Good job in deleting your account. Now get busy and get rid of the rest of them. You are just torturing yourself. Once there is no contact, you can concentrate on fixing the problems in the marriage, and make if affair proof.

Hope you are feeling a bit better by realizing that you are acting to repair damage to your marriage. If you care about the other man, it is better for him to work things out with his wife. He may have told you unflattering things about her, but that is usually just an excuse for feeling better about an affair.

If you were able to keep up appearances with your husband, you are unusual. Often betrayed spouses notice a problem, but never think of an affair.

Stay strong, and continue deleting ALL ways of possible contact. The withdrawal symptoms will lessen slightly every day. Each day of NC is a victory for you. Stay the course.

Think about how to break this to your H. It should be sooner rather than later. He NEEDs to hear the bad news from you, and not from an outside source.

Strongly consider phone counseling with the Harley's and employ their wisdom and experience in telling your H. Then stay on and counsel with them. That would be money well spent, and bring your H up to speed on how to better meet your EN's, and build your marriage.

Stick around and learn all you can. You'll be glad you did!

SD

I'm so glad i'm not alone in this...that i found this website...i cant imagine talking to anyone about this. Haven't checked email since DH left for work...and thats a big accomplishment since this is the time we spent together. Am going to bed now and i'm not going to check email before i go. Thanks for the encouraging words..this really is an addition isnt it.

Hi amylee

Everyone has tried to be encouraging and supportive toward you. I'm going to be a little tougher.

Stow the excuses about it being hard and the delusion that making baby steps toward severed contact is some sort of accomplishment. Deleting the account from the computer means it would still be available to you if you wanted to put it back on. Whilst that email account is still valid, it can get messages. You need to CLOSE and CANCEL all those accounts and change your phone numbers so that they can never be used again to contact the OM or him contact you. Destroy all the records you have of his numbers and accounts.

You say you love your H with all your heart and don't want to lose him. Well you have a funny way of showing it. Every time you delay this action just enhances your chance of getting the opposite of what you want. You are playing with fire here girl!

I don't doubt that the emotions you are currently experiencing are difficult and intense. I have every sympathy for you and admire you for coming here to get help.

In your heart of hearts you know that this action is necessary. You can do it. Go on Amy, do it now!

Come back and tell us when it's done. We'll be here to support you afterwards.

Amy you really do need to shut down ALL avenues of contact .. what you are doing is secretly hoping he contacts you again ... tell me I'm wrong?????
you can prolong the pain or do it quickly ... rip it off like those old bandaids we had as kids, you know the ones which hurt like the devil as they stuck to you through baths and surf <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

shut them down ... come on .. we are here for you ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi Amy,

I have been reading your thread and I've very glad to see you here. There are lots of FWS that don't come here and use whatever means they can to get through, but you have come to somewhere that has a massive amount of support not just for you, but your BS as well. You talk about taking baby steps and it was baby steps that probably got you involved in your A, however you have taken a giant leap in coming here. Take one more giant leap and get rid of all your contact details so OM can't make contact and you can't contact him. Once this is achieved I think you then need to inform your husband and point him to this website. Honesty is the start of fixing things

Good luck and God Bless

Amy,

Pleeease tell your H. He won't leave you. You are remorseful and are doing the right thing.

I had a 3 year A. When I finally got the nerve to tell my H, I had my bags packed. I was ready for him to kick me to the curb. Not only did he not kick me out, but he said he wanted me to continue sleeping in the same bed as him . I still can't believe it as I type these words.

Your EA never went PA. Generally speaking, PAs are more difficult for men to handle emotionally. One of the only boundaries my H had when discussing my A was with the physical stuff. He wanted NO details and wanted to hear NOTHING about it. He said this was the hardest part for him.

That being said, an EA should never be downplayed. Once you confess, never let it get swept under the carpet. Both MC for the two of you and IC for you are a good idea.

You might need some meds, especially if you've been on them in the past. I use to take Zoloft, and was off it for many years until my A ended. Then I needed it again. I understand... it sucks, I didn't want to go back on it either. But I had to, and I'm glad I did.

So... if you're taking babysteps with deleting accounts, which one are you going to delete tonite? And then tomorrow morning? And what is your plan from here on out?

Let us know what you are thinking... we will always be here to help you.

KM

Amy, your absence is a bit scary. Are you still in NC?

^^bump^^

Amy?