That is a very good point. When he caught me, I was infact open and transparent... except in the 15 years we were together, that was the only thing I had to hide. You know when I noticed he was a liar? When I caught him telling lies to his mother on many occasions...

I think that if he brings up that I'm snooping again, I'll tell him that, what you said above I mean. If he says, "we are separated, you have no right to snoop" I think I,ll answer "if my kids are going to be around another woman than myself, I would like to know, for the sake of the kids. I just want to make sure you are making an effort to be honest with me. They are as much my children as they are yours."

Last week, DS1 asked him if he had another lover. H said "look at me, there is no other woman". Wouldn't be sad if he lied to DS????

That would be good. Also remind him that as long as he is your husband, you have a RIGHT to know everything he does. That is your RIGHT. He does not have a right to privacy from his own wife. Besides, what does he have to HIDE? <---ask him that!


nononononnonononoooooo. don't tell him that! That gives him the impression that it is OK for him to have an AFFAIR. IT IS NOT. As long as you are MARRIED, he can't see anyone. Seperation is not an adultery entitlement. MARRIED IS MARRIED.

Your position must be:

1. you expect him to be FAITHFUL as long as you are married. Anything less is ADULTERY

2. if he did commit adultery, he would NEVER EVER be allowed to expose your children to his sleazy affair unless by COURT ORDER and a sheriff with a BIG GUN [bigger than yours]

Does he believe he is entitled to DATE when y'all are seperated??

i keep saying we are married, but we aren't by law. We are in a common law relationship, so I can't say you are my "husband", he's not. We've always acted as husband and wife though.

It is a separation, but his is treating it like a divorce. Although we aren't married, he says we are "divorcing". Just wanted to clear that up...

So, yes during "separation" he says he can date anyone now. He even mentionned last weekend that "if he meets someone and gets involved", so yes, he's taking this as he is free and can date whomever he wants.

Oh ok, well that changes everything. He is and always has been free to date because there is no committment here. He is on what is called a month to month RENTERS AGREEMENT, which means he is only in the relationship until something better comes along.

Why didn't y'all get married?

Here is one of Dr. Harley's articles about living together: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html

Another good one: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025b_qa.html

found another: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5036_qa.html

I know you might think it's different since we are not married, but we have been living togehter for the last 15 years. We do call each other H and W to people who ask us. We didn't get married for many reasons. One of them was financial another one of them is when we were younger everyone expected us to get married so we went against the current, just to pi$$ peeps off... we were kind of rebels. Also, around these parts, people our age just didn't get married. People just weren't doing it 10-15 years ago. The younger generation are doing it though.

However when we decided to have children togehter, we knew we were in it for the long haul.

We were thinking about marrying in our forties. I guess that's out of the question now.

So, maybe you think it changes, but for me it doesn't. Kids make a relationship permanent, just like marriage does.

Tonight I saw the OW at karate. She said she has hardly talked to him since Friday. I asked about her weekend plans to see if they coincide with H's. I'm going to have to snoop around his new apartment this weekend.

mbm, see what Jennifer says about that. I know that Dr. Harley treats living together much differently because there are major problems inherent that you won't find in marriages. They are different animals entirely and will require a very different strategy. But I suspect Jennifer can help you with this.

Thanks MelodyLane.

For me, I feel as if I've been married for 15 years, because we have been together for so long. I always thought (and still do) that he was the love of my life. I can't imagine my life without him.