To answer some questions and follow up
Frog asked
Do you agree to do things with no intention of doing them?
-Sometimes I do agree to do things or accomplish things and really the focus of my agreement is to simply be left alone and not have to deal with the issue. For various reasons I have done this. 1)Feeling stressed out because I am a poor time-manager in some areas in my life. 2)Disliking the conflict of a situation and just wanting to make the conflict go away. 3)Wanting to disconnect from life because if you invest in it, the things you hold very dear and close will get taking away or lost.
I never once agreed to do something with the thought of “I will not do this because I KNOW that would hurt this person” and I found some sort of enjoyment in this.
What I have done is tried to take a shortcut to end a conflict, which does nothing to resolve it actually. But at the time, I am just trying to disconnect. Be left alone.
Because the things you connect to WILL be taken away.
Fear of living life. Making myself satisfied with half of a life.
It has taken me a long time to connect the “making myself satisfied with less than what I really want” to the anger it causes because I am not getting what I want. Nothing is as much fun as being pissed off and having no idea why.
The answer to your question is yes. I have agreed to do things and did not make it a priority to follow through. Looks the same as “You had no intention to do this” from the outside.
Do you procrastinate?
Yes. Because I have agreed to something I didn’t really want to do. Because I have agreed with the honest intent to do it and then forgot because I didn’t write it down, lets say, and something else grabs my attention. Because I agreed to work the problem and truly started to look at it and it just seemed too big to manage, so I just don’t even engage the problem.
I have procrastinated many things. The answer to this is simple, but not easy.
Only agree to what you honestly will do.
Manage the things you agree to and complete them.
Now, how to correctly DO that… is the hard part. The overcoming of habitual detachment, overwhelmed feelings, feelings of failure, thrashing against motivators you haven’t even defined as where and what are difficult obstacles. Additionally, if you don’t even DO anything to find these problems… then you are really behind the power curve on it.
But, even so, none of that explanation removes the 100% responsibility resting on the one with the problems. I have the problems, and it is my job to work the ones that are damaging the relationship if I want to stay in the relationship.
And if I don’t, perfectly fine… I just have to tell her and then she can decide what she wishes to do.
But I do want to deal with the problems.
Right now, the steps being taken are learn organization skills to reclaim some time to accomplish things I need to do.
Again, the answer is yes. I have procrastinated things.
Ba109 said
Does patriot recognize a personal history of P/A going back to childhood?
I didn’t. I can see some real connections on this issue now. Which has been very helpful to me in understanding deeper things about myself.
Yes, I recognize P/A behaviors rooted in some childhood events.
Death of mother.
Stepmother that was high conflict.
Some other things.
So… if I missed some questions, let me know. I really do want to answer them.
Thanks for taking time to post to me.
