I've contacted some friends who have high gov't contacts to see if they can help me. They said they would make some calls and get with me tomorrow.

I've unfortunately had a lot of experience with contacts with the OW because my FWH is a serial adulterer. In some cases the way I found out about the adultery was because the OW was trying to contact my WH but sending him snail mail. In some cases I already knew the OW. In some cases I found out about the adultery and then contacted the OW. The only time I did not have contact with the OW is the times I was unable to uncover the identity of FWH's adulteress du jour.

Sometimes they claimed to believe his lies about being separated or his 'marriage being dead'. And of course they quite willingly believed all the bad things about me that he complained to them about...

Upon being told the truth only one expressed surprise or remorse - the rest were quite smug and totally unrepentant. One kept interrupting me to state: "Big F...ing deal - I already know that"! Then she told me that she and my husband had "a very special friendship" that was none of my business!!! Being told the truth did not stop their intent to continue the adultery. They were furious at me for telling them because they wanted to pretend to believe my FWH so they could appear innocent in his eyes. Confronting them with the truth (that they already knew or suspected) interfered with their agenda and image. MOST of the OW were VERY angry at being told the truth - angry at ME - not my WH. Most pretended not to believe me but I do know they then argued with my WH about being 'misled' by him. They continued to pretend to my WH that they had actually believed his lies and added the 'little ole victim' routine to their act. Sometimes they revealed to ME though that they already knew he wasn't really separated but didn't care. I was NEVER able to convince my WH of this fact though - he had a STRONG need to believe that all the adulteresses he got involved with were much better than that. Even when the relatives of one of the OW revealed that she never believed his lies but just went along because it fit her agenda my WH refused to believe that about her.

BTW, NONE of the OW ever tried to contact me to verify what my WH was telling them before becoming involved with him. Again, I firmly believe that theirs was a carefully guarded ignorance directly related to their carefully crafted sweet and innocent image.

Yes, my FWH was lying to them but they knew that and were being just as deceitful with him by pretending to believe his lies. I always asked the OW why they never bothered to contact me to verify what my WH was telling me - the only ones who answered that question verified that they didn't care about the truth.

IMHO unless a female is a child or only has the mental capacity of a child, she knows better when a married man tries to seduce her. I certainly do! I've had my share of men hitting on me even though they were married and/or they knew I was married. I've had to deal with men trying to complain to me about their wife or girlfriend. I don't put up with it and in fact am offended when a man makes the mistake of assuming that I would fall for that garbage. I tell the man to knock it off and inform them that I will tell on them. So it's a little hard for me to go along with the pretense that there's supposedly an endless supply of naive, trusting gals out there who've NEVER, ever heard of a married man telling lies about his wife and marriage in order to have sex with an OW. I believe that adult women are perfectly capable of telling a married man up to no good that they are not interested in listening to his whining and/or flirting.

I do not regret contacting the OW. In every case it did cause the adultery to end sooner. I guess a BIG part of the attraction of the adultery for both the OW and my WH was the pretending that the OW was a 'good' woman... Exposure spoiled that somewhat. From that point on the OW and my WH couldn't really continue to pretend that the OW was innocent because of ignorance anymore.

Also, ALL the ones I saw in person were a LOT less attractive than me. This helped to destroy the assumption (in their minds and mine) that they were somehow better than me.

Good posts everyone. I did speak to WH tonight. For nearly 40 mins.

WH confessed.....then promised I could listen on the extension when he called OW.

Instead he called OW from work the next day and left a message.

She panicked and called our home number but feigned wrong number when I answered.

She then called him at work but said she wanted to apologize to me.

He called me at home to ask me if that was OK and I said 'sure'.

She called me and apologized.

I forgave her and him and trusted that they had learned their lessons and would just stop their secret calls, emails, videos, token packets, fone fornication, plans for the future when her H and I were 'gone', ILY's, "You're my soul mate"....etc.... Period. (stupid me...where was MB when I needed it and you all?)

Within a week they reconnected.

I discovered and confronted.

We had a three-way phone conversation and they both apologized to me .... again. I forgave immediately....again.....wasn't that the good Christian way?

Within a week they reconnected again but it took me a month to discover it this time....because I trusted them (like our MC said to do) and did not even attempt to snoop.

The third time, I tried to be her e-friend to attempt to establish her loyalty to me.

Stooooooopid me again, again, again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Then I found MB books but caught WH lying trying to see if she was online in their game site.

I emailed OW for 2 more months and got her to promise me that she would tell WH 'no' and that she would inform me if he ever attempted to reconnect with her in any way.

She denies.

She lies.

So it means/meant nothing. But I felt better after Dr. and Mrs. Harley said on their radio show that delayed exposure to OWH was optional but might help us rebuild trust.

We did.

It did.

We are rebuilding trust.

FWH now says he is repulsed by OW. (But he said the same thing when they were secretly reconnected after D-Day #1.)

We'll see.


Ace

I had a good long talk with WH last night. I did most of the talking. I know he feels major guilt. But I am hoping to see him soon.

Today a good friend sent me an email with a list of PI's that they use to investigage potential clients before they take them on. She gave me 1 name in particular & said to name drop her name when I call them on Monday. I just hope it's not too expensive.

But I really need to find out who this homewrecker is.

My WH had an A with OW while working in another state. Told me it was brief, but over. I got her number off of his cell and did a background check, so knew her name etc.

After 5 months when I suspected that it wasn't over, I decided to give her a call. He told her we were in final stages of D, and a bunch of other lies. She apologized to me, told me her ex did this to her, she would stay away from him, blah blah blah. She told me all sorts of other things that he did not deny (like they actually lived together).

Anyway, she lied. She continued to contact him and they are now together. So, even after all of the lies that he told her and me, she still continues to pursue the R. I've never met her so have no idea what she looks like, but know that he did affair down on the food chain.

I'm glad that I did call her because I found out what a liar and cheat my WH could be. I would never have found out some of that stuff had I not called her.

Could I call again? Sure, but what good is it? Seems he has chosen her and she knows that so I would only appear foolish I guess....