Melody Lane, are you ENJOYING this???

Me thinks that a 12 Step program might be in order since she is now posting by PROXY.

jmho
committed

Well FWIW, I greatly appreciated Suzet's 2X4 to Skirmisher in June. She, more than anyone else, for whatever reason, got thru to him and really helped him see his own actions more clearly.

I only hope that she is doing OK.

Who

Owl, if she - or you - aren't happy with the way the board is run, the answer is to email the mods, or leave, not engage in this endless, distracting whining about the way the board is run. In fact, you have been admonished by Tempest yourself to knock it off.

Membership here is entirely voluntary, after all. Folks are always free to go start their own board if they don't like this one. This is nothing more than a needless distraction from the purpose of the board over someones hurt feelings.

Tempest to Owl http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=3&vc=1

#3012281 - 05/11/06 01:02 PM

I think the drama queen act is ridiculous and laughable, if that is what you mean.

The ignore feature and/or an extremely short memory works wonders, as well.

For me I can't remember from one day to the next who it was who said something nasty to me...so by the time the morning comes around everyone's cool again.

And if I ever set out to actually put someone on ignore, by the time I find where the dang feature is located again, I forget who it was I was going to ignore.

Age does have it's advantages.

OMG, I have to find that Texas thread again, as I have finally figured out what the difference between Texan's and Northerners is. And no it's not the size of our brains, although that might make for an interesting study.

Agree, weaver, this is all so ridiculous.

Mel-

I'm simply posting why Suzet left...point of fact, I did email Tempest last week, and am still pending a response.

How is your use of calling someone a drama queen acceptable, when someone saying that you are 'being idiotic' is not?

No, what I meant was, are you enjoying poking fun at Suzet?

I find the sentiment "if you don't like it leave" to be in fairly direct opposition to several teachings of Christianity, and a moderately humorous statement on a board for a site that is for the express purpose of NOT leaving a marriage but to instead stay and try to improve that marriage.

This site and this board are very powerful, and very needed for BOTH the BS and WS of the world. I don't want anyone to leave, and no one can make anyone change. I would just like to get to a point where nobody feels the need to shout in order to be heard, but that takes both parties to cooperate in order to happen. The listener needs to actually listen, and the speaker needs to realize that they are being heard and then stop shouting.

Shouting (name calling, belittling, fear-mongering, invalidating, "I'm right and you're wrong", etc.) doesn't tend to get anyone to listen any better than calm, kind, loving words. If someone is unwilling to hear your "truth" when spoken in a loving way, I think that there is a good chance that they will also be unwilling to listen to it if you shout it at them amongst a bunch of insults and judgments.

I applaud the people who are brave enough to stay and to try and make this community better, no matter their opinion or "side" or whatever. I applaud the visitors who are willing to come and actually listen to everyone, and absorb the knowledge that they deem useful to them. I would just like the shouters, no matter their "side" or opinion, to stop shouting. People will listen to who and what they want -- shouting I think will just scare away and/or force into further hiding those that are most vulnerable and in need of help.

Two laughing at someone? Intentionally or unintentionally?

I expected as much from the almighty MEDC, but BigKahuna, you do surprise me.

Regardless, as much as you may not like Suzet, it does not justify name calling and belittling of her or such callous disregard of her feelings.

Regardless of whether or not Justuss and MelodyLane are the same person (and I personally believe they are two different people), there is a distinct right of the Moderator to edit any post she/he might wish to edit.

I posted a rather pointed defense of that right on a thread that was a direct question posed to Justuss. My post on that thread was defending the Moderator's right to edit as they see fit and to enforce the rules of the system.

Interestingly, though, it was mere moments AFTER I posted (within a couple of hours) that defense of the Moderator's rights that the entire thread "disappeared." That was not the first time that an entire thread disappeared, so I inquired about it directly to the Moderator.

I was told that it was "moved," ostensibly to a "quieter" section of the forums. I searched the entire site, all of the forums, and the thread was nowhere to be found. It was GONE, "banished" as it were. It was "moved" right off the system and into "cyber-lost-in-space." Yes, in case anyone might wonder, I DO know how to use the SEARCH function of the system to locate any thread or post, so when it wouldn't even show MY post to that thread as even existing, I know that it was NOT "moved" to somewhere more "quiet," it was banished from existence.

Banishing an entire thread that was NOT offensive to anyone other than perhaps the Moderator is one thing, and while banning someone (a Member) is an extreme action that they also have the right to do, it would seem that it should be reserved for only extreme cases of total disregard for the rules of the system, not for disputes between members who don't like each other and let their emotions occasionally control their words, or even disputes with a Moderator.

I, personally, have been called many names by other members who have a difference of opinion with an opinion that I might hold. "Idiot" is mild compared to some of the words that have been chosen to post their disagreement. No such thread was ever banished and none of members who were posting were, to my knowledge, ever banned from all posting.

Threads have been locked in an effort to "preserve the peace" or at the request of the thread author, and that is fine and a good use of "Moderator power." But that only stopped a given thread, provided a potential "cooling off" period, but it did NOT stop anyone from posting elsewhere on any of the forums.

Be that as it may, this system, in general, HAS taken on more hostile and confrontational "tone" in my opinion. That "change in tone" has even been commented on by several members who have been around long enough to remember what it was like previously and what it has become. The "nerf 2x4's" that used to be employed on occasion when they were intended to be helpful have been replaced with lead pipes and floggings, in a callous disregard for the feelings of others on all too many occasions.

I have personally had several members email me with things that they were "uncomfortable" with posting on MB for fear of the "likely" responses from some members that they might receive. That is NOT how this "safe place" should be, but it is the reality of how much of the posting has been perceived.

MEDC is known for his ability, and his choice, to "Ignore users he disagrees with" but who are strong enough to "take his opinionated positions on directly." He COULD have exercised that very choice with respect to Suzet, but he CHOSE to attack her instead. And everyone is "surprised" that someone responded to his attacks, even using the word, horror of horrors, "idiot" to express their opinion of his opinions?

MEDC seeks to "marginalize" anyone who thinks differently than he does or someone who has the temerity to actually say that he might be wrong and argue FOR a differing opinion.

BK and I have disagreed several times on some issues or topics of discussion, but for the most part it has remained a respectful disagreement. Not so with MEDC. MEDC likes to "bring out the knives" and go on the attack, at least until someone has the cajones to meet him "head to head." THEN he resorts to name calling and telling everyone that he is "Ignoring" that person in an attempt to convince everyone else that whatever that person might say, MEDC disagrees with it and no one should consider anything from a member that MEDC has chosen to "Ignore." MEDC is, after all, THE authority on "right thinking" around here. If he can't "play in the arena of ideas," he attempts to marginalize those he disagrees with. That is who MEDC is, and I can "live with it." That's because he doesn't "define" who I am. But when he finds a "target" he can pick on who can't handle his overbearing style of posting, he really is unrelenting in his attempts to ridicule and hurt that person. "Christian Love" for others? I see little of that coming from MEDC, despite his profession of belief. It even seems as though he would have been one who would have "cast the first the stone" in response to the Lord's question.

MEDC has been hurt, that is a given because that is what brought him, as it has most of us, to this site. But that does not give him the right to attack and laugh at other people with impunity. It would seem that bitterness over his own situation spills over into his posts to others, but that's just my opinion.

"Evenhandedness" would seem to be the goal of a Moderator, but this incident hardly seems evenhanded. Regardless, it IS the right of the Moderators to do whatever THEY think is right concerning the system and the members of the forums.

In any event, I will, and do, accept Justuss' explanation of her reasoning and emails that none of us were privy to. Suzet will not have been the first, not will she be the last, to have decided that posting on MB is no longer "worth the time and effort, or who "worried" a subject to death for a while. Emotions DO that sort of thing to people.

As Justuss said, "the logical answer would be restraint" on the part of the individual member. I agree with that statement even though I also understand how emotional reactions can sometimes overwhelm the "logical answer" from time to time. Justuss has responded to me every time I have emailed her with an inquiry and she performs a difficult job very well. She has my respect even if I may have disagreed with some actions from time to time. She also is not a robot without feelings, so I understand her reasoning.

Therefore, I will "save" the Moderators the trouble of banning me, should they desire to do so or think that I am "pushing for banishment," and I will "retire" from MB, leaving it to the "good graces" of others to carry on the fight for saving marriages and recovering from infidelity. It is time to join so many of my predecessors and thank Marriage Builders, and the many members who offered generously of their time, wisdom, experience, knowledge, and opinions, for all the help that I received when my marriage was in shambles and throughout the long recovery process. While all "advice" was not always accepted as stated, all advice was carefully considered in the helpful way that it was intended, and was considered in my evaluation of the "appropriateness" of the advice to my given situation before being accepted or respectfully rejected. My deepest and most heartfelt "Thank you" to each and everyone who was there "in my hour of need."

The 5 years and 4 months that I have been a member of MB have been an honor and a privilege, both as a recipient of the generous help of others and for the occasional times I was able to be used by the Lord to help someone else.

May the Lord continue to be a "real comfort" to those who are His and may all know that He stands ready to help any and all who turn to Him for help. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." May Marriage Builders continue to be a place in the "Good Samaritan" sort of helpfulness to all who are dealing with and/or attempting to recover from the horrendous hurts brought on by infidelity.

God bless.

Oh dear, you better report that to the mods, OWL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Farewell, ForeverHers.....

God Bless you, too.

OK.

We are going to put this matter to rest so we can utilize this forum for the intended purpose------Saving Marriages!

I also have the past correspondence. I have not & will not copy & paste personal emails on the forum.

Suzet_ has had her post reposted for all to read. She has made her point several times.

SHE can no longer post, as she also requested, (senseless if she's going to now post under her H's name). I'm sorry she chose to do it this way.

Any problems or questions regarding MB policy, moderating, etc can be emailed TO ME rather than taking up space & time on the MB forums.

Thank you very much for your support & help!

Now! Lets get back to saving marriages!!

I have been here a very short time, but you had my attention and respect from the very first post of yours that I read ForeverHers. Thank you for the help and advice that you freely offered here, and know that it was of great use to me, and surely many many others.

Take care.

Actually it is not in opposition to Christianty at all, and your analogy of comparing a marriage to an internet board doesn't work. That makes no sense. We are not married to an internet forum. It is simply a truism about internet life in general. If you don't like how a board is run, the answer is to a) ignore what you don't like, b) leave the board, c) start your own board.

At this board, the board managers have requested that board problems come to THEM, rather than disrupting the board with complaints about it is run:



And that is a noble personal cause, but hopefully you realize that you only have the power to change yourself. You can't change others.

Suzet was there for me at the lowest point in my life. For that I will be eternally grateful.

She is right, however, when she says she is not fully in line with MB principles. She still works with OM. This lead to a break in NC a while back, where the EA was temporarily resumed. Exposure still has not taken place.

While being on these boards can be incredibly enlightening and enriching for a FWW who seeks change, they can't be the be-all, end-all. Maybe now is the time for Suzet to explore other options in order to grow as both a person and as a W.

Suzet, I wish you and your H great love and success in your journeys. Thank you for helping me when I was a desperate stranger in need. God bless.


KM

Well, I'm certainly not about to invalidate anyone's feelings or any such thing. Anyone certainly has a right to their perception of things...

BUT

The way someone handles things from that point forward is certainly a mark of maturity level.

I rank this one somewhere between 8th - 10th grade.