Happy Anniversary! I forgot how long you've been married.

Today would be 7 years.

I think she spent our anniversary with OM...

Ryan.

Iwontquit, you're still on Plan A, right? Have you contacted her?

I called her and left a message, as well as a short text message that simply said, "Happy Anniversary!"

Ryan.

Well she is back from New York and she is very friendly again. While she was there she wouldn't answer my calls or text but now that she is back she is friendly and nice. I guess that is what happens when a drug addict gets their fix???? She is going to help me move into my new place on Sunday. I won't need much help, but she is willing. She also wants to talk about taxes and such so I will do my best to make things as PLAN A like as possible. Any ideas? Is this a lost cause?

Ryan.

One thought just occurred to me.

Try to have a good time working together as a team gettin' you moved. Do your best Plan A'ing.

At some point, with a nuetral smile, you may find the right moment to interject how much you are likely to miss her friendship if she chooses to continue down this path.

State it matter of factly and without hopeful anticipation of anything, but, when questioned making it clear that you have no intent of remaining friends with her if and when she divorces you based upon her abuse of you.

I see her valuing you in her life. Her being somewhat nice and helping you move is an indication that maintaining some kind of relationship with you is important to her. If not, why even bother to help you move.

Definitely don't start the day with that discussion as she may just turn it into a fight and abandon helping you not to mention it will only be effective after meeting her needs for communication and friendship for most of the day.

Other than message I don't see why you should try to make any moves other than Plan A for the day. Your time is limited so unless SHE wants to bog down the day in "relationship talk" ....I wouldn't recommend it.

Be strong and confident you. Demonstrate by your actions and attitude that YOU are a happy worthy person that she'd be lucky to have and believe it (becauase you ARE). OM doesn't compare to you....YOU are her God-given husband and the perfect choice for her. If SHE fails to recognize that in due course it's HER loss and a demonstration that you really don't need to be with such a person anyway.

You will make it....your wife, I'm not so sure about.

Mr. Wondering

What did Jennifer advise in such situations, Ryan? Follow the plan you and she set up, okay? Until you and Jennifer set up a personalized "plan b," (whatever that might involve), yes, you do Plan A.

Ryan, might she be acting friendly right now because she wants something in the tax arena? Trading a few minutes of "help" moving you to another place for a position more advantageous to her might seem like a good deal to her. Don't commit yourself to anything with regard to taxes. Consult your lawyer first.

BTW, I hope you see the symbolism involved in her being supportive of you moving to another place. On a subliminal level, I suspect she sees you’re now accepting the new (separate lives) concept and you’re beginning to move on.

Another thought,

Perhaps consider a predetermined thing you may want help with at a later date to ask for her help with.

In an effort to get MORE Plan A time with her perhaps you can ask her to come back next week sometime to help you paint a room or two. Maybe go to the hardware or furniture store to help you pick out some things for the new place. Express how much you appreciate her decorating taste and want her help arranging and decorating. Use this to express admiration for her and how you just can't do it without her (making her feel needed by you).

It also makes her WATCH you spend money on yourself. Some women HATE that and it's likely money is a little tight for her and particularly OM. You may score some "financial support" points in the old Ryan lovebank by implying you are the better provider. This should be easy since OM is going to have to pay child support forever (if I remember correctly).

As far as the dog....keep trying to exchange him as maintaining it as OUR dog that you two must share keeps you two in contact.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W and Longhorn,

You offer excellent advise once again!

Thanks for the help. I know that I am slowly moving on with my life, and building a nice life for myself. I know I can do it, but I really don't want to. I hope that these feelings are not just me being stubborn, but I still love her on some deep level. It is so strange to want to give everything, to someone who wants nothing. I think that that is what makes me feel like it is over. If she would accept anything from me, conversation, devotion, support, it would be much easier to maintain faith.

Ryan.

Time to check in, Ryan. What's happening out there?

Hey Ryan,

Just had an idea to get Plan A time.

Seeing that you are in the DC area, it is my undestanding that there are quite a few places to take in some great performing arts. If that's not HER cup of tea, maybe a concert (Hannah Montana/Miley Cirrus...lol).

Anyway, you indicate to her that you have the opportunity for comp tickets to some event you know she'd like to go to.

If she says OK...then buy the tickets and take her without letting on that you bought them.

Mr. Wondering

Lets see. I didn't ask for my wife's help to move this weekend. On Saturday night when I got home, I found a slip that the USPS tried to deliver a Registered Letter from the US Department of Justice. I asked her if she knew anything about it and she said she didn't. (she even called OM to see if he knew anything) So it will be interesting to see what that is all about. WW came over on Sunday to bring the dog's bed and the rest of his toys. She seemed happy to get rid of them, she made a comment like, "that is everything." She also mentioned that she would still help get things moved? Who knows. I told her I still cared about her and she was really quiet. I will just continue to plan A when I can and see how things progress.

Ryan.

That's all you can do for now, Ryan. The registered letter from DOJ will indeed be interesting.

Well I just wrote a long message but it got lost. I tried the back arrow to cut and paste but no love. So here goes again.


WOW! I just found out a lot more then I needed to know. This morning I had an email that my wife booked a flight to Rochester NY, for FEB 7th-10th. I guess she forgot our old email address was in the account for booking tickets. When she found out she cancelled and then forwarded me the copy of the cacellation, she told me she just couldn't go through with it..... I didn't believe her so I did some checking. She did cancel the flight, but she rebooked it 20 minutes later, same flight, same date and time, but this time without our email address ;-)

I also found out that she has reserved a hotel in Alexandria for the 13th of January. She lives in Alexandria, but she has booked a hotel for 7 days at a cost of $2650+ dollars, I think this is so that I don't find out. Why would you spend the money instead of telling the truth, if she wants to hurt me or wants it over why keep lying and digging yourself into a bigger hole? She has been telling me for a while that she is going to a class for her new job during that time.

I also was able to find some undisputable evidence if it goes to divorce. Is there any reason I should show up at the hotel? Should I higher a PI? Do I continue down this road, or just assume that she is gone. I still love her and I realized it even more last night when I saw her.

Ryan.

Bump. Any advise?

Does the plan you worked out with Jennifer include confronting WW with information you come across? If so, let your WW know you're aware she's lying to you and you don't appreciate it at all. Will indisputable evidence make any difference in your state in a divorce proceeding?

BTW, have you compared notes with OMW lately?

I think I am done. Thank you all for your help. After this last round of lies and deciet I think I am done. She lied to me over and over. Even when I had evidence she tried to lie to me. I told her I would have the Legal Separation Agreement to her by the 20th. It makes me very sad to see how things have gotten between us, but she is in her own world, and is very unresponsive to anything from our past. She has even been emailing photos of her and OM to her sister.

Thanks again for all your help. I needed to know that I will be ok, and I know now that it wasn't me that made this happen. I was willing to do anything for her, but she "needs" to have this to be happy.

Thanks Again to everyone. I will check in and let you know how things are going.
Ryan.

Ryan. That's what WS's do. They lie, and lie some more, even when they don't have to lie. If you REACT everytime she lies, then you're going to be so busy riding the rollercoaster that you won't be able to concentrate on your plan. Sometimes ya just gotta be still. Plan A when you get the opportunity (with NO EXPECTATIONS). This affair will not last.

What happened with the letter from the DOJ (just curious, you don't have to say if you don't want).

I think it's time for another call to Jennifer, see if she thinks it might be time for Plan B.

As far the LSA, you do need to plug that financial drain. Do you have your own counsel to look after your rights in the LSA? Who drafted it?

Princess,

I know that they lie, but I just can't take how she is right now. She is nothing like the person I married. I spent all day yesterday reading emails between WW and OM and would make you sick. I confronted her about their rendevous and she lied and lied again, even when I had proof. I know that their affair won't last, but my wife is geting ready to leave again in August and I don't know if we have enough time to patch things up between now and then.

As for the LSA I will draft it. We don't have a lot of assets, no children, and neither one of us will be asking for support. I am going to be pretty firm on my requests in the LSA, she will complain that it isn't fair, but I don't think that an at-fault separation should be fair???

I haven't made it to the post office to pick up the letter from the US DJ. I don't have any idea what it is, but at this point it doesn't really matter.

This is my PLAN B, I am going to do the LSA and then go to PLAN B, and live my new life, if she ever wants to be a part of it, she will have to work very hard to earn my trust.

Ryan.