IMHO it's simply INCREDIBLE (as in NOT credible - I don't believe it) when other women fall for the lies of an adulterous married man.

I do NOT believe that the other women really even believe the married man's lies - they just pretend to believe it because it allows them to continue with adultery in a way that somehow relives them of some guilt or responsibility.

WHY don't the adulterous OW ever contact the betrayed wife and find out if the betrayed wife has a clue what her husband is up to? I'll tell you why: they already know the truth but do NOT want the married man to know they know. They prefer for the married man to think they really do believe his lies and are therefore (somehow) 'innocent'.
Also, the OW do not contact the betrayed wife because they know with the BW not knowing what's going on they enjoy an unfair advantage - giving them time to get the married man good and hooked before his wife finds out and can fight back. IF the OW really did believe the marriage was dead and/or that his wife didn't really love him she would have no problem whatsoever with the BW knowing - heck the wife probably would GLADLY hand her husband over to an OW if the marriage were even halfway as bad as the lies her husband was telling to the OW.

IMHO pretending to believe a lie is a lie in itself. It's deception. And all evidence points to OW being highly skilled at this sort of deception. The real issue is NOT what can we say to the OW to convince her that the MM she is involved with is lying to her. That would be based on the false assumption that the OW really does believe the MM lies. She doesn't. And I don't see any reason to pretend otherwise. Unless the OW is severely mentally challenged and/or has led SUCH an incredibly sheltered life that she has NEVER, EVER heard of a married man lying about how bad his wife/marriage is in order to get sex with an other woman, then there is no logical reason to believe the OW's claim she believes the MM's lies.

The latest OW my WXH was involved with actually complained about my referring to her as the 'other woman'! LOL I called her up and informed her that she not only was an OW but she was only OW #7 - nothing special. I also told her that if she didn't want to be thought of as an OW she shouldn't be sleeping with a married man.

I know for a FACT that it is entirely possible and reasonable to expect grown women to refuse to listen to a married man putting down his wife and/or flirting with them. I have been approached by married men before, especially in the workplace. I turned them down flat AND told them if they EVER tried soliciting me again I would tell their wife! I NEVER believed for a nansecond their put-downs of their wives! And even IF some of the complaints about their wives may be true I personally find it HIGHLY offensive if a man presumes I am the sort of woman who would welcome his flirtations and/or listen to him put his wife down!!! It's about integrity. It's about REALLY being a good girl - not simply POSING as one.

It's all about justification. The adulterous married man has figured out all he has to do to get a woman to give him some sympathy f****s is to tell some lies abou how horrible his mean ole wife is. The the other woman PRETENDS to believe the lies - no matter how outrageous they are AND no matter how much actual evidence is lacking AND no matter how many friends, relatives, coworkers try to warn her...

What far too many married men seem incapable of getting is that the other woman is being just as deceitful by pretending to believe the obvious lies in order to justify her involvement with the married man while protecting her 'good girl' image. If she informed the married man that she knows darn well he's lying about how bad his marriage/wife is then HE will know she's basically just a skank and not so 'special' after all. Adulterous married men can hire a prostitute or sleep with the kind of women everybody knows are 'easy'... but they prefer to pursue and charm some woman who maintains a sweet and innocent facade. This is an ego boost for them - believing they've successfully seduced somebody so sweet and pure... It just never occurs to them that THEY are the ones being conned by the OW who is only pretending to believe them long enough to get her claws in good and deep.

It's fantasy. She's supposedly the princess or damsel in distress, he's the knight in shining armor (LITERALLY too good to be true), and they both pretend the betrayed wife is the wicked old witch. And THEN when confronted with people who try to shine the light of reality into that fantasy fog, the adulterous other woman (princess poser) bats her eyelashes and responds in her best 'poor little ole me' tone about how angry everyone's posts sound to her...


blah-blah-blah: BORING

Sheesh you would think adulterers would at least come up with a different script now and then!

I accept you are all angry.

I don't think she is a wicked witch, I never said that. She does know, she knew when it happened and I spoke with her several times.

I'm not sure why lady clueless assumed I was younger than him - I never wrote my age.
I also don't agree to label that simply because he is a doctor its an assumption that they will all eventually have affairs.

I'm not a princess.

I'm not sure anyone has read or listened when I said in the years he was married, he DID try to speak to her, it was discounted as nonsense and unimportant - his needs were not acknowledged as valid while he busted his butt to meet her needs and give her things she asked for and wanted. That is the one thing I would like to say. Her love languages seemed to be material things, his was intimacy and recreational time. He met hers.

I do not believe its all about him. If it had been all about him, he would not have stayed for 30 years and even she told him several times she thought about moving on and ending the marriage. They both acknowledged they were living separate lives living under the same roof.

He simply stopped trying after being rejected for 14 years. He has not been with anyone else -

I am going to bow out of this because I am at this time, an "OW" with an "AP" who is not divorced at this time. He would have been but the state he lives does not allow for no fault divorce so he has filed. They have been in mediation to end things as amicably as possible.

I do not agree with some of the statements about him giving her everything - he invested in his world financially as well. She did not contribute but for the first five years of the marriage.

Cordially

MW77

Honey, it is YOU who aren't listening. It is YOU who wrongle assume we are all "angry"

IF he was so unhappy for so long he should have divorced her FIRST instead of committing ADULTERY. I sure hope that is clear enough for you.

mw77,

I would like to know why you think anything going on in THEIR marriage is YOUR business? How incredibly intrusive and wrong of you to entrench yourself in someone else's sacred union of TWO. Have you no decency?

You keep listening & forcing yourself to believe him, and digging yourself for more potential dirt on HER to make yourself feel better about being an interloper, A PREDITOR, and an active particpant in his adultery and destructive betrayal of HIS WIFE.

I think you know what you are doing is wrong. I also think you are bent on pursuing someone else's husband regardless of who it hurts, because you WANT him at all costs.

So just keep deluding yourself by finding things that were wrong with her and their marriage. Keep digging, keep justifying, keep making excuses for him. Because the bottom line is you, and he, will both get what you ultimately deserve.

I'm sure once you become the good Dr.'s wife (because we all know that's your goal), anyone trying to interlope on YOUR marriage, of course, is evil. But only because you are so very special.

Jo

IMHO the OW who think they are 'special' would be better off pretending they are special as in special olympics because that's the only REAL excuse for a grown woman to fall for an adulterous married man's whining about his marriage/wife. Otherwise it's all pretense and deception. The problem is that once adulterers get so far in deluding themselves they assume they can just as easily delude other folks. Then they feign innocence, shock, and offense-taking when they are confronted with people who don't buy their justifications.

Poor wittle things...

Look Resilient and others - Why didn't you just say this in the first place instead of acting as if you were 'here for me'. I don't OWN this man. I do not see this the way you do, you said you didn't do "right or wrong" - Evidently, you do address right and wrong and I'm a predator, and have destructively betrayed his wife.

I don't happen to believe the union of marriage is something one should look at as 'divorce is not an option' otherwise I would have subjected myself to staying forever with a raging abusive man for the sake of the institution. It can't possibly be that this man, has felt the same in his marriage on different levels. No one is willing to see whatsoever that this man might have actually suffered and its all my doing - do not judge me or attempt to judge me because you believe you can guess what my motives are or what is in my heart. That is legalistic.


I don't think threats on here go over to well. I have not once threatened anyone on this board, and yet I repeatedly have gotten "You will get what you deserve" on here from SEVERAL posters.

This is designed to manipulate me to get me to stop doing something YOU think is wrong. I am not going to do what YOU want - I will be making my own decisions of what I will or will not do in my relationship with my partner, and yes, this will take my needs into account along with HIS. If that makes me 'special' then so be it. However, I'm certain you met it with scathing sarcasm.

You can accept this decision and respect it, because like it or not, I am a person of value, and while you may not believe I am behaving with integrity this is not your life.

I'm more than happy to listen, but am not going to participate with guilt trips, intimidation or threats. I got on this board to share my pain, my story, and because this thread is about divorces or people going THROUGH divorce.

I did not get on the other threads about being the OW or extracting myself from the relationship, now did I?

If you do not like what is happening, perhaps other threads are where your efforts need to be.

He is divorcing, I did not come on here for anything other than that.

And as far as a future marriage we have both looked at the book, and I SUGGESTED This book to HER when I first talked with her and she told me she didn't need it, wasn't interested in learning anything else and was just fine with what she KNEW!! I read the book so that he and I can have a good marriage, a good relationship and more importantly, MEET each other's needs.

Those on this particular thread, might want to acknowledge that ppl are actually going through divorce, and they do have needs, values, opinions and preferences for their lives. While it may be different from yours, they are not BAD people.

Now, you are free to respond, but I won't participate in threats, and I am reporting this to the administration of the board, because it is manipulative and threatening. I'm being told to do something as if you ppl have some kind of spiritual false authority over me.

Thank you for paying attention to these details.

MW77

So, why are you here?

You want us to support you as you work to end someone's marriage?

I guess we may not be the only ones who have been through struggles with marriages. It's just that we struggled with our own marriages. We have been through divorces or are going through them. And many of us were put in this position because of people who intruded into our marriage.

Besides, if he cheated on one wife, what makes you think he won't get some newer, shinier trophy than you?

Not surprisingly, you're missing the point.

Read this carefully:

[color:"blue"] A MARRIED PERSON DOES NOT START ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP UNTIL THEY HAVE FORMALLY ENDED (DIVORCED) THEIR CURRENT ONE. [/color]

Pretty simple really.

Oh yea, the now you're going to commit adultery with a married man to spite us rationalization? LOL

Whatever excuse du jour you can come up with honey...

Adultery is adultery - period.

If you're looking for a message board where people will pat you on the back for 'helping' this married man you can always head on over to TOW. You'll hear exactly what you're looking for over there.

Oh BTW, I don't believe your claims to have talked to his wife and she's supposedly not the least bit interested in saving her marriage. You and the married man you are cheating with are lying adulterers, why should anyone believe anything either of you claim about his wife?

When a married man complains about his wife all he is REALLY revealign is that he is a back-stabbing scum-bag. He has not revealed anything about his wife - just his own lack of integrity. Hey if that's what turns you on in a man then you two are probably perfect for each other.

So just go ahead and ignore the advice given and continue to help him destroy his marriage and maybe you'll get what you want (and deserve): a cheating loser. Eventually he will cheat on you and be telling another OW behind YOUR back just how awful you are and how your marriage is already dead but somehow mysteriously it was not possible for him to divorce you before turning to her for sympathy...

Whatever... Back to your cheating and deceiving.

I have never acted (posted) with intention to be "here for you" or to support you in contributing in the destruction of another's marriage. Quite the contrary.

Please go re-read every one of my posts to you (MW77).

If you are speaking of any of Harley's books, that would be a perverse use of his books as they are not intended to aid or abet adulterous affairs in succeeding in the destruction of a marriage.

I know that, Resilient.

And I apologize, it was someone else on here who suggesting being here for me.

I'll get back to you when the papers are signed.

At this point it makes no difference. You have still participated in the destruction of his marriage if he divorces, as well as the betrayal of his wife. You are the catalyst.

The damage is done. Your relationship with him is and always will be, adultery-based. Ill gotten goods, based in lies and deceit.

How about 30 years of her LIFE????

She should not have to give up her lifestyle so YOU can benefit from whatever contributions she made to the marriage...and yes, I'm sure she MUST have contributed other than monetarily.

Or maybe you're just not WORTH any amount of money to him?

Nobody has "threatened" you. Haven't you ever heard the old saying, "What goes around, comes around."?

You are destroying your own life.

Oh, and as for being a person of value. It's true that we are ALL people of value, but you cheapened yourself by becoming an adulteress.

How does that old song by Loretta Lynn go? "Women like you are a dime a dozen; you can buy 'em...anywhere..."

You mean similar to how we're all "threatening" you by telling you that you and he will eventually get what you deserve. AKA Karma.

MW77: You being the OW, I think your attempts at playing the victim roll is wasted on Harley's site. We're a bit smarter than that. But I"m sure it works well with your MARRIED boyfriend. Then he gets to play the cheating white knight and rescue you from his betrayed and devistated wife.

I dunno, call me silly, but does anyone else find this glaringly odd? The OW [the very person who's trying to steal her husband] suggesting the BW read a Harley's book. Then the unmitigated gaul of the OW not understanding why the BW was not receptive to the book being suggested.

MW77,
What IS the oddest is you [the OW intruder] suggesting a book to save her marriage when its none of your business in the first place. But moreover, you're the very person who is out to destroy her marriage, and her. Of course she's going to negate anything you have to recommend.

Unbloody believable.

I don't need sympathy. And yes, I do feel I was the victim in some of this, he did LIE in the beginning and chased me every which way when I insisted all I wanted was to be a friend - and at that time, I can honestly say that!!! IF only that.

I told him I didn't date married men (I had never before!)
I am ashamed that my caring about a guy blinded me to stupidity. And my own need for love and affection and warmth overshadowed thinking clearly.

There are other things that I don't care to go into the point is moot - if she ends up murdering us both like betty broderick I suppose we deserve it.

I'm certain that would be justice.