I am feeling much happier lately. I have a drink most evenings with friends who are married. Also I'm keeping busy around the house. Can't wait until college restarts in March.

Believe it or not I am getting on with things slowly but surely. How long more do I give it until Plan B?

In the last week she has bought a book on the dalai lama who is OM's hero and is listening to OM's favouite music. Is that a sign of contact or what?

Could be. He may not have given up yet.

I think a good Plan B would be better. How much longer do you have in school? Did you drop out for awhile?

Yes semester goes from mar-jun and aug-nov. I took leave of absence from jul-nov this year. I have another few years left as I only go part-time as I work full-time.

I think Plan B is coming soon as I can't go on like this. It really suits her cause she thinks no matter what we will be friends and she still depends on me a lot for conversation etc. Also with selling the house I think I would be much better off to just agree to buy her out and get a 50/50 deal if possible.

It isn't a divorce as that can't happen till july 08. She will really be on her own then and this I think if anything will be what wakes her up.

Thoughts??????

I vote for Plan B.

Honestly, Vladie, you seem like a good man. If I was going to guess what will happen, I would say that YOU will get tired of waiting for your wife, and find someone else. That happens a lot around here, especially with the men.

That is why I keep trying to get you to start developing a good life WITHOUT her. Because if this goes on and on (if there IS contact), you are likely to lose your love for her.

Plan B might do the trick. Plan A only works about 15% of the time anyway. But you would need to prepare to do a good, DARK, Plan B.

What do you think about buying her out of the house? I really need to protect myself and have a good home for my Son. I don't want to end up in a court battle costing $30,000 for nothing.

This way the home will be still there for her if she wants to make a go of things

Bump for replies

I think it is a GREAT idea if she will agree. But I still think she will be back.

Well hopefully she will want to come back. But for now I think I will agree to buy her out of the house and that coupled with a dark Plan B will hopefully do the trick.

I want to try and wait till after christmas before Plan B if I can because I know me being a softie that I would be in danger of caving over christmas. It will also give me the opportunity to perfect my Plan A until then

WW has said nothing in regards to the letter I sent her. But she is very friendly and we are getting on well. No relationship talk at all.

I think she is relaxing a bit cause she thinks that I am finally getting it that the M is over. Is that a good or a bad thing?

Also when I went to take the car yesterday she removed the CD she's been listening to which is OM's favourite artist. Contact or pineing for him?

Good idea - but remember, no relationship talk. She may be pining for the OM, or in contact. Who knows? Figure out what needs he met, and YOU start meeting them.

OM and WW share a deep interest in spirituality and past lives etc. Thats how it began. OM being japanese and working in a hair salon was treated poorly by staff and was 'saved' by WW. She showed him how to cut hair properly and kinda took him under her wing. WW became convinced that they were together in a past life and this was destiny and meant to be....they were soulmates.....

I imagine the needs he met were conversation and admiration. I was never into that stuff but am trying to read a bit about it and am sure to leave the book by my bed where I know she will see it when she goes over to the house. So conversation is easy to meet but admiration is a bit hard under the circumstances.

Is Mel staying off my thread for a reason?

I don't think Mel is off your thread for a reason, but only she knows. I've noticed she is not posting as much now. She is probably busy.

Oh, yikes, that spiritual/past lives stuff is hard. Being a married man with 5 kids, he probably needs the "together in a past life" angle.

Think of stuff to talk to her about, and listen to her too. Admire something about her, and do it over and over.

bump for comments

Update:

A lot has happened over the weekend and it gave me a good opportunity to Plan A. WW had her christmas party friday night. We met at the bus stop and I took our Son. He was upset that she was leaving as she only picked him up from daycare a few mins before. I sent her a text saying "he is fine now don't worry and enjoy your night". She replied with "thanks I'm just so sick that he was so upset". I replied "he's fine now and we will have fun swimming. Will text you later". She texted my later that night to say the party was boring and she missed our Son.

Saturday she called from work asking how our Son was. I said he's fine and then she asked me if I had voted. I agreed to pick her up later so we could vote. After we went to a playground. And there is where things got a bit weird. She started talking about christmas. She wants us to have christmas together in the family home alone, just the three of us. She wants us all to stay there christmas eve and wake up together for Santa. Her reasons - and try not to laugh, "no matter what we are still a family and I want us to spend the day alone as we have never had christmas on our own". It's not like we fight all the time or anything so our Son will really enjoy it". Remember only 2 weeks ago I got a line "we could never live together again, we'd fight all the time"! Waywards really are messed up!

Thoughts??? I just agreed and didn't say much. Obviously I was thinking "we are not a family you ruined that....", but I am still in Plan A and I see it as a great opportunity to perfect it. A perfect launch pad for Plan B if required. Then on sunday we went to the beach for a barbacue with our friends and there're kids. We had a great day and our Son really enjoyed it. It came about cause I was at WW's unit and it was her suggestion not mine! We agreed to meet our friends at 12.30 so I went home to do some washing. Then I got a text from WW.

"Are you nearly ready? I hope you don't think it was weird to ask you if you wanted to come to bbq. I don't see anything wrong in taking our Son together. Do you?"

Me
Thats cool. Give me 15 mins.

WW
Good cause if you were uncomfortable I'm sorry. We are all friends. I'm sick of people thinking the worst of me. As if I wouldn't ask you to come. You have your own mind. Anyway just wanted to say that".

Me
You worry too much about what other people think. F**k them. Lets just have some fun with our Son and our friends.

Comments??? What do you think is going on here? For those of you who haven't read the letter I sent to WW last week please do. I pointed out a roadmap for recovery. It involved taking things really slowly. She seems to be doing what I asked of her?

Please respond!

I think she is slowly coming back to you and is entertaining thoughts of reconciliation. She will need more time to grow emotionally closer to you. Stick with Plan A, Vladie, and be patient, patient, patient....

Thanks Mel, I thought you had abandoned me! Good to hear from you. I hope your right. I will Plan A, Plan A, Plan A!!!

Yes, sounds good. Don't talk relationship just now. Have family fun with her and son and show her the Vladie she fell in love with.

That looks really promising... keep it going! I don't have much to spare, but I'm sending some positive thoughts your way!!

Thanks Ron, I must remember that part of Plan A is no expectations. All this could just be a way to ease her guilt. Who knows? It does seem strange though coming after I gave her the letter. Thanks for the positive thoughts - right back at ya!

Update:

WW called me on tuesday and told me about her friends work christmas party for kids. She said our Son would enjoy it and because its my weekend with him that maybe we could go together? I agreed. So we seem to be getting on well and I think she is beginning to feel 'safe' with me. Obviously this could be all a sham just so she gets what she wants and is just cake eating. Who knows for sure?

No way of knowing if contact with OM but definitely not muct time for them to meet. She went to the gym yesterday and was going to drop off the car to me on her way home. I asked her if she wanted to join us for dinner but she declined saying she had something ready. To be honest I was a bit dissapointed. Saw her again this morning and didn't mention it and was very upbeat.

We are getting on great but what if she just sees it as we are able to be friends? Comments???