Sara,


Hon, You are not going get that here. You will find understanding from some of the FWS here, but they are not going to validate that what you have done and are still doing is OK. There is a site where you can find that, it is called TOW or The Other Woman.



IMHO, the question was asked because your lack of maturity comes across strong and loud. That is not to say that everyone who cheats is immature.

I may sound harsh and you may feel that you are being beaten up here, but your lack of compassion towards your BH and the OM is obvious.

Is OM married? If so, then add his BW to the list of those you have no compassion for.

Does he have children? If yes, then add them to the list as well.

Do you have children? Yup, add them too.

Parents? They will probably be devastated.

Do you see the point I am making? Either you are a sociopath or you are simply refusing to acknowledge the pain you are causing?

Big Question. Do you want to be married or do you want to move on to one man after another that you can use and then dump....getting gratification for having the power to cause pain?

What happens when you grow old and can no longer attract the attention of men? What happens when you find someone you can and do care about and they do to you what you are doing to your BH?

You can get help and advice here, but you have to want it first. Otherwise you're wasting your time, and ours.

Who

Sarabike wont be back..............book it.

She might be back to give us a few parting shots about how we "attacked" her some more and that is why she is leaving, but I agree, she's not going to listen to our advice.

Sarabike, exactly how are you going to seek absolution from something that you won't even confess?

She needed a few TrollSnax to feed her ego.

sarabike,

I've seen people "attacked" on this forum.....it's ugly. And I can promise you....this is NOT it. Considering the lack of remorse in your post....frankly, I'm shocked folks showed so MUCH restraint as they did. I was prepared for a flamewar. So...If this thread offends you, makes you feel attacked or scares you off....then you're not ready or healthy enough to post here....or to face the reality of your choices.

I'm a very compassionate person....and I was stunned by your lack of campassion for every other person you've harmed. You cry for empathy....when you exhibit none. I think you need help understanding the corruption of your conscience and spirit. How did you get to this place? Who harmed you so much that you can harm others with so little care? I urge you to seek help and explore why you're as numb as you are.

Good luck

"If someone said to me what I said in my first post, I would tell them "You feel numb and it will pass." I would also say, OM & H's pain makes her feel cared about, an emotional need for her."

But don't you see Sara that is from your current, abnormal, sociopathic even viewpoint?

The problem is you have a desire (posing as a 'need' - perhaps even a 'right') to hurt those who love you. And you don't feel loved unless somebody will endure emotional abuse for you? While it is a valid, healthy emotional need to want to be cared for... it most certainly is NOT a valid, healthy emotional need to expect your husband to put up with adultery as some sort of proof he loves you!

"H's pain makes her feel cared about, an emotional need for her."

Yes, it is obvious that's part of your rationalization for your sociopathic behavior. What you don't seem able to comprehend is that your behavior is reprehensible, and the fact that treating your husband so horribly actually makes you feel good is an indication of just how sick you are.

As Star*Fish pointed out: YOU are the one totally lacking empathy. No it's worse than that even... you don't merely lack empathy - you take pleasure in causing pain.

The solution to you not finding empathy here does not lie in us becoming more understanding of your cruelty; the solution lies in you changing, getting help for your sociopathic tendencies.

The fact that you could even say what you said about it making you feel good to hurt somebody shows how far you've strayed from sanity and common decency; but to EXPECT, to feel ENTITLED to sympathy or empathy regarding that sick desire is something incomprehensible. And you know what? It SHOULD be something that decent, sane folks simply can't comprehend. It's definitely a "wow how can some people be so cruel/mean/sick?" and "I don't understand it and frankly I don't even want to" thing.

My XWH was a lot like you. He would actually smile and look very pleased with himself sometimes when he hurt us (me AND our daughters). I know a lot about the sort of things that went wrong in his childhood, others I strongly suspect (although he claims he doesn't remember), but STILL, he is an adult now and he CHOOSES to get pleasure from hurting those who love him. I can feel empathy AND sympathy for the child he was, but not for hte adult he has chosen to become and remain. It IS possible for him to be helped... but he doesn't want to change. As hurtful and humiliating as it is for me to admit, his thirst for cruelty is more important to him than his concern for us. We realize that's the way he chooses to be and therefore he can't really be a part of our lives anymore.

I understand how he got that way, the child he was certainly had a right to be protected and had a right to feel angry and hurt when he was denied what he needed and deserved. But he can't really feel loved let alone get even as long as he denies what was done, who it was done by, and that what they did was wrong. Instead he chooses to try to get even and/or get his emotional fix, by taking it out on us.

IMHO you need to figure out why YOU are addicted to the high of hurting people? What happened to you? Why do you have sociopathic tendencies?

And more importantly, what are you going to do about it