They are in cahoots, Ani. He isn't going to jeopardize his marriage over a commission check. Stick to your plan and expose to her H and her employer. Did you already expose her at work?

It really doesn't matter if she is being truthful or they are plotting together. So far, YOU have been suffering the consequences of the affair, of their choices. It is high time to let the two of them share in some of the consequences. Continue exposing the affair. Tell her husband, her work, EVERYONE.

And don't let hubby move back in until he meets some conditions next time.

I spoke to her employer this morning. I left a message for a return call and they said they will dig deeper into this situation. He said he will return my call that the HR director was out until Nov 1st or something like that. He needs to go over everything w/Hr director and that they do not approve of this sort of conduct. I also stated that there could be a misuse of funds, and if my husband was the sort to file a lawsuit he couls probably find a good lawyer and win but he would never do that. So if this is a scheme between the two of them why all the tears?

Good job. It really doesn't matter WHY she is crying. Melody thinks they are in cahoots. I think she may be telling the truth.

Your husband has been lying to BOTH of you. That much is clear. He is more concerned with the OW than his kids and you. He is warning her that you might go "crazy", meeting her secretly. If he was wanting to work on the marriage, he would be working on the marriage.

Give him the Plan B letter. Be sure he moves his stuff out. If he refuses, rent a storage spot for him to move his stuff to. He doesn't REALLY think you mean business, because your last Plan B wasn't really a Plan B.

Believer- I think she is telling the truth. Based on some things she said that would take too long to write. My gut is that he wanted to see her and tell her in person that he was moving out and used the excuse that he wanted to tell her that I might do something stupid like tell her employer. i think that was an excuse on his part to say hey I'm available again I'm moving out and was maybe hoping to hear news from her like great but instead maybe he heard something he didn't want to hear. Now he has a house an OW who seems to be finished with it all and a wife who kicked him out. When I viewed the video of the two of them on monday night it seemed that there meeting was tense and a few times my husband kept putting his hands on his face/forhead like you would when you're stressed or talking about something that makes you uncomfortable. There was no contact between them Monday other than meeting.

You have a VIDEO of this meeting?

It hurts to hear you say you think he thinks more of OW than myself and kids. How can we recover from that. Am i always going to be second to her? What am I fighting for? My gut tells me she's telling the truth. I think my husband used the commission check as an excuse to meet with her and let her know that he was moving out in hopes that she would be happy about the news. When she said she was trough with it all it backfired. He got kicked out by his wife and the OW didn't fall for the my marriage isn't workinf story anymore. I saw the video the meeting was not impressive and my husband seemed visable uncomfortable. When they left to go to the cars no one looked happy and enthusiastic.

Sorry for my posts. I says that it wasn't enetered so I rewrite it and they both show up. YES I have the meeting on video.

It sounds possible. Now you need to get your Plan B going. Figure out how you can maintain no contact, arrange child support, visitation, etc. Keep the pressure on the OW through exposure to her job, husband, etc.

Look at your boundaries for a marriage, and what he will need to do to prove that he is willing to work on the marriage.

I think I blew it. Spoke with husband last night because of my state I LB big time. I'm so sick of his selfish attitude. We tried to talk about childcare concerns and now he wants to be superdad. He wants to take the kids to all kinds of fun events etc., when usually every weekend he sits home and is pretty boring. Anyway, I lost it. I did speak to him afterwards and apologized said I've been hurt and shouldn't have acted that way. He said he wasn't going to see a lawyer but after what I said he might now. I'm trying to get everything in place so that once I Plan B it will be good. No left out details that will cause me to break it. Somebody tell me it's not over. Tell me after quitting his job, moving back home, then out again that there is still hope.

(((Ani6209 )))

I always preface my remarks with I'm a newbie, so listen to the MB vets over me. Here's my take...

There IS always hope BUT it appears your WH isn't ready to work on M. He's talking out both sides of his mouth. He wasn't going to see a lawyer, but now because of your LB he might. HE'S TRYING TO BREAK YOU. BE strong!!!!! Plan B him VERY well. Post your letter here first so the MB vets can make sure you've covered your bases.

And what was/is he going to see lawyer about? custody? IMHO you need legal advice to make sure YOU get what you need from him in regards to children and also to protect yourself and your assets.

IF you can Plan B him WELL that just might make him "wake up".

You are in my prayers!

My husband has always been generous about our finances. Last time he moved out I was in control of all the money, nothing changed. About the lawyer comment, I think he was angry at me because I asserted myself and said I would like to speak to someone before we make any child care arrangements. He said last time I had them 50% of the time why not this time. I said you appear to be unstable to me and this will be the third place the kids have been with you in the past year. I don't think that's good for them. I feel like I'm using the kids to get to him. I don't know if it is a good idea. I don't want my boys to be in the middle. As you know I spoke to the OW yesterday. I am wondering if I should call her today and tell her I am fighting for my marriage and I just thought she should know that. We had a civil conversation wher she mostly cried. I expressed to her some of the things my husnband said to me like I don't want a divorce, this could have been over long time ago there most be something still between us for us both to still be here today etc. She said he misled her. I also told her that he said that if he moved back home that things at the office could get bad. He didn't know what she would do. She could fire him then we'd have nothing. I know these were all comments to keep me in the picture, but I wanted her to know that they were being said. To show her her knight in shining armour wasn't so. Also, I exposed to her company on Monday. She doesn't know yet and she probably won't until the beginning of Nov. I almost feel bad like I should warn her. What do I do let it go, and remember she was cheating with my husband.

Another question.

How do you plan B and make child care arrangements and all without lovebusting. He is not going to like some of the arrangements, which makes him mad then he wants to see a lawyer because he doesn't know anymore about us. See if I do what he wants then he's not mad then he feels guilty about what he's done. It seems the nicer i am the more I get out of him. I don't want to make arrangements to keep him happy, but I know my husband he's said before it's easier to just give up when your mad, harder when you being nice to me.

How did the child care arrangements go the last time he moved out?

It is in your children's best interests to spend time with their father.

Your husband is being very manipulative. You are going to have to get strong.

Arrangements last time were two days a week and every other weekend. He would like to have it that way again. I did work, and he is a good father so I don't want my kids to suffer. My only concern is that if we were to end up divorcing I would not get full child support. So I say whats more important the money or my kids relationship with their father. If i get an attorney I can always up the alimony to compensate for the reduction in child support. I have also been a stay at home mom for over 10 years so according to an attorney that I spoke to long time ago I will get alimony. At the end of the day do I concentrate on no LB and go along with the previous arrangements. They can always be revisited if we get to the point of a divorce.

Are you able to have a stipulation that the kids aren't to be around another woman, especially overnight?

You will have to figure out if you can make it with reduced child support. But being with their father is priceless. Of course, that won't help if you can't feed them.

But you need to be concentrating on getting your husband back.

How was the marriage before all of this, and what did he complain about?

Our marriage before was OK I thought. My husband traveled a lot with his job. For instance he left for Memphis every Sunday afternoon and wouls return on Friday evenings around 6pm. This went on about 10 months. During that time I was very resentful. I told him I did not like the travel etc. I began to pull away because he wasn't listening. I felt like a booty call girl when he came home on the weekends. During this time he was traveling with OW as friends. I know this as a fact, but I'm sure their friendship was building as they saw each other more than he saw me. So, I pulled away, he felt like I didn't love him because I wasn't meeting his need for affection/admiration etc. He said after the affair that I don't love him. I just want his money. I do love him, but he wasn't meeting my needs either during that time and I count too. She during the time was the boss who was giving him raises, promotions, awards etc. See how I couldn't compete. When he needed a ego boost she was there, I couldn't because he was traveling. He told me that we had been drifting way before the affair. I agree, when you have two kids, work as many hours as he did, traveled like he did you can't help but drift. He seems to take no responsibility for any of this. When he moved out the first time he was gone a year. During that time I plan A all the way. He continued to tell me he was coming home etc. so I believed him and continued to be nice. We never stopped being together the entire time. When decided to move home he seemed so happy about his decision. There was even talk about relocating as a family. After he got home different story. He wasn't so enthusiatic. I tried to meet his needs for affection/sex/admiration while he remained guarded. Occasionally he would let down his guard. He was home about 3 1/2 months when he made contact with OW about comission check. Spoke to OW about the meeting between the two of them and she said she was done, she wanted him to leave her and her family alone. So here we are. I asked him to leave Tuesday night, he did. According to OW she's finished? I feel like he will probably blame me for her wanting out.

I suggest a good dark Plan B, since Plan A didn't seem to work.

Will he always have to travel so much?

He left his job and has a new one away from OW. My gut is that he was in the middle of the true N/C with OW and he caved during that time. He started his new job and it will be 3 weeks and 3 days since N/C should have been established. The withdrawal symptoms were probably to strong and he used the comission check as a reason to contact her. Prior to that he moved home had been home about 3 months but true N/C wasn't established during that time because they still had to work together. So there was some contact.

He no longer has to travel. Just back and forth to his new job.