Yes...so move on to me would mean divorce. That does not mean you need to give up...just that you are making plans for the rest of your life.
As for your friends...if they are fellow believers, I would placve a lot of faith in what they are saying.

MEDC,

What is fellow believers? My friends think they way he has always treated me was awful and mind games. They dislike how he seems so holier than though. Why do I see the different person and no one, accept an aunt who loves him dearly?

Divorce is not an option right now because of our house, legal separation is. I will contact a lawyer and see what I need to do. I am making plans for the rest of my life as best as I can. It's just really hard.

SG

you mentioned God...so a fellow believer in God. If you go to church..maybe a pastor or friend from church.

as far as divorce NOT being an option...sure it is...it is just not a convenient one from a financial perspective right now.

you seem like you are doing a good job...this is hard...just keep taking care of yourself.

MEDC,

My rabbi is absolutely dumbfounded by this. My H was supposed to take over as president of our temple. She just knows how sick he is and says if I choose to move on, G-d wouldn't be mad at me.

Most of my friends are as spiritual as me and want to lynch my H for the pain he has caused.

Thank you for your prayers, I really need them. And your words of encouragement. This is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever gone through. But I am becoming who G-d wants me to be and that is the blessing of all.

I agree with your rabbi. You have more strength than you relaize and you will find an inner peace once you begin taking steps away from the madness that your WH has brought into your life.

Shalom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think God is telling me the same "I think" keep trying. I know of couples who have survive infidelity. Its hard because how do you know which one you are....Are you the couple to make it or the couple to break it. Some couples marry for a 2nd time and that's the one they love for the rest of their lives. Why do some couples survive but other do not, what's the deciding factor....I wish there was a simple questionaire where you add up the points and the score tells you yea or nay. But not so <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> every case is different, so each BS will have to look into their hearts, gut feeling, and most of all God for the answer.

Perfect sense.

My advice from God..Proverbs 3:5-6
[color:"green"] "Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths." [/color]

Dont worry about tomorrow skins, take one moment at a time, when you are feeling good pray, when feeling bad pray...and ask God at that moment what to do...not whether to stay or leave...but at that moment. This will decrease the stress not thinking about the future all the time.

Waking,

Thank you for that proverb. I had not read it before.

Last night was a desparate moment for my WH. He is needing money and kept contacting me. I stayed away and let him figure it out on his own what he is going to do. He got his money and is now moving about 10 miles away from me. However, in order to get there he must travel through my city each and everyday. This hurts and is making me crazy.

Why is it when he is out of my life, it's so calm, but then he does something and it gets crazy? I am praying for guidance and when to let go. Maybe I am getting the signs and I am refusing to see them.

How do I truly open myself up for G-ds word and guidance and will for me? How do I know that this pain isn't part of something bigger for me and H? And he is testing my resolve to seeing if I am up for the challenge of being my H's wife again?

I really do try and stay in the moment. This is the moment that I am dealt. What do you think?

I do know if he screws me by not putting his paycheck in the bank, I will get a lawyer and file papers. Maybe that will be G-ds sign?

Have a nice day everyone,
SG

hmmmmmmmmm?

what would it be like for a husband to be looking for money....and NOT be able to call his wife

what would be like for a wife to not have to be concerned with a husbands consequences of abandoning his family and needing money....

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

skinsgal

tell me what are your greatest fears about plan B...

Ark

Ark -

He would figure it on his own or live out of his car, which he is threatening he has to do. I didn't buy into trying to fix it.

That's what I don't know - is what would it be like to let him live the consequences of his actions. This is the part I haven't figured out is what is driving me. But I sure would like to. Maybe I think it's my job to save him. If you have some enlightment, please hit away because I want to look at the truth and move on. Truly being honest with myself and understanding what is going on is the only way I am going to survive with or without him. So any help or ideas, are very welcome.

I'm going to have to really think about what my greatest fear of Plan B is. Partly I think out of sight out of mind and he won't ever regret his decision and come home. But I feel there is something more that I am not seeing. I'll get back to you on that.

SG

Maybe I think it's my job to save him.
skins...
why wouldn't it be possible that having him face the reality and true consequences of his actions be part of you saving him...

why couldn't it be that you save him by letting him go....
lots of people are saved that way...

and skinsgal...here's the thing...

your husband is relying heavily on you...
for normal non drama conversation
for support
(which he gets when he tells you how unhappy he is with her)

for a lot things...one being he can always call on ole skinsgal...

you infact are setting yourself up to be the OW to his girlfriend....

and skinsgal...he may never regret his actions...ohhh but I can't think of living a greater he$$ than living with that type of junkie mind....

home but no regrets

that is a much more scary thought than "losing' him...

your husband is already lost right now in his world...
you have done a good plan A...
and have continued to show to be a safe and loving place....

I do not think you should engage in anymore realtionship conversations...

that you should back off contact to minimal if any stuff for a bit if you aren't going to go to plan B

but remember it is said you shouldn't do plan A if you aren't willing to do plan B...

no point

think what your fears are...

if you can say out of sight out of mind..
then I can say

absence makes the heart grow fonder....

ARK

Ark -

You words have so much wisdom, thank you. And I am listening with open ears, eyes and heart.

I am willing to do a Plan B, just can't do it until I get settled into my new apt and don't need my H for money. I have a friend who I have asked to be the go between and then no more contact. Until then, I am staying as low as possible, no more relationship talk whatsoever and continue to move forward with my new life.

I guess the bottom line is I am willing to go to any lengths to save my marriage. I think that overall I know deep deep down that there is nothing more I can do, but leave him alone and let him live that life. It's just the hardest thing I will ever do, besides walk through the beginning of this mess.

Thank you Ark,

SG