Tee, hee. Well said!

Update:

She decided that she really likes me and wants to get to know me better and that maybe we should not be having sex so that our "friendship" can grow. She said she knows that we are great sexually together (I agree) but wants more between us.

My initial reaction: I wanted to choke her unconcious. (I'm kidding....sorta)

However, after giving it some thought. I decided to try aomething new, which, umm in this case, was NOT have sex while I get to know someone. I like her, I really do. So I'll play along. She will continue to be in the friend box, but I am open to seeing if there is more.

Still, I give it two dates before we end up in bed together again, but it won't be because of me this time.

Just sayin.

Well, unless she holds a gun to your head, you DO have the option of saying "NO" if as you say she's going to be throwing herself down after two dates.....

Just sayin.....

Laura

Holy double standard, Batman!

She has sex with you on the first date - she's slutty. What does that make you?

Now you're betting you're back in bed in 2 dates? You can say no.

IMO - she's not into you. I don't really think you're as into her as you're letting on.

I don't want this to sound harsh... but it may come across that way (so apologies in advance).

Grow some SELF-RESPECT. Respect yourself enough not to jump into bed with someone until you've developed a relationship with them. Only then will you be capable of respecting someone else in the same way.

Whether you continue with this woman or not - I think you need to take a long look in the mirror and make some adjustments. You'll not only treat yourself better, but you'll attract a more appropriate woman.

"Taking it slow" and hopping into bed in no time flat aren't the same thing.

Talking on the phone or by email isn't the same as dating either.

And if she was really "into" you - she would email or text or call (or all of the above).

I'm dating someone, have been for a couple of months. I don't call him when he's working so as not to disturb him but I do send him a text message most days. I send him an email in the morning or the evening. I call him sometimes but he usually calls me - not because I'm not interested - my routine is fairly static and his changes, so he calls me when it's convenient for him but if we don't see each other in a day, we speak on the phone. I saw him this afternoon and he called me this evening. He's working early so I'll either drop him a line by email tonight or text him while he's at work. THAT shows him I'm "into" him - without being pesky.

You made your initial post because you obviously sensed a major red flag with this woman. If there is ONE thing I've learned in my 40 years, it's LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. I have ignored red flags in the past... only to realize later that I knew all along something was doomed.

Don't ignore the red flags.

JinGA

JinGA, thanks for the reply. Most of it was pretty good, I see you got a bit excited there in the beginning. Very cute.

I guess I forgot to mention that things have changed with us.
She now texts, calls, and emails me several times a day. She also wants to see me every week now several times a week. I am seeing her twice this week. Tomorow and on Saturday, which will likely turn into a spend the night thing.
Its like, complete bipolarific reversal.
So, uhh, I don't know. All of a sudden she is into me.
Go figure, ignore a woman for a bit and she goes 180 on you.

Anyway, I don't know if I have self respect issues. Its not that. It is more about me being programmed to "go for the gold" whenever I was out with women at an early age. It was the goal of most of the young men I hung out with in High School and College, and the Air Force later on.
So, consequentially, I did not realize that maybe I was overlooking anything such as getting to know someone before seducing them.

I had some wonderful relationships and even a marriage which all started out with me sleeping with someone. Obviously they were not perfect cause I an single again. But OTOH I know plenty of straight edged, holy-than-thall bible thumpers who waited until they got married to have sex and ended up divorced soon after.

So I don't know if I buy that.
I do think that I need work on the getting to know someone first skill. And perhaps that does require abstaining from sex. Which once again goes against my nature up to this point, but maybe it is the last piece of the puzzle for me to be able to find "the one". Thus, I will try and do the friend thing with her, I just don't think we will be able to control ourselves. We both seem to have passionately crazy high sex drives around each other and we both have "tasted the other's forbidden fruit". And we both consider it very good. Mind you this is not coming from my lips.

But I am gonna give it a shot. Just a bit skeptical on the whole thing.

Ohh, I will try and say no. But it goes against my nature to turn down a beautiful woman that is ready and willing, especially if I know "we do great things behind closed doors". It would be one thing if I was married, or in a serious relationship, then I have something to think about and can easily say "no thanks". But I am single, and I mean, there's only so much a man can take. I understand some of the monks on this site can seem to turn down any tail that comes there way, but I just grew up differently. If this girl comes up to me thirstin, I honestly don't know if I have the fortitude to say no. I have made this plain clear to her by the way.

I can tell you this though, I will not be the one egging it on. No ma'am. Not this time.

so, she has this change of heart...
and you are willing to continue to get to know her..
you do realize she will still be having sex with whomever she wants to have sex while right?

so you are getting to know her better at her request, and she says there will be no sex. are you ok with no sex with you but she may be getting it elsewhere?

something to think about.

mlhb

Well just the fact that you refer to her offering herself (or any woman offering herself) as "tail" speaks volumes to me. Glad you're not dating me... comments like that or attitudes like that would not get you anywhere.

Have at it, I guess - for as long as it lasts.

That whole bullcrap about being 'programmed' for the pursuit of sex is just that. Bullcrap.

You're not looking for a real relationship, IMO. You're looking for a sex partner. Nothing wrong with that I guess as long as both of you are looking for the same thing - "consenting adults" and all that. Not my idea of a relationship - but whatever blows your skirt up.

B did not even kiss me on the first date. It was my first foray back into dating after the divorce. I had a relationship prior to that, with someone I'd known through business for some years, it only became emotionally intimate after my marriage ended, but we had not met face to face. After a couple of months of an escalated relationship (more intimate conversation by email/phone) he came to visit me - but before he booked a plane ticket I told him I wasn't that kind of girl and if he was flying out expecting to get some, he was mistaken and to save his money. He came to visit anyway - no we did not have sex. The relationship continued and eventually he moved out here. That relationship is over now... it wasn't right for me (or for him)... but at least I didn't hop in the sack with him the first time we met, and I respect myself for that even more now.

B lives close to me, so we had an opportunity to meet as friends at a group event before he ever entertained thoughts of asking me out, and we'd corresponded by email about our mutual hobby before he ever asked me out. When he did ask me out, I was petrified about how to say good night... I was new to this sort of thing. He hugged me. Took about 3 dates before we kissed... and I kissed him first - and it was just a peck.

We we attracted physically to each other? OH YES! Did we think it was appropriate to just jump in? NO. Even when we finally kissed (the grown-up kind of kissing!) it was just that... and stayed at just that for a while.

We are physical *now*... but we worked up to that. AND... we both agreed at the time to take things slowly. Know what? The buildup of sexual tension in the waiting, can make things even more exciting if/when you do get to home plate (using that high-school metaphor, since IMO you've got a bit of a high-school attitude toward sexual "conquest").

Want to know what else? The fact that he didn't pressure me into something that I knew I wasn't ready for, made him even *more* attractive to me. He showed me that he respects me, and himself, enough to put his hormones on hold, and give the relationship some time before deciding if that next step was right for both of us. Then, if we discovered early on that we weren't compatible, or it wasn't going to go anywhere, neither of us would regret doing more than we were ready for. I know that I wasn't going to be a notch on his bedpost, nor he would be one on mine. I'm not that kind of woman. He's not that kind of man.

Like I said - if you're both just looking for good sex and not much else, then go for it. If one or the other is looking for something more, then either or both of you are being unfair to the other, and to yourselves.

Just what *are* you looking for, Tibolt? Are you looking for a relationship with marriage potential, or are you just looking for a good time? That's an important question. It's one that deserves to be answered - to yourself, and to your partner. If you aren't looking for the same things, then it might not be a good idea to continue - but if you're both on the same page, with similar expectations, then I guess it's not up to me or anyone else to judge.

JinGA

Have you considered the possibility this is simply a titillating game for her? Just one more way she likes to arouse her self by denying then having what she's denied herself? Sounds like you're ripe for the game.

[quote
I understand some of the monks on this site can seem to turn down any tail that comes there way, but I just grew up differently. If this girl comes up to me thirstin, I honestly don't know if I have the fortitude to say no. I have made this plain clear to her by the way.

[/quote]

Tail??? This pretty much answers it for me......I'll take a hundred of those "monks" that you refer to above over 1 that uses the word "tail" to describe ladies.....

Good luck with this "lady" - last bit of advice - keep it covered, cowboy...........if she's a "thirstin" for you - I'll bet ya she's drinking all over the place!!!

Laura

We'll see. From my youth I have had experience dating hoochie mommas (que the ruffling of feathers) but I just don't think she fits that bill. But, if I am fooled, well, I know how to deal with those types. I know how to break their self-worth and spirit and leave them when they are finally vulnerable. I can play the game very well, if I desire to. I just right now am trying my best not to. Those games never end well.


But, she made it fairly clear to me that she wants more, she wants to find a partner to be her husband.
She could be lying, but that's the beauty of dating. Its a roll of the dice.

Me, I am looking for marriage material as well. Not immediate marriage, but eventually.

But, relationships are written in singularly distinct and crooked lines. If there was a guaranteed bluepirnt to a successful one then we would not have divorce, infidelity, and abuse.

Yeah, "tail"...There have been a few choice words or comments from Tibolt that give of a pretty clear picture of him.

Oh my - here goes - I gotta say it - Tibolt, you sure sound like one big PLAYA to me - I can spot them a mile away! Marriage material?????? Oh my!!!!



Laura

Hmmm, IMO, there's nothing better than two Playas finding each other and hooking up - it just clears the field of two more playas, so that the rest of us have less to worry about!

Yes, there is clearly the foundation of a deep, solid, committed, and caring relationship you got here, Tibolt, you and Ms. PhD. Yikes.

Seriously, jokes aside, Tibolt, this is a Marriage Builders site, and all this "tail" and "I know how to bag the babes" trash talk is a little off the norm here... maybe this would be a better place for you?

AGG (AKA "the monk" I guess)

Can I get an AMEN????

This is also a dating and relationships site is it not?

So because I don't fit into the Bible Thumping Politically Correct Abstain Until You Love Em Police I need to go elsewere? I don't think so.

Like me or not I will stick around because amongst the midly amusing anger and outbursts spewed forth around here when I ruffle some feathers there are some tidbits of good advice.

But no, I'm not a player, or PLAYA, or whatever. I just have enjoyed the company of women when I was younger. And having learned of committment and love from an at-the-time decent woman, I am just trying to find that. But I do have a cultural issue to change.

Anyway, feel free to continue with your hate.

LMAO... I haven't seen or thumped a Bible in my entire life, nor have I been on the "abstain" bandwagon. Nor do I have anything to do with "hating" you, it's really not worth the bother.

You are right though, this is a dating site, and we do (and did) try to give good advice. You seem intent of doing things your own way, which is fine. Still, it would seem to me to be common courtesy to know your audience; since a vast majority of folks who responded to you are women, it would seem reasonable to post in a style more amenable to mixed company than to locker room chat.

Part of developing relationship skills is thinking with the bigger head, instead of blindly following the smaller one. There is nothing wrong with a good balance of getting to know someone, becoming emotionally intimate with them, and becoming physically intimate with them. No one told you to abstain, as far as I recall.

But look back over this thread, Tibolt. You are all over the map with yourself and with this woman. "she is not into me", "I won't play games", "I won't be with someone who is sexually promiscuous", "I will try to get to know her without having sex", "I will be having sex with her within two dates (I am not one to refuse a piece of tail", "I know how to play these games", "I don't care if she is banging other men, she is so smoking hot"...

You seem to be taking our advice to slow down as some kind of a stab at your masculinity and prowness, which is not the case. It's just thaytmost of us here have seen that "relationships" that start out with more sex than emotion usually do not lead to anything longterm. If all you want is some tail, then you are doing great, but then don't complain about her being promiscuous. If you want something longterm, then you are barking up the wrong tree with this chick, PhD and smoke notwithstanding.

AGG

See if this helps explain my point:







Great job with R-A-T-I-O-N-A-L-I-Z-I-N-G.

AGG

Thank you AGG.

Tibolt, I also do not fit your stereotype of the bible thumping abstinence police. Maybe you ought to clear up what it is you want and from whom you want it.

What many of us appear to dislike is your characterization of women and sex. You come off sounding like you and this woman you don't seem to respect are a good pair. Maybe that's true, figure it out.

No one wants to kick you off but few of us like the characterization of a woman as a piece of tail.

Well when the steamy sex novelty wears off... what's left?

Tibolt - you're probably having as much fun with the "shock value" of your posts as you are with your smokin' hot hoochie momma...

Good luck to you - you're gonna need it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JinGA