Best, is this what you were referring to?

Don't even try to argue that "Is your husband ever violent against you" is very different than "Has he hit you before." If you are, any reasonable person would disagree with you and you know it.

Whoa nelly....hold the hostility there a bit....there is no real reason to be harsh. Yes people make mistakes...but please don't come in here and hash it out to members who have been here for a long time and give very valuable advice to people.

Read his/her post and you'll see who was hars first. It's okay to make a mistake, but he/she refused to apologize and continue with questioning.

Well we are all adults here.....and I expect we can at least post to each other with respect enought to not creat posting wars....doesn't matter who "started" it first. Be the bigger person....even if you think someone was in the wrong. In the immortal words of whoever..."can't we all just get along". Be happy this is a great place...I have never been more supported or felt comfortable with a group of great people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have faith in everyone here......not lets all start over... Hi I am so and so...etc. etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I just returned from a long lunch break.

I don't know what I "started" but I did re-read what Best pointed out to me. It was a detail that I missed.

Best, do you see my comment about English not being your mother tongue as harsh? If it insults you, please know that insult was not my intention. I speak a second language, but even in writing there are little things that give me away, that it is not my mother tongue.

If Best will accept my apology for my mistake, I think we can move on and continue to support sinking.

I haven't refused to apologize Best; but I had to leave for awhile.

surviving, thank you for speaking up for me. I was at lunch and just returned. Thank you for your loyalty and for being a peacemaker.

"blessed are the peacemakers".

Now, back to rooting for sinking! She has a long fight ahead of her, and needs the support of all of us.

Ditto on that good buddy...and anytime we all count on each other here....
*gets out pom poms and puts hair in pig tails* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
go sinking go!

Best, Shake hands? Friendly again?

And again, welcome to our haven.

well, that was crazy,....I can't believe the way a day can change things....Our marraige is over. I should have known exposure wouldn't work in our case...we are pretty private people amd don't have a whole lot of family or friends. I looked at my list and couldn't think of one person that could convince him to get off this path. He went to the function that night and the husband of who I yelled in front of saw her get in my WH car and drive away, so any rumors I may have sparked are now confirmed. Between him running to her and my firm position here our marraige is over! Sad but true. If my four children and I can't hold my husband here nothing can. She has got a hold on him now!

When I say it's over, I mean I can feel it in my soul!

Your call Sink...

The plans work.. I didn't follow them myself and now my WW is preggo with his kid.

If you have any doubts, go to the plans.

If you're certain it's over.. file, get it over with as quickly as possible.. get your kids away from this evil.. and love them with all you've got.

God bless you and keep you.

Why are you here? Are you here to gain the wisdom of people to save your marriage? Or are you here for people to feel sorry for you?

Well, I gotta tell ya, here's my 2X4. I don't feel a bit sorry for you. You are where you are because you are putting yourself there. Your H's affair is his fault, allowing it to continue and destroy your family is yours. You must expose to everyone no matter if they will help you for not. The fact is that they will know. You cannot expose a little you have to tell everyone and tell them now! Of course he will say it is over, it is another scare tactic and you are playing right into his hands.

I am also a BS with a H who controlled me thru anger. I didn't expose, didn't have to. It was a very public affair and everyone knew. I was not embaressed (sp?). Why should I be? I divorced my H and then thru his lowsey butt in jail. He did hit me and broke my nose and I stood up for myself. I am to this day a little afraid of my H, but I guarantee you he doesn't know it. And just so you all know, yes I am Irish...complete with the red hair!

You are making excuses for yourself and for your H. Is this really all you are going to do? Cause I have heard alot of whinning, but not much else. Let me ask you this. If someone walked up to you and took your child away and started walking away would you just stand there and watch cause you didn't want to make the kidnapper mad? Or would you move heaven and earth to save your child? Of course you would. So, why is the man you say you love any different?

This isn't over until you lay down and die which you are very nicely doing, by the way. If I was a woman looking for a woman's H to steal...my friend, you would be who I would look for.

Is this the example you want to set for your children? What will they learn from this? You are setting yourself up to raise a nice clan of adulterors. You are teaching them that this is okay. What their father is doing to you is alright, because well...you are not making him pay for his mistakes.

Divorce is not making them pay, its rolling over and dying. I can say this because I made that mistake. My H and I are now remarried and doing okay. No matter what happens with my H and I in the future, I am assured that I made a good example for my girls. I will never allow them to think that what happened with their parents was alright. I will raise them to be fighters not doormats.

If you continue down the path you are on and refuse to take control of this situation, you might as well appologize in advance to your childrens spouses when they get married for what they will go thru. It WILL be your fault. Right now it is your H's fault. Why not keep the blame where it belongs?

I am discusted by your lack of action and am as frustrated with you as the ones who have been talking to you all along. Get a grip and do something. Working thru the pain and feeling sorry for yourself comes later. NOT NOW.

These plans work and I only wish I had found these amazing people when my situation started and not after it was over (the affair part I mean). You will hate yourself for the rest of your life if you do nothing. Your marriage is not over until you say it is. You are not weak, now prove it.

And just so you know. Jamesus was like you. He felt sorry for himself instead of putting it aside and jumping into action. His marriage is now beyond repair for him (for now at least).

I have alot of respect for him because he did wake up and stand up for the most important people he can..his kids. Read his story on his thread and see what your future holds if you do nothing.

I have nothing but respect for him and he now respects himself. If you walk away from this situation without your H, at least walk away with your dignity.

I am trying to be strong...it's just that one minute he is telling me it will all be o.k. and the next minute he is mad. I want to be very strong and say this is the way it is!!!!! I have tried to do that. I just have to be prepared that he will be gone forever from that point on. Which for me is fine, but not o.k. for my kids. We are both very stubborn. You guys say well when the A ends, or he realizes what he lost, he will come back....Not him. I know him better then anyone else in the world. He would rather live miserably then ever come back and have to work that hard. It's just not who he is. I am feeling desperate. Just like all of you guys did at one pont or another. I am searching for answers that just aren't there. I finally said all that to him yesterday. I told him that I didn't even know who he was anymore. That the man I knew would never had done this to me, or his family. He really has just morphed into someone else, that's why I don't know how to handle this. Is there anyone out there that exposure has actually worked for?

I just think he is someone who really doesn't give a you know what about what anyone thinks. Yesterday morning he threatened me that I should never talk to her again and if I did he would fight me for everything the house the kids etc. He called me back like 5 minutes later and apologized. I think he got very mad and said that because I caught him in yet another lie. I asked him how he could just drop her off at her car the other night if he had no where to go, and she was "soooooo" drunk...I said it didn't make sense. He just said I told you what happened...you see this will never work! and then said those other things that of course in the end no judge would ever agree to.

Yep. LOTS of people have had exposure work for them.

I was the one that had the affair. My husband exposed to my family and the OMW. I threatened him that if he told anybody then I would leave, I would hate him forever, there would be no repairing anything. I begged, pleaded, threatened, everything. But he had the balls to stand up to me and fight for what was right.

Guess what!? I just wanted him to keep it quiet so that I could take it further underground and somehow keep my "friendship" with the OM without any interference. The SECOND he told the OMW it was over. Over, over.

I didn't want to reconcile with my husband at first. I thought there was no way to put it back together. With the help of friends and family, and a counselor, and this MB program, we are still together and doing wonderfully.

It does work. Take it from a former WW. I thank God every day that my husband exposed. Without exposure, we would have been divorced last year.

Sink, you keep trying to have rational conversations with someone who is not capable. Don’t you know that all WS lie? I’ve said this before: They all suffer from the same ailment: liarrhea

Main Entry: li•ar•rhea

Function: noun
1 : abnormally frequent verbal evacuations of untruths

You need to assume that if his mouth is moving he is lying.

As to exposure, I know that exposure has worked in some cases. In fact, there’s one person on here that the affair ended that very same day BECAUSE of the exposure. I can’t remember who it was. Help anyone?? Besides that, how do you know it won’t work unless you try?

Stop having relationship talks with your WH. It does no good. You need to read up on the plans and start listening to what people are telling you to do. They aren’t telling you these things just for the fun of it. They’re telling you because IT WORKS.

I do know and I know you all are taking time out of your own days to give me advice which I find very thankful for. I appreciate everyones time and your personal stories have touched me also. I just feel so lost.

sink, I've been here long enough to know that your H's reaction is the norm. It is standard. They tell the BS it is "over because you exposed" and "now you've done it!" and the BS thinks that they have ruined any chance to save their marriage by exposing.

We call this the "roller coaster".

The anger response from the cheater is to be expected. The angrier they are, the better.

You think he does not care what people think. He thinks that too. If he doesn't care what people think, why the angry reaction that you are exposing? Why not a casual "so what? I love her!" attitude. Because he DOES care what people think.

The OW was drunk? How charming. How delightful. She was probably burping (pew) staggering, maybe even barfing. Really attractive. Not strong and dignified. Like his wife.

Please do not give up. Please stay the course. If you are religious, pray for God's will to be done. If you don't believe, find an anchor.

It seems over. It isn't. The affair is already crumbling. Now go and read about No Contact for Life and the No Contact letter and the Plan B letter. You have a long road ahead of you and you will make it.

(((sink)))