Mrs W,
Fear can prevent you from trusting in others-
Immobilize you
Prevent you from allowing change ( and the list goes on)

It is also a wicked tool, others can use against you.

^^^and that in a marriage attempting recovery-is a recipe for disaster.



“Letting go” is a reachable goal
Identifying your emotions (fear) is a step
but then what?

What's ya plan?

Because you as with everyone here deserve to be free from it.


Peace

Max

Madmax,

I asked my DH his thoughts on this thread and he agrees with everything you said here. He also has no fears and I know Plan B/D is out on the table as I have had my one and only chance.

Maybe the difference for my DH and I is that we both knew our marriage was bad. I didn't rewrite history when I said our marriage was bad for years prior to my A. He knew it as much as I did, it's just that neither of us did anything real to change it. We just kept hoping things would fix themselves. It wasn't until after my A and I read HNHN that I realized everything we were doing wrong.

I am glad to read I am not the only one w/o fears.

LC

Mrs W.

(threadjack)

Your toothpaste story made me laugh. OMG, the things I did and said make me cringe now. I remember the first time I realized how unreasonable I was being. I was already in therapy so it was a year after I ended the A. My therapist asked me about my DH and at one point I told her I can't stand to sit next to him at the dinner table because I can't stand the way he chews his food. She then asked me what I do. My reply was I tell him he's drivng me crazy and I would get up and move. In her very soft, calm therapist voice she said, "Ah, I see your husband must be a very tolerant man."

Those words bounced around in my head for a very long time and it was after that I started to notice how much of a witch I was and how mean I was to him.

It's funny, but I don't seem to have any problems sitting next to him at the dinner table now and he hasn't changed anything about the way he eats. Poor guy, this is small on the scale of things I did and said to him.

OK back to fears

LC

LC

life is good eh?

and no I am not Canadian

Later

max

And a hearty Aloha to you too Orchid...Ah, I see now...The trust for us has been restored, I feel okay about speaking for Mr. W on that, we are very open in our talking about EVERYTHING...I know based on two things, his words and his actions towards me...He'd be better at explaining how/why he trusts me I'm sure...Suffice it to say, I just know...That and I have repeatedly offered to take a polygraph...have a GPS put on my car...have a keylogger on my computer...whatever-I'd willingly do anything that he asked of me in that arena...I've also told him that he can do many of these things without my knowledge if he feels he needs to...I understand that my past actions may warrant him doing so...I want him to know everything about me...I love, love, love our level of intimacy now...It rocks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LC...I understand that nitpicking stuff completely! I'm so glad to be over that-I sure wouldn't want Mr. W to do it to me-thankfully he never has...Tolerant is an understatement when it comes to Mr. W...Man, I'm so lucky! I'm sure you feel that way about your husband too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Max...I understand what you are saying...My post regarding my fears was for a few reasons...(1) WhoMe was openly asking for FWSs to chime in...I figured that there were probably other BSs that wanted to know what goes through the mind of a FWS in this arena, so I decided to share...(2) As I said before it helps ME to let go of fears when I state them...(3) My posting sparked a great discussion on fear between Mr. W and I...We were both able to allay fears for the other...This thread served us well! Our posting on MB together continues to be positive for us...We enjoy this kind of thing together-almost a form of recreational companionship for us believe it or not...The same thing was true for us when we chose to volunteer in the parenting program of our local hosipital...That kind of stuff just fits for us...Maybe we are just a couple of nuts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

If I remember correctly, you are a "Sheila", right "mate"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Sheila is a tad harsh, mate

later

Max

Is it? Sorry 'bout that...I thought "Sheila" just meant female over there...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

yeah it does
just

Like a racoon thing

Later

Max