Thanks all for the support. I didn't even consider Bestadvisor1. Not the MB way. Besides I do look good, take care of myself, and have a good personality. There's nothing wrong with me! I just dropped the kids off at my father's house for WH to pick them up. I am not going with them to the school function, told them it's boys night. I am trying hard to stay away from him as much as possible. Wish me luck. I will give him his letter on Saturday and will not be here when he moves everything out. At that time I'm black as the night. One question...how do I handle the ball games they are quite frequent.

This is the perfect time for Plan B. no wife, AND no OW. He will get the chance to really see what life would be like if he follows through with a D. If OW is truly "done" with him, then this is the perfect time for plan B.

Ball games - get your support network involved. Go to the games, and surround yourself with friends and family. Your Dad, your friends, other parents from the team. Get yourself right in the middle of a group of people, so you won't see WH coming and going.
Let him see you going to the games, and having fun. This is another chance for him to see what his life would be like after a D.
It would be good for him to see the reality of D NOW while there is still a chance to save your M. Do you see that?

thing is - you could D him right now, no problem. You would be able to move on. You would eventually get over the pain, and you would have alimony, plus child support. You would still have the love and respect of all your friends and family. Parents would continue to surround you at ball games. In time, you will be just fine.

But on the other hand - if he does get a D, where would he end up? No wife, no OW. No money, because he is paying it to you. Most of his family, and friends would not want to hang out with a cheater who dumped his wife and kids.
You see - it would be best for HIM to return to the M. He would be much better off that way. So let him see, right now, what a D would really look like. So he can at least make an informed decision.

Today was the first day without contact with him. My father said he looked ashamed when he picked up the boys. I went and got my nails done, got an airbrush tan and will be getting my hair done tomorrow. I feel pretty good. I'm sure it hasn't hit me and worse days will be coming but I got through day 1 and that is how I intend to do it, one day at a time. I'm trying to figure out child care arrangements and I'm not sure what to do. I have a part time job only a few hours a week, so I can pick up the boys everyday but one, which my father gets them. Once we establish a set visitation, do I let hubby make his own arrangements for picking them up or should I continue since I can and let him pick them up at say 6:30. I do not want to disrupt the kids routine but I also don't want to make it easy for hubby.

How old are you kids?

Ani6209 just wanted to give ya an "atta girl" hang tough!

My chldren are 8 and 11. Thanks for asking. Today is day two and I hope to have N/C with WS. I will see him tonight at a football game, I intend to smile be sweet and go talk to the other parents on the team. I could be a lot stronger if I knew we still had a chance. I'm beginning to wonder now. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with him then why would he still move out. I know I asked him to leave but don't you think he would ask to stay, that he would change, whatever or is this typical of WS so soon after the affair has supposedly ended.

WH dropped kids off this morning and did not come in the house as I requested. My eldest son said dad told him this living arrangement will probably be forever. Is this just babble? Last night he wanted to know where I was and when the boys told him I was was working out he wanted to know where. I'm having a hard time with this. I want to know what his intentions are so bad. What's going through his mind.

Ani, please don't torment yourself wondering what he is thinking. He doesn't even know because his feelings change from moment to moment. If I had to guess, he is probably thinking that since he moved out that he has a chance with the OW. Once he comprehends that this will fail, he will give up and move his focus homeward.

But what matters right now is what YOU THINK because you are back in full control again. I would get him that Plan B letter and go dark as night. Do you have an intermediary?

He told me OW said she was done with the whole thing. I also spoke to OW had a good conversation(wierd) and she said she done and wants to move on with her life that my husband misled her. I told her that he told me he doesn't want a divorce etc. Anyway, I'm hoping that she is telling the truth and really does get rid of him. Who knows. Do I really stand a chance with this whole thing? Maybe he really doesn't want to be with me. He did move out a second time. My only hope is that he has struggled with us the entire affair. Has always said he doesn't want a divorce etc. He doesn't ever really let go.

Yes I do have an intermediary. In the process of making arrangements for visitation. WH will be moving stuff out on Sat. What do I do. I didn't want to be there, but would like to see what he is taking. Do I still hang tough and ask that he takes his tools, everything? Or if he doesn't just let it go as to not cause bitter feelings. I don't want to come across as a b*#.

He doesn't TODAY. But today he is under the influence of his affair. As he withdraws this will change. A WS doesn't KNOW what he wants; that changes from day to day.

Are you getting ready for Plan B? Do you have an intermediary set up? Do you have a letter prepared? Are your finances seperated? Can you post the letter so we can give you some feedback?

Melodylane- I do have a Plan B letter. Just tweaking it a bit. I'm still not sure if I want to give it to him. The reason is he has always known that I wanted this to work and I feel like he thinks he can come back anytime he likes. The letter just reinforces that and he can try to continue his affair until he or she is done then wonder on back to me. I think he needs to feel like he's losing me. I have an intermediary all set.

I haven't seperated finances. I have control of all the money. What do I need to do? Set up a new bank account. I have all the money I need now with the finances the way they are.

Ani, he needs the letter to be assured this is not a punishment. It is not saying he can come back anytime he wants, but giving him a strict path back in order for you to CONSIDER reconciliation. On the 2nd round of Plan B, my suggestion would be a short, sweet letter that cuts to the chase and keeps any sentimentalism to a bare minimum. My favorite one is from furnitureman, and I would suggest using his, cutting it down and changing it up to suit your situation. In your situation, his path back would be a committment to repair the damage in your marriage and an assurance that his affair is ended. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1143897

Does he have access to that money? Can he plunder it? Is he on any of your credit cards? I would get him removed from any bank accounts, credit cards, etc.

Often the WS will use money to force the BS to break Plan B. Just be sure that you have some money available in case he tries that.

It sounds like hubby is very attached to you. He will probably use all kinds of excuses to break Plan B. It is best not to tell your kids all about what you are doing because he will find out from them. Just be kind of vague.

When he had visitation before was he the one who spent time with them or did he have them with his mom?

My husbands family doesn't live in the same state. His best friends live out of state as well. He really only has his work relationships and he started a new job so he doesn't even have them anymore. I am not concerned about my husband and the money situation. I have other resources if I need them. I'm pretty much joint on his credit cards etc. Remember I've been a stay at home mom for 10+ years. I do have credit cards in my own name so I'm not concerned with that. Hubby is in a financial field so could not have excessive debt/bad credit or anything like that or it could jeopardise his career.

Okay, that is very good.

So he really does take your kids for visitation during the week all on his own, and on the weekends too. I'll give him a few points for that, because often the first thing to go in an affair is the relationship with the children.

He takes the kids, helps then get their homework done, coaches teams etc. He is a very good father. Question...during Plan B if I see him at the games I'm to politely say hello if I have to right? I'm not to try to purposley avoid him am I?

You CAN break Plan B to talk about the kids or financial matters. But the problem is that the WS will often start conversations on those matters, and quickly switch to talking about other things. See, they need the BS to meet SOME of their emotional needs, and the OP to meet others. The trick in Plan B is to force the OP to meet ALL of the emotional needs, which they CAN'T do.

So the darker the Plan B, the better.

Being in Plan B is difficult, because in a good Plan B, nothing happens. You won't have anything to write about here. So I always suggest that the BS get involved in some activities to raise their self esteem. During Plan B, I cleaned the house spotless, organized things, painted, detailed the car, started my own business, joined a women's support group, volunteered, made a garden, exercised and went out with friends. It was enough to keep my mind off of WH.

I see. Will he just get used to me not being around. He was only home for a bit over 3 months. We had a few LB a few days ago, that's why I was trying to stay away from him. I had so many things I wanted to say, and it all just came out angry. He told my son last night that he rental house would probably be forever. I don't know if that is truely how he feels, or because I had told him before that if he moves out on me again I'm through.