End the affair

huh? Help me out here, because I am not getting the point.

Vladie, first off, you did not force her to do anything against her will. The OM dumped her. It was your duty as her husband to do everything in your power to save your marriage from her affair. Her affair was a THREAT to your marriage. BE PROUD AND BE LOUD about your handiwork.

You are a MAN to reckoned with who does not lie down when your marriage is under assault by an interloper. If it is "controlling" to protect your marriage against an assault, then so be it.

You did the right thing. If someone has a problem with that, tell them to kiss your hind end. You have a duty to protect your marriage and your son's family, you don't need the approval of ANYONE for that.

I have interfered in her affair she did not want it to end. I have forced an end to it against her will. This is what I'm going to get from people. I want a good arguement against this so maybe I can get them to see where I'm coming from.

She is telling everyone I am controlling and I want to tell them I'm not! I just want to save the marriage

Tell them how proud you are that you defended your marriage from this affair. Tell them how you confronted the OM HEAD ON and defended your marriage and your son's family from this scumbag. If you want you can tell them you got your ideas from Marriage Builders, a very successful program developed by an American psychologist.

But, you don't need to get them to SEE where you are coming from, Vladie. You only need the approval of God and the man in the mirror.

Lets put this all into perspective, Vladie. It is BAD to have an affair, it is not BAD to expose an affair. You act like you are the one who did something wrong here. You didn't!

BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU DID!! You slew the dragon!

Vladie, let me put this in perspective for you. Adultery is an assualt on your marriage and your family. As a MAN, you have an obligation to stand up for your marriage and your son's family. If some burglar broke into your house and wanted to kill your family would you sit there and not stop for fear you might be "controlling" him? Isn't your obligation to do what it takes to PROTECT your family?

It is the same with adultery. You did what you had to do to protect your marriage and family. Protecting yourself from ASSAULT is not "controlling." And it is not WRONG. It is WRONG to commit adultery, it is not WRONG to DEFEND YOURSELF from adultery. See?

And really you are thinking you have too much power - you did what you could, and good on you. The OM decided that your wife was too much trouble, and is trying to circle the wagons.

You have not forced anyone to do anything. Your wife STILL doesn't have to come back. I believe she will though.

When someone asks you, tell them you did what you thought was necessary to protect your family. That is the honorable thing to do.

Give yourself a pat on the back, and if you feel like you need to do something productive, go clean the toilets, and stop worrying.

Vladie. . .


Okay, so there are idiots in the world who think affairs and betrayal and adultery are good things. Those same people quickly change their minds when it happens to them.

What is this hangup you have about controlling? When your wife throws it in your face, it is just adultery defense. It is what she uses to CONTROL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello Vladie, did you hear me? Have you ever heard of gaslighting? Google it for an explanation of how you are being manipulated.

The last time I checked, adultery was against the law in a number of countries. It is against the rules of just about every organized religion. Adultery is about lies and betrayal and a messed up mind.

Now you have heard that waywards are in a fog. So are those who are betrayed like you - and at one time, like me. Listen to what Mel is trying to tell you. Absorb it into your pores. Believe it, live it and grow a pair.

Get out of your own fog.

Larry

Not much news to report. WW picked me up from bus yesterday and I dropped her to work. She was not talking to me although I did just ask what they did today etc. and told her have a nice time in work etc. I sent her a text last night saying our Son was asleep and goodnight and got no reply.

I spoke to her parents last night and they don't want to say that I spoke to them. They want to ask a few questions and see what she says. They feel that they know her and she won't like that. They are going to do all they can to get her to work on the marriage and keep on to her. Her mother won't fly but is sending her 3 sisters over for christmas to "talk some sense to her". Also WW is going to go back with them for a holiday. I just can't see how I can wait this long!

Anyway I can't tell them what to say to her. They know now and what they choose to to is up to them. But they DO want the marriage saved.

So WW is still not talking to me. Her friend from sydney is coming for the weekend. I was thinking of sending her an email just explaining what I am doing and why as WW will no doubt give her the fogged up version. We are godparents to her little girl and I think if she knows where I'm coming from it will help.

Anything else I should be doing??? I can't help but feel the full backlash hasen't been felt yet!

I haven't seen any backlash yet. Sounds like it is going great, Vladie! Hang in there. I like your idea of telling her friend the facts. Maybe she can talk to her too.

Exactly thats what I am worried about! Could be calm before the storm. I am expecting to hear from a solicitor.

So How do I proceed should I go and see OM and his wife to see if there really is no contact? I have no way of knowing now.

Should I stay in plan A for ever if there is no contact?

Vladie, just stay in Plan A a few weeks longer and if she doesn't recommit to the marriage, then you would want to go into Plan B. Do you know about that?


It could also be a BALONEY SANDWICH! Why are you worried about something that has not happened?? Don't you have enough to worry about in REALITY??? It will not be the end of the world if she does contact an atty, it doesn't mean your marriage is over.

So you would't go to see OM again? Her 30th birthday is coming up soon so might be a good opportunity to deposit a few love units!

Ya I have read up on plan B but I am hoping to stay in plan A until christmas cause maybe that would be a good chance of reconciliation

Good job, Vladie. I wouldn't see OM again right now. He knows you will contact his wife if there is any contact.

The death of the fantasy won't be a pretty thought for your wife, so give her some time. She will start feeling betrayed by the OM soon if she isn't already. Continue Plan A.

Vladie, does your mother not like your W? if so, how come?

She does think she's a bit of a drama queen. The last time we went home for my sisters wedding my WW had gone 3 weeks before me and I only went for 2 weeks. The weekend of the wedding (we stayed 2 nights in hotel all the family) my wife went to bed with our son. I stayed up celebrating as I thought that she had 3 weeks with her family and this weekend is my time with mine. So later in the night she is calling reception asking me to go to bed and everyone knew. The second night the same thing happened but she actually got dressed and came down and caused a scene in front of everyone that was really embarrasing.

My mother thought it showed a lack of respect for her and the family. But I know now that OM was the cause of this as she admitted recently to texting him that weekend. There was a similar situation the previous year in my sisters house. And now with all the A and all the lies and what she's putting me and our Son through, lets just say its not making her like her more!

But she has been working with OM for 3 years so this could all be linked??????

Sounds like the POJA will help you. Maybe if you had discussed it before she wouldn't have felt like she needed to make a scene for you to come to bed.

Yes I know. Thats why I know that with MB principles we could have a great marriage if I can get her to recommit!

Well chances are excellent that she will. Show her you are making changes. Usually they come back to the family.

Show her this, but don't act like a WIMP.