I forgot to mention that she had a journal in her locker too and there was a letter to God saying she is sorry and she can feel my pain........Then another bit about it was at her christmas party last year when she knew OM was 'the one'.

Is it normal for her to be feeling sorry for the pain she has caused? Obviously not sorry enough!

It is normal - but she's not really sorry otherwise she would be working to put an end to your pain.

It's all just meaningless words for now....

Well she has not recieved solicitors letter yet. She called me yesterday with a question about her tax return. We spoke for about 10 minutes just about things in general and about our friend who had a baby girl a few days ago. She went to she her and she is lying in our bassinett that we had for our Son. She was saying it reminded her of when our Son was born........So a pleasant conversation which was nice for a change.

If she goes ballistic with offer of reconciliation what should I do?

If she goes ballistic just let it roll off your back.

Now, enough about wifey. What are you doing for YOU?

Well about me, I need to improve my Plan A. A lot of people have said that I am too available to her which I guess I am. I thought thats what Plan A was about in that I take every opportunity to help her or spend time with her. But now I realise that I need to be seen to be getting on with things too and that is where I am lacking.

She knows that I am bored (no single friends or family) I really invested all my time in the M. I need to 'get a life' big time. I can really see it when WW actually suggests things I could do. So yes I am going to do a strong Plan A for another month or so.

Also how will she respect me when I want to save marriage and she doesn't? Does she think that she can do whatever she wants and it doesn't matter? I still want her?

Also I feel that she has the best of both worlds now, I haave our Son nearly half the time and I think that really suits her. She felt bored and trapped when home with him all day - thats what lead to the A. She is not a real maternal kind of woman.

But yes I am starting to do things for me and move on a bit if I can. Its hard but I will have to find something

Get out and do stuff. Even if it is something that you are not sure you would like. I don't know if they have support groups where you live, but that might help. Here they are mainly women.

Join somekind of special interest group or club. Volunteer. Get out to festivals, musical events, sports, etc. But watch out for other women. I can tell you that our MB men go like hotcakes. So be very careful during this time.

Your situation Vladie is exactly like mine, my wife feels guilty about the pain she has caused, but that has no affect on her choice right now. She is determined to stay away, and says she doesn't want a relationship with anyone.

Also, like you, she calls only for some specific reason, either the state of the house, or about our daughter. It makes it hard to be attractive to her, when you never get to see her!

I'll be keeping an eye out for you,

Ron

WW is showing no signs of changing her mind. As far as I can tell she enjoys her single life and only having to deal with our Son for half the time. Yesterday I collected her from the bus and brought her to her unit. I got some takeaway and we all had dinner together. Then her cousin arrived to stay the night so I left.

She sent a text saying thanks for getting the food. I texted back saying its nice when we do things together with our Son. She said she agreed. So I was feeling pretty good. But then my sister rang me and said her husband had gotten an email form WW asking for his cell number. He gave it to her and she sent back that she wanted to talk to him and that she was worried about me? I think she will say something like "can you please tell Vladie its over and move on". Why is she still saying this?

I am pretty sure that she has no intention of working on M at this point or ever. Could she still be in contact with OM? quite possibly I have no way to check now. I really don't think I can do this anymore. I feel the only time she spends with my is out of pity and feeling sorry for me. I am feeling really down now. I'm starting to think horrible things like if she died it would be easier and me and our Son could just get on with things......I really don't know how she could do this to our family..........

My dad was talking to WW's brother back in Ireland on sat night and was saying the situation is terrible.......BIL said yes and that I need to let go. My dad said how can he do that with WW wanting to go on holiday together next year. Anyway BIL spoke to WW and after WW sent my sister's husband an email saying that my parents should be more concerned with me rather than spreading viscious lies about her and they should be better grandparents for our Son.

My parents are livid. My dad went to WW's brother and asked if he had spoken to WW. He said yes and my dad showed him the email WW had sent. He couldn't believe it and said everything my dad said to him was not lies. And he didn't say anything to anyone else either. WW's brother said she must have gotten the wrong end of stick. But my parents are angry as ****** now as that is slander by sending it to my sister's husband.

WW seems to be digging holes for herself everywhere. She send me a text earlier saying "are you ok" obviously just sounding me out as she doesn't care how I feel. I am not getting involved in this now but I feel Plan B is coming very soon.

Thoughts????????

WW called me saying she was worried about me blah and then my dad was saying stuff about her that wasn't true and she is sick of being bullied blah blah.....Only bully is WW. I said yes it is true you were unfaithful and she hung up. Then a few texts followed.

WW
Thats the thanks I get. I was worried about you. I'm not going to allow anyone to bad mouth me in my hometown. What did you want me to do? Let him speak about me? And finally I said our Son deserves better behaviour not dragging his mum's name down. Its not acceptable.

Me
You are unfaithful. Time to accept responsibility. Our Son deserved better from his mum. You put your own selfish needs ahead of our family and still are. You stepped outside our marriage instead of working on problems. Thats what marriage is - work. It also hurts me to know that you are waiting for OM to leave his family when kids are grown. I thought you had more respect for yourself. You still have the option to do the right thing for us and for our Son. Yes lots of work and much harder than running but so worth it for us all.

WW
OM had nothing to do with our problems. How dare you say I'm a selfish mum. I have always looked after my Son. I'm a mother who is honest. You're family never respected me. I'm not going to be bullied anymore. Hi family.

Me
He had everything to do with it and still does. You are not married to my family and you live nowhere near them. The truth is you committed adultery. Sure we were not perfect but what marriage is? You broke your vows instead of putting your marriage first. How is that in our Sons best interest? If you really put him first instead of yourself, you would be excited to explore all options to restore love and happiness to our family. That would be the ideal situation for our Son.

WW
How is that adultery? Don't be ridiculous. I havealways been honest. I'm living by myself. Thereis no one else. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Me
Adultery is pursuing a relationship with another person while you are still married. Thats exactly what you did. That was not fair to me or our Son. But you know what, we still want our family. Read my last text again.

WW
Look I'm tired of being told that I'm stringing you along. You know I'm not. I'm sorry I was concerned for you and thought your parents should be here. And finally I won't be bullied.

Me
WW, you are not married to my parents and never were. Only people who matter here are me you and our Son. F**k everyone else and I never bullied you. All I ever offered you is never ending love and family commitment no matter how bad things got. If the last few months haven't proved that then I am sorry I have obviously failed you.

She never replied. Notice how she avoided what I said completely.

Vladie - you really need to be patient and wait for her to self destruct. You seem to think that it will all be fixed by Friday. She is spiraling down and you would be best advised at this point to wait her out and keep doing what you have been repeatedly told to do here.

Ouch, was that a 2x4! Just feeling my love for her draining away and feel like she just has it all too easy.

I understand Vladie - really I do.

Waiting on some replies. Please read my last few posts. Especially my text exchange with WW

You want advice on deciphering fog?

BigK, 4 Oct is the last time that I know of that she saw OM. Last email contact was 21 Oct. She is still showing no signs of changing her mind. If anything she is furthering her seperation with me. I think she really is waiting for things to cool down and she and OM can start seeing each other again but he will not leave home until the kids are grown.

How can I compete with this sort of romanticised fantasy? I have no proof that this is the case and no way now to get any proof.

That is still much too soon to expect her to turn around. It is probable that she is in contact.

Do you think I should go and see OM and his wife again?

It would be worth comparing notes with other BS to see if you can both see where they might have opportunity to be getting together.

I think the best thing I can do is try the 180 approach? Let her initiate contact with me