PK,
I will agree with you on some things and not on others.
Yes, I am her mother, and I would hope she would respect me. If you only knew the vile things that came out of her mouth regarding ExH and OW, your eyes would pop! She HATED OW. Said she destroyed our family. Said she would NEVER accept her if ExH continued the relationship. She practically disowned ExH for ruining our family by having the A. She would make up excuses so she wouldn't have to visit with him. I could go on, but I imagine you get the idea. When she told me she chose to live with ExH, (this was after a little arguement we had had, and I mean "little"...), I told her I didn't think that was a good idea considering his living situation. She was then very defensive and said it was her father and I couldn't stop her. I told her she was right, but I had hoped she would have thought things through clearer. She accused me of not letting her see/live with, her own father, and told me to go F off. This was a father she hated a week prior. That is respect for a mother?!
PK,
You mentioned that you lived with your father and saw the pain he was in. Well, DD lived with me and she saw the pain I was in too. She knew this A destroyed my self esteem, not to mention finances and my health. She even told a relative that she wished she could make my pain go away as her father was an ***hole and how could he hurt me like this. This was just a few months ago she told a relative this.
Fast forward to today and she is living with ExH and OW and they are the best of friends. Didn't she think her sending me the picture of the 3 of them with their arms around one another, wouldn't hurt me?! As I said, she knew how I felt about OW. If she wanted me to see her new outfit, couldn't she have sent a picture of herself alone? Sometimes I think she wants to hurt me intentionally or ExH and OW have her so brainwashed that probably in a round about way they are encouraging this behavior.
I think ExH sees DD living with him as a coup. He knew DD didn't want to have anyhting to do with him before. Now he's won her back and he's loving it, in part because he knows how much it hurts me.
I know this is not at all motherly to even say this, but I do feel betrayed by DD. No she is not my ExH and it's not about infidelity, but I thought she would have realized all the pain he has caused, and her living with him just turns the knife deeper in my heart. We were close before all of this.
I'm not saying she cannot have a realtionship with ExH, of course not. But living with him and OW is just too much for me to handle right now. That's why I need to do plan B on her. Again, probably not the motherly thing to do, but it's what I need.
I doubt DD even wants me in her life. As I said, for lack of a better word, I think her and ExH have formed an "alliance". When she does come here with ExH to get DS for visits, I try and talk to her and she treats me like a total stranger. And when I do get a sentence out of her, she sounds programmed and not like the kid that used to live here.
I don't know if she is in a fog or not. Nor whether she will ever get out of it. But to answer your question as to whether it matters where she lives...absolutley. I don't want her living in the environment she is in now. I try and teach my kids some sort of morals. Her living with her father, and a woman, that age wise could not even be her mother, as DD and OW are just several years apart, more like siblings, I don't think that is a healthy environment.
Sure she is old enough to see what is right and wrong, but I don't want it flaunted in her face everyday. Apparantly she sees no problem with it as she chose to live there. Again, that upsets me to know that she is living with adulterers by her own choice. Adultery, a word she hated with a passion!
Again as terrible as this sounds, I see DD as a two face. As said earlier, she was so adamant against her father, OW and their relationship. Said "he was screwing someone young enough to be his daughter". I guess she told me what she thought I wanted to hear, just like ExH did while he was living here still. Now she has no problem going against her word.
Some times I really think she "wants" to hurt me for whatever reason.
Sorry if I sound bitter, I am. Sorry if I don't sound very motherly, but I am being honest in my feelings right now.
I am trying to move ahead and not think about ExH and OW. I am not drinking anymore. Not that I was an alcoholic or anything, just had a few beers a night to relax. I know that won't solve anything. I'm still on AD's. I do know that I can't control what any of them do, and I have to really get that through my head. I am a contolling person.
I am going to try my hardest to live by the motto of... living well is the best revenge.
I know I have to stop obsessing. So much easier said than done though. I am still so hurt seeing ExH with someone and I have no one. Now he even has my DD!
Well, thanks for letting me vent. Again I hope I did not hurt anyone's feelings by what I wrote. I just wanted to tell it like I felt.
Cat
