It just puzzles me that posters will put the responsibility on the girl/woman to not not get herself into a certain position because a man might not understand when she says stop or no....but not on the boy/man to understand that.
Nia - How many times have you heard on this site, "You cannot control others. You can only control yourself."
YES the men should stop if and when a woman says No.
But YES *every woman* has the responsibility to PROTECT HERSELF and NOT blindly and naively put herself in situations where she could be harmed physically and/or emotionally.
We are talking to YOU here. That's why YOU are getting the advice of, "Protect YOURself. Look out for YOU."
Again - YES the men should stop if and when you say No.
But why are YOU putting all the responsibility for YOUR safety onto SOMEONE ELSE?
YOU are supposed to look out for YOU. You cannot hand over 100% of the responsibility for your physical and emotional wellbeing to someone else and then be hurt and angry and confused when they don't take that responsibility.
That's because the responsibility is at least as much YOURS as it is theirs.
Should someone break into your house and steal your stuff? No, of course not.
If you carelessly leave the door unlocked, does that make it okay for them to walk in and take your stuff? No, of course not.
BUT you owe it to yourself to understand that not everyone is honest and trustworthy and that YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY to protect your property by locking the doors and otherwise looking out for what is yours.
Refusing to do this and simply expecting other people to protect you and look out for you, and then being shocked and angry and hurt when they don't, is the height of immaturity and irresponsibility.
You can bet I taught my daughter this and you can bet I will teach my granddaughters the same.
I hope I have not been too hard on you but if you do not step up and take responsibility for PROTECTING YOURSELF instead of meekly leaving that to other people - I think you will continue to find the world a confusing and frightening place.
Again - YOU cannot control what any man might or might not do.
You CAN control what sort of situation you place YOURSELF in.
If you have foolishly and naively placed yourself in sexual situations when you did not intend to have sex, I hope you will not do so in the future. Not because any woman "deserves it" if things do go too far, but because it is up to YOU to protect YOU and up to YOU to decide AHEAD OF TIME how far you want things to go.
It is NOT the responsibility of the man you are with to read your mind and try to figure that out for you.
It is very, very unfair and immature for you to place responsibility for YOUR safety and wellbeing on somebody else.
I think you did place yourself in foolish and riskly situations in the past and are desperately hoping to find some way to make that not your fault - and Nia, from what you have posted you have behaved very naively and I wish someone had taught you better.
But please don't worry about that now. Many women do stupid things just like what you have described. What matters is Learn From It and Do Not Do Such Things Again!
So please stop trying to somehow make it okay. It was not okay for you to do what you did because it was not safe for YOU. Look at the pain it continues to cause you to this day. THAT is why we want you to learn to protect yourself instead of putting that responsibility entirely on the man you are with and just hoping he'll take care of you.
What you did was just like leaving your house unguarded with the front door sitting open while you go off for a week's vacation. No, it's not okay for someone to come in and steal stuff, but YOU had the power to lock the door and set the alarm and ask the cops to watch the house. Instead, you just said, "Well, people shouldn't steal, so I shouldn't have to lock my house!"
You can't control what someone else might do, but you sure can control what YOU do. That means YOU protect what is YOURS.
Real Women Take Responsibilty for Protecting Themselves.
Mulan
