I'm so sorry you're feeling this down, Ryan. Is there a chance you could delay things until you can get back with Jennifer or did you discuss the tipping point with Jennifer when you talked to her last time?

Longhorn,

I know I should be able to be stronger, but seeing the photos and reading the emails has gotten me to a point that I can't deal with it any longer. I have to go to PLAN B of some kind. I would like to do the LSA so that I am covered and it is taken care of at the same time. I will probably deliver both the LSA and the PLAN B letter together.

I would be willing to give her the world, but she won't accept anything from me. She has made a decision that things in her new life will be wonderful, even though I really don't know how they will work things out. She still hasn't even met his kids?

Ryan.

Okay, Ryan, we suspected things would come to this point sooner or later--Jennifer told you things did look bleak, if I recall correctly. We'll all be here to support you in your Plan B so lay your Plan B out for us, okay? How will you address the problem of the shared ownership of the dog, for instance?

Iwontquit,

A lot of marriages are worth saving despite an affair, especially when children are involved. But, there are others where starting over with someone new, without all those history of deceit and betrayals, is the best way to go. This is particularily true if the WS is not willing to give up his/her affair and total lack of remorse.

Whatever you've decided to do, just be at peace that you have learned and grown through the past year or so. Best of luck to you.

(With that being said, I think you've done everything, except a very needed dark Plan B).

BA

Updates,

The latest round of exposure hit. I recieved letters from the Department of Justice and the US Navy that they are going to start looking into his misconduct. My wife has been giving me the silent treatment since. I am going to hold off on the LSA and PLAN B letter to see what happens.

Ryan.

That's great.

When the going gets to be too much of a hassle...

Single OM's, sometimes, cut bait and move on.


I would also advise you to be careful on your side of the street. This "investigation" could quickly turn to focus or include looking into your "snooping". Just make sure you know what is legal and illegal in your state and discontinue any illegal things completely. Just be smart about these matters...there are somethings you may not even want to tell your lawyer.

Mr. Wondering

Well a turn for the worse.

I get a text from my WW this morning that recieving my texts are too painful for her, so she wants me to send all coorespondence to her attorney. I guess that is the end of my PLAN A?

Ryan.

Do you have your Plan B letter ready? I would definitely get it started, and also do your LSA. Think of any reason she would need to contact you, and get your ducks in a row so that you can stay dark.

What are you texting her that is so painful?

Believer,

I have been doing like Jennifer suggested and just sending her small texts that say "I am thinking of you" "Hope you are having a great day" "Have a wonderful weekend" etc. I would always end with a "Love Ryan" or "Love Always" etc. I would sometimes through in a longer text to tell her about the dog, or the new place, or ask about a TV show, etc.

She said that she can't do it any longer, I told her that she could just delete them, but she said, she always read them.

I guess I will drop a PLAN B letter, it still seems like giving up. I am really curious to see how things start to play out with the Navy and the FBI but more then likely I will never know.

Ryan.

This has been a tough couple days for me. I know that he is here with her and it is all I can do to keep from going over there! I know that nothing good could come of it but it stills is in my head. I guess part of the healing process is just letting go, but I am having a very hard time doing that. I don't have much to say just sad that this is where it has come to.

Ryan.

Everytime I click on your thread I am soooo hoping to see some good news. You don't understand because you haven't been here long enough but I've seen these situations turn on a dime.

Once the affair is over...Plan A sometimes works.

I know you'll have trouble sleeping tonight. I'm sorry. I saw this recommended to someone else today but if you still have the second set of her car keys you COULD drive by her place at say...3 am and hit the panic button for her car and simply drive away.

Just stay out of jail.

Mr. Wondering

MrW.

I think it is just best if I stay away from that place right now. I don't think I could just drive away. I am just going to try and stop thinking about it.

Thanks Again to EVERYONE here you have all been a huge source of strength and help to me.

Ryan.

Hang in there Ryan. One way or another, you ARE going to come out of this sane and whole.

LH

What's happening, Ryan? Time for an update.

LH

hey you,

So how did you like cloverfield.....I liked it...kept my adreniline running through the whole thing. wonder if they will do a sequel or prequel or something to explain more.

--Update--

Nothing to really say. It appears the affair is still going strong? My wife has gotten very mean spirited and angry lately. It seems that everything I do when I have any contact with her makes her angry.

So I have just stopped contact and have moved on with my life. At this point it seems like there will not be another chance with her and I am almost OK with that. I am not sure I would want to be with the woman she has become. I did love her with all my heart, but maybe it is possible we just grew apart..... I know the affair was the reason, but maybe it was just a catalist for something that was going to happen later???

Who knows. THANKS AGAIN FOR EVERYONE'S SUPPORT AND HELP!!! You really helped me get through this mess. When I first came her I was so upset I could barely function.

Thanks!
Ryan.

Well, Ryan, this is still very soon to make any huge decisions. But making a good life for your self is always a good choice.

And please don't date for at least 2 years because she is most likely coming back. And you don't want more problems than you have now.

Good luck Ryan,

I hope you take advantage of your right to deposition OM at some point during the divorce process. I just think whether you two work out or not your FINAL gift to her may be providing their affair relationship with some pressure from time to time to hurry along it's demise BEFORE she/they makes the ultimate mistake and introduce kids to their sick destructive fantasy world.

I don't mean persisent involvement as that's unhealthy for you but get a deposition so you can DOCUMENT his scumminess, maybe publish it, maybe post it on the net (a copy of the deposition), maybe IF someday they try to move in together you find out where and give all the neighbors a short little notice and synopsis of their trecherous history.

Instead of taking whatever it's gonna take without pressure you MAY move it along by a month or two or six. Who knows, but it's you GIFT to her to try to save her even if you, personally, are moving on.

Sorry...I know sometimes people just want to move on and I am suggesting the opposite...however, I do it from the vantage point of KNOWING that they are not meant to be together and every day they prolong it HURTS you, her, OM and his family. I have seen BS linger on these boards for 2 or three years just waiting for that day that the affair dies as though Harley guaranteed it. It does happen, but that's no reason to linger in misery. Move on, BE HAPPY, put off all relationships until at least a year after your divorce is final BUT still mess with OM from time to time.

Mr. Wondering

This is very sad, Ryan. Unfortunately, I suspect this is why Jennifer tried to prepare you with her first evaluation. Do you think it's worth giving Jennifer another call to "close the loop" on the plan she outlined for you and ask for advice on what to do next?

If not, what are your plans? Will you do a dark Plan B and avoid contact with her? Talk to us regularly, okay? We're still with you on this--never doubt that.

Hey guys quick update.

Just talked to my wife for the first time in weeks. She was angry! I guess the letters I mailed back in December are just now catching up to him. The FBI and Navy reserves are investigating his behavior. I am getting way to much pleasure out of this, but I really am thinking about sending the nude photos of him to both the FBI and the USNR investigators.

Ryan.