Reacting with brief, intense emotion to an unexpected and catastrophic situation is not creepy. That kind of reaction is to do with shock and the struggle to rebalance yourself.

Infertility is not a happy experience, but it's also not an experience that arises suddenly. A person is not knocked unexpectedly off-balance; they have time to assimilate the information and work out a healthy response.

It's possible that a person may make a wild suggestion in a sudden outburst of grief and disappointment, and it's plausible that that has happened here. It's also possible that Confused has used such an outburst to justify her pregnancy by the OM. But if the suggestion was made seriously and more than once, then it IS creepy. It shows a mind that does not value the worth of another human.

TA

surviving,
I noticed your info... You cradle robber! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> I think it is great that you still come here to offer help for others and show life can go on and you can be happy and in love again!

Just to be clear with the poster of origin...Even if what you say about your current husband is true and he did suggest you hook up with a stranger in a bar to get pregnant (which, YES, if true, IS Creepy), that is still NOT an excuse to have an affair...NOTHING JUSTIFIES ADULTERY...NOTHING...You had other options besides adultery...You could have sought counseling...you could have gotten a divorce...You did NOT have the right to have an affair...no matter what...understand?

Mrs. W

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Age ain't nothin but a number sweetie....but he is actually very responsible...he is also divorced no kids and he has alot of responsibility with the army and alot of people he has to be responsible for....he's a sgt. I was very VERY weary when we started dating but he went above and beyond my expectations and worked very hard to gain my trust and prove his worthiness....and I thank him for it all the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thankyou for the kind words....it was a long road....long but survivable... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

As for the original poster...I think she has been scared off guys as there have been no responses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I think she thought she would get someone here to help justify her actions. I didn't bother posting because...well I am still in shock! I read her post and was speachless, that's pretty rare for me! All I can say is if she was meant to be with her highschool sweetheart she would have been. When people are unhappy with themselves they re-write the past and live in fairy land. I like reality. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by confusedmommy2

No, you intended to have two affairs that have lasted for years.



to hear those words come out of a wife's mouth is horrifying...what a b!tch



really, like adoption???? Wow...coming from a man that does foster care/adoption your words are asinine....hey, I forget but I don't think there was a place for a hoof print on adoption papers...just a signature....perhaps that's why you are confused.

I feel sorry for your child to be stuck with such a sad excuse for a human being for a mother. Poor kid.

Do you realize how many WS say this exact thing? Go to the post on fog speak and maybe you will get some clarity.

You are very much mistaken as to the connection between poster opinions and the difference between BS/FWS.

You are not just getting ganged up on by a bunch of bitter BS's. You are getting a strong dose of truth from both sides of the fence.

You will not be able to begin even recovering yourself, never mind your marriage (maybe), until you start understanding the depth of what you have done. You have to see how far you have fallen from everything right and good before you have the desire to be lifted back up out of the pit.

It doesn't matter one whit if you love OM or not...You are a MARRIED woman...You CHOSE to be a married woman...With that choice came responsibility to uphold VOWS...You CHOSE not to...You CHOSE to commit ADULTERY...Stop listing your husband's "faults" and concentrate on YOURS...And YES, you ARE living in fantasyland...You have NEVER been MARRIED to your OM-lived with him day in and day out...Shared ALL of life's responsibilities with him...You betcha that "relationship" is built on IMMATURITY and FANTASY...


Well then, you'd be VERY WRONG about MY response for sure...I AM A FWW myself...I am talking to you as one who has BTDT-I didn't go out "looking for it" either-most don't-but we are ALL responsible for the choices we make, right? My affair was also with my high school/college exboyfriend...So I get it, you bet I do-THANK GOD, I made it to the other side of the mess that I created and my husband chose to forgive me...I didn't deserve forgiving, but I was blessed with that...




You can CHOOSE not to be selfish...You can CHOOSE to honor the vows you made to God and your husband...That is called INTEGRITY...


You can CHOOSE to love your husband...You can apply MB principles to your marriage and fall passionately in love with him...YES, YOU CAN...Love IS a choice...and it is an action verb...You are making many disrespectful judgements about your husband...I did this too...If your husband chooses to stay with you after you tell him the truth what do you think that would mean?




OM pays LIP SERVICE to caring...That is all it has been...Who has actually been there for all late night feedings...doc appts...milestones...???


Make no mistake, there is no "probably" to it...YOU MUST TELL YOUR HUSBAND...You MUST have NC with OM...OM is a big boy, if he chooses to seek visitation or custody of his child he will have to use the proper legal avenues for that...


His emotion is for YOU...Sick, twisted ADULTERY emotion...If he has "emotion" for the baby, then he will have to go the legal route...


Mrs. W

First and foremost, there is no such thing as "MEANT TO BE".

Your continual use of that phrase "MEANT TO BE" speaks volumes about how you see marriage, as though it was something thats created to magically make YOU happy happy joy joy.

I'm so sad for your husband. He is the victim in all this. You have betrayed him on so many different levels, its bordering on criminal.

OK MEDC get ready to fry me....but here is my opinion.

First off...I agree with SIHW. This guy has petafile written all over him. I was creeped out also and tons of red flags went up.

Second - he lied to you before he married you. He was not the person he portrayed himself to be. Medical conditions should never be witheld from a potential partner. I think he preyed on you.

Third - any man who would allow his wife to sleep with a random guy at the bar is a slimeball. I would have left him then and there.

However, they are right in that this in no way excuses adultery.

What makes you think you would be anymore faithful to the OM? It kinda seems to me that your two H's have been the OM and not the high school guy. You seem to take marriage very lightly and it is not something that you should take lightly at all.

You must tell your H everything and tell him your concerns about the M. However, I would keep a very close eye on your girls around him. He is just creepy. I can't tell you to leave, but I can't really say you should stay either. I don't think you should leave for anyone else. You definately need to do some serious evaluation and possible get some counceling.

You said you passionately love the high school guy. What will you do when the passion dies down and you get into the meat of the marriage? Will you find a new passion or will you be a faithful wife and mother?

As in your first marriage you know that marrying for a child does not work. Marriage for comfort does not work either as you now see. You should have married this OM in the first place and saved alot of people alot of heartache.

How lovely.

And I suppose all the OMs are interesting, healthy and God's gift to women. Perfectly good reasons to have adulteress affairs. Your husband deserves to be betrayed for not meeting your high standards. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
The first thing I thought of when I heard about his obsession with having a baby was the Law and order episode where the husband was obsessed with the same thing and when the wife couldn't have anymore children he ended up forcing the daughter to have one (not my incest or anything by homedone AI)...I think the guy in that episode had sterility issues too.....but the whole incident creeped me out and reading about her husbands "dreams" gave me the same effect....having a child shouldn't be so stressful...It should be an enjoyable experience between 2 consenting committed adults.

I personally think we should stay focused on the fact that Confused is having a SECOND affair, has duped her current husband into believing a baby that is NOT his, IS...and NOT on what SHE CLAIMS are her husband's shortcomings...Cuz again...NONE OF IT MATTERS...NONE OF IT JUSTIFIES ADULTERY...Continuing to focus on WHAT SHE SAYS are her husband's faults allows her to continue justifying the unjustifiable...JMHO...

Mrs. W

MEDC and MsW - rough stuff and awfully mean but I deserve (SOME OF)it. I didnt want anyone to tell me my actions were justified or that I did anything right here - I know I am wrong. I am ANGRY at my H. I feel lied to and betrayed myself because as one of the pp's said health issues should be disclosed if you know of them especially when you KNOW you are infertile and you are marrying a woman who wants kids....and his absolute obsession is SCARY especially for my 11 year old.

HOWEVER, I must say....do not call me criminal because I have done nothing illegal and people make mistakes and suffer the consequences and obviously I am trying to make this right...and
DO NOT call me a poor excuse for a mother or whatever other vicious and cruel things were said about my children. Who do you think you are!!! Let the sinless cast the first stone!!!!! I am by all accounts a great mother who sincerely loves and adores my girls with all that I am. They are beautiful and intelligent and my older DD is a true testament to my mothering skills as she is an amazing little girl by anyone's account the little one is coming along wonderfully as well. You people CAN NOT pass judegment on my parenting based on your opinion about my affair.

I thought I came here for some deserved harsh criticism and help in how to move forward with my H. I thougt you guys might have some experience and I really just needed to tell my story because no one knows and it is a lot to carry around.....but I can see that even though some posts have been real and helpful, you guys, for the most part, just want to judge and be cruel and mean spirited.

Confused...

Right now this is not about him, not at the root.

Confused is morally bankrupt at this juncture, whatever else her BH may or may not be.

FIRST she needs to reclaim herself and her honor.

THEN and only then will she be in a position to honestly evaluate her BH and his creepiness or lack thereof.

Right now all we have is her word that he is that way. If you had heard a description of me by my H when he was in his A, you would have thought I was a monster, too.

It is not possible to tell anything about this BH for sure right now, except we do know he has been cruelly betrayed.

First MEDC reads my mind on this thread and now it's NEAK...You two are incorrigible! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well said Neak! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Confused, no WS is a good parent, ever. No WS can ever be a good person, while they are a WS. Not possible.

You can run from this and have a pity party because you didn't like the names that were applied to you, or you can stay and learn from people who have been down the same road as you and your BH, and do all within your power to make this right.

The choice is up to you.

I will cast the stone....I am a good father and do everything in my power for my child...you ont he other hand are a liar and a cheat that has ruined your family.

I will be happy to stand in judgement regarding my parenting....you are kidding yourself immensely if you feel a WS can be a good mom at the same time she is sneaking the kid over to see the OM. Hey, how many times did you have sex with the OM was your child was napping or parked in front of the TV?

Sorry, you are not by any account a great mother. You may yet become one, but for right now, you are closer to an episode on Jerry Springer than mom of the year...despite what your delusions tell you.