Xws in recovery can afford that.

If he isn't at that point yet, then you'd best suck it up and move forward.

When you get a chance, take a look at the stages of grieving thread in my link. It may help.

take care,
L.

Agreed. My EX WW's Old, serial cheating OM's STBXW (wow that was a mouthful) suffered at the hands of this idiot for 26 years and is now 52 years old, finally getting divorced after 12 document and God only knows how many undocumented affairs and sexual escapades. She is hanging in there (with help from me and others) but I fear she will always feel as if she wasted the better part of her life with this maniac and will never truly recover from it to some degree.

{{{{{Limbo}}}}},

I am so very sorry. We just returned from 5 days at Yellowstone. We took the boys rafting also. I don't know what to say to help, however, I stayed in our home for a year and then started looking for a job elsewhere (anesthesia). There are medical practices available everywhere. The town we moved to is really short on family practice, general practice. The hospital assists MD's to move and re-establish practice. There are probably many towns like this.

I had to go. I could know longer stand the house (even though nothing happened there). I was afraid she would show up and talk to my kids. The move was a very good one for us, even with the stress of reestablishing a life somewhere else. The house is in my name only. I would expect him to make sure you are secure financially, the nuptial agreement, the house in your name only, etc.

Prayers are with you,

FTS

Hi Limbo,

I know it's late but I just wanted you to know I'm praying for you.

How did Day 4 go?

Ace

Hi everybody. Please forgive me for not calling out names. I appreciate each and every post far more than you know.

My posting time is really limited, so I'll just give a quick update. We had a long difficult morning talk that accomplished nothing. My bad. LBs galore. I told H that I revolt at the thought of sucking it up any more.

A very long, but pleasant enough, day driving. We are in DC for the next 3 nights. Very cool hotel, one I stayed at while on a charity trip this spring. LOVED it that even though I bought our rooms ultra-cheap through a visitors' center brokerage, they remembered my last stay and greeted me like an old friend, service galore. Sometimes you just need to be taken care of. But I digress.

Out apptment with Steve Harley s tomorrow morning (8/9/07) at 8:00 central. That will be a turning point, one way or the other, I think. Prayers gratefully received.

This morning I told H in gory detail how hard the last 2 years have been on my self confidence, and that I must get out of this situation. He cannot explain why it was he thought it was OK for me to take crumbs on him while dealing with major child problems-- while he pursued another woman. He says he lies awake at night with regrets. If true, that is a good thing.

If he were not such a good man before all this, I would be long gone. The torture is in remembering what was before, and wondering if it can be recovered.

Please pray for my H.

So, LL, is it hot enough for you here in DC????

Who

My H turned 54 yesterday.

I noticed yours is 55.

My H is definitely A GOOD MAN...AGAIN...

My prayers to you...

My thoughts on this differ from some others. It is my contention that if your H was "such a good man" before his affair, he could not have had an affair. Obviously there was something lacking in his moral make-up that allowed him to do this to his family. I also am a firm believer that people who do "bad" things rarely get caught the first time around and am suspect about many WS having a history of less than faithful behaviors.
I do recognize that the affair can be an anomaly, but "good men" do not rape their families...at least not in my thinking. Now, he may be respected in other aspects of his life...but to me it is plain and simple that something was missing in the morality and character department to allow it to happen the very first time.
Hopefully, your WH, if he returns...will not return to the man he was...he will come back a better man that is not open to an affair with someone else. He should be having his affair with you.
I hope your appointment with Steve goes well. You deserve a lot more out of life than this man has given you the past few years. I truly hope that if he doesn't respect the boundaries you put in place that you send him packing and not waste any more of your precious time on him.

Limbo,

He does what he does because....he can. Nothing has convinced him otherwise. Threats and ultimata have no power because they are empty of any real consequences. He knows you're too scared and love him too much to enforce any real boundaries. If preventing you pain were enough to stop his selfish entitlement....it would have stopped it by now. Take action....and stop the threats. I think a move might be a good idea.....both a physical move, and a mental move....into Plan B. You need to talk to SH too and get advice....because this isn't just about what choices your husband will make....it's about what choices YOU will make too. If you stay with him at all cost....he won't understand your worth. He'll treat you as a volunteer....not a victim.