I need to make an appt with Jennifer, but she is out of town until after the weekend. She has had some great advise, but I really like the daily feedback here on the board. I goes a long way to have people to chat with.

Ryan.

So what are you gonna do for YOUUU this weekend?...any events around town you can attend?

Nice email I just got back from OMW. When I asked if he was in town and if he drove an SUV like the one I saw in front of my wife's apartment. Not much help there. It certainly looks like we found out that the FBI contact was legit.

"When I responded to your original letter I asked that you respect my family's privacy and not contact us again. OM's boss contacted me a few weeks back and told me you had emailed and sent letters to the FBI regarding OM as well as attempted to blackmail OM. They stated they had contacted your employer and advised you to not contact OM or his family again or they would consider taking your case to the US Attorney's office for prosecution. Additionally, OM's sister called me last week and said you had called. I do not know what you are trying to do but contacting me and family is only going to give the FBI evidence of your harassment. As I told you before OM and I are in the process of getting a divorce and he has not lived here since we separated. What he does is his business.

FYI, OM spends a lot of time during the week and on weekends with the kids and he drives a Durango."

This was my response.

"Thank You. I am just trying to make a stand for my marriage. I am
following a plan of recovery by the very best affair recovery
professionals. I apologize if you feel I am harassing you. I don't mean for it to come off that way, I just want to let everyone know that I will fight for my
marriage. And no matter what your circumstances, my wife and I are
still married and what Jason has done is wrong. It is an affair and
it is a sin. Thank you for your time. I will not bother you again.

Ryan."

OM wrote that email...

I would have waited to come up with a better response.


For what it's worth.

IT'S NOT BLACKMAIL.

OM is trying to blackmail YOU by infringing on your right to freedom of speech and your duty as a Christian to expose immorality by insinuating and threatening you with legal process and FBI invesitagations.

You should report him...AGAIN.

The MORE noise you make the more it annoys OM and busts up the affair in the long run. It appears he is about to be single...there are plenty of other single woman for him to pursue that are a lot less trouble than your wife...but she needs to BE TROUBLE and that where exposure comes in. Repeated and continual exposure on his side of the fence.

You've really got nothing to lose. When you get reports back from your wife about it that merely confirms contact for ya. Win - win.

Mr. Wondering

I agree it screams OM when reading it.....I can't believe it's from his wife.....water off a ducks back man....let it roll off...it's an attempt to get you to back off because your causing waves in the reflection of thier fantasy image on the pond. Don't be influenced....

I agree, I would continue until until you are warned by law enforcement...but I don't see that happening!

Stay strong! You can do this!

I personally would NOT response at all...

Ummmmm-

I am not really that familiar with law enforcement, but does it sound like you did anything that the FEDERAL Bureau of Investigation would actually need to investigate?

Just a thought-

Johnstwin,

The reason the FBI is involved is because the OM works for the FBI.

Ryan.

I understand that he works for the FBI. But in terms of the FBI's duties, investigating this as an FBI matter would go against their mandate if it isn't within their specified duties. Public agencies get into trouble when the accounting office finds out they used their funds to do things they aren't supposed to do (unless of course it's the congress-that's another story)....

About the only thing they would really be able to investigate is internal-if the OM actually did do something that would make him a target for blackmail.

I just don't think what you did was a Federal Crime-that's the way I was looking at it. And if it isn't a federal crime, then the FBI wouldn't be doing anything about it.

That's what I was thinking anyway-

He's trying to wear big boy pants.....but it doesn't help because by sending that email it shows he's still pissing his pants right now. He's dropping names in hopes that it will work as a scare tactic.....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I would at least get a lawyer to spell out what your states boundaries are for blackmail and harrassment in terms of what you can be sued for. Protect yourself with knowledge.

Hey.....stop obsessing and get out of the house....or i will.....poke you with a stick....yeah....fear my stick.....

Did I make you laugh at my feeble atemp to scare you into a good mood? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

There is no way to know for sure who sent the email.

And you WERE in fact warned by your employer, concerning your conduct, which might have bordered on blackmail/extortion, because it appeared to be forcing performance of a deed, against potential threat. (As I recall, it was something like "send a letter to my wife, or I'll expose" -- right?)

However, since then you've been offered a new DoD position, so apparently your clearances (for now) seem untainted.

What I recommend, is that you find someone TRUSTWORTHY in the HR department, and ask for advice regarding security consequences. That might not be easy to do, because there are mandated reporters when it comes to security, just as there are in other professions... But you really need some frank advice from someone objective and willing to offer confidential advice, who knows about security issues, relevant to affairs and possible breaches of conduct.

There is no point living under a veil of this kind of threat; or of counter threat. In fact, as you well know, the HR departments and their various counselors are there in order to prevent potential security breaches in case of this very thing.

You should make the most of it.

Sweet

Sweetsobriquet,

I had already sent a letter to my security department, explaining the affair. The fact had sent a letter to the FBI and that they had called my boss. My boss never reported the call, to security he kept it between us. I am a little concerned but I guess I have to do what I have to do. I am pretty sure that the email came from the OMW. Since the first letter I sent her was before he was back from Baghdad, and he would have had no chance to intercept it. She has a real staunch attitude about her privacy. In her first letter she said that she wouldn't help me and what he does is his own business. Do not contact her again.

Ryan.

Ryan,


Does this sound like standard and appropriate interagency communications regarding security issues, to you?

Do not contact her again is an excellent idea. You have nothing to gain and a great deal to lose.

Nonetheless, you should find an ally in HR who can answer questions. Probably you are fine considering that you are a new-hire in a great new position (congratulations!) But having someone who can assuage your anxieties and give you advice will put you in a stronger position overall.

Yes there is no reason to continue to contact OMW, I was hoping for an Ally, but I found an Enemy. There is nothing further that she can do to help me anyway. I have exposed to everyone I can think of. Like everyone has said, I can't make it stop. I just have a hard time, putting the outcome in someone else's hands. I know that eventually they will probably stop the affair, but I sure would like my wife back soon ;-) On a side note she has been very friendly and open to talking on the phone. I have been initiating all the calls, but I am going to stop and see if she calls me.

Ryan.

IWQ,

The letter looks questionable. Origininator likely FEMALE, perhaps however written by two people, one female. If OM had a hand in it, there was a female helping him.

The content involving the FBI is not the relevant part. Blah-blah on the employer, could or could not be true. The part about involving referral to the big-shot prosecuting attorney is BS, and I don't mean betrayed spouse. These prosecutors have lots more to worry about than piddly old you calling her......they worry about gangsters, drug dealing, murders, etc. You calling this lady about her husband's affair would fall to the bottom of the stack in that prosecutor's office, big time. Threat, nothing more.

Besides, I doubt it is their jurisdiction. She would have to take it to her local area court, have the judge issue an RO or something first - what's the big-gun going to do with you???? Get real.

Anyway, just saying.

I'm outta here.

Schoolbus

Thanks. I have never called OMW. I sent her the original letter and I have emailed her twice. I have never been able to get a number for OM, or OMW. Not that it matters now. I have revealed to everyone, including some people that really didn't need to know (some of wife's friends that she hasn't talked to in a year). I don't have anyway to know if the affair is on going. I think that it is. I have questioned my wife about it and she gets very angry, saying that she is not talking to him. I wish I could read her better, but I she isn't doing anything to prove it. I have done a good job of letting her know that I care, the last couple of days. I am going to call Jennifer soon, but as of right now, I would like to PLAN A for a couple more weeks if it doesn't hurt my LB, and then go to PLAN B if my LB starts getting low.

Ryan.

How about taking all these letters and emails to a lawyer you hire to see if any of them are actionable?