"meremortal, I believe it has escalated to a PA and full blown affair long time ago. Sinkingin's H even do choires for the OW such as picking her kids up, etc."

BA, it sounds as if the OW knew the family before the EA started because of the kids from both families being in the same activity. And they were doing things like picking up kids for each other already before the relationship went too far. This isn't the same situation others here have with the OP being somebody that the BS and the kids didn't already know, and then the kids were exposed to the OP after the EA started.

As I understand it, the OW was separated from her BH (because she was cheating on him with a different man), then she met Sinkingin's family through their kids' sports, then Sinkingin's WH and the OW started taking the friendship too far into an EA.

The OW probably was telling Sinkingin's WH all about her marital problems (and maybe also problems with the OM she was breaking up her marriage for)... inappropriate conversations to be having with a married man. She probably also was tellng Sinkingin's husband how lucky Sinkingin was to have such a great husband...

(Unfortunately it's women like that who make it so difficult for divorced women like me to have friendships with married couples - the wives are afraid to let a single/separate/divorced woman near their husband!)

The EA may have become a PA already... it may not have gone that far yet... It's not uncommon for the WS and the OP to hide what they are up to and/or to pretend it's not gone as far as it really has. But we don't really know for sure if the EA has turned into a PA yet.

But in this case, the WH picking up the OW's kids is not evidence that the EA has become a PA. Lots of families do such chores for each other without it being inappropriate. For example, when my daughters were skating on a synchronized sakting team it was pretty common for us parents to take turns giving the girls rides to the rink. That didn't mean any of us parents were involved in an inappropriate relationship - just trying to make our busy lives a little less hectic and trying to save gas.

I do however agree that now that it has been discovered that an EA has developed, it is inappropriate for Sinkingin's WH to have any further contact with the OW.

meremortal, I think sinkingin is already assuming that PA and full blown affair has started already, but I could be wrong and I hope I'm wrong.

Sinkingin, how have you been?

troll

"She was married, they are seperated now, that is when this all started, she was not someone who we knew before we moved here. He met her right after she and her husband were splitting up because of an affair she had. He thought she was nice, and even tried to get us to be friends at first. "I can't even believe the man I used to know would give this woman the time of day. I think she was just "cool". Her kids are a little older than mine, so she had a little less stress than me with my four. Her one son is my oldest son's friend. We can't escape her, our kids play sports together and everything. My small children love her, so when we see her they run to her. It's a knife in my heart everytime, cause I can't even say anything."

OK, I know you're scared and maybe thinking you have no choice but to sort of shut up and put up with this... But even if you try to you can't and shouldn't.

No matter how much you try to just keep quiet while this OW enjoys the love of your husband and even children, right in front of you, you WILL say or do something someday.

Do you want to be acting sane when that day comes? Or do you want to try to suppress until you explode in a rage, maybe even in front of your children?

IMHO if you do NOT speak up and set some very firm boundaries NOW, then you will someday soon find yourself behaving in a very embarrassing and scary (to your kids) way.

Oh and when that does happen, the OW and your WH might try to exploit the incident to try to strip you of custody of your children.

Whether you like it or not, whether you acknowledge it or not, whether you put on some armor and pick up some weapons (Plans A & B, EXPOSURE!!!) or not... you ARE in a battle with the OW for both your husband and your children!

Your silence and delay of exposure will aid the enemy.

One day Sinkingin confronted her and said to her "you need to top XXXing my husband." If sinkingin wasn't sure if it's was a PA, she would probably not have said that. Right after than, her husband left for the WHOLE night and was seen with the drunken OW in his car. I don't think it's that far stretched to assume that it has become a full blown affair bot emotionally and physically.

Sinkingin, how have you been?

How's your holidays so far, sinkingin?

StillSame = BA?


Can it be the same story again, recycled?

Tell me it ain't so.

StillSame, BA AKA B advisor, can you at least let posters know that you are posting from your own experience or from MB principals? These folks are extremely vulnerable and are grasping at straws when they come here. They need good. solid advice. Good Lord, you are even getting shot down over at the Shack. If you want to advise, get some knowledge and do it up in the MB fashion......if not get outta here!!! And don't be screwing around with Schoolbus.
I'm gonna scream if another vet leaves because of the likes of you and your ignorance.. Please don't post again til you can give us your sitch. and your reasons that you continue to be here. I so wanna be Justuss about now!! Sorry MB'er's I have had enough of of this poster and the others who have followed.

I've also had enough of the posters who actually defend this troll.


A person who speaks "nice" words can still be evil. They can disguise who they really are by NEVER telling you the truth.

It is called

Lying by OMISSION.

There are a number of people on the boards who do this.

StillSame, you lie by omission. By failing to tell the reason for being here. You also lie by commission - which means that you blatantly lie outright, by trying to tell others you were me.

And yet there are those who would support you - I speak to them now, and ask them this:

Do you really believe this person is helpful?
Do you really believe this person comes here to support marriage?

Take a look at the history - HE lies, he stole a username, and he stalked a married couple trying to recover a marriage despite repeated requests to stop posting to them.

Is that what YOU support?


And SS, you have caused the threadjacking of this thread, and numerous others, only to draw attention to yourself - in a self-serving, self-indulgent manner meant only to be the center of attention YET AGAIN.

You sicken me.

You sicken those with any decency and heart toward sinkingin, who is making every effort in her life to get it together and repair what she has of her marriage.

And you come here and do this.

Please. Leave. Take your need for attention to another place, where there are not people in pain.

Go home to your family. Maybe they will pay attention to you.

SB - The REAL ONE

sinkingin,

Please accept my humblest apologies.

I mean no harm to you, and do not mean to impose on your thread. This troll should be handled by the administrator.

He has been kicked off before.

I hope you are doing well, and I hope the marriage builders principles will work for you as they did for me.

Schoolbus

Sinkingin, how have you been?


Mods: please delete the above unnecessary distractions. Thanks.

BA

Sinkin... FYI... BA is a very young single guy who has never been married. Just remember that when he posts "advice". If he were pro-MB, he wouldn't be preying on a vunerable married woman in such obvious pain.

Best Advocate = troll

Yes, by all means, please do.

How about removing the distraction that has used 9 different names on this thread alone.

BestAdvisor
BestAdvisor1
BA1
Advisor1
schoolbus1
BestAngel
BestAngel2007
StillSame
BestAdvocate

Did I miss any?

Bump for sinkingin to post again.

BA

Well, I'm sorry to see that you are still having these issues about posters. I am still relatively new here, and know that a lot of people who come to this place are literally feeling like their lives are over. I know there are many people who have been here for years. Thank goodness for all of us that they continue to try and help others through tough times. It's a shame that if anyone has any bad intentions that they could possibly live with themselves if they are in fact meaning to do any harm. The whole world operates with a kick me while I'm down attitude. This is supposed to be a place of comfort. Even if we hear uncomfortable things sometimes.

sinkingin,

Well all that aside about issues . . .let's get back to what MB is about.

How are you? Could we have an update? People here really do care about you.

Remember you are WORTHY!!!!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

So anyway, I guess we can start using this post as what not to do. I am still not for exposure. I guess that's why there are still no changes here. I am afraid our marriage is just slowly disolving. Part of me wonders if that is just what it was meant to do. I am very conflicted right now. I'm not sure if my role is to be the sacrificing wife that lives this way for the benefit of my children. Or do I stand up for myself and be the strong woman I should be out of respect for myself and also the good of my children. The only problem is that I'm not sure if I can live with what that will do to their futures. Let's not under estimate the effect a split would have on them. I think children are much more adversely effected by a split even in comparison to a bad marriage. Do I stay and deal with things that are difficult for me to get past simply because the consequences for me are so much less then they would be for them? At least for now he is saying that he could never leave me or his boys. I'm just not sure if that comes with her still being a friend....Even though I have asked that a lot and said I cannot live with that answer. He just avoids this at all costs. I do know they still talk. She is still ever present. I see her a the time. It is very painful. If my children were not involved I would definately be on my own. I am not afraid of that part anymore. I almost wish it could be just me and them. It's just the consequences they will face and the whole " divorced" life of integrated families etc. that I want NO parts of!!!!!!! I come from this. It was the one thing I ....We swore we would never let happen. It was just not an option. It is my ultimate failure! I thought I married someone who would be a great father and had these same strong beliefs because he had been through it also! So much for that.....

sinkingin,

You know your WS says he could never leave you or the boys, but isn't that what he is doing?

Is the affair over? I think not as long as your WS and ow are 'friends'. You should buy the book 'Not Just Friends' and read it.

You will never recover as long as there is contact with the ow.

How is your lovebank these days? How long can you stay in a marriage where this is going on? Have you been in Plan A

"Or do I stand up for myself and be the strong woman I should be out of respect for myself and also the good of my children."

What do you want your children to grow up seeing? Do you want them to think cheating and lying is okay? I know you come from divorce. I know how much it hurts. I just want you to think about how this will affect your children when they become adults. Have you been able to talk to your WS about this?

I think meremortal has given you some great advice. I don't mean to hit you with a 2x4, I just want you to think about what is the best for you and kids. Improving yourself, and finding the strength to deal with this. I fear that you will lose your self worth if this is ongoing.

You are WORTHY, and you and your kids deserve better than second best. You need to separate from this ow. Are your kids old enough to explain that it is not okay for them to hang out with ow kids, or why. Believe me, they will get over loss of friends a lot easier than divorce.

It is sad that this has happened, and you are trying to protect your kids, but at what cost to you and your marriage? Does your WS even GET what he has done to your family? HE put you and kids in this position, by not caring enough to not get involved with ow.

Please think about these things, it is a hard situation, and I hope some others will chime in here and give you some good advice.

You ARE WORTHY!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M