(((((((Still))))))))

MG,

Even though i said i waould not be back here i am.

My H did it on his own. He finally read my list that was in the drawer where i told him it was. He cried and cried and cried and told me how sorry he was for all the hurtful things he said and he would tell me anything i wanted to know even though he thought some of my questions were ridiculous. I then showed him Joseph's letter and he said he was not sure if he had all the pieces to the puzzle either but he would try.

Over the weekend we talked about it some and he answered one of my most wondering questions which was did he only leave her becasue she would not let him stay with her. I wondered this because of what he said the day he came home which was "I couldn't stay there and i had no where else to go". He said he couldn't stay there because he realized that he loved me and the kids and he did not have anywhere to go but was hoping that i would let him come back home which i did.

We have talked a little bit more since then and i am sure it will be slowly becasue of his fear of hurting my feelings but i told him i wanted the truth no matter what. I told him i promise not to get mad at him because i was asking him to tell me and that would not be fair to get mad or upset when he did. I am sure i will be upset but i should be able to come here and vent afterwards.

Thank you for helping me get through his thick head. I hope that the talking will help me put it in the past like he wants it to be.

Also i finally read your story today. Have you and your H made your M better? Do you feel better about everything and how long did the OW continue to try to contact your H. Our OW has not tried since August and i hope she does not try again as i still do not know what my H would do. He is one of those type of people that does not like to hurt anyone's feelings (even though it seems like he can hurt mine with no problem).

Still,
All of this is so good to hear. Just remember to make it safe for your H to be honest. That's the key. Never punish him for telling you the truth. I think you got that. Hopefully this will be cleansing for him as well as you. Radical honesty leads to intimacy. Slow and steady.

As far as my story and M go, I'd say we're in a good place right now. There's no question our M is better than it ever was and my H treats me so much better. I still hold a hurt inside, but I believe I've turned a corner lately.

I think if we could follow the MB principles a little better, I'd be happier personally. I seem to battle my emotions more than anything else.

The story of the crazy OW went on for over a year after DDay. She continually tried to contact My H for months through emails, forum bmails, telephone calls to work and our boat. She stalked us at the marina though we were not aware and didn't find out till later. She put sugar in the boat fuel line, nails under all for of my tires one night (luckily we spotted them). March 2006, she emailed me with IMs and conversations between my H and her (emails) They were very enlightnening and didn't quite mesh with what my H had told me. Basically HE was the one who pursued her, not the other way around.He also professed his love to her over and over, which he said that he hadn't really done, just more UNTRUTHS..That was almost another DDay really. They were very painful to read, and some things I have not been able to get out of my mind. And I think they hindered my recovery and at times still do.

Remember that...you might not want to know everything.

Anyway last summer after she was kicked out of a club they were both in (she never attended, but won awards), and some other somewhat public rumors were ciculating, she went on our boat (trespassed) and I caught in on camera. I had put up a surveillance system after the sugar incidence. At the same time, she punctured H's truck tire. We didn't know it and got on the highway, where we ended up having to change it with cars flying by. I was suspicious, but Firestone said it was cut on the inside and didn't look like it was done by someone. The following week, it happened again, but this time there was a witness. Noticed that day that the surveillance system had been vandalized. So I called the police from the marina. To make a long story short, we had her arrested.

After several months and $$$ we basically settled and have a civil agreement in place. No contact...EVER.

We recently saw her at 2 fishing tournaments in Aug. Didn't look like she was trying real hard to avoid us, but my lawyer said that a judge wouldn't do much about it. So here we are.

My recovery didn't really begin until last Nov when all of this with OW was finally over and I buckled down with my EN questionannaire. I gave it to my H last Oct, about 16 months after DDay.

I noticed that after all the drama, I was left sorta empty.Wondering alot of things about my M and our history together. I did alot of dissecting. Not always coming up with happy things. Nobody was lying when they said recovery is hard... So it's slow and steady here too.

I'm sure that's more than you needed to know.

I think the biggest hurdle is fighting your emotions and then letting them go. All the energy that is tied up trying to cope with these A's. It's exhausting. And once you get your answers Still, don't be surprised that things still aren't kosher. There seems to be hurdles that keep getting in the way. But they are normal. Keep going back to the basics here. You'll have alot of lightbulb moments.

I'm just glad you got a chance to get what you need from your H. Remember to let him know that you appreciate it.

Lastly, but by far the most important thing is that he has to remain in NC with her. You need to CALMLY reiterate the pain that is caused if/when OW tries to contact him and he talks to her. He is placing OW above you. And by doing that he is not protecting you OR your M. His priorities have to be aligned and a plan of action in place.

So keep going Still.

S_C...

From what I've read here, it sounds as though your husband still works with OW...Is that the case?

Mrs. W

Mrs W,

The OW quit when my H exposed to his HR department and they went to her because she had claimed she was being harassed by someone else in the company and my H did not think it was right so he told all to HR. They then discovered that there were others besides my H so her harassment charges went nowhere and she quit.

She has contacted my H since she quit and offered him a large quantity of money to come back to her because of a supposed court case she had against his company. We have since found out that no case exists to his company's knowledge. To my knowledge she has not tried since August but who knows he lied to my face so much that i do not know for sure if she has tried again or not. I check his cell phone numbers every day and so far have not found any ones that i do not recognize but he also told me that when she called in August it came across as "Line 1" instead of a phone number so they could still be in contact.

MG,

I am sorry to hear about your OW i hope that i do not have to go that long with her harassing us. Although she pretty much said all of her nasty stuff to me during tha time that he was sick and she kept calling his work cell.

I still think that she is the one who took our TV from our house. And i think she purposefully called on my birthday. My H's 50th B-Day was a couple of weeks ago and i figured she would call him but he says that she didn't. I do not know if i will ever get the trust back though. Affairs really suck. I would have figured after being together for so long (married 22 years together 25 years) that we would have it figured out by now and that he would have came to me if things were that bad in our M.

I really hope that you and your H get things ALL worked out. I feel for you becasue i think that is part of the reason i need the answers to my questions because when he sometimes talks about other things i find out more and i HATE it. Good Luck to both of us i guess. Thanks for all of your help and keep hanging in there yourself.

MG,

Just wanted to give you a little update. I really think that he needed to talk about things too so we are moving forward with great strides. Again thanks for giving me the advice to keep it up.