ani, there is a world of difference between going to the games and INTERACTING with your H. Interacting DEFEATS THE PURPOSE of plan B and sends the clear signal that you don't mean what you said in your letter. I am concerned that you don't understand how important this is. You have shown your H you didnt really mean it when you said you were cutting off contact. He knows you aren't serious.

Good, then go pitch dark. The problem is that talk of the kids tends to turn to other talk sooner or later. I know I made the mistake of breaking Plan B enough times.

And it is not only about not meeting his needs, but protecting YOUR heart. Your only contact with him needs to be when he has no contact with the OW and is willing to do whatever it takes to save the marriage.

OK. I was wrong. It was not my intention to have contact with him. It was accidental. I mean I knew he would be there but did not intend to have a verbal exchange. I guess why it's best if I avoid all places he will be. That way there won't be any uncomfortable exchange between us. I messed up. I'm big enough to admit it. So, as you read no more games/practice until March. It is the best opportunity for me to be dark. Is that OK, or will he all ready think I'm not serious??

Welll I guess it's over. I tried to keep my marriage together but my WH just told me he wants a divoce. He came to drop off the kids and he asked if I had the credit card bill. He wanted it to see it to see where we stand. I asked if ne needed other statements. Things got a bit heated (not too bad) and the conversation led to seeing a mediator. I said I don't want a divorce. I asked him again, and he said yes, I want a divorce. This is the first time he has really said that without hesitating. Usually, like last week he said he guesses he wants a divorce. The past year he said he didn't want one. I tried my best. Hung in there for over a year. I have no regrets. I know I did everything I could to save our marriage. I guess it's time to say goodbye. He says he had an affair because of the condition of our marriage. If we had a strong marriage then he would have never had an affair. There was something wrong with our marriage. The affair was a symptom of the state of our marriage. I just wish we could put this all behind us. I just want our marriage to work. I guess sometime things don't work out the way you want them to. I think he is serious about a divorce.

Then let him do all the work to get a divorce. Also, Melody was right. You need to do a dark Plan B. A Plan B with no contact. You shouldn't be asking him if he wants a divorce. You shouldn't be discussing a mediator.

Ani, don't get upset, this is just part of the process. It does not mean ANYTHING has changed. He might not even feel the same way tomorrow. This is not over by a long shot.

Stick to your Plan B AND STOP TALKING TO HIM - GO DARK and STAY THAT WAY

Do not cooperate in any divorce schemes, ESPECIALLY MEDIATION

Make him DO ALL the work if he wants a divorce

If you are served, COUNTERSUE FOR ADULTERY CALLING THE OW AND HER H AS WITNESSES

RELAX

We need to know if he is having an affair. Can you find out?

I know we should not have talk about divorce. I told him I didn't want one. I wanted to discuss things more. Is it over? Is this still wayward talk. Do you think he's serious, or was he just mad? He had tears in his eyes when he said it.

Ani, have you given up? This not a reason to give up, but if you have given up, I will understand. I don't think your situation is hopeless at all.

He may just trying to have more contact with you. It is very common in Plan B for the WS to invent reasons to have contact with the BS. Now you need to do a dark Plan B. Have no contact for any reason.

He knows what he wants about as much as a falling down drunk knows. Have you noticed that what he wants changes from week to week? He might be "serious" today but will be "serious" about something entirely opposite tomorrow.

Remember...he moved back out of our house a month ago. He was only home for about 4 months when he decided to move out again. I found out he met with OW to discuss back pay issues. I asked him to leave as soon as I found out. Don't know if they are together. She said she was done. Hesaid it was over. Denies anything is going on anymore. Not sure about it. OW cried on phone when I spoke to her about three weeks ago. Seemed hurt by my telling her that H never wanted a divorce, that he said she could get ugly at work if she found out he moved home etc. At this point does it even matter if they are together? There is nothing I can do to stop it.

Plan B, Plan B, Plan B.

I haven't given up. I feel like giving up. He looked me right in the eyes and said yes, he wants a divorce. That hurt so much. I always had hope because he would never say that. If he said anything close it was always I guess I do, stuff like that. I didn't take it all that seriously. If he is not with OW anynore why would he say that to me? Do you think they may have started up again? Could he be in withdrwasl if he and OW are over?

It seems that he is either back with the OW or he has found another woman on the side.

It's not that hard to imagine that they are back together if they work together and see each other on a regular basis. Even if they don't, it's only an email or a phone call away.

Ani, there is ALOT you can do to stop it if the affair is back on. It will change our whole strategy here. We really need to know. Is he asking for a D so he can pursue her? We really, really need to know.

I think he was a little angry with me. He thinks I want to date someone. I don't. Told my H I love him and I don't want a divorce. He saw the person he thinks I want to date Friday night at that team celebration. Saw me talking to him and my best friends H. I have no interest in this person other than a friend. (He brought this up during exchange of words) I'm thinking to myself if you just said you want a divorce then why the h**l do you even care who I'm talking to. He also made a remark that other guy not so good looking. Not true he's very cute and really fit. It kinda funny because the OW is a dog. I told him to watch the movie Shallow Hal again then he would know what the OW looks like to everyone else. He's obviously in a fog because he can't see how ugly she really is. Anyway, I told him again I was not interested in that guy and that I love him and I don't want a divorce. I'm also wondering if perhaps HR contacted OW and she told him. Or, he's been trying to talk to OW and she's not responding so he's taking it out on me. Could it be any of these things?

Or, HR talked to the OW, she confided in him and got back together. I think they have been communicating for sure.

It could be. Just stick to your course, Ani. I just am beside myself, though, about all this contact. That is going to be very hard to overcome. Did you designate an intermediary?

Ani, I think your lousy plan B might have backfired. You got to stick to your plan B.