I went to see OM and OMW earlier. He maintains that he has had no contact with WW. His wife new about the one email he sent WW last week. He said he did want to talk to her but realised after that he could not. So he told his wife about his slip up. I played it that WW had told me they met up during the week and he was adamant they did not.

He sent a no contact email and me and his wife watched him do it. My WW has received it and replied back saying "why would you say that after what we did yesterday"? I have spoken to his wife again and she has confirmed that she was with her WH all day. Not sure what my WW's response was about. Maybe she thought his wife had sent the no contact email???

He has promised again not to have any contact. What do you all make of this?

Way to go, Vladie!!! You get the NADS of the WEEK Award!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What do you make of the situation Mel?

Thanks for the award. I also worry if OM called my WW and told her he sent email and just ignore it. Maybe her response was just for my benefit? Should I get her parents to tell her they know everything about all the emails she has sent or wait a while? If they do she will know I spoke to OM and that I have her password

Vladie, i would not speak to her parents if it means giving up your source. It is not worth the loss. Just keep pulling strings quietly in the background and putting pressure on the OM.

OM now knows I have access to her emails. If he told her this then she already knows and maybe that reply was for me. Only reason for not telling them is do I have faith in OM that he will not and has not contacted WW? Whatya think?

Glad you visited OM and he sent your wife a NC Letter. Way to go. Excellent.

Things have changed a lot since my last post. My WW suspected I had access to her emails and the message I got the tickets was for my benefit. Just to flush me out which it did. I told her parents about it and they asked her. She just started laughing and said it was all a joke and she wasn't having anything to do with OM ever again.

The only good thing is that OM and herself seem to be definitely over. I told WW earlier that they called me and I went to their house and they showed me all the emails and just want her to stop and if she doesn't she will be making a complaint against her. I told her also that after she received the no contact letter, her reply was "why would you say that after what we did yesterday", that OM and OMW saw that and very very worried as they were together yesterday. They now know that WW is trying to break them up.

On the down side she is very angry with me again for getting involved and is now blaming her cousin's husband for breaking into her email account, as she sent them all from there. She sent a txt to me saying she is going ahead with selling the house and I need to find solicitor. I saw one today and they said not much I can do to hold things up. In fact they advise to cut ties ASAP. I explained I was hoping for a reconciliation so they suggested they respond with a letter stating this and recommending 3 counselors. If she rejects this then they said to talk to her and if you can get a 50/50 split then take it. It will cost up to $50,000 if we go into court. Other option is to ignore her reqests and let her initiate proceedings and she can force me to act. But I will just try and get her to agree to holding off until christmas again.

She hates me more that ever now and wants nothing to do with me or OM and just wants to forget about it all and move on with her life. I thought after OM she would want to come home? I am starting to think that she never will

She hasn't had NC with the OM long enough to want to come home. It will take awhile.

I wouldn't cooperate in a divorce I don't want. Let her initiate the action and make it hard for her. She seems to change her mind almost daily. I really think it might be time for you to start thinking about Plan B.

Believer, she can't apply for a divorce until july 2008. But I can't hold up sale of house for ever, but I will do my best. If I could get her to put it off until she goes to her parents in february that would be great. They can't wait until then to talk some sense to her.

Her cousins husband called me earlier and said that WW was in a awful state after I spoke to her earlier and told her OM is finished etc. She was unconsolable apparently. Also due to being very angry with me too. I sent her a message reminding her of all the happy times we had together but she didn't reply. I was hoping to stay in plan A now as the A is broken. And her birthday and christmas coming too.

What do you think I should be doing? She also changed her password for her emails now

Vladie, hold up the sale of your home as long as you can. You don't even need to get into any discussion and tell her your plans. Just stall, stall, stall.

My advice to you is to calm down and make a good life for yourself. I'm quite hopeful that your wife will decide to join you at some point.

Even though all the WS's claim that the rift in the marriage has nothing to do with the affair, in reality it is ALL about the affair. I've been reading stories and talking to folks here for 4 years now, and I promise you it is about the affair.

On top of that, your wife chose an affair partner that is very inappropriate. For her, it is just a fantasy. I mean come on, the guy has a wife and 5 kids, and doesn't even speak the same language!

The other hopeful point is that you share a son.

Also your wife seems quite tied to you. At least she keeps up constant communication. So you need to figure out the needs the OM was meeting, and start meeting them yourself. She will resist at first, but just keep meeting them, with no expectation of anything in return. Your wife loved you for some reason in the beginning and she will love you again.

Vladie,
Don't know if you have read any of my thread but let me assure you all WW's say exactly the same things, my WW wanted to be with OM, she then wanted to be single and have her own space, she hated me after exposure etc.
Now just over 3 months of NC, she is sure that she wants our marriage and me as her husband, we had a lovely weekend in Paris a couple of weeks ago for our wedding anniversary, and at the moment she is starting to re-connect with me, her feelings are not returning as quickly as I would like and she says she is not sure that they will, but every day I see her getting closer to me, and while she may not feel the passion for me she once did I think deep down she does feel something for me, right now I would say we are at the stage where we are best friends and enjoy each others company. My WW has mostly disappeared and most of the time my W is back. I still don't know for sure that our M will be saved but I do know that we now have a fighting chance.
So, if you can get your WW to maintain NC, in a couple of months her whole outlook will change and you too will have a chance to try and save your marriage.

Thank you Brae for your input, and yes I was following your thread and I am delighted that things are going well for you. Also I have spoken on the phone with bigK who is down the road in sydney and he had some great advise. I see he also has helped you along the way.

I just hope that in time my WW will give a little thought to recommitting to the M cause at the moment she blames me for the demise of her A and just wants out. She has tarred myself and OM with the same brush and just seems to want to close the chapter in her life with both of us in it. But I know that she still loves the OM and am hoping that given time she might be ready then to recommit to M even if its for our Son's sake cause I know we can build on that.

Another thing Vladie,
I very nearly drove my WW away with constant questions about the A, and our relationship. I know it is hard but the likes of BigK and BobPure told me that I had to stop, they were right, when I did stop all the questions, things started to improve, don't make the same mistakes I did.

Yes my main problem is constantly talking about our marriage and trying to educate my WW as believer has pointed out to me. I need to stop that but it is not easy! I just want everything back the way it was. It's like your talking to your wife who you have known forever but everything you say is just not taken in, just like talking to someone you don't know at all - an alien!

Vladie, believer is right. Just back off, stop pursuing her, and don't cooperate in sellling the house. if she brings up selling the house, tell her you aren't interested. Her fury about her affair is temporary and will blow over, so don't make any moves in reaction to that, such as selling your house. The truth is that you killed this affair, most likely, and she is furious.

Yes, I know it's hard, it took some pretty big 2x4's from BigK and BobPure to get me to see it, I still have the odd lapse now but I soon realise and stop myself.
If NC is maintained and you can stop the interrogation and lecturing, I can tell you from experience that things will improve. As I said, I am not sure if my marriage will survive, we are far from out of the woods but we do at least enjoy each others company now and have fun together, I was where you are only a few weeks ago but now my W tells me she wants our marriage to survive. There is hope for you. You are in good hands if BigKahuna is helping you.

Things seem to change by the hour in my situation. I took off work today just couldn't face it. My WW arrived at our house with our Son at about 10.30am to do her washing. We were talking friendly then she and our Son took a nap on the couch. I hung out her washing. She started talking about our OM and asking me what happened when I went over there. I just said that he was spineless and selfish and kept saying he wanted his wife and kids.

I told her that he has hung her out to dry and gone back home himself. I really believe she is finished with him now too. There was a little relationship talk but I was careful not to but pressure on. She said that she was so scared of coming back home and what it would do to our Son if it didn't work. I said I wish we could step back and say that we are good friends and lets just see what happens. At the same time she says she probably still loves OM but now says she will get over it. She also said that he is so weak that he should be a woman.

She said he had his chance now and she deserves someone who will fight for her.......I said THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING! But she still sees that as interfering in her life at the moment. I said you will never meet anyone who will fight for you as much as I will. She brought up some things that she was unhappy with in our marriage and I just pointed out that I had changed and I wasn't happy with a lot of those things. Namely I did not leave her grow as a person and she felt her interests were disregarded by me and that I didn't fight for her against my family.

I said I was sorry for that but I have fought for her for 4 months and in time she will see that, I said yes I did knock some of her interests in the past but would love the opportunity to get to know her now. I told her that I only took the dominant role because she allowed it and it wasn't what I wanted. Then she said that the reason she knows we can't be together is cause we can lie to each other so easily! I said you can lie so easily and I can't. Only lies I have told is saying I didn't check her emails etc.

She seems to blame me for OM going home. I said yes I did interfere but when I did HE decided the A wasn't worth it and she can't blame me for that. I didn't hold a gun to his head. She said she realises this and he is weak but still has some anger towards me.

I asked her to hold off sale of house for few months. I put it that I wanted to buy it and did not have the funds now. I said if she waits a few months I will make it very easy. She did not give a yes or no answer and I don't want to push.

At least we are friends again and she feels safe with me. I asked about her birthday - 30th and she said she was too embarresed to have a party. I suggested coming over here and we could give her presents and then the next day we could go to seaworld. She agreed.

So things seem to be a bit better but I am careful not to get my hopes up. She thinks by selling house that she will be freer or something its wierd

She is going to a friends place tonight to do her tax. They said that if she starts talking about it they will suggest that she not make any big desicions at the moment. Also maybe suggest that she spends time with me and see what happens......

You are doing just great! Things sure changed quickly when you manned up, did ya notice that?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />