I am getting a divorce and 7 months pregnant. My emotions are going alittle crazy. I have a couple of posts up already. My H left me for OW and living together. We have been married 6 years, have a 4 year old son together and I'm pregnant with a girl. I also have step children who are older. He is so selfish that he is destroying the whole family. When will justice be served? I have been faithful and stood by him for 6 years while he has hurt me from previous affairs. I believed in him and have given him chance after chance to prove himself. He justs knows the right things to say to make me believe him. We were so happy in the beginning as well and I believed we could of gotten that back.

I want him to suffer as I have been suffering. Everyone knows that this new relationship will not work out. She is a cheater, my H is a cheater and the stress of this divorce will put alot of strain on their new relationship. I know I need to just give it to the Lord cause vengance is His. It is hard not to just wish the worse for him. Does anyone have stories of WS realizing that they lost everything and coming back admitting they were wrong? I want that to happen and then I just want to say to him that it is too late and it will be. I am Christian and I know one day I have to forgive him so I can completely heal and free myself of that bitterness. It is very hard and right now I need my anger to get me through this divorce. I just would like encouragement and hope that one day my H will realize what he did and be sorry! Thank you.

God will serve him justice but not how you want it. You may not even get to see it. Often WS's get everything they want and are still not happy. The best revenge you can have is to heal, forgive, and learn to enjoy life again. Don't expect to ever get an apology. If it ever happens, treat it as the rare blessing it is. Most WS's don't have the strength of character to do anything but blame their problems on you.

I know it seems like you can't forgive unless he admits he was wrong. Forgiveness doesn't mean what he did was right or that you won't hold him accountable for his responsibilities. It just means that you are not going to hold on to that anger and bitterness. I once heard someone say that until we forgive, we are getting in the way of God's justice.

My WS left me for OW right before getting a large lawsuit settlement. He lost his job, lost his reputation, married OW (a grandmother) because she conviently got pregnant, lost what little respect his grown children had for him, and ended up paying me more that he thought. I'm sure the money is already spent.

Me? I am awed by how God has blessed me. It was tough. There were times when I felt like giving up and I had to learn to ask for help. But I got through by leaning on God and friends, and I'm now happier than I ever have been.

Hang in there and find a DivorceCare class if you can.

YOu know what I think? I think WS, even those who marry their OP, or possibly especially those who marry their OP, always have doubts about their decision. I think they have regrets from day 1.

I also believe you sow what you reap.

Thanks. I know one day I will have to forgive cause I don't want this bitterness to eat at me for the rest of my life. I know I deserve better and will find someone who will really love me and not cheat on me. It is hard to think that far ahead. One minute I am so angry and today for some reason I pity my H and have compassion for him. I know taking him back would be crazy after all that has happened. I still feel for some reason that I can help him and have this Saviour complex. I just have to realize that if I do love him then I have to let him go. I have to start loving myself and do what is best for the kids.

I do hope that one day he will regret what he did and God will chastise him cause know God hears my prayers and he is merciful but he also is just and remembers the victims.

i have read your story as i have many on here. why do woman have to be the ones to end up with all the hurt day after day.like you i want to see him suffer. they say what goes around comes around but lord i would love to see it. i have never hurt so much in my life. each day i try telling myself im better off but then i realize i loved him so much. im sorry you are going through all of this and i pray things gets better for you and your kids

Wanda -

Neither women nor BS have a monopoly on the pain. Without going into details, I am a WH and in the midst of separation/divorce proceedings.

Though there are moments when the pain subsides, it is everpresent. There is no doubt that it is far and away the most torturous experience of my life. Tears flow all the time. My heart is broken and empty.

I can't imagine anything hurting more.

Women most certainly don't have the monopoly on the pain.

I have found that a wayward wife is the most viscious creature ever encountered. She thought nothing about my feelings or our family as she set about tearing us apart for her addiction of fornication.

I look forward to her spectacular failures in the future.

Sometimes the anger is the only thing that keeps me from giving in and allowing her to get it all in the divorce.

If we both go to the bottom, so be it. At least I went down fighting and not like some loser wimp.

I think we really do reap what we sow in life. You can't plant the seeds like your ex is and expect to be blessed down the road so Joel Osteen preached on tv one night. If you look around you, generally it's true isn't it? Carma, justice, reaping what you sow, whatever you want to call it, there's something univeral throughout various religions on this one.

I've known people that have left their marriages, cheated, run off and then spent years living in regret. Stats are very poor when it comes to second and third marriages, worse if the couple got together while cheating on a spouse. People think they can just find a new partner and that'll fix things for them, rather then working on their own marriage. For your husband this "easy" and also for his bitc#. But wait until LIFE catches up with them, ex's, children, details, stress, it's not gonna be an easy road or the thrill of an affair forever... life will take it's course and he'll look back with regret one day I bet ya, when the same patterns haunt him in his new relationship - if it even lasts that long.

I wouldn't be playing savior or rescuer on this one. Let him feel the PAIN of his decision. Don't be there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on. Don't even let the jerk know how upset you really are, play it cool. Oh there's a few of these idiots that wake up when filed with divorce papers and start to actually get their heads out of their bu##s, but not most. But I wouldn't be dreaming about some big reconciliation or anything. Proceed.

As for stories about ex's. My ex is facing life as a result of poor choices, not with me but women before me. I was wife number three. I think he thought things would be different when he left his girlfriend before me and found another, he loved the thrill of the chase with me, went on for years, he said everything he had to say to keep me interested long distance (and I found out later another girl at the same time I had no clue about). I left him, moved back, the usual circular garbage, had a baby, he got meaner and I left him. He was so arrogant our final year together, didn't even see that the cliff was right there, just kept making stupid decisions, big and small. But the cliff was there. The first year he laughed at me, did nothing, thought I'd come back again, as I had in the past. I didn't. He started getting a little less arrogant for once in his life. He lost his wife and baby afterall. Then he "tried" to get me back, wasn't really trying, I cracked his email and saw how he was lying to me, on singles sites, exaggerating what happened, you name it... so black and white.

Do I feel sorry for him that he's alone? That he rarely sees his boy? That he's losing yet another job at 50? Sometimes I do, I'm human... however I think one gets what they deserve in life. He bounced around, had numerous wives, failed relationshiips, losses of jobs due to arrogance, and now at his age he has money but nothing personally. He's so far from God, so selfish and he doesn't get it. When he cries like this weekend after seeing his boy - it doesn't really get me. Those tears? Does he deserve to cry after what he did to me, he's crying for himself... poor me. How about looking back at 50 having blown it over and over again? How does he feel about what could have been had he stuck with a wife or a job rather then jumping around being king of the mountain? Not so easy for hiim now to just get a young girl, or then next job is it? A decade ago when I met him it appears that it was easy - as I wasn't the only one he was dating when he said I was the "only one" for him. How many dates does he have now? How many job opportunities.

Yes life catches up with you - good or bad - it comes back years later. Everything we do today impacts were we are years in the future. All we can do is try our best not to become what THEY will BE in the future. As for forgiveness, you don't have to be quick to forgive the jerk, take your time, go through the steps of grief first, don't let a preacher or any Christian say "forgive now..." it takes time. The more the hurt, the more the time. Go easy on yourself as much as you can. Don't worry about HIM, it'll come back around, it really will. A decade from now you'll see it...

Very well said, horsey.

Thank you. I need to be patient. I want justice served now. Reality will strick tomorrow or Friday when he gets the divorce papers and everything I am asking for. I went to my step son's game. My H is the coach and his OW was there for alittle bit. I totally didn't care and thought she was the one looking like a fool. My 4 year old son went up to OW 5 year old son and they hugged. That bothered me and my son said he wanted to come over. My H has not seen our son for 2 1/2 weeks and I am fine with that cause he would bring our son around her and I do not want that until after the divorce.

I see my H trying to work out more, he is tanning, got a motorcycle and so consumed by his image and being of the world. He was a Christian, family man, said prayers, etc. It is still a shock how he could commit such a sin and not even care about losing his family. How can he possibly be happy as he says? I know he knows that what he is doing is wrong and he is justifying it saying that things are right at home so it is okay to do this. He has had failed relationships over and over again. Everything seems okay now in his new relationship but like you said, reality with strike and faults will show. There is nothing solidifying his new relationship but sex and the excitement of someone else that doesn't totally know completely how he is.

I have known my H for 8 year and married for 6. I know his faults, weaknesses, every dislike, like, etc. I still loved him. I stood by him after all this hurt. I was faithful to him and committed to our marriage. Why is it that the ones that do what is right still suffer? I know one day he will suffer even if not in this life but when he stands before God on judgement day. The first thing God will ask is how he was a good husband and father. That would be a big, opps on his part. He gave it all up for temporary pleasure. So what if this girl gives him what he wants now. I have done my time and gave the best 6 years of my life. I am 29 years old now and older. I feel used and abused. However, I have learned alot from my marriage and don't regret it. I have a beautiful son and will have a beautiful baby girl in the few months ahead.

I just have to leave it the Lord's hand to humble him one day and to provide justice.

Oh, heavens, you're only 29??? You sound more mature. Sweetie, your best years are ahead of you, not behind you. And seriously, if this weren't your STBX, wouldn't just laugh at the thought of a straight man tanning? That's so girlie.

I know it really hurt to see your son hug OW's son. Just keep in mind that both are innocent in this debacle, and that it's best for your son if he feels it's okay to like this other boy.

When ever someone things they are king of the mountain the cliff is right there waiting for them to fall. His tan and looks will fade one day. What's of the world can be inticing but going down that road in the long run only leads to emptiness. He's taking the "easy" route, getting on his motorcycle and zipping off to the next horizon, staying busy, getting rushes from sex and whatever else - trying not to feel the pain.

Yes you know the truth about this man and this new woman one day will see it all too. The excitement and newness will wear off, especially with the stress of combiniing two families. Remember the George Strait song - he has a new girlfriend and he's singing about the ex, saying she knew him, flaws and all? You know me better then THAT... well you know this guy better then THIS. You stood by him too, flaw and all. Let him go ride off into the sunset, destiny will take it's course. He'll get what he deserves either on this earth or on Judgment day. He's going to have to answer for his life and poor decisions. And believe me there's going to be a day when the motorcycle goes flying off the cliff with this arrogant dude, and his suntan isn't going to matter much when he's covered in dirt and blood.

That is what I am wishing that he hits rock bottom. I am angry now and hoping that could be right NOW. Today for some reason I was very depressed. My H is getting the divorce papers with everything I want and believe me I am asking and getting everything that I can. Why does part of me feel sorry for him? I hate hurting people and yet I know he deserves it and then some.

I had a doctor's appt. the other day and the baby's heart rate is down nothing too serious and I have to take steroid shots for the baby's lung cause I am a high-risk pregnancy and will have the baby early. Well, I decided to tell my H just because it is his. I texted him on his cell phone and told him and just asked if he could say a prayer. He text back and said he would and then said, "how r u"? That really got me mad. What nerve does he have to ask or even care? Either he felt guilty or still wanting the best of both worlds. When he gets the papers, I will not respond to him cause he will try and try to start something to settle out of court. Well, too bad. I have to be strong. Yes, part of me wants him to crawl back and I shut him down for once. Either he will get really angry and try to threaten me so I can't move ( I want to move back home with the kids which is 2 hours away) or he will try to woo me and get me weak so I cave.

Thanks for all the support. He says he is happy but how can you be living such a life and a lie. Going against everything that he knows is wrong and breaking up a family for what, sex! There is no foundation to his new relationship. When I met my H, we built our foundation on God and to do what is right. We abstained before marriage and he was good. Now he is some serial cheater and starting to drink, etc. How can one go astray so much? I feel that I will always try to help him try to do what is right for the sake of our kids but I have to remember that I can't save him and I need and deserve someone who will uplift me. I shouldn't have to babysit all the time.

My H's father was a serial cheater. His mother stayed for 10 years and then divorced him. She had three kids with him. My H's father married one of the W he cheated on his wife with. They have been married for 20 years now and have two sons. He was not a father at all to my H and is wealthy and now a high ranking political official in the area. However, he also cheated on his 2nd wife but she stayed. I don't know if he still cheats because he is older. One of his sons is a drugie and the other is pretty good. I look at that situation and I ask when will he pay for what he did? My H's father never was there for my H and makes alot of promises that he does not keep. Why is my H following in his footsteps? In the world's eye it seems he is successful. But how can one say they are successful when there is failure in the home. In the next life he will have to pay for his mistakes. Sometimes it is just nice to here when someone who has wronged you gets what they deserve. I know one day I will have to forgive him so I can heal. It just gets me mad how he robbed me of 6 years and left me a broken heart. I love so much and it will take me such a long time to really get over him even though he has hurt me so.

If you are pregnant you are going to have to be careful, eat right, exercise and although this must be horrible think about that BABY inside of you. Stress is a killer. It steals nutrition from you and the baby. Can you go on walks, get outside, ask for help from family and pray, and pray for a little peace her.

I think some men who grow up with a cheating father are quite damaged. It sounds like yours went to the opposite extreme trying so hard NOT to be like HIM. The problem with rebelling - and for him it was rebelling for the best - is that one is rebelling to rebell, ie being a Christian, doing whatever the person he was rebelling from wouldn't have done.

Yet being hurt as a child doesn't excuse his behavior now. You are young, be thankful of that. Six years isn't a long time in the scope of life. Yes it'll take time to get over this but you will. God will bless you and your child, IF you take the high road. And the high road doesn't include wishing revenge on anyone.

There's books out there on healing, one suggested having something you repeat over and over again any time the person who wronged you comes to your head. It's a sort of visualization. Rather then wishing them the worst - which isn't helping you heal - accept what's happened as you can't do anything about it at this point... when he comes to your mind and you feel angry ask God to help, pray "God I turn him over to you, you will take care of him, it's out of my hands." This is too much for you to handle, the anger will eat you alive if you let it, we've all been there.

Your ex doesn't have to hit rock bottom now. It'll come with time. There's consequences to all of our major life decisions. And when one takes the very wrong road in life, it comes back, it really will. Now or later, but repeat, "Dear God, this is out of my hands, it's more then I can handle..." pray, believe in Him.

Thanks for the encouragement. My H got the verified complaint papers yesterday which states everything I want in the divorce. His mother invited me over for dinner and she stated that he went over to her house too earlier and was super upset. He said that I wasn't a Christian and going out for blood, etc. I pretty much just laughed at his logic. He knows he is in the wrong. He sees all the $ he has to pay now. He is panicking and doesn't know what to do. He went to his mother cause he knows that she talks with me but i have been careful what I say around her. He is maxing out all his credit cards and has no money to pay for a lawyer. He will want to settle this out of court. I don't even want to talk to him and I'm sure he will try to negotiate with me at some point. I won't to it, not without my lawyer. Reality of his choice is hitting him and his little A doesn't seem has hot now. He is starting to hit rock bottom and seeing the consequences of his actions. It is funny cause I actually feel sorry for him and I hate fighting. I am still trying to get over him too. I still care for him but don't respect him at all for what he has done. I get lonely and really miss the family we once had. He took everything from me. Now, he has to deal with the consequences.

Don't think of it as revenge but getting what you deserve. Even if you put money in a bank account for your child, your child deserves it. What did he think, a Christian would back down and walk away? I met a Christian lady that did, after her preacher husband cheated on her with the Church secretary, she took the child and left, wanting only the child - she said she regretted not having taken what she should have financially. Not for revenge but for her and her son to have a better life.

A grown up husband doesn't run off on a pregnant wife. He doesn't cheat, he doesn't lie and he doesn't think he's above the law, and consequences. An attorney once said it's the arrogant ones like this that are "shocked" that there are laws, and judges, and consequences... they are used to running around getting their way if they are this selfish. Stupidity I'd call it, my ex did the same, when I filed for a divorce and an attorney "filled him in" that legally he'd be responsible for his son if he saw him or not, oh did I hear him cry - that was after he laughed at me, ran off getting a better job, went off dating, didn't see his son but every 4-5 months, wouldn't pay me a dime for over a year (my dad was dying of cancer so I didn't divorce him immediately like I should have).

I wish I would have divorced him while I was mad, mine still isn't finished, the anger has died. But I was fueled by a lot of anger early on, it was the time to finish the divorce as nothing changes with these selfish immature little boys - and if a miracle happens you can always remarry. Just try as hard as you can through your faith, exercise, eating right, yoga, whatever works for you - to find some peace for your baby. I can't imagine going through all of this pregnant - although I went through it with a small baby and survived. We women, we are survivors. You'll be ok, just hang in there and keep doing what you are doing...

Why do you need the anger to get you through the divorce? So that you can be mean, hateful and spiteful? and so that your heart can remain hardened against him to get through it?

Scripture tells us as Christian's we are supposed to pray for those who hurt us. So why not, instead of being angry, begin to pray for him. Show Him the Love of Christ through this..

I can look back and know that during that time, my hurt didn't get the best of me coming out in anger.

I didn't pray for God to make him suffer for His sins, as I knew God could also make me suffer for my own sins..I didn't want justice, I wanted mercy. It is within showing others God's mercy that they see the Love He has for them and ourselves. Knowing we deserve judgement, but finding grace and mercy instead.

So maybe instead of showing anger towards him, wish him well in his new relationship...let him know you hope he finds what it is he's looking for, and let him know your sorry he couldn't find it within his marriage to you.

My ex-h has been looking for that as well, and he's still looking..he was remarried last year, and this year he was divorced again..I honestly hurt for him..because I know that what He is looking for can ONLY be found in Christ..and yet he runs from the light, he hides from it, he doesn't want to be exposed to it..and that hurts and it makes me sad to sit back and watch, knowing that any time I mention it, only makes him angrier and makes him go deeper into the darkness trying to keep hidden from the light, so that his sins are not exposed.

I have also noticed that when I shine the light on those things to him, he gets mad and starts reminding me of my own sins..which I quickly agree with him on..and acknowledge he is right..I am that aweful sinner he tells me I am..which again makes him angrier that I agree..He tells me I'm gloating and bragging, I say no, I'm just agreeing with you that I acknowledge I am that awful before God.

I feel God's mercy when the light is shined on me and my sins, but he feels God's condemnation, so he does whatever he can to try and hide from it..but wherever he goes that condemnation follows..and it will continue to follow after him until he lets the light shine in and he confesses it and acknowledges it instead of hiding behind the things of this world..trying to cover his sins..

I'm reminded of Adam and Eve in the garden, trying to hide behind the fig leaves..yet they still couldn't hide..and it wasn't until blood was shed and a covering was given to them by God, that they felt His love, compassion, and mercy.

So again, instead of asking God to serve justice, ask Him to show him grace and mercy..that leads to repentance.

My experience with "christians" is that they abandon their own wounded so they won't have to deal with them.

I'm sad to say, there are many Christians who do abandon their wounded..but there are also many who don't. Unfortuntately, there are more that do, than don't..

Though I have found, that many Christians who do abandon their wounded, have never been wounded in such a way, and aren't sure what to do or what to say..and if they have it brings up their own wounds that haven't been healed..

They continue to live in their own hurts and not look at them for what they are..wounds inflicted by the sins of this world..by the one seeking to devour and destroy them.

it is not the actual person they are fighting with who is trying to destroy and devour them, but the one they are following after.

Many times as Christian's we forget this passage when we are hurting..and see others hurting..

Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high [places].