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OK. Would it be OK to write a little note asking if he would just wait outside when he picks up the kids. Also, some MB's have said if it is contact regarding the kids it's OK if it is necessary. What do you think?
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Also, some MB's have said if it is contact regarding the kids it's OK if it is necessary. What do you think? Its not ok at all, Ani, because it defeats the purpose ENTIRELY. That is usually an excuse used by those who don't truly want to go into Plan B. Ask your intermediary to tell him to pick up the kids outside that contact is too painful for you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Great idea. Thank you. That will reinforce the the use of the intermediary. What about my son's game Tuesday night?? Help
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Great idea. Thank you. That will reinforce the the use of the intermediary. What about my son's game Tuesday night?? Help Try and think of creative ways to NOT see your H, Ani, instead of looking for reasons to see him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The only reasons I would see him is at the games. Do I miss every game? Just trying to get input so I don't mess this up.
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Ani, if he is at every game, I would either stop going or I would ask your intermediary to negotiate rotating games with him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He does go to every game as I do. This week I won't go, and the Friday Night game is cancelled so I will have a good week in between games where I really don't have to see him. I will make arrangements for the other games next week. What if I was to sit far away and have no communication? What do you think of that? Or is it not good that he even sees me? Please don't think I'm making up reasons to see him. I am a planner and I want soooo much to get this right that I ask a lot of questions and give scenarios to be better prepared if one should happen. I do not like to be caught off gard and I don't want to blow this.
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Ani, I would not go to the games he goes to and you will see why soon enough. You are going to start to feel better than you have in months by being removed from his insanity. You will withdraw from him.
When you do see him, you will immediately be pulled back into his crap and will have to start all over from Day 1. All the bad feelings will rushing back. Not seeing him allows you to withdraw from him and regain your bearings. When you see him, you lose all that and have to start over.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I understand. I feel a sense of relief already for some reason. About the withdrawing from him. Does that mean if he does want to meet the conditions of my letter and wants to try to reconcile, that I won't have feelings for him any longer because I withdrew?
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Ani, it means that he can EARN your love back by filling up your lovebank. You CAN fall in love with him again. But that won't happen if you hate him, which is where this was leading by being around him in this state. It is also dangerous to your mental health being exposed to this kind of situation too long. People have nervous breakdowns from this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks MelodyLane for being so supportive. I get it now. I am going to take a hot bath, which I hardly have time to do and enjoy my evening. I have much more confidence in what I am doing now.
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{{{{{{{{{{{ANI}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Went for a walk/run this morning. I have an appt with Steve, so I am curious on how that will go. Overall I feel pretty good considering. I lost my mother about 2 months ago, miss her a lot. I used to think I didn't have very good coping skills, well I found out I do!!!!
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Sorry about your mother, Ani. And yes, you DO have good coping skills!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks again for the encouragement. Spoke to Steve this morning, the session went well. Otherwise no other info to add. Thanks everyone!!
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So what plan are you going to do? I'm glad the session went well!
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My plan is to continue Plan B, contact WH once and ask if he would contact Steve. (He called him once before) And basically just look out for me right now.
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You're in Plan B and you contacted your husband again?
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Steve advised me to contact him...said it would be OK for this reason. My H has talked with him before and wanted to see if he would set up an appt with him again. I did it based on Steve's recomendation.
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Steve advised me to contact him...said it would be OK for this reason. My H has talked with him before and wanted to see if he would set up an appt with him again. I did it based on Steve's recomendation. Good. L.
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