H responded to message I left regarding appt with Steve. He said he would think about it. I had left him a message so I wouldn't have to talk to him directly. Also, left the # to schedule an appt so hecouldn't use that as a way out. Back to being dark. It's raining a lot so I'm guessing the game tonight will be cancelled. I will have the clothes packed and the kids waiting outside at pick up time.

I'm not sure how MB'ers are going to feel about this, but I feel great. I have an appt on Mon for breast enhancement. It is something I've wanted to do for years but we never seemed to have the money. I feel very empowered over MY decision. For the first time in a while I feel like I'm doing something for me. WH will complain about the money spent yet he can spend 1,200 a month on just rent alone each month. He does not know about the appt. I don't plan on telling him. By the way OW employer should be contacting her any day. I am anxious to see how this plays out. WH is going to be so angry at me, and poor OW she had nothing to do with this, it was between us!!!! Oh, how I hate that saying!! Anyway, I'm interested in knowing if she will call him right away, or just let it go (supposedly she's done with it all) Is there any babble I can expect to here from WH if he does find out about it. Will it really be the end or do they get over it?

Also for those reading I am in Plan B so he isn't able to talk to me, but I feel like he will try because he will be so mad.

Here is what you can expect since you are in COMPLETE DARKNESS of Plan B:

SILENCE......

Go get that boob job and have some fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


What was that strange sound, Ani? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know I'm in silence right now. Just thinking he might try to say something if I see him somewhere. I'm hoping it will pass and he'll get over it on his own once the intial anger wears off. Still can't help but think he is trying to reignite the affair with OW. It's strange but I almost think i got more from H when I would see him and talk really nice and upbeat. Then would just say see ya and go like i didn't have a care in the world. I think he was more responsive to that. Now I feel like he thinks I'm just trying to get back at him or whatever.

Just a quick update...I spoke to WH best friend this morning and talked to him about WH. H told me his friend knew about the affair. When I mentioned the affair, he said he didn't know that. That all my H said was we were having some problems. This is his best friend and he can't even tell him the truth. His friend told me that he even asked if there was someone else and he said no. His friend told me that he will fly down next weekend to visit my H. I thanked him for the concern and even the expense of flying down. He said that's what friends are for.

Any day now the OW's employer should be contacting her. I feel like I should have done this exposing long time ago. Back then I was afraid, now I feel like no matter the outcome the truth needs to be told.

Well, we can see the result of that, can't we?? As Dr Phil would say "how's that working for ya?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

And the reason you are not getting more from him now is because you ARE IN PLAN B. You are staying dark, aren't you, Ani?

Are there any other exposure targets you need to tell? The reason it is important to tell folks YOURSELF is because the WS will lie about telling and lie about content. This is why the story has to come from yourself.

I see what you mean about what being nice did for me. I am dark. I wish I could be darker, it seems very hard with the kids. For example the ballgames and such. I would love just to not even have to see him. I think his friend is going to come down next weekend. I hope he will be a help to H.

In some ways I have always thought from the beginning of this affair, that my H isn't going anywhere. I have had this feeling from way back. I don't know if it is a defense mechanism, or just wishful thinking but deep down I have always thought that.

Let me ask you MB'S a couple of questions....Do WS sometimes not want a divorce to not have to deal with the problems that a divorce will cause (child support, custody etc) or is it usually something else. My WS has said many times he didn't want a divorce, he doesn't know what he wants??? Second question...After an affair (if it's truely over) do WS still question their marriage. Do they go through a period of time where their still not sure about their love for you? Are they still in a fog or does that fog go right away when they break it off. I am asking because I have a feeling that the affair might be over, but my H isn't beating down the door to come home. Could it be that he just used to his freedom and doesn't want a family life anymore? (he used to travel a lot)or is it more likely that he could still be in a fog and mourning the loss of the OW?

Ani, the most likely scenario, IMO, is that he is hoping to get the OW back on track and is holding out for that. However, all we can do is speculate. The most important thing is for you to focus on your life and that of your children now.

What do you mean get OW back on track? If she does come back what then? Is our marriage over? Does it mean he chose her a second time and I should just give up? Or do most WS do this as long as they can get away with it?

Ani, what I mean is that he may be trying to get her back before he accepts it is over. That is what I would expect at this point. Once he accepts that she won't come back he will refocus his attention on his marriage and getting back in. I expect he will try at first to get back in your marriage without committing to anything, so expect him to test you in that regard. If he does say anything about coming back, then make him talk to Steve first.

This is so hard. I feel like if he does come back to me it would be because she has moved on. I guess I wish it was my H that said I'm done. I feel like second best, if that would happen. I can say that he must have struggled with this for a while. He did chose a few months ago to move home and try to work on our marriage. At that time he did chose me and the family over her. But then to say I'm not sure I did the right thing hurts. It's like he just dumped us for her. Do WS do this often. Go back and forth with their feelings and not being able to commit one way or the other? Is he a cake eater???

Ani, I think it will make more sense if you view this as it really is, a powerful ADDICTION. His affair is as intoxicating as crack or alcohol. An addict does not stop until the pain of staying high becomes greater than the pain of stopping. Your H is under the influence right now, so expecting him to make rational decisions is unrealistic. He is still chasing his next FIX.

Plan B helps him hit bottom by removing your support and refusing to enable his cake eating. The affair is less likely to ever make it with you out of the picture than in it, because you won't be there to enable it.

Have you ever seen the movie "Unfaithful" with Richard Gere? It very accurately depicts the sick addictive nature of an affair. The REASON that Dr Harley is such a GENIUS about understanding the dynamics of an affair is because he used to operate a treatment center and recognized all the same traits of an addict in an affairee. And as a recovering alcoholic with 22 yrs of sobriety, I can tell you the mentality is exactly the same.

So, its not that your H is making any rational choices right now; his mentality is no more reliable than a falling down drunk.

Just bide your time, Ani. He will see soon enough that his affair is hopeless and start to withdraw from the affair crack. That is when recovery is really possible.

Thanks MelodyLane your words are encouraging. Thinking of him as an addict helps. I don't take it so personally. WH doesn't look very good right now. Doesn't look like he's sleeping well. I see him at the games very little of course, but I can still tell he doesn't look rested. Steve said it was OK to attend games just have no interaction with him.
Well, my surgery is tomorrow. I am very excited. This is not something I'm doing for revenge, I am doing it for me. I've been walking/running and feel quite good and confident. I've been eating good, drinking very little if at all, and feel better than I have in a long time. I think it shows. YEAH!!!! Thanks again for your support. You're the best!!

Good luck on the surgery, Ani! You will do great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have my surgery in about 2 hours. I can't help but feel a little sad. I want so much for my WH to contact me just to wish me luck. I can't believe that he would ignore the fact that I will be having surgery. Why would he do this?

He has lost his mind, Ani. I am so sorry you are going alone. Try and look at the bright side. You are getting surgery you have wanted for a long time! That is awesome! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm not going alone. I have friend that is going to take me. My father will stay with me tonight just in case I need something. I have another friend who will take the kids back and forth to school. I have a great network. Couldn't ask for any better. I know he's not in his right mind but he can't muster up the concern just once!! Does he really not care? Will he sit at work today and not even wonder if everything went OK?

Good luck on the surgery. It will be nice to have it over and done. Hope you can then go out and buy some sexy new clothes.

I'm sure hubby's affair will end. They almost always do. At first everything is fine in La-La land. But as soon as the OW wants more security, as soon as the everyday problems start popping up, the affair will end. It happens all the time.

When OW is out of the picture, your REAL husband will show up again.

Still in Plan B. If affair is over how long could it take for WH to want to come home...or in some cases do they just never return? If affair isn't over and he/she is trying to reignite it, what do I do? Continue Plan B and hope that it dies out. OW employer should be talking to her any day now. I'm curious how that will go.