Totally Agree TA.

Let's not forget the recommendation is to be single for 1 year for every 5 years of marriage. This is for good reason.

BK,,,be single 1 year for every 5 yrs of marriage? wow,,,I would have to be single for over 4 years,,,thats ok cause even when I was seperated I had no intentions of dating let alone marriage but that seems like alot,,,,I am all about dating someone for at least 2 yrs before any committment,,but 4 yrs,,,I will be old and shriveled

It's Harley's recommendation - no more than that.

You mean like Sexymamabear for example?

A friend of mine has some religious beliefs that are slightly foreign to me. His wife divorced him, there was no adultery, just the standard "irreconcilable differences". his divorce was finalized, every thing moving along, but he could not "date" until the marriage bond was broken by adultery. He literally had to wait for his exwife to sleep with someone else before he could start dating. And their legal divorce was final a year or so before exwife starte dating.

Interesting to me, so many different cultures, standards etc. I believe there is one religion where all the spouse has to do is say "I divorce you" three times and the deed is done (remember the movie "Bettlejuice?").

Is there a difference is breaking your vow to your spouse vs breaking your vow to God? If the WS has broken the vow, does the vow exist? I believe that the vow you took to God still exist, I believe that you offended God, I am not sure if the BS offended their WS by not waiting until the legal paperwork is wrapped up.

I think that the biggest insult of an affair is the lying, sneaking around, making the BS think they are nuts. My Ex always said that he and OW did not have sex until months after he moved out. I was devestated by the deception, the lunches together, the loving text messages, whether or not they had actually had sex was not the issue. I did wait until he admitted sexual intercourse before I filed for divorce, it just seemed like the thing I needed to do.

If monogamy is a contract, once the pooched has been screwed (so to say), does the contract with the spouse still exist? If I agree to any other contract, once party A has stopped fulfilling his end of the deal, is party B still obligated to uphold his end?

All that being said, I really wish I could say that I was "faithful" until the divorce papers were signed, sealed and delivered. But that is due to the relationship I wish for myself and God, and being able to look at myself in the mirror and say "I did what I said I was going to do".

The cynic in me says that the recommendation to stay "single" until well after the divorce, is just to keep the BS lonely and desperate so they'll take the WS back when they come around.