Good week for me. I so did not want to start a new job, but I am so glad that I did. It was a miracle for me and just what I needed. The change in scenery, routine, etc has had a great effect on me. I've gone from complete despair last week to feeling happy this week - and no AD's!!!

I think that I just needed to boost my self confidence and feel really productive again. I'm now even wondering if I want WH back. That's today though - tomorrow may be different. I'm learning that emotions can change on the dime for almost no reason other than the wind blew. Still, thankful for three days of peace.

I had another session with Jennifer. She cautioned me that I am very vulnerable and reminded me not to allow myself to get too close to another male. Furthest thing from my mind right now, but she said that I have to deflect any type of advance. Not just something blatant, but just anything like a lunch with discussions of personal stuff etc. Always be on guard.

She said that I was hungry and that hamburgers were all over the place. I should hold out for the steak though. She also reminded me that they all come with some sort of baggage. Interesting perspective I guess.

Anyway, continue dark Plan B, go forward with my move, work on me, and no flirting so to speak.

She also made me realize that my WH IS a textbook case and that the path truly is very narrow. I know now that my one big boundary is no travelling job. If we have a chance to recover, that will be a non-negotiable requirement. It took a few false recoveries to make me realize it, but its in very deep now. I've get it for sure this time.

I've realized that they all do follow the script.

Hi Chailover,

Intriguing title to your thread. Early in our marriage, one of my camp counseling jobs included using old magazines the director brought in to create collages. I discovered the column entitled "Can this marriage be saved?" in the Ladies Home Journals and retrieved all the issues from the pile so I could read them before the kids cut them up. Of course, some were about infidelity but I honestly thought no one else would want my spouse (plus is was a year after he claimed 'God told him to marry me') so I dismissed those columns.

Fast forward 34 years. Ugly details in my sig line, but in a nutshell, we detached over the years and settled for merely existing. I gained weight, snored, couldn't get back to sleep (menopause) when he kicked me so I moved upstairs.

We were communicating almost as little as you and your H when he was traveling...but we lived 2 stories away from each other.

H had an online EA in 2000 when I weighed over 220 pounds (5'1) but didn't like the sound of her voice when she first called him. He kept it all secret.

After I lost 50 pounds (size 20 to 10) H had another EA described in my strange story.

I gave up after 4 Devastation Days and started envisioning my own recovery. I set my boundaries and H seemed to appreciate that. He chose to change.

I discovered these forums just after the holidays and called Dr. Harley's radio show, took his advice to expose to OWH, insisted we reconnect with the MC H had initially balked at seeing (because they had before fishing buddies after the first time we had seen him 20 years before).

So far, with the help of God, MC and MB, our M is recovering. In fact, we may even have a better R now than in all of the 35 years we've known each other.

CL, you've been given lots of great advice, but I hope my experiences might help you see that your efforts to recover yourself, regardless what your WH does, is the key to your overall success.

Keep posting your success....maybe now that you have this new job he will realize how expendable he is in your life and will take notice in a different way than when he perceived you needed his crumbs.

Thanks for reading. Sorry for the length....we seem to have a similar sitch which is unusual. (Wish I weighed 107 pounds again but that's another thread.)

Ace

Hi Ace,

Thanks for participating in my thread. I've looked at your story and it truly is a success story all the way around.

I also used to see those stories in LHJ, and also didn't pay much attention to them. Never thought it could happen to us.

Our years were similar to yours. Not much intimacy but we lived together very well. Didn't argue, did most things together etc. WH snored, so we had separate bedrooms for many years. I mean, he could wake up the neighbors.

Once he started travelling, we talked every evening about all kinds of stuff. Maybe it was the evening talks that kept him somewhat attached to me.

Anyway, I now am working on my own recovery. After 9 months of trying and continued DDays, I'm frustrated and losing my love. I know OW is probably putting pressure on him, so at this point a miracle will have to happen. I'm really the "OW" at this point.

Anyway, my plan is moving forward. I'm trying to buy a house and will move out as soon as I can. He will just have to arrange to get his belongings however he can. I don't see how he can do it long distance. I'm the only other person with access to the house now, and I'm not letting anyone else in to do it for him. I feel that it is his responsibility to come and get his own stuff.

Some days, I don't even want him back anymore. When I think of everything that has happended and how he lived with OW behind my back, continued to lie and deceive me, is willing to leave me stranded with a house etc. and moving, well, I even wonder if I want a person who could discard me so easily. Something to think about.

I'm glad that your situation is so good for you. I will keep cheering for you.

I want to share a little of my story, just so you can see more of the typical script.

Married 18 years. We lived on in the country, on 5 acres that was given to us by his mom and dad. His brother, and two of his sisters lived next to us. The road we lived on was named after his family. He loved living out there. We were supposed to live there forever.

He coached the boys in sports, I was team mom. 4 nights a week we were together at sporting events. To this day – I still wonder how he made time to get involved with OW.

He told me by phone one day – on a Wednesday, that he “found someone who made him happier than he had ever been in his life” and he moved out that day. Over the course of the next couple of months he returned for his clothes, and a few items. Most of his fishing and hunting gear. Every time I left the house I was afraid he would come in and take all of his stuff, and I would return to a half empty house. I couldn’t change the locks on the door because the door jam was broken. He left me and 2 kids in a house that we could not even lock up at night.

Finally, one day I got up the nerve to say “when are you going to stop coming in here, while I am gone, and taking things? I am tired of wondering” he said that he had everything he wanted at the point, and I should just do whatever I wanted to with the rest.

Of course I was devastated. He had thousands of football cards he had saved since childhood that he left behind. Hats, picture, all sorts of memorabilia that used to be important to him – left behind.

Over the course of the next 6 months I had to sell the house by myself, (I had to fix the broken door, and several other items) and I had to pack up and move – by myself. He never once came back. In fact, I should warn you that if your WH does not get his stuff – you will be forced to deal with it. The buyers will not allow you to just leave his stuff behind. I had to deal with old motor oil he left in the garage, old furniture that no one would buy, and I didn’t want to move. It was EXHAUSTING, mentally and physically. I filled an entire dumpster with junk.

But I did it. And at times I felt like you – how can he just walk away?!? Was I really all that bad?

Well, you know the answer, but let me say it again – it is not about you.
You were not all that bad.

It is about escaping life. His old hobby stuff reminds him of all he had, and all he is going to lose. He doubts himself, and feels guilty at the same time. He has visions of this new life filled with happy happy happy, riding off into the sunset, BS. Looking at the stuff he has accumulated over the years, reminds him that he has a wife, a home, a family. It reminds him that he is dumping something very precious. He does not want to be reminded. That is why he says he is too “busy” to get his things. In reality he is too sad, and too guilty.
My story ended in D – my choice. I have no regrets. I realize now that my WH was always weak, always selfish, always felt entitled. I do not see that happening to you. I really do not.

But I will share with you that my WxH’s A did end. And he did have many regrets – still does. He eventually wanted his football cards back – my OS had kept them, and gave them back to his Dad.

You are doing a great job. Keep up the good work. Part of this whole experience is about you finding yourself, your strength. It stinks, you don’t deserve it. But you will someday look back and say “I see know, that I had to go through this, to get where I am today”

Keep up the good work. I can truly see you reconciling your M. and your WH will someday be grateful to you for all you are doing right now.

God Bless You.

WoF5,

Thank you so much for your post. I can't tell you how much you have helped me. I've beat myself up over this so many times. I just couldn't understand it, but you have shed light on what may be the root of the problem.

Yes, I know that I will have to deal with it. I, like you, have felt abandoned. I've basically been alone in the woods for 3 years now, and he has had no concern at all. And now, not helping me move? Well, that hurt almost as much as the A itself.

Yes, I will do exactly what you did. If he doesn't get his stuff, I'll have a mover pick it up and put it in storage I guess (but send the bill to him). I'll also clean the place, turn off the utilities etc. I've been so tempted to walk away from it all, but you have made me realize that taking the high road pays off in the end. Always do the right thing, right???

Thank you again. I truly hope that you have found happiness....

Well today two significant things:

1. We had some issues on the house inspection. I gave approval to give a reduction in the home price. RE Agent emailed WH to tell him that I approved, would he? He said he would think about it. An email came back later that said he approved. The email was obviously not written by WH. I think OP wrote it. I know how WH writes and this was clearly not his style. Even signed differently than he would. OP who has financial difficulties is clearly awaiting the nice check. Yes folks, Affair$ $uck big time. Twenty years of equity going to someone I've never even met.

2. I made an offer on a nice condo. I'm starting to get really pumped up. It's bright, cheery, airy. A very nice place for me to come home to. I have two weeks to get approved for the loan, pack, and move.

It's a very strange feeling. I went from my parents to WH, so have never really had a "single" place. After 35 years of marriage it will take some adjusting.

WH still refuses to come home and get his stuff. Still maintains that he will send a moving van. RE Agent told him that hundreds of small tools etc will need to be packed and he says that he will tell movers just to "throw them on the truck" Ahhhh, the wayward mindset.......

ChaiLover,

WoF5 shared some big picture suggestions:


It seems you are wise to heed her BTDT advice....as hard as it may be. The high road will yield more potential promises as time goes by. I'm sure some will surprise you and hopefully others will surprise and thrill you.


RIGHT....with boundaries in place.

Best wishes....and if you need a break from the drama, pop on over to our [color:"blue"]Recovery Vacation OT Fun[/color] thread on the recovery forum.

Ace

Hey, HI CL....we were simulposting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Glad to read about your significant accomplishments today. Good for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When's the housewarming....we'll be over!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace

Hi Ace,

I do plan on throwing a party after I get in and settled. Might be a while though. I have 20 hour days coming up for the next 3 weeks. Yikes. Don't know how I'm going to get it all done, but I have to find a way.

Thanks for your post. Yes, you and WoF5 are right. I will do the right thing. Emotions sometimes get in the way, and we sometimes have this urge for revenge I guess. I will keep reciting this verse - "Take the high road, take the high road, take the high road..."

Another mantra to remember:

The best revenge, is a life well lived.

I am not sure if Dr Phil was the first one to say this - or if he borrowed it. But I heard this phrase early on, and repeated it often.

Too many people get hung up on the idea of "revenge". You see it on here frequently. Statements like:

"I just want to see him suffer as I have"
"It makes me furious to see him so happy with her, while I am alone"

He will have a season of false "happiness". but that will be it. A season. At the same time, you will have a season of misery. But that is it, just a season.

After you finish the move (which will be ******!!!) and after you get your condo set up, you will start to see your happiness returning. Read good books. Get your nails done. Visit with friends. Take a meal to a family. Keep yourself busy with good things. And in time you will feel good about yourself. Meanwhile, he will be wallowing in guilt and self pity.


Just live the best life you can - forget about revenge. That will take care of itself, if you will just stay out of the way.

His A will end. For sure. The question will be - can you hold onto a little bit of love for him, so that you can build a new M with him?

By the way - moving day was a lot harder than I thought it would be. As I got to the back of the closests and found my wedding dress, my veil...... surround yourself with friends and family. Every single person who offers to help - accept the help. Let them wrap your dishes and pack your socks. That time will be harder than you can even imagine, so take all the help you can get.

And plan to hire a service to clean the house afterwards. Cleaning up after all of that is emotionally draining. Spare yourself that.

Be kind to yourself.

I won't give you the details right now - but yes, I am very happy now. My life is truly well lived.

WoF5,

I'm so glad that you joined my thread. Just knowing that someone else has been down this road has been a great comfort.

You're right, our hurt sometimes makes us focus on revenge. Everyone keeps telling me to call 1-800-got-junk, or put it out on the lawn etc. Oh, I want to, but in reality I know that I wouldn't do that.

I went through some of the stuff and found his Dad's framed degree. It has long since yellowed, but I could never discard that kind of thing. Very sad that he is willing to walk away with only his car and a suitcase. And he even told me that he knew OW was looking for a "sugar daddy" as he put it. He knows, but can't stop.

As far as I know, he hasn't done anything toward the move, so I expect I will have to deal with it.

I met DD for lunch yesterday and she was talking with him and I heard him scream "I don't want to talk to her!" Funny how I'm the bad guy since I filed for LSA. That just pi$$ed him off big time. Had to separate the finances though. Didn't want anymore of my retirement fund going to OW.

I got pre-approved for my loan today. I am starting to get so pumped up about my new place. I've arranged furniture in my mind a hundred times. I can't wait. I have it all planned out - painting, decorating etc. Me and my little Boston. Just us....

You know, I was thinking today and I'm not sure that I want him back at this point. I may have gone too long and let my last bit of love be destroyed. I almost forget what he looks like (very wierd feeling), and it's almost like someone that I really don't know. Maybe he feels the same about me now too.

And I'm not sure that moving day will be so bad now that I have a great place. You're probably right though, I should have family here to support me just in case. After 20 years in this house, it will be hard.

The only hang up is that the mortgage company wants him to sign a release for my condo since the LSA hasn't been finalized. That will be tricky.

Anyway, its onward and upward from here. I think that I hit rock bottom and I'm going the other direction now.

WoF5, would love to hear your story of how you survived, met and married again. Do you have a thread somewhere?

I want to hear it too, WofF5. I noticed how much help you gave sexymamabear (even before she changed her name) and I'm sure you can identify with her sitch, too.

Have you read her story, CL? Her main thread is something like "Now eating my words....life with him back"....I think.

She has lost all of her love, too. But she didn't really realize it until her H became remorseful just last night I think!

It's amazing....I haven't checked it this evening, but she was supposed to have IC or MC today.

ChaiLover, I am so glad for you that you've found a condo that can feel like home. From what you said about your WH earlier, I can understand how/why you may not want him back.

I was 53 when I considered starting over, visualized it.....even my DD said she was going to offer to move back home and pay rent so I would not lose the house. If we had not gone on that 10 day vacation (together 24/7 with minimal LBs), we would be divorced today, too.

Looking forward to your story, WofF5.

Ace

I typed the following post this morning, before I realized you have new posts on here!!
I will come back later to address your new stuff.
I am on my way to lunch right now!!

I was thinking of you this morning, and wanted to add to my lengthy post from yesterday.

I wanted to try to explain why I am advising you to take good care of yourself. I hope that doesn’t sound too trivial – I know that you are going through the most difficult time of your life.

Thing is – your WH’s A will eventually end. He has not come up with some new, fabulous R that is destined to over come all obstacles! He has fallen into the same tired, old A trap that we have all seen before. He says the same things, and does the same things, that ever other WS does. That is how you can see the path he is headed down.

So when I suggest that you get your nails done – what I am really trying to say is this: The day will come, his A will end. It is just a matter of time. The average length of time is 6 months to 2 years. If you never do another thing to “save your M” – his A will still end. The question is – what are you going to do in the mean time? How will you spend your days?

I am suggesting that the best thing you can do, is take good care of yourself. Do things for yourself that you normally don’t bother with, or don’t have time for. Allow yourself this time to heal. That way, when his A ends, you will be better prepared to make a decision about what YOU want to do. Take back your own personal power. He has made enough bad choices for your life – now you get to make your own good choices. And when his A ends, you will be able to decide for yourself if he is someone you want to build a new M with. You will be better able to reconcile with him, if you are farther along in your own personal recovery.

People will say things like “You just need to get over it, he is never coming back, and you need to move on with your life”

Don’t listen to them. They mean well. But what does that mean exactly? Move on with your life?

I would suggest that you say to people “right now, I am reading a good book. I am planning a weekend get away, and I am decorating my condo. That is really all I have time for right now!”

People who have not walked this path before, do not understand that A’s just don’t last. No matter how many times the WH says, “I have found my soul mate!!! We will be together forever!!!” The odds are against them.

My WxH swore that he would marry OW “As soon as possible!!” and they would “Be together for the rest of their lives!!!” People told me “he is serious. This is it”.

Less than 1 year late she was completely gone – and he was living alone in a 1-bedroom apartment.

There isn’t one place to go and read my story. I have shared bits and pieces on several different threads.

D-day was 6/25/03. I filed on 11/10/03. For me – my WxH was always selfish, always acting like he was “entitled”. Many times he would remind me “there are a lot of women out there who wish they had him for a H”. When we first married he was going to church on a fairly regular basis. Over the years he quit going, and got heavily into porn. It got to the point where the only thing he ever read was porn. The only movies he would watch had to be at least R. He would flip though the cable channels looking for porn. If one of the boys would walk into the room he would quickly switch the channel off, and say, “get out of here! I am trying to watch TV!”

I was horrified to think that my boys were growing up like that. But I did not say anything, because I knew he would just say “there are a lot of women who wish they had me for a H”. Funny thing is – I didn’t really see that red flag at the time – how did he know there were other women who wanted him? I realize now that he always had friends, who were women, that he would talk to and complain about his dull wife.

But I would not have left him. I would have stayed forever. At the time, I did not think our M was bad. I didn’t like the porn, and he also had a habit of swearing a lot, but that was not a reason to D your H. We hung out together a lot, still had SF several times a week. We watched a lot of sports together. I am still amazed that he found time to meet with OW.

When he left he said that he found someone who made him happier then he has ever been in his life, and he was never coming back. Everyone who talked to him reported back to me that “this is it – it is over – you need to move on”. I was devastated! I figured that somehow I was responsible for my boys losing their dad.

But after awhile I came to realize that I was getting better. I liked having a house that was free from porn, and free from his angry outbursts –swearing at the boys and I. We could listen to Christian music without someone telling us to “turn that crap off”. We were starting to relax in our own house. The boys never worried that they would walk into the living room and see porn. (I cancelled the cable channel the day after he left!)

When I got to the point where I had to get our finances in writing – he was threatening to quit giving me money for the kids, I decided to file. I figured he could still come around, but I needed to secure my finances. He signed the papers – went into my attorneys office to do it – without a word to me. He was bringing OW to our son’s football games as if it was no big deal. Christmas was coming and he was talking about bringing her to his parent’s house for the holidays. I lived right next door to them!

Even after I filed, and after the D was final, I still knew there was a possibility we could reconcile. I don’t remember the exact day they broke up, but it was about 3 months later. She dumped him, told him to move out, and she even got a restraining order against him He called me, crying, to say that he had just been served with the RO at work, in front of his co-workers.

He started to call me on a regular basis to chat. Like friends. We eventually started “dating” a little bit. And I will tell you that I did start to get some feelings back for him. Nothing huge – but I could see the beginning of a warm, loving feeling starting to form.

I told him that I was worried about what message we were sending the kids, and he said, “I want you back. I want my family. I made a mistake”. I was a little skeptical, but I told him that he had to get counseling, to figure out how he could so easily dump his wife of 18 years. And I told him that he had to stop having “friendships” with other women.
He agreed, but 2 weeks later – he still had not set up a counseling appointment. He didn’t think he needed it. And he still had his cell phone up to his ear, all the time, talking to “friends”.

About a month later, he confessed that he had been “seeing” a mutual friend of ours. A woman who was married. She had a son who played sports with my son. He said that she had just told her H that she was leaving him, and going to live with my WxH. Her H was furious-of course. My WxH told me that he knew it was “wrong to date another married woman, but her H was abusive to her! And technically, their M was over years ago….”

I knew, that day, that my WxH would never value marriage. Not his own marriage, and not anyone else’s. He would always be open to something “better”. I told him that I wished him well with OW#2, but I would no longer be his friend. He was no longer welcome to call me, to chat. We would both be able to move on. He was furious at first, called me names, etc. But eventually he just left me alone.

That was 4 years ago – and to this day we hardly ever talk. I will call him on issues regarding the boys, but now they are 20 and 17. One away at college, the other a junior in high school. When he picks up YS for a visit, he doesn’t even come to the door. YS just goes out to the car. And I like it this way. I am finally free of his drama, his weakness, his porn. I no longer question myself, and my abilities as a wife. And I was finally free to meet, and marry, a man who is not into porn – he is into me!! He prefers the real thing!! My new H never swears, has a wonderful heart for God, and treats me like a lady.

BUT – you are not ready to move on. I just don’t feel like you are there yet. You need to see your WH’s A end. You need to see what sort of man is left at that point. Otherwise, you will always wonder. As much as I love my new H – I will tell you that 2nd marriages are hard work. Step kids, dealing with the X, all of these things add stress to a M. I would not change a single thing in my life – BUT , at the same time, I want you to know that 2nd M will bring challenges that you cannot even imagine right now. It would be better for you, and WH, and your children, if he would become the man he needs to be. If he won’t, then go in peace. But if he does – the angels in heaven will rejoice!

Read the very last chapter of the book of James.

WoF5,

You are such a wise soul. I'm glad that you found happiness. The second M is hard, but so would recovering the first have been. Maybe the difference now is that you have someone who respects you, and someone that you trust. It may not have been that way had you chosen to recover the first. I would think that step kids and X's would be minor at this point.

No, I'm not ready to move in that direction yet. In fact, I'm starting to look forward to spending time alone with myself in a place that I can claim as mine. If I want to paint a room pink, I will do it. If I want to watch a chick flick, I will do it. If I want to constantly rearrange furniture, I will do it. And finally, if I want a salad for dinner, I will do it. Never again will I miss going out because WH is sleeping on the couch and doesn't want to go. It's all starting to sound like fun. And I can spend as little or as much as I want because it is my money.

And I am going to invest in myself. I have a grand piano that I haven't touched much over the last year, so I'm going to start lessons again. I'm going to try to get involved in some sort of exercise routine, and I want to travel some. I have several single girlfriends that are supporting me. We're all single and over 50. All goddesses so to speak. A sassy bunch to be sure.

If WH ever does come back, I'll assess the sitch at that time. Really, I believe at this point that he has gotten too far into his second life, and that it has become his life now. It's a different life too. One of sitting in the bar in the evening, getting a little rowdy, driving the pick up truck etc. We never did that type of thing. We did soccer games, dinners, remodeling etc. We were pretty much homebodies.

When I look back, I think that was always who he was. I kind of forced him into my world of a house in the burbs, the corporate life, etc.

Funny thing though, he is the one who now works for the big corporation. Go figure.

Thanks for you post. Ace and I both wanted to hear your story. The support of everyone here is one of the only reason that I have come this far in my journey.

Thanks for sharing your story, WofF5. What an inspiration you are.

Could you please cut and paste or link your post to the "Success Stories" thread I started to inspire those seeking personal or marital recovery.

Here is the thread link:

Success Stories for Newbies thread.

It's been rotating for awhile and it might attract more readers if your name is listed instead of mine. I will link it if you prefer, but it might be more effective it you did.

Again, thanks for your post. I'm sure many will be happy to share in your success as you were true to your faith in God, and He was faithful to provide for you.

Ace

Ace,

I forgot to answer your last question - yes, I have been following SMB's thread. I follow many of them actually. I just don't feel that I can contribute on a lot of them since I haven't exactly done everything right. In fact, I've done everything the wrong way!! Wish I would have found MB sooner....

Well, I'm the age that you were back then -53. Didn't think that I would be doing all of this at 53, but here I am. This A has been financially devestating, so I just hope that I'm able to build back my retirement funds before I actually have to retire. At this point, it has cost me well over 6 figures. The biggest chunk is being forced to sell the deteriorating house in a down market. Took quite a hit on that.

Anyway, looking to the future. Have to run now, but look forward to hearing from you soon.

Chailover,

I did everything wrong for as long (if not longer) than you! Like WofF5, however, I have found limited success after despair so I do understand how you may feel like you can't contribute during your transition time.

It will come, CL, so just keep working on you. Many on these forums are struggling with something you may have overcome. In fact, your apparent peace and vision for your new identity can inspire a newly separated spouse who cannot grasp being alone. You can. You're living it and succeeding at it. There's a place to start.

True confession......I can identify with your "I can be my own boss" mentality as I started down that road and it jolted my then WH. I'm not bemoaning his choice to change, but it was kinda exciting to think about such independence after feeling like I had been trapped for all those 30+ years.

So don't feel like you have nothing to share, CL. You really do. But as you progress, it will be revealed to you. Just re-read WomanofFaith's story and others who made the choices to recover personally and were rewarded with a new relationship after years of a first marriage. Not yet....but it will come.

I'd love to hear about your new place, your new independence, [color:"pink"] your pink room(s)[/color], favorite chic flicks, etc. So post away....and you'll amaze yourself with what you really do have to share.

And when you need a break, pop on over to the Recovery Vacation OT fun thread on the recovery forum. It's actually there so we can share absolutely NOTHING......take a vacation from all our issues and just hang out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Check it out sometime.....everyone is welcome, in recovery or not. We all need a vacation now and then....why not NOW?

Ace

Well Ace, I would love to tell you about my pink room, but I may have run into a snag. Loan officer says that since LSA is not final, I need to have WH sign a release so he has no claim (or responsibility) for my purchase.

Since WH says this is all my fault, he told me last time that we spoke that "no one threatens him" and he has nothing else to say to me.

Talked with Atty and he says I need to send an email stating what items I am taking, and what items he is taking. The mover says it will be $7K to pack and store his things. I think that once he hears the quote he will leave it. I don't have that much money to get the stuff moved. In fact, he doesn't either so he may not have a choice but to walk away from it. I will then have 2 weeks to get it out.

This calls for breaking Plan B, but I don't see a way around it. I also need to tell him that he needs to sign the release and that I'll have to go through his HR dept to contact him if he won't respond to my email.

What a mess. I guess if he won't sign the document, I'll have to move into an apartment until the LSA is complete. In the meantime, I still have to start packing my own things which is a big job.

I know what you guys have told me about all of this, but I'll never understand it. Even if I were the WS, I can't imagine just walking away from everything that I own. Especially at this age. What has gotten into this man?

I guess I have to break Plan B and send the email. Atty says I need to do it, so have to protect myself I guess. Not that it matters anymore. I believe he's made up his mind that he is never coming back, so doubt that I'll ever see him again anyway.

Heartbreaking for my DD who has issues anyway.

CL, he's allowed himself to be abducted by alien forces that fogged his brain and tainted his values. His choice.

You can only control you, unfortunately.....and you still have a choice to get the forms signed or not.

Somehow, it seems better to break plan B, get the releases signed and get on with your life when the LSA takes effect.

Not sure what to tell you about his stuff, though. Are there charities that will pack it up and take it away for a reduced fee? How about a church having a rummage sale that needs 'stuff' and has lots of volunteers with trucks and strong backs (and lots of boxes)?

There must be a way, CL.....I'll keep praying for you.

Ace