Good job. That will put a little strain on the affair. Be sure to send the written letter also.

What is the story on the OW? Is she his boss? Is she married? Does she have children?

OW has no children, married, and was his boss. OW husband seems to not care about the A. He speaks with me some, not often and doesn't seem to help me/us break the A. He works out of state but supposedly comes home on the weekends.

Strange new feeling emerging. The last two days I've been pretty good. At times I think I'm actually happy. More like my old self again. I feel as if I don't care if my H returns. I don't know if I'm just in a great mood or if the Plan B is really protecting my feelings. I'm almost a little scared because I feel this way. Is that normal? Honestly, I can say that if he returned wanting to meet all my conditions that I wouldn't say let me think about it. I don't know if this will pass. I'm a little scared because I wonder if I allowed too much time go by and I'm lost my love for him, or if I'm just feeling good and haven't had any contact so I'm not being affected by him. Any ideas????

For me, when I initially entered Plan B, I felt a sense of relief. Withdrawal came about 5 days into it. The urge to contact my, then, WH rose.

It is great that you have been feeling good. Positivity is a good thing.

Just take this one day at a time. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you have a good day, relish it, take it for all it's worth. That is a good thing.

If you begin to feel the urge to contact your WH, come here and post instead.

Yes! We all went through that, including feeling scared about it. The same "will I even want WS back" fears.

Roll with it. Like SL says, relish it. Try not to worry about what your WH does or how you will react--you can worry about that if and when he comes back to your door.


This is good advice. I can remember times when I started to feel really good that I wanted to share it with someone, and my WW was the person that I wanted to share it with. Wouldn't have been helpful. . . .

Update...

Got a message from HR director wanting me to call her back. Don't no why. Will update after conversation.

Spoke to HR Director..states someone at OW local office informed them of an inappropriate relationship. I confirmed. They will handling this in accordance to their HR policy and procedures. Thanked me for my cooperation.

Does anyone know what a typical policy and procedures would be
for a somewhat large national company regarding inappropriate work relationships? She was my H superior. What can I expect?

Started a new post because I just wanted to get some advice on the policies and procedures of some employers. I hope that was OK. Not really sur how to work these discussion boards. Well, I had a great night... did see my WH but was upbeat. Son had a championship game and won. Was MVP and newspaper interviewed him. I was so proud nothing could bring me down. Team went to celebrate victory and hand out trophy's. WH attended as well. WH and I were fine with each other. Frankly, there were so many people I/we knew we were pretty much just socializing. Best friend came w/ H best friend. WH knows he was interested in me but I said I was married. Still seemed to make WH uncomfortable. According to other BF my WH was going out to where I was to mark his territory so to speak. I didn't really notice because I had such a great time and I was proud of my son that nothing could bring me down or phase me. All in all, limited contact was made. Things were pleasant. Spoke of how well our son did. And had a fantastic time!!!

Oh, good job. Hope you ONLY talked about your son. No need to give WH too much of a Ani fix. Soundds like you are doing just fine. And I'm happy for your son too.

Ani, you were socializing with your H? Did I misunderstand?

Does HR understand this is an adulterous affair? "Inappropriate" could mean many things. Did you give them details?

Yes, this is exactly how you are supposed to feel in Plan B.


That is exactly how you are supposed to be.


This will become your natural state pretty soon.


You would have lost your love for him if he stayed in contact. You would have grown to HATE him. THAT would have been almost impossible to recover from. On the other hand, you can fall back in love with him if you don't hate his guts and are simply DETACHED.

Companies used to sweep this stuff under the rug.... today....some are not. Looks like his HR maybe one of your supporters!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good. Let them ask the questions and you answer as needed. Don't think there is much for you t/d. Make sure the OW and WS are not trying to pin anything on you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Congratulations on your son's game!!! MVP! Wow, that's great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


take care,
L.

I was not socializing with him. We were both present at the award ceremony. Afterwards most people stayed and had a drink and the kids played. My h was socializing with people, and I was outside most of the time chatting with other parents. We had very little conversation between ourselves. We did say what a great game. Son did a good job we were proud etc. That was it. Otherwise we kept to ourselves. In fact, I was so proud I really didn't notice much that H was even there.

OW place of employment knows it was an affair. That's what I told them it was. I also said that OW had a workplace affair years ago with her current H. This is her second affair at the workplace, one resulted in marriage.

Ani, what happened to Plan B? What is this all about? This was completely unavoidable.

I am glad you told them this! What was her response? Did she give you any kind of indication what they would do?

I asked for HR director to contact me when the matter was handeled.

ML-

The situation last night could have been avioded. I could have not gone and hurt only my son. I am glad I went, and got to see the pride in his face when the newspaper interviewed him. Priceless!!!! After all my kids have been through I will not let them down. If showing up and supporting them at what they do best will jeapodize my chances for reconciliation then I'll take my chances. My interaction with my H was very very limited. I did just what Steve advised. He told me to go to the games if I want but have little contact to keep myself safe from his wayward talk. I felt better last night than I have in a year. I was beaming with pride and it showed. Honestly, I barely knew my H was there!

I don't think Steve told you to interact with him, did he? Did he tell you to do that? Because if he did, he has done a complete about face after years of counseling folks to NOT interact with them in Plan B.

Interacting with your H ruins your credibility after you have just told him in a Plan B letter you will not be in contact. He knows you don't mean that at all, which forfeits any leverage, any credibility you have.

I also KNOW how this goes, Ani. An inch here, an inch there, pretty soon you are taking a mile and there is no semblance of Plan B left at all. It disinigrates into nothing more than a hot and cold shoulder that keeps you embroiled in his crap.

ML-

When I asked about how I handle the games Steve did not say I should not go. He basically said everything has a price. Am I willing to pay the price to see the games. I know H will be there and that might bother me etc. In this case it did not bother me. In fact I was confident, cute, and extremely happy. H did not get any EN's met by me. He did not get any kind of fix. We did not talk but 3 min at the most. All about the game. I know what you mean how a little talk can lead to more. This won't. The season is over, and there will be no more games/practices until the Spring. (March)I don't know if I made myself clear on what Steve said. Basically, I could attend the games just try to not interact with H. That's what I did last night. Like I said games/practices are over. It will be really easy to go pitch dark now.