That's ok, I responded to your previous post, which demonstrated your usual MO, which is to castigate the victims of adultery for taking action against the affair and portray their wayward wives as "victims." This time it is for violating the "privacy" of his wayward wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> The last one was a betrayed husband you hounded and villified for suggesting he expose his wife at work.

The MO is the same. SS, people come here to learn MARRIAGE BUILDERS principles, not the personal philosophies of some pro-affair troll who happens by. Please leave the man alone.

vladie, this board is regularly trolled by pro-affair folks who do not support MB principles. sweetsobriquet is one of those folks. She is a shark who smells betrayed spouse blood in the water and wants a little nip of wounded BS. She is here to make you feel BAD for defending yourself and your marriage. Pay her no heed.

Thanks Mel I appreciate it

Vladie, she needs to be told regardless. They found a way around this before and they will find a way around it AGAIN, I promise you. They will be much less successful with 2 ppl watching this time. As soon as her anger subsides, I would expect contact to resume again.

Sweet has deleted the majority of her original posts because she realized she had no real clue.

Vladie stick with people who know the real deal.

All Blessings,
Jerry

LMAO. Vladie didn't want to deal with his wife when she was unhappy BEFORE the affair. Now he doesn't want to deal with the aftermath even to end his own pain. He just wants her back, with vapid, hollow promises that they'll follow MB principles because he's read a book and the website.

How many times have people here (including me) advised him, tell the OMW? And still he resists.

It is much more attractive for people like Vladie, and his OMW, to avoid dealing with whatever requires work -- however ethical and obvious -- than to confront something even more painful. Including other peoples' pain.

So, he'll dither.

Betcha.

Did y'all hear a strange noise? what was that?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My take on it is that his wife got her own place and was thinking that the OM was going to leave his awful wife and kids and be with Vladie's wife. But oops, the OM's wife found out about the affair and ended that idea. So Vladie's wife is angry right now.

But OM would like another serving of cake, and I'm sure he will keep sniffing around. He doesn't want his wife to be contacted again by an angry husband so he will most likely lay low for a couple of days. Then it will be business as usual.

Agree with believer. The WW's anger at OM will die down in a couple of days and the affair will be back on. This is just a little bump in the road. The WW has sacrificed much too much to give up this easily.

U r wasting time waiting and she is spending time destroying you. At the end you will NOT have any love left and she will still as the WS trying to suck you dry. Is that where you want t/b?

If not, go do the exposure ASAP..... no more excuses. Move forward and finish your plan A (because you are NOT done with your improvements yet.... aka: backbone). Then when your mind and heart are in sync and you have identified your boundaries, secured your finances and protected you family... you can move to plan B.

Only then (when you move to plan B) will you feel any relief and only then can you provide the light for your real W to come back.

Until then you are a patsy for the WS. You are allowing her to make you enable her A and fulfill her selfish wishes.

Not a pretty picture, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Ok well I called OMW. Lot of good that did as I knew. She kinda knows they are still in contact but I think she is afraid to say anything cause the last time she did he left!

I am calling to speak with OM later so I will see if he is going to stop. Looks like now I have made things a whole lot worse for myself as WW is going to really hate my guts when she fins out.

Help!

You thought you were going to get roses for this act? Of course the WS and OM are going to hate your guts....News Flash.... they already hate your guts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Now get over that piece and go do what you need to do.

Secure your finances, protect your family (if you have children secure their custody), id your personal and M boundaries and get ready t/g to plan B.

L.

huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> This made things "worse".... HOW?? Were you expecting your wife to be HAPPY you interfered in her affair? What in the world are you thinking, Vladie?

Vladie. The goal here is to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE, not to [censored] kiss or appease at all cost. She is not expected to be happy you interfered with her affair. She is supposed to be mad!!

You did good so stop with the worrying!!

Gee Mel, Orchid do you guys ever sleep? I'm in australia so I have an excuse! I spoke to OM on the phone just now. He said that my WW story is not true. He hasn't asked her to 'wait' for him at all. He was very apologetic about the whole thing and said he promises and assures me that he will never contact her again and if she contacts him he will not respond. He has also promised to delete his bebo page tonight.

He said she texted him today and he did not answer. What was in the text was something she only decided today and told me about this morning so I know that was for real. He is sorry for all the damage he has caused my family and his and he just can't do it to his wife and kids anymore.

He seemed very genuine??? I think my phone call to his wife did good after all! And the best thing is my WW will never know that I did what I did. If she does I will know that there is contact.

Whats the next step?

The next step is go take out the trash and stop being so AFRAID of your wife!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

It is likely that he is lying [he is a liar, after all] about asking your wife to wait for him, because apparently she was waiting for him, right? Either way, you have manned up and faced the problem FOR TODAY. If he truly will end contact now then you might have a shot at this.

It is NOT the best thing that your wife does not know. She needs to know that you are not a WIMP and will step up to the plate and expose when necessary. Stop acting like you did something wrong and need to hide like a cockroach!!

Vladie, your fear of your wife is a serious impediment to your decision making. Do you realize that? You are so worried about her being angry with you that you are allowing that fear to drive your decision-making, rather than sound judgment. You are going to have to put that fear aside. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE LUXURY TO GIVE INTO YOUR FEARS RIGHT NOW.

You did GOOD. Your wife needs to know that you contacted the OM and the OM's wife. That way she can explode and be over it by the weekend. She will tell you that this is the last straw, how could you do it?, now she will file for divorce, it was none of your business, you are controlling, and the best one - she will never trust you again.

The OM is sorry that you are contacting his wife. See, he thought it was much more fun when HE was causing problems in YOUR marriage.

When your wife goes ballistic, you just tell her that you will do what it takes to save your marriage.

I don't understand why its so important that my wife knows? If she finds out then I will know they have resumed contact. I have no other way of verifying. Also I know where OM lives and I have no hesitiation in calling to the house if I find out that he breaks his promise. I called him and his wife this morning again and he is still committed to no contact, so exosure there is complete.

I believe that its my WW who is doing most of the chasing in this. She has invested a lot here by moving out etc. OM has done none of that. After all she sent him a mesage yesterday after she told me she told him that was it and he did not reply! He more than likely had his fun now and wants to be with his children before its too late.

Will I continue now to do a good plan A? What are the things I should be concentrating on?

Vladie, the term exposure means to EXPOSE, not KEEP SECRET. The wayward needs to know that her continued contact has been exposed to his wife so she will be discouraged from contacting him again. She will be less likely to contact him again if she knows his wife is watching.

She also needs to know that you have the BALLS to stand up for your marriage AGAINST HER AFFAIR. She needs to know that you will fight for your marriage and are not scared of her anger. Women are DISGUSTED by wimpy guys, Vladie. ugh..

Ok Mel....I will tell her later that I have spoken to OM and OMW. Any advise on what to say when I get the "you are so controlling......thats why I will never want to come home......I can't live like this......I will never trust you again....blah...blah????

And how to you go from that to meeting her EN's sounds impossible

Would you try to reason with a falling down drunk to get them to understand why you took away their car keys? It is the same principle here. Don't even attempt to reason with her or try to get her approval, it is impossible.

Simply tell her, yes, dear, you cannot trust me to help hide your affair. The OMW has a right to know you were still chasing her H so she can protect herself. I will do what it takes to make sure the affair is ruined and will stand up for our family. So sorry you are upset. Hope you feel better tomorrow. <smile>

Don't allow her to bait you into a fight, don't cry, don't argue. just repeat, so sorry you are upset, hope you feel better tomorrow.


There will be no need meeting until the affair is killed and she is through withdrawal.