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Well, don't throw tomatoes at me, but I think you should give him a second chance if he is willing to do some hard work and open up his life to you. He is only 3 weeks into withdrawal and tried - and FAILED - to start up his affair again. He failed, and now that avenue has been completely closed. This might have been what was needed to convince him it is DONE and he needs to start looking towards the future, rather than at the OW. Maybe this is what it took to get him on the right path.
If it were me and he showed some genuine remorse along with a serious plan of recovery, I might consider starting over. You have come so far, Ani, I would hate to see you give it all up before the miracle.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also, I exposed to her company on Monday. She doesn't know yet and she probably won't until the beginning of Nov. I almost feel bad like I should warn her. What do I do let it go, and remember she was cheating with my husband. No, don't warn her. She did a terrible thing to her company and to your family. Her company needs to know what she has done so they can protect themselves. She is a walking legal liability. Don't protect her from the consequences of her actions. She is no VICTIM, Ani.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melodylane what do I do? I just had my father call him to see what time he was going to pick up the kids. I haven't given him a plan B lettter. He still seems so distant. I asked him to leave when he broke the N/C rule. Was I to let him stay? He said last night that he needs a few days to decide if we should go to a mediator because of the awful things i said to him. Sounds to be like he wants it to be over. Could he just want to be single again with very few resposibilities, or is this typical WS stuff. Should I have contact with him while he doesn't live here anymore and kill him with kidness, or is it time to stand up for myself
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Mel -- FYI he is NOT repentent or remorseful.
He tried to hide his meeting with OW. He is not sorry or asking for another chance.
When told to leave -- he just did, no begging or remorse.
Right, Ani?
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You are right. He just says you asked me to leave. You're the one who said next time I move it it's over. Meeting was not what you think. Two weeks prior to that he got a place to live w/out me knowing it. I think hisintentions were to secure a place to live. Contact OW and let her know he was moving out in hopes that she would be happy about it. If she wasn't then he had't moved out of our house so had nothing to lose. He could have if he wanted to break that lease w/out me knowing. Instead, I found out about the contact, asked him to leave, OW said she doesn't to be involved to keep her out of this.
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Anyone else have any opinions?
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Ani;
Send him a Plan B letter and be done.
He was obtaining another residence and meeting with OW while supposedly "working on the marriage". Once confronted he wasn't apologetic, remorseful or repentent.
This is not a man who is worried about YOU.
What are you worried about?
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I know lexxxy. I know it's time. I guess I need some encuragement that Plan B does not mean it's over. With that said I can be stronger, work on myself, I'm down to 125 lbs do to the affair diet!!! Thinking about getting some new TA TA's now that I don't have to aske him!!!! Ubfortunately, I don't have the extra cash since it is now going to another place! One question. If OW no longer wants to be envolved, won't me Plan Bing right now not be a good idea? Or is it a great time to do it?
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If he is not remorseful, how long will it take to have another woman appear in the picture, 6 months, 2 years, 5 years?
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How can I force him to be remorseful?
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"How can I force him to be remorseful?"
You're helpless.
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Find a good man who will respect you, look nice, act kind, and be happy without him. That will probably make him remorseful.
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Anyone else have any opinions? Ani, Lexxy is right if his attitude is like that! IF he is remorseful and willing to do what it takes, I say let him. But with this attitude, its Plan B all the way, baby!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Find a good man who will respect you, look nice, act kind, and be happy without him. That will probably make him remorseful. Why in the world would you advise this? She is still married. She would be doing the same thing her husband did. It IS possible to still recover your marriage. Is that what you want? My FWH came home and left again as well and then met OW#2. We just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary together and have been in recovery for a little over 3 years now.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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BestAdvisor1
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 4 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> LOL
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ah-ha. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Why in the world would you advise this? She is still married. She would be doing the same thing her husband did. I didn't say do it immediately, but after the divorce is finalized.
Last edited by BestAdvisor1; 10/18/07 03:13 PM.
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BestAdvisor1
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 4 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> LOL I am glad I have amused you.
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And what makes you the "BEST?"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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