It isn't pathetic to find out what is going on in your life. People he works with probably won't tell though. But it will come out somehow.

I noticed my ex was detached and unhappy. I kept asking him what was wrong (never expected an affair), and he told me not to worry, just to hang in there and things would get better.

In the meantime, his family knew about the OW, our neighbors knew, and everyone at our work knew. Talk about feeling like an idiot when I found out!!!!

No were not idiots. Well when I do get the proof I need I am going to blow his little fantasy right out of the water. I am just holding my tongue until then. If he thinks I sucked the life out of him before..he hasnt seen anything yet.

I am not going to play the helpless victim. I still do have the pity party moments but I am trying my hardest to stay strong and I know I am in the beginning of this and I will be all over the place...this is only the beginning of this nightmare I feel.

Well I hope you all have a safe and Happy Halloween I am taking my baby girl to a Church Halloween Festival and then we might try to do some trick or treating. Well maybe trick or treating for me chocolate really might hit the spot right now considering i havent ate hardly anything since Monday. Thanks so much for all of your support and advice isnt it amazing how you can find comfort from strangers...dealing with this type of betrayal and heartbreak is nice to know you are not alone.

This is true. Sorry. Have you seen a doctor? Are you doing anything to help you deal with the anxiety and stress? Exercise, deep breathing, relaxation. Get a massage. I took up yoga.

When does he get back? It may become obvious what's going on. When he says 'everything that happens from now on is LEGAL because we're done' that sounds like something is going to happen.

If a little bit of digging at work doesn't answer the question, I don't think it would take too much private investigator time to figure out the details. It doesn't sounds like he really intends to keep things secret anymore.

Please read about Plan A and love-busting if saving your marriage is what you want to do. Get a copy of Surviving an Affair. Schedule an appointment with the Harleys. If you go by your instinct, it will probably steer you in a less-constructive direction.

Try to have fun with the trick-or-treating! I know the concept of fun is pretty foreign right now.

I have a Dr. appt friday afternoon. It cant come soon enough with me starting a new position Monday I need to be able to get my emotions under control. I would hate for my first impression with them to be that I an an unstable nut...

I have not heard from my husband tonite. He didnt even call to wish the kids a Happy Halloween. I have a 16 yr old and a 10 yr old and they both have cell phones..he could have called them and not even spoke to me.

God help and not let this be a taste of whats to come!!!!!!!!! I just cant not stand the thought of him doing his children like this. I feel so much hate towards him right now. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.....

Try to realize that he is just behaving like the usual WS. They mostly come out of it when the affair (if there is one)is over. You will do best by staying as calm as possible.

I would double up on exercise, because that will help with the stress and depression. Anti-D's won't work for about 3 weeks.

Sorry--I'm not trying to scare you. I just want you to be as prepared as you can be. The more things you can anticipate, the better you will be able to deal with them.

It helped me to learn about infidelity, how affairs happen. I was then able to look at how our marriage had been and realize that it just as easily could have been me who had had the affair. They probably didn't set out to have an affair--to them, it probably "just happened." And once it does, the addiction part takes over.

That's the really evil bit--how they become different people. So, try to stop thinking of him as your husband. This person you're dealing with now is your Wayward Husband. Your husband is locked in there somewhere, but you can't talk to him or reason with him or anything. I think it's okay to hate your WH. I miss my W, but my WW can go to ******.

Your H can return, but it won't be until after the affair is over.

Thank you both maybe I will start walking in the morning before I get the kids to school. Maybe that will give me some time to just reflect and get ready for my day. I just want time to stop for a moment.....I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant think clearly..I think I discover a new emotion every hour, Im not dealing with my husband ....I am dealing with the WH...its kind of like Dr. jeckle and Mr. Hyde. The kids had a get time tonight...I just went through the motions I saw close friends and told them of the situation...the husband of my friend was there. this particular man worked with my husband for 5 yrs. He told me that my husband was not the man I thought he was. That he was glad he left. I would be much better without him that I was always to good for him...I asked him to explain things to me but he told me this isnt the place that him his wife and I could get together and talk...?????????

Put everything down, and call them and find out. The sooner you find out, the better prepared you'll be for what's to come.

Well, now, it sounds like he knows something. I would meet with he and his wife and find out what has been going on. It sure doesn't sound like good news.

I know you are upset, but try to relax and sleep and eat. It is miserable to go through all of this so you need to be extra good to yourself.

Well i spoke with friend this morning....we will call him X.

X worked with my WH for 6 yrs until he left. X was my Wh supervisor and friend. X said my Wh is not the man he appears to be. He told me when they travel he cant count the number of times he has had to pull my WH off some skanky woman. He said my WH has a problem with women. X told me Wh always told him he hates me and was only here for the kids.

About 2 yrs ago 2 women filed sexual harrassment charges against my WH. X stated another employee caught my WH in bed with one of the women but X kept it quiet because he covered for WH he didnt want him to lose his career with a family. Of course my WH walked out of the investigation smelling like a rose. I never even suspected anything because these women were rough looking and sleazy. I couldnt even imagine him being with one of them ......Im such a fool.

X says WH always goes for the skany nasty ones. X thinks its so he can claim deniability later. Because Wh is a very nice looking snake charmer. X told me to please take the blessing i have been given and to get out of this that I am way to good for WH.

I dont know what to do with all this information...I dont know what to think.......I feel like I have just been beaten.

I would be happy that someone found the strength to tell me that. I would not tell your h about that info. Try to get the names of the women and see if you can confirm it. Or hire a PI....

mom,

I agree with SDguy that it would seem he is going straight to D because of the "legal" crack and all the info Mr X relayed.

The guy leads two different lives. The family life and then his REAL life.

""X told me to please take the blessing i have been given and to get out of this ""

Wow, the blessing you have been given. Well, that is one way to look at the positive side.

Total Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde.

Stay strong and protect yourself.

Congrats on the new position. Stay on that High Road!

kirk

And if you confront your husband with what X told you, he will deny deny deny and tell you X always had it out for him, X is jealous of him, X has sour grapes because he is no longer with the company (or did your h leave the company? I wasn't clear on that) or any number of other diversionary tactics.

When my husband discovered that my best friend's h was leading a double life, we met with her and told her all that we knew and had heard. (we didn't have a lot of proof, just so much STUFF and so much of it we knew was true just from the way it was told, by whom, the dates ect). Well, she went home, confronted him and he did the whole, 'SW and her h are just jealous of me and my marriage to you and they want to break us up.' She didn't speak much to me for close to a year. The truth eventually came out and it was bigger than even we had heard...and she is still my best friend today.

My point is.....believe them until proven otherwise. Don't shoot the messenger. Don't tip your hand to your husband. Just go on a FACT finding mission. I would hire a PI if I were you.

So is the woman on the business trip with your husband a skank?

Ooooh...good question.

I dont know anything about the woman he is on his trip with...other than the things my WH has told me about her I have only seen her once briefly. No I do not hold any ill will toward X I am just glad to have the info. As far as the woman that claimed sexual harrasment against him I have family the know of her.

I have not confronted my WH on any of this because at this point nothing that would come out of his mouth would remotely resemble the truth. I feel like my life is just collasping around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I am sooo grateful for the new position but I am worried about my state of mind right now. I would love to climb in my bed and hibernate for the next year...

mom - You are doing very well. You are doing what you need to do, and this has got to be a huge shock. So give yourself credit for being as strong as you have been. A new job just might distract you from some of these problems. Also it will be good for your self-esteem.

Get doing some exercise. That works right away.

Thank You believer. I did break down this morning on my bathroom floor for about 30 minutes. I cannot put into words how I feel right now...its unimaginable.

My Grandma's 80 th birthday is Saturday we are having a big family reunion...my sister and her family are coming in to my mothers.......I dont feel like all of this. My mom wants me and the kids to spend the weekend with her and my sis. All I want to do is just crawl in a hole and hide. My WH comes home tomorrow night I'm starting to feel alittle anxious about that...what is he going to do......

Are his things boxed and ready? (I hope so...)
Have you changed the locks? (I hope so...)

Can you hire a PI?
I suspect that what you heard from X is the tip of the iceberg. I also suspect that one of the skanks got her claws in.

Just remember, you deserve NONE of this. His treatment of you is despicable!

What do your children know? They are old enough for the truth. Don't protect WH...he deserves the consequences.

So did you KNOW about the sexual harassment charges, but just didn't believe them? Or was all of this covered up?