She said she believes that OM is not happy in himself and will always be searching for something and would have left her eventually. She sees herself as someone who is always searching also. For what I don't know.

Comments anyone???

It sounds as if your Plan A is going pretty good. (the good news)

" need a HUGE fog breaker quickly!"

It rarely happens that way (the bad news)

I remember all too well thinking I just couldn't stand another nanosecond unless things got better NOW! But time just kept going, the days and weeks slipped excruciatingly by...

She is showing lots of signs of improvement.
But the fog comes and goes for while before lifting completely. That's normal and unfortunately you can't really do much to break the fog (assuming you already exposed, are doing Plan A, etc.)

Stay the course...

Thanks for responding meremortal.

I am getting good Plan A time but she is happy we are friends and is glad I am getting stronger. How is that a good thing? If I allow this she will cake-eat forever?

If I say we aren't going to be friends then I lose my Plan A opportunities as she will say "if thats what you want fine".

Vladie - It sounds good. Don't push the relationship, and just have a nice time with her. Be warm and supportive, a good dad, and friend to her. If she is criticising the OM, that is HUGE. That hardly ever happens. I don't think this will go on and on. Hang in there.

Well beleiver, she said that before and was emailing asking why he didn't want her anymore. That was mid oct. Last contact as far as I'm aware.

Should I state my boundries?
I will not live in a loveless marriage
We will not be friends if marriage is def over

Really feel she has no intention of returning and want the best for DS - us being good friends.

She also said OM gave her her worst fear - to be on her own. Should I say thats not true - you're choosing to be on your own and DS to be living in 2 homes? Is that a LB?

What part of "NO RELATIONSHIP TALKS" are you missing Vladie?

It's really like groundhog day here.

Ouch bigK,

I didn't bring the relationship up. She's asking me how I am and if I'm accepting things.....

What am I supposed to say? If I say yeah I'm delighted - thats what she wants

Well ALL your above questions are related to YOU initiating talks.

I'm really not smacking you. You'l know it if I smack you OK?

Ok! I have booked a session with Steve Harley for wed night at 10pm so I can't wait for that.

If you look at the previous post you see that she asked me to dinner last night initiated talks

I know she invited you to dinner and initiated talks.


But that and the rest of that post is to do with YOU talking to her about your marriage.

I know, I didn't aske those questions yet nor will I now.
But she always wants to know how I feel etc. Like last noght when I got home she texted me asking what was I thinking.

I just don't want to be relegated to 'friend' in her mind cause thats not going to happen. If its over thats it.

Sadly I feel I already am

There is no problem saying you fell very hurt and betrayed and that your son will in future know he was abandoned by his mother and will be hurt by that.

There is a saying I don't take this s*it from friends, only lovers. I know how you feel.

MFIL-
How long has it been since the A started? How long have the 2 of you been seperated? How old is your child?
Sorry, lots of q's I know but I am trying to learn also and I do not seem to be getting responses on my thread so I am trying to learn from yours!

Ok quick recap:

Me 32, WW 30 DS 2.5. WW told me in june ILYBNILWY. Then 2 days later truth comes out about OM. He japanese 11yrs older married with 5 kids and works with her. She wants to be with him. Then moves to her cousin's house came home twice for a day or two and leaves again. None of this has anything to do with OM as marriage was 'over' anyway according to her.

She says OM is not the issue and I believe her and she gets a unit to think and needs space. A continues, I find out and in sept after interfering in the A, OM goes home to his wife and gets a better job. He doesn't need WW's help anymore. WW & OM never lived together. I find she is sending him e-mails again asking him 'why doesn't he want her anymore etc. I confront him and his wife and he sends no contact e-mail.

WW is devestated. I am the devil - I made him do it etc....
As far as I know there has been no contact since oct 21. If you read my last few posts you can see where WW's head is at the moment. She doesn't want to work on the marriage but wants to stay 'friends'.

She is sleeping in our house christmas eve and we are all having x-mas day together. "We may be seperated but we're still a family" is her best one. Been in sorta Plan A since june but perfected it around october and all LB's gone for the last 4 weeks.

She seems happy to be around me - we have been together 16yrs since she was 13 and me 15. We came to australia in 2001. She has a cousin here (the witch enabler) who has 4 kids. I have nobody. I am getting plenty of Plan A opportunities but my fear is that she is getting exactly what she wants by this and has no incentive to return to the marriage. We share a car, had a little laywer battle over selling the house but now she has put that on hold.

Responses have been very scarce so please all advise me!
Can't stay in Plan A forever its really draining!

Looking for a few fresh perspectives. Especially from FWW's

Any takers? Please!

Update:

Went to collect DS yesterday and he was upset leaving. I told WW this isn't right. She called later asking was he ok. He was at that stage. She said what are we going to do? I told her the ideal situation but again its NO. Then she was saying something about 4 nights with me is too long. What about the 5 nights he's with her! She even said about maybe cutting it down to weekends only cause when he's at school this won't work! Duh!!! I told her this is the life that DS has been dealt now. She asked "by me is it"? I was silent and she said goodbye. So she thinks that I'm going to give up time with DS? She can think again.

Anyway I spoke to Steve Harley later. He is great. He really wants to talk to her and gave me great advice on how to get her to talk to him. And he said don't act as if I'm 'feeling better than ever'. Tell her I'm not ok. Whats to be ok about. Tell her you are struggling and there is a way for her to fall back in love with me. Otherwise if I say everythings great it will look manipulative when I go to Plan B which he thinks will be sometime after christmas.

Funny he spoke little in terms of Plan A and B. Was on the phone over an hour. He's a great guy. I had him in stiches a few times!

Don't want to give too much of Steve's stratedgy away here but really everyone in this situation should call him NOW!

Told ya so Vladie!!

I know!

I've just read your thread. I don't have advice because I don't have experience to share.

It's great that you talked to DR H and are getting good advice. I just wanted to lend support and say, Good Luck, I hope it all works well for you.

Thanks Oz

Well yesterday DS was getting upset again when we were taking WW to work. Keeps saying 'i need my mummy'. Its heartbreaking to hear. As per Steve's advice I told her how hard it is for me to see what this is doing to DS and told her I could not or would not be able to put him through this. She said very hatefully "the only thing I won't ever do is live with you again". I sent her atext later saying "you say that with such hate. It hurts believe me. I have no idea why you'd say it which makes it worse".

She called me afterwards and said that I was aggressive towards her etc. and trying to make her feel bad....the usual crap. I told her I was simply stating how this was affecting me and DS. She doesn't like to hear that. She is just so self serving now. She wants to change DS's schedule aswell but didn't say to what.

On the good side I did get her to answer THE question Steve told me to ask. Would you agree that you would be happiest if you were in love with the father of your child. After several attemps at wriggling out of answering she finally said yes. (there is no other answer) So I left it at that. That is the first step in getting her to talk with Steve. I don't think she will though. Its amazing the crap she says when all it requires is a yes or no answer.

To tell you the truth I am beginning to question if I really love this woman? I am getting to the point where I am fast losing my love for her. Everything is all about her, its just maddening. Steve said this is the time you need to Plan B so thats what I intend to do shortly after christmas if she won't speak with Steve.

Comments?